2010 WORLD CUP - SOCCER IS GHEY.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

So, I tried to watch some of this grass fairy nonsense when AMERICUUUHH was on against the Blue Bloods.  How in the hell can the entire world be so wrong about a sport?  Talk about some of the most boring sports action I've watched in a long damn time, and I'm regular baseball watcher.  This shit is just terrible.

Face it: baseball is boring as fuck, too, if you've never watched it before.

Baseball and soccer are both pastoral relics that managed to survive into the 21st century, for whatever reasons, in different places.

I'd imagine if we grew up in a soccer culture, every long volley across the midfield is probably packed with all sorts of drama that those of us without much exposure to the sport can't even begin to see.

At least as much tension as is found between the pitches in the eighth inning of a 0-0 playoff game.

The untrained eye might wonder why you're on the edge of your seat watching, say, one guy scrape mud out of his cleats while eight other guys stand in a field with their arms at their sides and another guy standing on a canvas bag scratches his balls... meanwhile, 40,000 people in the stands are on their feet screaming and... oh, wait, the batter just asked for time...

But it's meaningful to you because you've watched baseball for years and are anticipating that breakthrough moment. You notice that the outfield shift has opened up a yawning gap in left center. The last pitch was a fastball inside. What are we looking at next... breaking pitch low and away? You watch Theriot take a 2-Theriots-length lead and pray that that little dipshit doesn't decide to get caught stealing second...

Any given pitch has the potential to turn the game on its head. But, usually, it doesn't do anything of the sort. It misses the strike zone. It gets harmlessly fouled off. So we reset and move closer to the edges of our seats as we anticipate the next lob to the plate.Meanwhile, the right fielder flexes his glove and scratches his ass while the pitcher fondles his rosin bag on the mound.

The excitement comes from what you bring to it.

I, like you, don't really understand soccer. I have little history with it beyond the soccer I played in elementary school. And I can't say I really see myself getting all that into it when all is said and done. But I'm gonna continue to give the game a shot while it's on my TV. I'm interested in understanding. And that probably takes more than watching a single game.

Honestly, at this point I find trying to figure out the practical difference between a 4-4-2 and a 4-2-3-1—or to understand why the 4-2-2-2 is SHEER FUCKING LUNACY—preferable to doing the twisted math required to figure out why Chad Fucking Tracy is batting cleanup again today.

(Is that still happening, by the way?)

[SKO]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

I'm sorry. How dare the angry neophyte dismiss all of the finer points of THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. The grace! The majesty! The unity! The 0-0 Draws!

Honestly, Powen. I ask this without sarcasm. Regard me with your most condescending attitude possible as the stereotypical ignorant American sports fan and tell me one thing:

What am I supposed to find exciting about this sport? What am I supposed to be watching for as they pass the ball back and forth and rarely even take a shot on the goal? What is supposed to be exciting in that time period? If it's really just the athleticism and the beautiful passing, I just don't get it. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Please, explain to me, without using anything like the phrase "you just don't "get" it," what it is that's so exciting about this?

Hey, look.  Some running back just ran into a bunch of big men and was down after gaining a yard.  What's so exciting about that?  Oh, but you'll say the game as a whole is what's exciting, and to judge a game by single play is just dumb, right?  Of course, you're right.

When you see a football play get executed just like the coach drew it up; and you can see the defense getting blocked; and the running makes an awesome cut and breaks one for 35 yards...God damn, that makes all those 1-yard plays worth it, doesn't it?

No one needs to explain why any sport you don't like is exciting.  You seem to have a prejudice against it, and that's fine.  Frankly, it's your loss.  Hell, it's probably my loss that I think the forward motion of the CFL is the dumbest fucking thing in the history of sports, but, whatever.

You can either choose to watch; or don't choose to watch.  At the base level, I find the competition incredibly compelling.  I mean, the whole world is watching.  The whole fucking world.  This is serious shit.  I, obviously, don't understand the finer nuances of the game.  I still get weirded out by the spacing of the players on TV (the game is way cooler live, much like hockey, in that you see the space that the players have to work with much more clearly).

Netherlands won this morning.  I'm happy for those potheads.  As a life-long Netherlands fan, I think I'll be rooting for them this tourney.

Nice choice, Oleg. Seriously - they're really good.

And nice counterpoint - but my point earlier - re: This thread fucking sucks - is basically because it would be wonderful if we could use this thread to talk about the biggest goddamn tournament in the world instead of defending something we enjoy from a bunch of small-minded, ridge-running retards.

You hate soccer - awesome. Here's something awesome - no cares about you not caring.

I'm sorry. Honestly, I dont' like the game of soccer and wrote a fairly tongue in cheek analysis of a game I watched. I resent the stereotypical implication that I'm small-minded for not liking soccer. I think it's boring, you think I'm impatient, whatever. I think it's fair game to talk about how I hate soccer when people around me are discussing it, the same way I think it's necessary to point out that I hate the Chicago Cubs organization when people around me are discussing them. Or Fork reminding us that McStiff eats Ass whenever Fred McGriff is even tangentially mentioned. This is a messageboard. One where we frequently make it a point to attack and destroy each other for miniscule shit while remaining a close group of bros who would love to ice each other and exchange shirtless hugs while swarming to attack Al Yellon. I'm sorry to have invaded the sanctity of your futbol thread. I though it would be good for a laugh. Much love, brah.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

I'm sorry. How dare the angry neophyte dismiss all of the finer points of THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. The grace! The majesty! The unity! The 0-0 Draws!

Honestly, Powen. I ask this without sarcasm. Regard me with your most condescending attitude possible as the stereotypical ignorant American sports fan and tell me one thing:

What am I supposed to find exciting about this sport? What am I supposed to be watching for as they pass the ball back and forth and rarely even take a shot on the goal? What is supposed to be exciting in that time period? If it's really just the athleticism and the beautiful passing, I just don't get it. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Please, explain to me, without using anything like the phrase "you just don't "get" it," what it is that's so exciting about this?

Hey, look.  Some running back just ran into a bunch of big men and was down after gaining a yard.  What's so exciting about that?  Oh, but you'll say the game as a whole is what's exciting, and to judge a game by single play is just dumb, right?  Of course, you're right.

When you see a football play get executed just like the coach drew it up; and you can see the defense getting blocked; and the running makes an awesome cut and breaks one for 35 yards...God damn, that makes all those 1-yard plays worth it, doesn't it?

No one needs to explain why any sport you don't like is exciting.  You seem to have a prejudice against it, and that's fine.  Frankly, it's your loss.  Hell, it's probably my loss that I think the forward motion of the CFL is the dumbest fucking thing in the history of sports, but, whatever.

You can either choose to watch; or don't choose to watch.  At the base level, I find the competition incredibly compelling.  I mean, the whole world is watching.  The whole fucking world.  This is serious shit.  I, obviously, don't understand the finer nuances of the game.  I still get weirded out by the spacing of the players on TV (the game is way cooler live, much like hockey, in that you see the space that the players have to work with much more clearly).

Netherlands won this morning.  I'm happy for those potheads.  As a life-long Netherlands fan, I think I'll be rooting for them this tourney.

Nice choice, Oleg. Seriously - they're really good.

And nice counterpoint - but my point earlier - re: This thread fucking sucks - is basically because it would be wonderful if we could use this thread to talk about the biggest goddamn tournament in the world instead of defending something we enjoy from a bunch of small-minded, ridge-running retards.

You hate soccer - awesome. Here's something awesome - no cares about you not caring.

I'm sorry. Honestly, I dont' like the game of soccer and wrote a fairly tongue in cheek analysis of a game I watched. I resent the stereotypical implication that I'm small-minded for not liking soccer. I think it's boring, you think I'm impatient, whatever. I think it's fair game to talk about how I hate soccer when people around me are discussing it, the same way I think it's necessary to point out that I hate the Chicago Cubs organization when people around me are discussing them. Or Fork reminding us that McStiff eats Ass whenever Fred McGriff is even tangentially mentioned. This is a messageboard. One where we frequently make it a point to attack and destroy each other for miniscule shit while remaining a close group of bros who would love to ice each other and exchange shirtless hugs while swarming to attack Al Yellon. I'm sorry to have invaded the sanctity of your futbol thread. I though it would be good for a laugh. Much love, brah.

Touch-y.

[BH]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

I'm sorry. How dare the angry neophyte dismiss all of the finer points of THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. The grace! The majesty! The unity! The 0-0 Draws!

Honestly, Powen. I ask this without sarcasm. Regard me with your most condescending attitude possible as the stereotypical ignorant American sports fan and tell me one thing:

What am I supposed to find exciting about this sport? What am I supposed to be watching for as they pass the ball back and forth and rarely even take a shot on the goal? What is supposed to be exciting in that time period? If it's really just the athleticism and the beautiful passing, I just don't get it. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Please, explain to me, without using anything like the phrase "you just don't "get" it," what it is that's so exciting about this?

Hey, look.  Some running back just ran into a bunch of big men and was down after gaining a yard.  What's so exciting about that?  Oh, but you'll say the game as a whole is what's exciting, and to judge a game by single play is just dumb, right?  Of course, you're right.

When you see a football play get executed just like the coach drew it up; and you can see the defense getting blocked; and the running makes an awesome cut and breaks one for 35 yards...God damn, that makes all those 1-yard plays worth it, doesn't it?

No one needs to explain why any sport you don't like is exciting.  You seem to have a prejudice against it, and that's fine.  Frankly, it's your loss.  Hell, it's probably my loss that I think the forward motion of the CFL is the dumbest fucking thing in the history of sports, but, whatever.

You can either choose to watch; or don't choose to watch.  At the base level, I find the competition incredibly compelling.  I mean, the whole world is watching.  The whole fucking world.  This is serious shit.  I, obviously, don't understand the finer nuances of the game.  I still get weirded out by the spacing of the players on TV (the game is way cooler live, much like hockey, in that you see the space that the players have to work with much more clearly).

Netherlands won this morning.  I'm happy for those potheads.  As a life-long Netherlands fan, I think I'll be rooting for them this tourney.

Nice choice, Oleg. Seriously - they're really good.

And nice counterpoint - but my point earlier - re: This thread fucking sucks - is basically because it would be wonderful if we could use this thread to talk about the biggest goddamn tournament in the world instead of defending something we enjoy from a bunch of small-minded, ridge-running retards.

You hate soccer - awesome. Here's something awesome - no cares about you not caring.

I'm sorry. Honestly, I dont' like the game of soccer and wrote a fairly tongue in cheek analysis of a game I watched. I resent the stereotypical implication that I'm small-minded for not liking soccer. I think it's boring, you think I'm impatient, whatever. I think it's fair game to talk about how I hate soccer when people around me are discussing it, the same way I think it's necessary to point out that I hate the Chicago Cubs organization when people around me are discussing them. Or Fork reminding us that McStiff eats Ass whenever Fred McGriff is even tangentially mentioned. This is a messageboard. One where we frequently make it a point to attack and destroy each other for miniscule shit while remaining a close group of bros who would love to ice each other and exchange shirtless hugs while swarming to attack Al Yellon. I'm sorry to have invaded the sanctity of your futbol thread. I though it would be good for a laugh. Much love, brah.

Way to back track. I don't believe you.

[Quality Start Machine]

Soccer sucks Brent Sopel's massive dong.

[SKO]

Thanks for the input, Pablo.

I'm sorry. How dare the angry neophyte dismiss all of the finer points of THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. The grace! The majesty! The unity! The 0-0 Draws!

Honestly, Powen. I ask this without sarcasm. Regard me with your most condescending attitude possible as the stereotypical ignorant American sports fan and tell me one thing:

What am I supposed to find exciting about this sport? What am I supposed to be watching for as they pass the ball back and forth and rarely even take a shot on the goal? What is supposed to be exciting in that time period? If it's really just the athleticism and the beautiful passing, I just don't get it. Maybe there's something I'm missing. Please, explain to me, without using anything like the phrase "you just don't "get" it," what it is that's so exciting about this?

Hey, look.  Some running back just ran into a bunch of big men and was down after gaining a yard.  What's so exciting about that?  Oh, but you'll say the game as a whole is what's exciting, and to judge a game by single play is just dumb, right?  Of course, you're right.

When you see a football play get executed just like the coach drew it up; and you can see the defense getting blocked; and the running makes an awesome cut and breaks one for 35 yards...God damn, that makes all those 1-yard plays worth it, doesn't it?

No one needs to explain why any sport you don't like is exciting.  You seem to have a prejudice against it, and that's fine.  Frankly, it's your loss.  Hell, it's probably my loss that I think the forward motion of the CFL is the dumbest fucking thing in the history of sports, but, whatever.

You can either choose to watch; or don't choose to watch.  At the base level, I find the competition incredibly compelling.  I mean, the whole world is watching.  The whole fucking world.  This is serious shit.  I, obviously, don't understand the finer nuances of the game.  I still get weirded out by the spacing of the players on TV (the game is way cooler live, much like hockey, in that you see the space that the players have to work with much more clearly).

Netherlands won this morning.  I'm happy for those potheads.  As a life-long Netherlands fan, I think I'll be rooting for them this tourney.

Nice choice, Oleg. Seriously - they're really good.

And nice counterpoint - but my point earlier - re: This thread fucking sucks - is basically because it would be wonderful if we could use this thread to talk about the biggest goddamn tournament in the world instead of defending something we enjoy from a bunch of small-minded, ridge-running retards.

You hate soccer - awesome. Here's something awesome - no cares about you not caring.

I'm sorry. Honestly, I dont' like the game of soccer and wrote a fairly tongue in cheek analysis of a game I watched. I resent the stereotypical implication that I'm small-minded for not liking soccer. I think it's boring, you think I'm impatient, whatever. I think it's fair game to talk about how I hate soccer when people around me are discussing it, the same way I think it's necessary to point out that I hate the Chicago Cubs organization when people around me are discussing them. Or Fork reminding us that McStiff eats Ass whenever Fred McGriff is even tangentially mentioned. This is a messageboard. One where we frequently make it a point to attack and destroy each other for miniscule shit while remaining a close group of bros who would love to ice each other and exchange shirtless hugs while swarming to attack Al Yellon. I'm sorry to have invaded the sanctity of your futbol thread. I though it would be good for a laugh. Much love, brah.

Way to back track. I don't believe you.

I'm not back tracking on anything. I hate soccer. I think it's gay. But I respect Powen imitating his Grandfather's love of it because that's the exact reason why I'm plagued with being a Cub fan, despite not actually lacking the game of baseball all that much. And frankly, I'm really hurt that I've apparently angered that dreamy bastard Slaky. I still love you people though. Other than Penfoe. Fuck Penfoe.

[Gilgamesh]

Maybe there wouldn't be so much soccer rage if THE MEDIA STOPPED RAMMING THE WORLD CUP DOWN OUR THROATS, FORCING US TO WATCH IT.

/green font.

[Powdered Toast Man]

So, I tried to watch some of this grass fairy nonsense when AMERICUUUHH was on against the Blue Bloods.  How in the hell can the entire world be so wrong about a sport?  Talk about some of the most boring sports action I've watched in a long damn time, and I'm regular baseball watcher.  This shit is just terrible.

Face it: baseball is boring as fuck, too, if you've never watched it before.

Baseball and soccer are both pastoral relics that managed to survive into the 21st century, for whatever reasons, in different places.

I'd imagine if we grew up in a soccer culture, every long volley across the midfield is probably packed with all sorts of drama that those of us without much exposure to the sport can't even begin to see.

At least as much tension as is found between the pitches in the eighth inning of a 0-0 playoff game.

The untrained eye might wonder why you're on the edge of your seat watching, say, one guy scrape mud out of his cleats while eight other guys stand in a field with their arms at their sides and another guy standing on a canvas bag scratches his balls... meanwhile, 40,000 people in the stands are on their feet screaming and... oh, wait, the batter just asked for time...

But it's meaningful to you because you've watched baseball for years and are anticipating that breakthrough moment. You notice that the outfield shift has opened up a yawning gap in left center. The last pitch was a fastball inside. What are we looking at next... breaking pitch low and away? You watch Theriot take a 2-Theriots-length lead and pray that that little dipshit doesn't decide to get caught stealing second...

Any given pitch has the potential to turn the game on its head. But, usually, it doesn't do anything of the sort. It misses the strike zone. It gets harmlessly fouled off. So we reset and move closer to the edges of our seats as we anticipate the next lob to the plate.Meanwhile, the right fielder flexes his glove and scratches his ass while the pitcher fondles his rosin bag on the mound.

The excitement comes from what you bring to it.

I, like you, don't really understand soccer. I have little history with it beyond the soccer I played in elementary school. And I can't say I really see myself getting all that into it when all is said and done. But I'm gonna continue to give the game a shot while it's on my TV. I'm interested in understanding. And that probably takes more than watching a single game.

Honestly, at this point I find trying to figure out the practical difference between a 4-4-2 and a 4-2-3-1—or to understand why the 4-2-2-2 is SHEER FUCKING LUNACY—preferable to doing the twisted math required to figure out why Chad Fucking Tracy is batting cleanup again today.

(Is that still happening, by the way?)

I don't remember saying that baseball was all that not boring.  In fact, it's very boring, on an everyday basis (outside of playoff baseball), to the casual fan (Mrs. IAN).  I'm not even going to rebut your comment because I agree.

But, let's also face this:  soccer is just dumb.  The ball went this way, oh wait...now it went this way...oh, wait, some dumbfuck kicked it out of bounds and now they can touch it with their hands?  What the hell?  The game is boring.  It's really, really boring.  And the entire world is wrong about it being awesome.

[Yeti]

Yea, I feel pretty bad for fucking up this thread for the soccer hooligans. Discuss and have fun. I'll try to catch the 'mericans when I can. Go USA. Beat those limey Slovenians.

[Slaky]

I'm not back tracking on anything. I hate soccer. I think it's gay. But I respect Powen imitating his Grandfather's love of it because that's the exact reason why I'm plagued with being a Cub fan, despite not actually lacking the game of baseball all that much. And frankly, I'm really hurt that I've apparently angered that dreamy bastard Slaky. I still love you people though. Other than Penfoe. Fuck Penfoe.

Not in the least - just making "a point to attack and destroy each other for miniscule shit while remaining a close group of bros who would love to ice each other and exchange shirtless hugs while swarming to attack Al Yellon."

[morpheus]

I'm not back tracking on anything. I hate soccer. I think it's gay. But I respect Powen imitating his Grandfather's love of it because that's the exact reason why I'm plagued with being a Cub fan, despite not actually lacking the game of baseball all that much. And frankly, I'm really hurt that I've apparently angered that dreamy bastard Slaky. I still love you people though. Other than Penfoe. Fuck Penfoe.

Not in the least - just making "a point to attack and destroy each other for miniscule shit while remaining a close group of bros who would love to ice each other and exchange shirtless hugs while swarming to attack Al Yellon."

Got a special icing for you, Slak.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0whpt6Q0tmg

[R-V]

So, I tried to watch some of this grass fairy nonsense when AMERICUUUHH was on against the Blue Bloods.  How in the hell can the entire world be so wrong about a sport?  Talk about some of the most boring sports action I've watched in a long damn time, and I'm regular baseball watcher.  This shit is just terrible.

Face it: baseball is boring as fuck, too, if you've never watched it before.

Baseball and soccer are both pastoral relics that managed to survive into the 21st century, for whatever reasons, in different places.

I'd imagine if we grew up in a soccer culture, every long volley across the midfield is probably packed with all sorts of drama that those of us without much exposure to the sport can't even begin to see.

At least as much tension as is found between the pitches in the eighth inning of a 0-0 playoff game.

The untrained eye might wonder why you're on the edge of your seat watching, say, one guy scrape mud out of his cleats while eight other guys stand in a field with their arms at their sides and another guy standing on a canvas bag scratches his balls... meanwhile, 40,000 people in the stands are on their feet screaming and... oh, wait, the batter just asked for time...

But it's meaningful to you because you've watched baseball for years and are anticipating that breakthrough moment. You notice that the outfield shift has opened up a yawning gap in left center. The last pitch was a fastball inside. What are we looking at next... breaking pitch low and away? You watch Theriot take a 2-Theriots-length lead and pray that that little dipshit doesn't decide to get caught stealing second...

Any given pitch has the potential to turn the game on its head. But, usually, it doesn't do anything of the sort. It misses the strike zone. It gets harmlessly fouled off. So we reset and move closer to the edges of our seats as we anticipate the next lob to the plate.Meanwhile, the right fielder flexes his glove and scratches his ass while the pitcher fondles his rosin bag on the mound.

The excitement comes from what you bring to it.

I, like you, don't really understand soccer. I have little history with it beyond the soccer I played in elementary school. And I can't say I really see myself getting all that into it when all is said and done. But I'm gonna continue to give the game a shot while it's on my TV. I'm interested in understanding. And that probably takes more than watching a single game.

Honestly, at this point I find trying to figure out the practical difference between a 4-4-2 and a 4-2-3-1—or to understand why the 4-2-2-2 is SHEER FUCKING LUNACY—preferable to doing the twisted math required to figure out why Chad Fucking Tracy is batting cleanup again today.

(Is that still happening, by the way?)

THESE. But also this:

http://www.theonion.com/video/soccer-officially-announces-it-is-gay,17603/

[Richard Chuggar]

Soccer sucks

[Kermit IV]

That 1-0 Cubs-Sox game last night was SO BORING!  How can you stupid Americans think a game in which only 1 goal/point/run is scored is exciting???

[SKO]

That 1-0 Cubs-Sox game last night was SO BORING!  How can you stupid Americans think a game in which only 1 goal/point/run is scored is exciting???

The Cubs are boring. Thanks for saying what needed to be said.