Starlin Castro Unbridled Manlove with a Side Order of Sploogetasticism Thread

[Powdered Toast Man]

Len informed me last night that Starlin has reached base every game since he's been called up. The two games that he went hitless/walkless he reached on errors by Furcal and our old bud RonCe.

Look, you're not focused on the real story here. He makes too many errors. He is KILLING this team. They're an abysmal 9-8 since they called him up. Take him and that piece of shit Soriano and fire them into oblivion.

Nor did you consider that he's given them 17 games of clogging the bases.

Holy dicks, has it been 17 games already?  Baseball Reference says 16, but still.  I haven't been doing a whole lot of Cub watching other than watching the videos on my MLB app, so I checked out Starlin's lines so far.  Go Starlin:

.350/.405/.500/.909/133, a double and a triple and two dongs.

He's made five errors, but three in one game, right?  Not that errors are good to judge fielding, but whatevs.  I'm very impressed with his discipline at the plate.  6/6 K/BB ratio isn't bad at all for a 20 year old, right?  I know it's been just 66 PAs, but the bonar...it grows.

And just for poops and giggles, TyCo is .313/.370/.609/.979/147, 4 dongs, 5 doubles and a trey.  DOUBLE PROSPECT BONARS.

Does it give you as big a headache as it gives me when you look at statistics?

Why would you get a headache when IAN looks at statistics?

Because then IAN talks about statistics?

What's wrong with those statistics?

[Bort]

Len informed me last night that Starlin has reached base every game since he's been called up. The two games that he went hitless/walkless he reached on errors by Furcal and our old bud RonCe.

Look, you're not focused on the real story here. He makes too many errors. He is KILLING this team. They're an abysmal 9-8 since they called him up. Take him and that piece of shit Soriano and fire them into oblivion.

Nor did you consider that he's given them 17 games of clogging the bases.

Holy dicks, has it been 17 games already?  Baseball Reference says 16, but still.  I haven't been doing a whole lot of Cub watching other than watching the videos on my MLB app, so I checked out Starlin's lines so far.  Go Starlin:

.350/.405/.500/.909/133, a double and a triple and two dongs.

He's made five errors, but three in one game, right?  Not that errors are good to judge fielding, but whatevs.  I'm very impressed with his discipline at the plate.  6/6 K/BB ratio isn't bad at all for a 20 year old, right?  I know it's been just 66 PAs, but the bonar...it grows.

And just for poops and giggles, TyCo is .313/.370/.609/.979/147, 4 dongs, 5 doubles and a trey.  DOUBLE PROSPECT BONARS.

Does it give you as big a headache as it gives me when you look at statistics?

Why would you get a headache when IAN looks at statistics?

Because then IAN talks about statistics?

What's wrong with those statistics?

I'm just interpreting Kermit's headache.

[Powdered Toast Man]

Len informed me last night that Starlin has reached base every game since he's been called up. The two games that he went hitless/walkless he reached on errors by Furcal and our old bud RonCe.

Look, you're not focused on the real story here. He makes too many errors. He is KILLING this team. They're an abysmal 9-8 since they called him up. Take him and that piece of shit Soriano and fire them into oblivion.

Nor did you consider that he's given them 17 games of clogging the bases.

Holy dicks, has it been 17 games already?  Baseball Reference says 16, but still.  I haven't been doing a whole lot of Cub watching other than watching the videos on my MLB app, so I checked out Starlin's lines so far.  Go Starlin:

.350/.405/.500/.909/133, a double and a triple and two dongs.

He's made five errors, but three in one game, right?  Not that errors are good to judge fielding, but whatevs.  I'm very impressed with his discipline at the plate.  6/6 K/BB ratio isn't bad at all for a 20 year old, right?  I know it's been just 66 PAs, but the bonar...it grows.

And just for poops and giggles, TyCo is .313/.370/.609/.979/147, 4 dongs, 5 doubles and a trey.  DOUBLE PROSPECT BONARS.

Does it give you as big a headache as it gives me when you look at statistics?

Why would you get a headache when IAN looks at statistics?

Because then IAN talks about statistics?

What's wrong with those statistics?

I'm just interpreting Kermit's headache.

Now I'm getting Kermit's headache.

[Bort]

Len informed me last night that Starlin has reached base every game since he's been called up. The two games that he went hitless/walkless he reached on errors by Furcal and our old bud RonCe.

Look, you're not focused on the real story here. He makes too many errors. He is KILLING this team. They're an abysmal 9-8 since they called him up. Take him and that piece of shit Soriano and fire them into oblivion.

Nor did you consider that he's given them 17 games of clogging the bases.

Holy dicks, has it been 17 games already?  Baseball Reference says 16, but still.  I haven't been doing a whole lot of Cub watching other than watching the videos on my MLB app, so I checked out Starlin's lines so far.  Go Starlin:

.350/.405/.500/.909/133, a double and a triple and two dongs.

He's made five errors, but three in one game, right?  Not that errors are good to judge fielding, but whatevs.  I'm very impressed with his discipline at the plate.  6/6 K/BB ratio isn't bad at all for a 20 year old, right?  I know it's been just 66 PAs, but the bonar...it grows.

And just for poops and giggles, TyCo is .313/.370/.609/.979/147, 4 dongs, 5 doubles and a trey.  DOUBLE PROSPECT BONARS.

Does it give you as big a headache as it gives me when you look at statistics?

Why would you get a headache when IAN looks at statistics?

Because then IAN talks about statistics?

What's wrong with those statistics?

I'm just interpreting Kermit's headache.

Now I'm getting Kermit's headache.

Is this your way of saying you're not putting out tonight?

[Kermit IV]

Len informed me last night that Starlin has reached base every game since he's been called up. The two games that he went hitless/walkless he reached on errors by Furcal and our old bud RonCe.

Look, you're not focused on the real story here. He makes too many errors. He is KILLING this team. They're an abysmal 9-8 since they called him up. Take him and that piece of shit Soriano and fire them into oblivion.

Nor did you consider that he's given them 17 games of clogging the bases.

Holy dicks, has it been 17 games already?  Baseball Reference says 16, but still.  I haven't been doing a whole lot of Cub watching other than watching the videos on my MLB app, so I checked out Starlin's lines so far.  Go Starlin:

.350/.405/.500/.909/133, a double and a triple and two dongs.

He's made five errors, but three in one game, right?  Not that errors are good to judge fielding, but whatevs.  I'm very impressed with his discipline at the plate.  6/6 K/BB ratio isn't bad at all for a 20 year old, right?  I know it's been just 66 PAs, but the bonar...it grows.

And just for poops and giggles, TyCo is .313/.370/.609/.979/147, 4 dongs, 5 doubles and a trey.  DOUBLE PROSPECT BONARS.

Does it give you as big a headache as it gives me when you look at statistics?

Why would you get a headache when IAN looks at statistics?

Because then IAN talks about statistics?

Yeah.  I thought it was pretty clear.

[Powdered Toast Man]

Len informed me last night that Starlin has reached base every game since he's been called up. The two games that he went hitless/walkless he reached on errors by Furcal and our old bud RonCe.

Look, you're not focused on the real story here. He makes too many errors. He is KILLING this team. They're an abysmal 9-8 since they called him up. Take him and that piece of shit Soriano and fire them into oblivion.

Nor did you consider that he's given them 17 games of clogging the bases.

Holy dicks, has it been 17 games already?  Baseball Reference says 16, but still.  I haven't been doing a whole lot of Cub watching other than watching the videos on my MLB app, so I checked out Starlin's lines so far.  Go Starlin:

.350/.405/.500/.909/133, a double and a triple and two dongs.

He's made five errors, but three in one game, right?  Not that errors are good to judge fielding, but whatevs.  I'm very impressed with his discipline at the plate.  6/6 K/BB ratio isn't bad at all for a 20 year old, right?  I know it's been just 66 PAs, but the bonar...it grows.

And just for poops and giggles, TyCo is .313/.370/.609/.979/147, 4 dongs, 5 doubles and a trey.  DOUBLE PROSPECT BONARS.

Does it give you as big a headache as it gives me when you look at statistics?

Why would you get a headache when IAN looks at statistics?

Because then IAN talks about statistics?

Yeah.  I thought it was pretty clear.

Seriously, what's wrong with those statistics?  Other than the fact that they're a small sample size, they're good, right?  Other than minor league numbers, that's all I've got to go on for them.

[Kermit IV]

Len informed me last night that Starlin has reached base every game since he's been called up. The two games that he went hitless/walkless he reached on errors by Furcal and our old bud RonCe.

Look, you're not focused on the real story here. He makes too many errors. He is KILLING this team. They're an abysmal 9-8 since they called him up. Take him and that piece of shit Soriano and fire them into oblivion.

Nor did you consider that he's given them 17 games of clogging the bases.

Holy dicks, has it been 17 games already?  Baseball Reference says 16, but still.  I haven't been doing a whole lot of Cub watching other than watching the videos on my MLB app, so I checked out Starlin's lines so far.  Go Starlin:

.350/.405/.500/.909/133, a double and a triple and two dongs.

He's made five errors, but three in one game, right?  Not that errors are good to judge fielding, but whatevs.  I'm very impressed with his discipline at the plate.  6/6 K/BB ratio isn't bad at all for a 20 year old, right?  I know it's been just 66 PAs, but the bonar...it grows.

And just for poops and giggles, TyCo is .313/.370/.609/.979/147, 4 dongs, 5 doubles and a trey.  DOUBLE PROSPECT BONARS.

Does it give you as big a headache as it gives me when you look at statistics?

Why would you get a headache when IAN looks at statistics?

Because then IAN talks about statistics?

Yeah.  I thought it was pretty clear.

Seriously, what's wrong with those statistics?  Other than the fact that they're a small sample size, they're good, right?  Other than minor league numbers, that's all I've got to go on for them.

There's nothing wrong with them.  I'm just busting your balls.

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Len informed me last night that Starlin has reached base every game since he's been called up. The two games that he went hitless/walkless he reached on errors by Furcal and our old bud RonCe.

Look, you're not focused on the real story here. He makes too many errors. He is KILLING this team. They're an abysmal 9-8 since they called him up. Take him and that piece of shit Soriano and fire them into oblivion.

Nor did you consider that he's given them 17 games of clogging the bases.

Holy dicks, has it been 17 games already?  Baseball Reference says 16, but still.  I haven't been doing a whole lot of Cub watching other than watching the videos on my MLB app, so I checked out Starlin's lines so far.  Go Starlin:

.350/.405/.500/.909/133, a double and a triple and two dongs.

He's made five errors, but three in one game, right?  Not that errors are good to judge fielding, but whatevs.  I'm very impressed with his discipline at the plate.  6/6 K/BB ratio isn't bad at all for a 20 year old, right?  I know it's been just 66 PAs, but the bonar...it grows.

And just for poops and giggles, TyCo is .313/.370/.609/.979/147, 4 dongs, 5 doubles and a trey.  DOUBLE PROSPECT BONARS.

Does it give you as big a headache as it gives me when you look at statistics?

Why would you get a headache when IAN looks at statistics?

Because then IAN talks about statistics?

Yeah.  I thought it was pretty clear.

Seriously, what's wrong with those statistics?  Other than the fact that they're a small sample size, they're good, right?  Other than minor league numbers, that's all I've got to go on for them.

There's nothing wrong with them.  I'm just busting your balls.

And... scene.

[Yeti]

Len informed me last night that Starlin has reached base every game since he's been called up. The two games that he went hitless/walkless he reached on errors by Furcal and our old bud RonCe.

Look, you're not focused on the real story here. He makes too many errors. He is KILLING this team. They're an abysmal 9-8 since they called him up. Take him and that piece of shit Soriano and fire them into oblivion.

Nor did you consider that he's given them 17 games of clogging the bases.

Holy dicks, has it been 17 games already?  Baseball Reference says 16, but still.  I haven't been doing a whole lot of Cub watching other than watching the videos on my MLB app, so I checked out Starlin's lines so far.  Go Starlin:

.350/.405/.500/.909/133, a double and a triple and two dongs.

He's made five errors, but three in one game, right?  Not that errors are good to judge fielding, but whatevs.  I'm very impressed with his discipline at the plate.  6/6 K/BB ratio isn't bad at all for a 20 year old, right?  I know it's been just 66 PAs, but the bonar...it grows.

And just for poops and giggles, TyCo is .313/.370/.609/.979/147, 4 dongs, 5 doubles and a trey.  DOUBLE PROSPECT BONARS.

Does it give you as big a headache as it gives me when you look at statistics?

Why would you get a headache when IAN looks at statistics?

Because then IAN talks about statistics?

Yeah.  I thought it was pretty clear.

Seriously, what's wrong with those statistics?  Other than the fact that they're a small sample size, they're good, right?  Other than minor league numbers, that's all I've got to go on for them.

There's nothing wrong with them.  I'm just busting your balls.

Pan to IAN, who has a look of "OOOOOOOHHHHHH" on his face

And... scene.

[Yeti]

Starlin is sexy:

Rookies 20 & Under: 14th
Rookies 21 & Under: 29th
Rookies 22 & Under: 46th
Cubs Rookies 25 & Under: 4th

[Quality Start Machine]

Starlin is sexy:

Rookies 20 & Under: 14th
Rookies 21 & Under: 29th
Rookies 22 & Under: 46th
Cubs Rookies 25 & Under: 4th

I'll be impressed when he passes Cesar Cedeno.

[Yeti]

He's 29 PAs short of being 3rd in the NL in BA. He's averaged 3.97 PA/game. So, on that pace, he'll crack the requirements (3.1 PA/team game) of the leaderboard in game 142. That's all I'm going to look forward to now.

[Powdered Toast Man]

He's 29 PAs short of being 3rd in the NL in BA. He's averaged 3.97 PA/game. So, on that pace, he'll crack the requirements (3.1 PA/team game) of the leaderboard in game 142. That's all I'm going to look forward to now.

I hope the little fucker gets braces.

[PenPho]

He's 29 PAs short of being 3rd in the NL in BA. He's averaged 3.97 PA/game. So, on that pace, he'll crack the requirements (3.1 PA/team game) of the leaderboard in game 142. That's all I'm going to look forward to now.

I hope the little fucker gets braces.

I hope Soriano lets him take the top bunk.

[powen01]

He's 29 PAs short of being 3rd in the NL in BA. He's averaged 3.97 PA/game. So, on that pace, he'll crack the requirements (3.1 PA/team game) of the leaderboard in game 142. That's all I'm going to look forward to now.

I hope the little fucker gets braces.

I hope Soriano lets him take the top bunk.

I hope no child molester from Desipio gets his hand down the kid's pj's.