The Jeff Samardzija Defenestration Thread

[Quality Start Machine]

And how many fucking meatballs will be at Wrigley Field in their green Samardzija shirts?

I fucking hate this fucking team and 99% of those who support it.

Godmotherfucking dammit.

Cripes, man.  It's game 1.  Of 162.  I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend.

He's sucked for two years. He's established a pattern of sucking.

He's a serial sucker.

[ChuckD]

I reread this thread last night. It was fun to see all of your opinions of Snork ebb and flow, while my white hot hatred remained a rock, battered by the tides, but ultimately never yielding to the idea that he wasn't just kindling for a barn-burning.

I checked out the appearance that spurred Slaky to start this thread. Woof.

Code Select Expand


Bottom of the 7th, Braves Batting, Ahead 8-5, Cubs' Jeff Samardzija facing 3-4-5

Jeff Samardzija replaces Tyler Colvin (PH) pitching and batting 9th
b7 8-5 0 --- 5,(3-1) ATL C. Jones J. Samardzija 1% 95% Walk
b7 8-5 0 1-- 2,(0-1) ATL B. McCann J. Samardzija 1% 96% Jones Steals 2B
b7 8-5 0 -2- 5,(3-1) ATL B. McCann J. Samardzija 0% 96% Walk
b7 8-5 0 12- 6,(3-2) ATL T. Glaus J. Samardzija 1% 98% Walk; Jones to 3B; McCann to 2B
b7 8-5 0 123 1,(0-0) RRR ATL Y. Escobar J. Samardzija 2% 100% Double to CF (Fly Ball to Deep LF-CF); Jones Scores; McCann Scores; Glaus Scores
b7 11-5 0 -2- 2,(0-1) R ATL J. Heyward J. Samardzija 0% 100% Reached on E3 (throw) (Ground Ball to 2B-1B); Escobar Scores/No RBI; Heyward to 2B
b7 12-5 0 -2- 3,(0-2) O ATL N. McLouth J. Samardzija -0% 100% Strikeout Looking
Eric Hinske pinch hits for Peter Moylan (P) batting 9th
b7 12-5 1 -2- 3,(1-1) R ATL E. Hinske J. Samardzija 0% 100% Triple to CF (Fly Ball to Deep CF-RF); Heyward Scores/unER
Justin Berg replaces Jeff Samardzija pitching and batting 9th

[Saul Goodman]

Samardzija is a piece of shitzija.

Also, fuck Notre Dame. Because this sack of shit went to ND we have to put up with this.

He should just cut his losses and switch to football.

Alternately, he could die after being locked in a burning barn.

Shittyja, meet the FIREBARN.  FIREBARN, eat this Shittyja.

Was this the origin of the infamous FIREBARN?  Or was it used for other players before?

[Bort]

Samardzija is a piece of shitzija.

Also, fuck Notre Dame. Because this sack of shit went to ND we have to put up with this.

He should just cut his losses and switch to football.

Alternately, he could die after being locked in a burning barn.

Shittyja, meet the FIREBARN.  FIREBARN, eat this Shittyja.

Was this the origin of the infamous FIREBARN?  Or was it used for other players before?

The origin was in the Shoutbox. It was based on my desire to lock any and all Cubs players I hated in a burning barn.

[SKO]

Eat shit, Cuaker

[SKO]

And lo Jeff Samardzija was defenestrated.

[Bort]

And lo Jeff Samardzija was defenestrated.

It's like Bortmas in August.

[SKO]

3 IP, 10 ER tonight bringing his season ERA up to 5.27. 4.29 FIP and 4.31 xFIP.

[ChuckD]

3 IP, 10 ER tonight bringing his season ERA up to 5.27. 4.29 FIP and 4.31 xFIP.

That's a lotta windows.

[Bort]

And lo Jeff Samardzija was defenestrated.

It's like Bortmas in August September.

[InternetApex]

And lo Jeff Samardzija was defenestrated.

It's like Bortmas in August September.

Snork's the aBortion that keeps on aBorting.

[Eli]

The Cy Damn Young Award.

"I don't think this team improves by trading Scott Feldman. He was one of our better pitchers." --Jeff Samardzija

Please don't let this asshole come back.

I like making fun of him for that line, too, but I don't really blame him for saying it at the time. These guys are competitive as hell; why would they enjoy their prime years being spent on a team that's intentionally losing games?

Anyway. There's been a lot of talk about Cooper not letting him throw splitters and messing with his mechanics, which is why he struggled so much. As long as he's not the best pitcher they acquire this offseason, I'd be happy to see him come back as a 4/5 starter.

...on a 1 or 2 year deal. I don't want a long term contract to him clogging up the rotation for years. There are going to be far better options than him within the next 3+ years.  Further, they are going to sign someone not named Snork to a 5 year deal this winter.  That ties up two of the five spots long term.  Arrieta is in line for a third long term spot.  I have no interest in having Snork as the #4 until 2019 and only having flexibility to add someone in one rotation slot.

If he's signed, I'd trust that the front office has a plan on how to handle all of this. Or are we not trusting them anymore if they sign Samardzija?

I get it.  Trust the front office.  No need to share opinions anymore.

This has basically been the prevailing opinion since Epstein took over, so why is it different now?

For the record, my position is "let's wait until the thing we're dreading actually happens and then we can bitch about it".

I would enjoy it if the Cubs just had every player from the Russell trade on their roster except Dan Straily.

[Oleg]

The Cy Damn Young Award.

"I don't think this team improves by trading Scott Feldman. He was one of our better pitchers." --Jeff Samardzija

Please don't let this asshole come back.

I like making fun of him for that line, too, but I don't really blame him for saying it at the time. These guys are competitive as hell; why would they enjoy their prime years being spent on a team that's intentionally losing games?

Anyway. There's been a lot of talk about Cooper not letting him throw splitters and messing with his mechanics, which is why he struggled so much. As long as he's not the best pitcher they acquire this offseason, I'd be happy to see him come back as a 4/5 starter.

...on a 1 or 2 year deal. I don't want a long term contract to him clogging up the rotation for years. There are going to be far better options than him within the next 3+ years.  Further, they are going to sign someone not named Snork to a 5 year deal this winter.  That ties up two of the five spots long term.  Arrieta is in line for a third long term spot.  I have no interest in having Snork as the #4 until 2019 and only having flexibility to add someone in one rotation slot.

If he's signed, I'd trust that the front office has a plan on how to handle all of this. Or are we not trusting them anymore if they sign Samardzija?

I get it.  Trust the front office.  No need to share opinions anymore.

This has basically been the prevailing opinion since Epstein took over, so why is it different now?

For the record, my position is "let's wait until the thing we're dreading actually happens and then we can bitch about it".

I would enjoy it if the Cubs just had every player from the Russell trade on their roster except Dan Straily.

Meeting!

[Bort]

The Cy Damn Young Award.

"I don't think this team improves by trading Scott Feldman. He was one of our better pitchers." --Jeff Samardzija

Please don't let this asshole come back.

I like making fun of him for that line, too, but I don't really blame him for saying it at the time. These guys are competitive as hell; why would they enjoy their prime years being spent on a team that's intentionally losing games?

Anyway. There's been a lot of talk about Cooper not letting him throw splitters and messing with his mechanics, which is why he struggled so much. As long as he's not the best pitcher they acquire this offseason, I'd be happy to see him come back as a 4/5 starter.

...on a 1 or 2 year deal. I don't want a long term contract to him clogging up the rotation for years. There are going to be far better options than him within the next 3+ years.  Further, they are going to sign someone not named Snork to a 5 year deal this winter.  That ties up two of the five spots long term.  Arrieta is in line for a third long term spot.  I have no interest in having Snork as the #4 until 2019 and only having flexibility to add someone in one rotation slot.

If he's signed, I'd trust that the front office has a plan on how to handle all of this. Or are we not trusting them anymore if they sign Samardzija?

I get it.  Trust the front office.  No need to share opinions anymore.

This has basically been the prevailing opinion since Epstein took over, so why is it different now?

For the record, my position is "let's wait until the thing we're dreading actually happens and then we can bitch about it".

I would enjoy it if the Cubs just had every player from the Russell trade on their roster except Dan Straily.

Meeting!

[Quality Start Machine]

The Cy Damn Young Award.

"I don't think this team improves by trading Scott Feldman. He was one of our better pitchers." --Jeff Samardzija

Please don't let this asshole come back.

I like making fun of him for that line, too, but I don't really blame him for saying it at the time. These guys are competitive as hell; why would they enjoy their prime years being spent on a team that's intentionally losing games?

Anyway. There's been a lot of talk about Cooper not letting him throw splitters and messing with his mechanics, which is why he struggled so much. As long as he's not the best pitcher they acquire this offseason, I'd be happy to see him come back as a 4/5 starter.

...on a 1 or 2 year deal. I don't want a long term contract to him clogging up the rotation for years. There are going to be far better options than him within the next 3+ years.  Further, they are going to sign someone not named Snork to a 5 year deal this winter.  That ties up two of the five spots long term.  Arrieta is in line for a third long term spot.  I have no interest in having Snork as the #4 until 2019 and only having flexibility to add someone in one rotation slot.

If he's signed, I'd trust that the front office has a plan on how to handle all of this. Or are we not trusting them anymore if they sign Samardzija?

I get it.  Trust the front office.  No need to share opinions anymore.

This has basically been the prevailing opinion since Epstein took over, so why is it different now?

For the record, my position is "let's wait until the thing we're dreading actually happens and then we can bitch about it".

I would enjoy it if the Cubs just had every player from the Russell trade on their roster except Dan Straily.

Meeting!

Pretty sure Theo walking to his car in a parking lot that was adjacent to the Outback that Snork was exiting doesn't count as a "meeting".