2010 WORLD CUP - SOCCER IS GHEY.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

The vuvuzela is the worst thing to happen to soccer.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/soccer/world-cup-2010/writers/peter_king/06/13/wc.thoughts/index.html

I beg to differ.

As much as I hate Peter King, the vuvuzela is still worse.

http://www.surfpoeten.de/tube/vuvuzela_filter
http://translate.google.com/translate?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.surfpoeten.de%2Ftube%2Fvuvuzela_filter&sl=de&tl=en

Now someone do the same with Peter King.

[Powdered Toast Man]

So, I tried to watch some of this grass fairy nonsense when AMERICUUUHH was on against the Blue Bloods.  How in the hell can the entire world be so wrong about a sport?  Talk about some of the most boring sports action I've watched in a long damn time, and I'm regular baseball watcher.  This shit is just terrible.

[SKO]

I went back home to my racist town of birth in order to see my Grandfather yesterday. He's having surgery tomorrow and while it's not expected to be anything too dangerous, with his health and past history it's always a little concerning, so I wanted to make sure that I see him. Now, at his house, he and my grandmother have cut their cable down to the most basic of basic packages because they mostly just watch movies. This left me with the choice of a half-over Home Alone 2, The King is Coming featuring Reverend Something or Other, Infomercials, Golf, or the match between Germany and Australia. God help me, I watched the game. Here are my observations:

1. That buzzing sound is really fucking annoying. Also, I find it's existence laughable. Soccer fans always told me that it was so exciting to watch a soccer match because of the "intensity of the crowds." Even they've realized that's its a pointless waste of energy to constantly scream and cheer during a boring soccer match where big plays are as elusive as that invite home Tank-oh-so-desperately wanted from the crotch-groping bandit. So what do they do? They blow on an overrated kazoo. Wonderful. Just start fighting in the crowds, people. You're Germans. People used to be afraid of you.

2. I heard someone talking about the controversy over the ball. http://g.sports.yahoo.com/soccer/world-cup/news/controversy-over-world-cup-ball-won-t-die--fbintl_ro-worldcupball061310W.html .Then I see that this morning. Oh waaaaah. "It took a funny bounce! I have one fucking shot on goal to stop during the entire game and I boffed it. It's the ball's fault!" Own up, people. This is why you lost the war.

3. Arbitrary game clock. I noticed in the first half that the clock counts up. What kind of fucking purpose does that serve? What the fucking hell, people? "How much time is left in the game?" "I HAVE NO IDEA. I JUST KNOW HOW MUCH TIME HAS PASSED" Then half time (is it half time? Maybe it's just tea time. Maybe they signed an ill-conceived treaty to end the game that instead created so much tension in the locker room that another half was almost guaranteed) comes at 45 minutes, so I breathe easier and say "oh, okay, they have 45 minute halves." Then the second half comes, and at 89:50 I'm like "Oh, thank God, my retinas can stop bleeding, it's almost over." But no, it just keeps fucking going past the 90 minute mark. Then at 93:04, with the players still running around and doing whatever, they just blow the damn whistle to end the game. What is this? Practice? Just decided to say "well, that's enough for today, boys." I mean we're talkin' about a game here, people. Not practice. A game.

4. Even the scoring was mostly boring. I think I saw three of the four goals Germany scored. One of them seemed relatively exciting, as some nifty passing got it to the guy on the breakaway and he made the goal. Glorious. The other two were anti-climactic shots that were obviously too high for the goalie from the second they left the guy's foot. I lost all interest. It was either a goal or it was going to soar over the net. The goalie was completely useless at that time. Maybe the net shouldn't be so tall. I don't know. My suggestion? Replace the goalie and net with something like the windmill hole from mini-golf courses.

5. All of the god damned foreigners. What the hell? They were EVERYWHERE.

[Chuck to Chuck]

I went back home to my racist town of birth in order to see my Grandfather yesterday. He's having surgery tomorrow and while it's not expected to be anything too dangerous, with his health and past history it's always a little concerning, so I wanted to make sure that I see him. Now, at his house, he and my grandmother have cut their cable down to the most basic of basic packages because they mostly just watch movies. This left me with the choice of a half-over Home Alone 2, The King is Coming featuring Reverend Something or Other, Infomercials, Golf, or the match between Germany and Australia. God help me, I watched the game. Here are my observations:

1. That buzzing sound is really fucking annoying. Also, I find it's existence laughable. Soccer fans always told me that it was so exciting to watch a soccer match because of the "intensity of the crowds." Even they've realized that's its a pointless waste of energy to constantly scream and cheer during a boring soccer match where big plays are as elusive as that invite home Tank-oh-so-desperately wanted from the crotch-groping bandit. So what do they do? They blow on an overrated kazoo. Wonderful. Just start fighting in the crowds, people. You're Germans. People used to be afraid of you.

2. I heard someone talking about the controversy over the ball. http://g.sports.yahoo.com/soccer/world-cup/news/controversy-over-world-cup-ball-won-t-die--fbintl_ro-worldcupball061310W.html .Then I see that this morning. Oh waaaaah. "It took a funny bounce! I have one fucking shot on goal to stop during the entire game and I boffed it. It's the ball's fault!" Own up, people. This is why you lost the war.

3. Arbitrary game clock. I noticed in the first half that the clock counts up. What kind of fucking purpose does that serve? What the fucking hell, people? "How much time is left in the game?" "I HAVE NO IDEA. I JUST KNOW HOW MUCH TIME HAS PASSED" Then half time (is it half time? Maybe it's just tea time. Maybe they signed an ill-conceived treaty to end the game that instead created so much tension in the locker room that another half was almost guaranteed) comes at 45 minutes, so I breathe easier and say "oh, okay, they have 45 minute halves." Then the second half comes, and at 89:50 I'm like "Oh, thank God, my retinas can stop bleeding, it's almost over." But no, it just keeps fucking going past the 90 minute mark. Then at 93:04, with the players still running around and doing whatever, they just blow the damn whistle to end the game. What is this? Practice? Just decided to say "well, that's enough for today, boys." I mean we're talkin' about a game here, people. Not practice. A game.

4. Even the scoring was mostly boring. I think I saw three of the four goals Germany scored. One of them seemed relatively exciting, as some nifty passing got it to the guy on the breakaway and he made the goal. Glorious. The other two were anti-climactic shots that were obviously too high for the goalie from the second they left the guy's foot. I lost all interest. It was either a goal or it was going to soar over the net. The goalie was completely useless at that time. Maybe the net shouldn't be so tall. I don't know. My suggestion? Replace the goalie and net with something like the windmill hole from mini-golf courses.

5. All of the god damned foreigners. What the hell? They were EVERYWHERE.

I spent more time reading this than I spent watching soccer.

And I didn't even get past the middle of point 3.

[powen01]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

[Yeti]

3. Arbitrary game clock. I noticed in the first half that the clock counts up. What kind of fucking purpose does that serve? What the fucking hell, people? "How much time is left in the game?" "I HAVE NO IDEA. I JUST KNOW HOW MUCH TIME HAS PASSED" Then half time (is it half time? Maybe it's just tea time. Maybe they signed an ill-conceived treaty to end the game that instead created so much tension in the locker room that another half was almost guaranteed) comes at 45 minutes, so I breathe easier and say "oh, okay, they have 45 minute halves." Then the second half comes, and at 89:50 I'm like "Oh, thank God, my retinas can stop bleeding, it's almost over." But no, it just keeps fucking going past the 90 minute mark. Then at 93:04, with the players still running around and doing whatever, they just blow the damn whistle to end the game. What is this? Practice? Just decided to say "well, that's enough for today, boys." I mean we're talkin' about a game here, people. Not practice. A game.

This was actually one of my gripes, too. Now, I guess I can understand how it would be annoying the stop the clock every time there's a free kick, throw in, or (GOD FORBID) injury, but it just seems ridiculous. I mean it's not like any other sport starts and stops the clock every 10 seconds. When Tim Howard went down in the US/England game, I noticed that the clock just kept on rolling. He was down for at least 3-5 minutes. Is it that much of a fucking burden to stop the clock for that? Shit, it's just an extra button on the scoring machine. Even I was able to operate one of those when I was 8 years old. I don't like the whole "90 minutes is over... Ok, let's dilly-dally around for a bit and then the ref will blow a whistle". GIVE ME SOME FUCKING STRUCTURE. If I were playing, I'd like to know "OK, I have 1 minute left because it says '89:00' on the scoreboard. Let's haul ass and try to get a goal here". But alas, that shit doesn't happen.

I also enjoy how ESPN wants us to care about this. Like it's some fucking big deal to people here. Shit, we don't care about the sport 99% of the year, why should we now? And then they throw up so called experts who for all we know could be some shitbag like Pierre McGuire and not know a fucking thing about the sport, but, hey, they know what they're talking about because they got a funny British accent. Must be a soccer guy! They (ESPN or any other media outlet) does the same damn thing for horseracing. The sport doesn't even get a sniff most of the year, but holy shit, on 3 weekends a year, it's the biggest fucking thing in the world. Or the Indy 500... It's just dumb. I know they only have the NBA Finals and baseball going on, but shit, when they didn't have the WC going on and just had to show us what happened in those, they couldn't even fucking show highlights from each game. Fuck it. I'm sorry. I tried to have an open mind about soccer and the WC. SKO, you got a partner on the HATEMOBILE.

[Brownie]

The vuvuzela is the worst thing to happen to soccer.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/soccer/world-cup-2010/writers/peter_king/06/13/wc.thoughts/index.html

I beg to differ.

I'm confused...

Aggravating/Enjoyable Travel Note of the Week

Drove to Rustenburg Saturday with football editor Mark Mravic (a not-so-closeted socceraholic), his son Branko and fellow scribe Mark Bechtel (you can follow Bechtel and Mravic's adventures on SI's World Cup blog). It's a three-hour drive via the scenic route -- a sometimes-mountainous, sometimes-Bush-dissecting trip to a stadium in a midsized city known for its platinum -- and gold-mining in the country's North West Province. It's a Kansas City-type city, I'd guess, rising out of the countryside.

So we were an hour from the stadium, out in the bush, and I spied a tiny roadside eatery with one table and two barstools called The Garden Café. We stopped. The other three got the local sausage, cooked on a tiny round propane grill, and I got a grilled tomato and cheese sandwich. As we ate, I asked the proprietor, a friendly, dentally challenged man named Leon, if he'd been able to see the South Africa-Mexico draw the previous day. No, he said, because he'd had some work to do around his restaurant and cottages. But he heard about it.

"From the guys out there,'' he said, nodding to the bush, a endless area of tall brown grass. "Guess they had a radio. But when South Africa scored, I heard all kinds of screaming from there.''

Is King maybe getting his Missouri cities mixed up?

[SKO]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

I'm sorry. How dare the angry neophyte dismiss all of the finer points of THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. The grace! The majesty! The unity! The 0-0 Draws!

Honestly, Powen. I ask this without sarcasm. Regard me with your most condescending attitude possible as the stereotypical ignorant American sports fan and tell me one thing:

What am I supposed to find exciting about this sport? What am I supposed to be watching for as they pass the ball back and forth and rarely even take a shot on the goal? What is supposed to be exciting in that time period? If it's really just the athleticism and the beautiful passing, I just don't get it. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Please, explain to me, without using anything like the phrase "you just don't "get" it," what it is that's so exciting about this?

[SKO]

DPD. Nevermind. I'll not Kurt Evans your ghey little roundball thread. I hate your ghey little sport with every fiber of my being, but I'll let you have it for now. Farewell, Soccer thread.

[powen01]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

I'm sorry. How dare the angry neophyte dismiss all of the finer points of THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. The grace! The majesty! The unity! The 0-0 Draws!

Honestly, Powen. I ask this without sarcasm. Regard me with your most condescending attitude possible as the stereotypical ignorant American sports fan and tell me one thing:

What am I supposed to find exciting about this sport? What am I supposed to be watching for as they pass the ball back and forth and rarely even take a shot on the goal? What is supposed to be exciting in that time period? If it's really just the athleticism and the beautiful passing, I just don't get it. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Please, explain to me, without using anything like the phrase "you just don't "get" it," what it is that's so exciting about this?

No, trust me, I get it. There are boring matches; even at the World Cup. Not every game is a winner; even if you you understand the finer nuances. You are probably missing the small touches that seem routine but to me are masterful, but a yawner is a yawner (see Astros vs Pirates or whatever).  You might not get how some of us played since we could walk and had dreamed of representing our country even just once, but I think you could understand. You might understand what it's like to be in a stadium in Buenos Aires or Lima or London with thousands of screaming fans; and everyone screaming all at once with one throat at a goal that took 15 minutes of buildup and touches or even 90 minutes of hard tackling and play.  Yeah, I think you could get that. Maybe. I dunno. I appreciate you giving it a shot. I was just ribbing you a little bit with the Paul comment, so I hope you take that as a gentle joke.  

Personally, I just happen to like soccer because my grandfather on my mom's side was kindof my idol growing up; and he lived and died with the game. Every four years, he would sit my brother and I down for a month of the summer and watch this tournament. We got to watch his home country play ONCE in 1982. Nobody in my house would breathe during those games. So I grew up playing the game too. Wasn't allowed to play football,  got yelled at by some dumbass coach my first and last season of softball (I was nine and I walked off the field in the middle of the game) and I'm no Morgan like Apex so my only season of basketball was pretty much a disaster.  Either way, soccer was my game. I was good back in the day. I also got ridiculed endlessly and ruthlessly by fellow students and teachers talking about how dumb my sport is. I just wanted my grandfather to hear about the bunches of goals I scored for him every weekend, even when he had cancer and wasn't exactly coherent.

Anyway, vuvuzelas suck. So does cancer. Soccer is cool. If you don't like it, that's cool too. Just remember, it's the most played youth sport  in the USA. It's gonna hai.    

[Slaky]

This thread fucking sucks.

[SKO]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

I'm sorry. How dare the angry neophyte dismiss all of the finer points of THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. The grace! The majesty! The unity! The 0-0 Draws!

Honestly, Powen. I ask this without sarcasm. Regard me with your most condescending attitude possible as the stereotypical ignorant American sports fan and tell me one thing:

What am I supposed to find exciting about this sport? What am I supposed to be watching for as they pass the ball back and forth and rarely even take a shot on the goal? What is supposed to be exciting in that time period? If it's really just the athleticism and the beautiful passing, I just don't get it. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Please, explain to me, without using anything like the phrase "you just don't "get" it," what it is that's so exciting about this?

No, trust me, I get it. There are boring matches; even at the World Cup. Not every game is a winner; even if you you understand the finer nuances. You are probably missing the small touches that seem routine but to me are masterful, but a yawner is a yawner (see Astros vs Pirates or whatever).  You might not get how some of us played since we could walk and had dreamed of representing our country even just once, but I think you could understand. You might understand what it's like to be in a stadium in Buenos Aires or Lima or London with thousands of screaming fans; and everyone screaming all at once with one throat at a goal that took 15 minutes of buildup and touches or even 90 minutes of hard tackling and play.  Yeah, I think you could get that. Maybe. I dunno. I appreciate you giving it a shot. I was just ribbing you a little bit with the Paul comment, so I hope you take that as a gentle joke.  

Personally, I just happen to like soccer because my grandfather on my mom's side was kindof my idol growing up; and he lived and died with the game. Every four years, he would sit my brother and I down for a month of the summer and watch this tournament. We got to watch his home country play ONCE in 1982. Nobody in my house would breathe during those games. So I grew up playing the game too. Wasn't allowed to play football,  got yelled at by some dumbass coach my first and last season of softball (I was nine and I walked off the field in the middle of the game) and I'm no Morgan like Apex so my only season of basketball was pretty much a disaster.  Either way, soccer was my game. I was good back in the day. I also got ridiculed endlessly and ruthlessly by fellow students and teachers talking about how dumb my sport is. I just wanted my grandfather to hear about the bunches of goals I scored for him every weekend, even when he had cancer and wasn't exactly coherent.

Anyway, vuvuzelas suck. So does cancer. Soccer is cool. If you don't like it, that's cool too. Just remember, it's the most played youth sport  in the USA. It's gonna hai.    

Well, that I understand. Enjoy your tournament.

[Slaky]

I can't believe how terrible Cameroon looked.

[Oleg]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

I'm sorry. How dare the angry neophyte dismiss all of the finer points of THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. The grace! The majesty! The unity! The 0-0 Draws!

Honestly, Powen. I ask this without sarcasm. Regard me with your most condescending attitude possible as the stereotypical ignorant American sports fan and tell me one thing:

What am I supposed to find exciting about this sport? What am I supposed to be watching for as they pass the ball back and forth and rarely even take a shot on the goal? What is supposed to be exciting in that time period? If it's really just the athleticism and the beautiful passing, I just don't get it. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Please, explain to me, without using anything like the phrase "you just don't "get" it," what it is that's so exciting about this?

Hey, look.  Some running back just ran into a bunch of big men and was down after gaining a yard.  What's so exciting about that?  Oh, but you'll say the game as a whole is what's exciting, and to judge a game by single play is just dumb, right?  Of course, you're right.

When you see a football play get executed just like the coach drew it up; and you can see the defense getting blocked; and the running makes an awesome cut and breaks one for 35 yards...God damn, that makes all those 1-yard plays worth it, doesn't it?

No one needs to explain why any sport you don't like is exciting.  You seem to have a prejudice against it, and that's fine.  Frankly, it's your loss.  Hell, it's probably my loss that I think the forward motion of the CFL is the dumbest fucking thing in the history of sports, but, whatever.

You can either choose to watch; or don't choose to watch.  At the base level, I find the competition incredibly compelling.  I mean, the whole world is watching.  The whole fucking world.  This is serious shit.  I, obviously, don't understand the finer nuances of the game.  I still get weirded out by the spacing of the players on TV (the game is way cooler live, much like hockey, in that you see the space that the players have to work with much more clearly).

Netherlands won this morning.  I'm happy for those potheads.  As a life-long Netherlands fan, I think I'll be rooting for them this tourney.

[Slaky]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

I'm sorry. How dare the angry neophyte dismiss all of the finer points of THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. The grace! The majesty! The unity! The 0-0 Draws!

Honestly, Powen. I ask this without sarcasm. Regard me with your most condescending attitude possible as the stereotypical ignorant American sports fan and tell me one thing:

What am I supposed to find exciting about this sport? What am I supposed to be watching for as they pass the ball back and forth and rarely even take a shot on the goal? What is supposed to be exciting in that time period? If it's really just the athleticism and the beautiful passing, I just don't get it. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Please, explain to me, without using anything like the phrase "you just don't "get" it," what it is that's so exciting about this?

Hey, look.  Some running back just ran into a bunch of big men and was down after gaining a yard.  What's so exciting about that?  Oh, but you'll say the game as a whole is what's exciting, and to judge a game by single play is just dumb, right?  Of course, you're right.

When you see a football play get executed just like the coach drew it up; and you can see the defense getting blocked; and the running makes an awesome cut and breaks one for 35 yards...God damn, that makes all those 1-yard plays worth it, doesn't it?

No one needs to explain why any sport you don't like is exciting.  You seem to have a prejudice against it, and that's fine.  Frankly, it's your loss.  Hell, it's probably my loss that I think the forward motion of the CFL is the dumbest fucking thing in the history of sports, but, whatever.

You can either choose to watch; or don't choose to watch.  At the base level, I find the competition incredibly compelling.  I mean, the whole world is watching.  The whole fucking world.  This is serious shit.  I, obviously, don't understand the finer nuances of the game.  I still get weirded out by the spacing of the players on TV (the game is way cooler live, much like hockey, in that you see the space that the players have to work with much more clearly).

Netherlands won this morning.  I'm happy for those potheads.  As a life-long Netherlands fan, I think I'll be rooting for them this tourney.

Nice choice, Oleg. Seriously - they're really good.

And nice counterpoint - but my point earlier - re: This thread fucking sucks - is basically because it would be wonderful if we could use this thread to talk about the biggest goddamn tournament in the world instead of defending something we enjoy from a bunch of small-minded, ridge-running retards.

You hate soccer - awesome. Here's something awesome - no cares about you not caring.