How you crappin'?

[J. Walter Weatherman]

In Sochi? Not privately, apparently.

https://twitter.com/BBCSteveR/status/425247559934676992

[Saul Goodman]

In Sochi? Not privately, apparently.

https://twitter.com/BBCSteveR/status/425247559934676992

Something about Larry Craig being added to the U.S. delegation?  Damn it, I had something for this.

[Gilgamesh]

In Sochi? Not privately, apparently.

https://twitter.com/BBCSteveR/status/425247559934676992

Something about Larry Craig being added to the U.S. delegation?  Damn it, I had something for this.

Big Boise?

[Saul Goodman]

Russia asks, how are you not crappin'?

[morpheus]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Uvl9Mstj4A

[Quality Start Machine]

Les Grobstein, how you crappin'?

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Cat foeaces out of my toilet!!!

https://medium.com/fords-sensorium/no-litter-no-memes-b7bf70791175

Should I feel guilty about kitty litter?

If you want. Clay kitty litter is destroying the world—it's strip-mined dirt that is transported overland via combustion engines and ends up in landfill where it never biodegrades. About twenty companies strip-mine about four billion pounds of the necessary clay each year, according to Pet Products News. In comparison, the Great Pyramid of Giza weighs 13 billion pounds, if you like to contemplate huge pyramids of kitty litter. If litter traveled by container ship, that would be bad, because each container ship pollutes as much as 50 million cars. But it's mined domestically, much of it in the Southwest.

Here is the scoop: Clay litter is strip-mined; clumping litter is strip-mined and clumps in the lungs of your cat; organic litter doesn't really biodegrade; and silica gel litter requires solid waste flushing, which spreads toxoplasma gondii into the water supply, infecting oysters, the beloved food of the joyful sea otter, so playful and sleek and, now, dead.

"As is often the case with environmental issues," concluded Pet Products News, "there is no perfect solution." Still, on the scale of modern sweatshop-slaves-and-container-ship guilt, kitty litter hardly ranks.

[Wheezer]

clumping litter is strip-mined and clumps in the lungs of your cat

Oh, goody, brain damage.

[SKO]

the motion sensor toilets at work are way too sensitive. every time I move slightly to wipe my ass it flushes and sprays water everywhere, thus necessitating more wiping, thus more movement, thus more splashing. It's like an involuntary bidet.

[Saul Goodman]

the motion sensor toilets at work are way too sensitive. every time I move slightly to wipe my ass it flushes and sprays water everywhere, thus necessitating more wiping, thus more movement, thus more splashing. It's like an involuntary bidet.

Those things just have no dignity.


*flush*

[J. Walter Weatherman]

http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2jgfhw/tifu_by_using_a_toilet_wrong_my_entire_life/

So I'm hoping a load of people are going to come out in support of me here but I've got that sinking feeling I may be alone in this.

Our toilet broke so I was in shopping for new ones and the sales person joked (no doubt for the millionth time) that I'll want one that automatically puts the seat down after I'm finished with it. I 'joked' back and said if I didn't have a wife I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I'd never have to hear women complaining about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said "but what about when you need to poop?". I naturally pointed out that I'm a guy and therefore don't put the seat down, I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realize that I've misunderstood my entire life and that guys do indeed use the toilet seat. I left empty handed and red faced.

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Especially how men's restrooms have seats. But I just assumed it was a unisex/cost saving/oversight deal.

[Eli]

http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2jgfhw/tifu_by_using_a_toilet_wrong_my_entire_life/

So I'm hoping a load of people are going to come out in support of me here but I've got that sinking feeling I may be alone in this.

Our toilet broke so I was in shopping for new ones and the sales person joked (no doubt for the millionth time) that I'll want one that automatically puts the seat down after I'm finished with it. I 'joked' back and said if I didn't have a wife I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I'd never have to hear women complaining about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said "but what about when you need to poop?". I naturally pointed out that I'm a guy and therefore don't put the seat down, I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realize that I've misunderstood my entire life and that guys do indeed use the toilet seat. I left empty handed and red faced.

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Especially how men's restrooms have seats. But I just assumed it was a unisex/cost saving/oversight deal.

That has to be fake.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2jgfhw/tifu_by_using_a_toilet_wrong_my_entire_life/

So I'm hoping a load of people are going to come out in support of me here but I've got that sinking feeling I may be alone in this.

Our toilet broke so I was in shopping for new ones and the sales person joked (no doubt for the millionth time) that I'll want one that automatically puts the seat down after I'm finished with it. I 'joked' back and said if I didn't have a wife I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I'd never have to hear women complaining about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said "but what about when you need to poop?". I naturally pointed out that I'm a guy and therefore don't put the seat down, I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realize that I've misunderstood my entire life and that guys do indeed use the toilet seat. I left empty handed and red faced.

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Especially how men's restrooms have seats. But I just assumed it was a unisex/cost saving/oversight deal.

That has to be fake.

Seriously.   In what kind of an environment would someone have had to have lived to be oblivious to sitting on a goddamn toilet seat (as opposed to the bowl, which is where this guy purports to have sat his entire 20th-and-21st century life)?

[Wheezer]

"[Chilean] president Michelle Bachelet called the alleged collusion by companies that control 90% of the toilet paper market 'extremely serious'"

In older news from The Coriolis Pseudoforce, this does not seem to have alleviated the Venezuelan toilet-paper crisis as of earlier this year, when the Usual Suspects were in full-on HJE mode.

[SKO]

The coworker in the next cube has very definitely just shat himself. I saw him awkward walking stock straight, obvious clenching to the bathroom and on the way back noticed a very visible ring on the seat of his pants. I'm having a hard time not laughing because this guy is the worst.