2010 WORLD CUP - SOCCER IS GHEY.

[Slaky]

Argentina seems to be the only team in the tourney who have learned to hit the new ball well.  There were some great crosses and absolutely blistering shots in the game today...  Messi is who we thought he was!

He's unreal. Higuain, from what I've read, just seems to know where to be when the ball is near the net. He's got a nose for it. They're frightening up front but they are a bit old and gross in the back. I can't tell those long haired freaks apart.

Anyway, the score wasn't totally indicative of the game - while Argentina showed their class, Korea had a real shot to tie it at 2 but that fucker wrong footed it wide. Best game of the tourney so far.

Flame me.

[flannj]

Argentina seems to be the only team in the tourney who have learned to hit the new ball well.  There were some great crosses and absolutely blistering shots in the game today...  Messi is who we thought he was!

All of the South American teams have legitimate chances to advance.
Messi was unselfish and creative, with him Argentina has so many options.
Their back line is a potential weakness, DeMichelis did not look good.

Mexico beats France this afternoon!

[Slaky]

Argentina seems to be the only team in the tourney who have learned to hit the new ball well.  There were some great crosses and absolutely blistering shots in the game today...  Messi is who we thought he was!

All of the South American teams have legitimate chances to advance.
Messi was unselfish and creative, with him Argentina has so many options.
Their back line is a potential weakness, DeMichelis did not look good.

Mexico beats France this afternoon!

Just like in the Champions League Final.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

A guide for us noobs...

http://nplusonemag.com/world-cup-preview

South Africa

The hosts are not very good at soccer. Being banned from international play during apartheid might have something to do with it. If you want to seem cheerful, mention to your friends how cool it is that Africa is finally getting the World Cup it was supposed to get in 2006, and how well South Africa seems to have moved on from apartheid. If you don't, mention that, despite all the hype to the contrary, hosting major sporting events rarely proves to be an economic boon, and wonder aloud whether a really poor country with crushing social problems should be spending all its money on state-of-the-art soccer stadiums designed to look like calabashes.

Argentina

Argentina has the world's best player in Lionel Messi, and lots of other talent. They also have a coach, the legendary Diego Maradona, who is bat-shit crazy. Maradona recently had his stomach stapled because after he quit using coke he got super-fat. When Argentina qualified for the World Cup, he held perhaps the greatest press conference in the history of sport, during which he repeatedly told the Argentine press to (in my very rough translation), "Suck it and keep on sucking it" (Que la chupen y sigan chupando). The next day he apologized to all the women in the world who heard him say these things, especially his mother, but pointedly not to the journalists he had repeatedly insulted. He recently had two (2) luxury bidets installed in his hotel room.

Greece

While compiling this preview, I forgot about Greece and had to look them up when I realized I was one country short.

USA

USA! USA! We should be decent this year, and we drew a favorable group. The casual USA fan admires Landon Donovan. The more discerning USA fan knows that Donovan is Cristiano Ronaldo Lite—overrated, overexposed, and a bit of a whiner. The US actually relies on Clint Dempsey, Michael Bradley, and Tim Howard, all of whom are equal to or superior to Donovan in ability but for various reasons less marketable.

England

England is always surprised when they lose, as they think they invented soccer. They have a good coach (an Italian) and some good players, most notably the great Wayne Rooney, but eventually they will lose and be shocked and hurt as always. England has won the World Cup before, but that was when they were hosting in 1966, and host countries always do well. That said, they weren't a fascist country. Fascist host countries do really well; witness Italy's win in 1934 and Argentina's in 1978. Apparently creating a hostile and frightening atmosphere for opposing nations, and being able to threaten your players and/or the referees with horrible fates, helps your chances considerably.

Germany

The team that never underperforms, never suffers from any sort of self-doubt or mental angst. They win their penalty shootouts; they consistently beat plucky underdogs. One of the great things about sports is how they can serve to eliminate or at least undermine national or ethnic stereotypes, but sometimes Germans come along, play with the cold mechanical efficiency of a Mercedes engine, and then sports don't do that.

Holland

For a small country, the Dutch produce a staggering number of world-class players. They are a little smug about this fact. Look for them to play good soccer and register big wins early in the tournament, then lose to the first team that realizes that while their strikers and midfielders are quick and skillful, their defenders are manifestly not.

Japan

Japan is not very good at soccer, but it has the world's highest average life expectancy.

Paraguay

See Uruguay, above.

Portugal

The Portuguese team includes several naturalized Brazilians who aren't good enough to play for Brazil. They are led by Cristiano Ronaldo, a native of Portugal who wears too much hair gel. There are only two acceptable reasons for liking Ronaldo: either you find him sexually attractive, or you are Portuguese. He is the Alex Rodriguez of soccer. Paparazzi once snapped pictures of him making out with Paris Hilton in a nightclub. It was a tan, vapid match made in heaven. Do not root for Portugal.

Switzerland

Watching the Swiss play is almost as painful and degrading as being an immigrant living in Switzerland. Will they lose in a dull, cowardly manner in the first round, or will they lose in a dull, cowardly manner in the second round? The world awaits the answer.

[Slaky]

I think he's got Slovenia and Algeria mixed up. Slovenia allowed 4 goals in their 10 WC qualification matches, so they can certainly play and beat a team with a lucky goal and good defense. Algeria fucking sucks. Hard. They're horrible.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

http://g.sports.yahoo.com/soccer/world-cup/news/swiss-sweet-upset-born-in-the-usa--fbintl_ro-swiss061610.html

It was the most monumental of shocks and lit up what had been a sleepy World Cup. But while Switzerland's dramatic 1-0 victory over tournament favorite Spain took place in Africa, the upset was born in the USA.

Swiss coach Ottmar Hitzfeld devised his game plan for shutting down the European champion's destructive offense after witnessing the manner in which the United States stunned Spain in last year's Confederations Cup, the warmup event to the World Cup.

[Yeti]

Anyone else catch that final sequence in that Serbia-Germany First Half. Now, that was exciting.

[Slaky]

Anyone else catch that final sequence in that Serbia-Germany First Half. Now, that was exciting.

Germany got royally hosed by the card-happy official. Would be cool to see what they'd be doing with 11 men.

[Yeti]

Anyone else catch that final sequence in that Serbia-Germany First Half. Now, that was exciting.

Germany got royally hosed by the card-happy official. Would be cool to see what they'd be doing with 11 men.

I enjoyed how the announcers said this crew hasn't been using common sense in the Cup.

[SKO]

Anyone else catch that final sequence in that Serbia-Germany First Half. Now, that was exciting.

Germany got royally hosed by the card-happy official. Would be cool to see what they'd be doing with 11 men.

I enjoyed how the announcers said this crew hasn't been using common sense in the Cup.

Et tu, Yeti?

[Yeti]

Anyone else catch that final sequence in that Serbia-Germany First Half. Now, that was exciting.

Germany got royally hosed by the card-happy official. Would be cool to see what they'd be doing with 11 men.

I enjoyed how the announcers said this crew hasn't been using common sense in the Cup.

Et tu, Yeti?

Yes, I was watching this morning's game.. I admit it. I actually refrained from going into work early like I have this whole week to watch it. I'm just as shocked, but I kind of enjoyed it. Something about Serbs and Germans going at it makes me think 1914.. I'd think you'd be interested

[SKO]

Anyone else catch that final sequence in that Serbia-Germany First Half. Now, that was exciting.

Germany got royally hosed by the card-happy official. Would be cool to see what they'd be doing with 11 men.

I enjoyed how the announcers said this crew hasn't been using common sense in the Cup.

Et tu, Yeti?

Yes, I was watching this morning's game.. I admit it. I actually refrained from going into work early like I have this whole week to watch it. I'm just as shocked, but I kind of enjoyed it. Something about Serbs and Germans going at it makes me think 1914.. I'd think you'd be interested

The Serbian front was completely managed (or mismanaged) by the Austrians. Your abuse of history for the purposes of soccer will not stand. You disgust me.

[flannj]

Anyone else catch that final sequence in that Serbia-Germany First Half. Now, that was exciting.

Germany got royally hosed by the card-happy official. Would be cool to see what they'd be doing with 11 men.

This is turning out like 2006 with the excessive cards.
A mistimed tackle is a foul but shouldn't always be a card, especially in the first half of play.
I hate the yellows carrying over to the next game, with quick cards it changes the way the defenders and midfielders play.

[Yeti]

Anyone else catch that final sequence in that Serbia-Germany First Half. Now, that was exciting.

Germany got royally hosed by the card-happy official. Would be cool to see what they'd be doing with 11 men.

I enjoyed how the announcers said this crew hasn't been using common sense in the Cup.

Et tu, Yeti?

Yes, I was watching this morning's game.. I admit it. I actually refrained from going into work early like I have this whole week to watch it. I'm just as shocked, but I kind of enjoyed it. Something about Serbs and Germans going at it makes me think 1914.. I'd think you'd be interested

The Serbian front was completely managed (or mismanaged) by the Austrians. Your abuse of history for the purposes of soccer will not stand. You disgust me.

I wasn't even trying to be historically accurate. Just naming some players in the game.

[Gilgamesh]

Anyone else catch that final sequence in that Serbia-Germany First Half. Now, that was exciting.

Germany got royally hosed by the card-happy official. Would be cool to see what they'd be doing with 11 men.

You sick, sick man.