Potential Death Alert: Lost at Sea

[Wheezer]

The lines from all the quote boxes are aesthetically pleasing for me.

[Quality Start Machine]

She looks kinda cute. Think she'd like someone to mend her lost heart?

Like, how old are you?  Ohmagawd.

Fuck. Someone Ratto this thread

Can we sticky or pin or whatever this so it stays on top?

We'll have to keep bumping it until Andy does.

Bump'd for Kurt's newest pedophilic friend, Yeti.

[Wheezer]

Is the Slogger's domain going to get renewed?

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Is the Slogger's domain going to get renewed?

http://hje.me/sbox/log.php

[ChuckD]

Is the Slogger's domain going to get renewed?

http://hje.me/sbox/log.php

I let the NSFW version of the domain lapse. It was starting to get creepy with people trying to sell me handjobmarket.com and handjobsrus.net and what you will. Also there was some legal action threatened by a sweet terminally ill lady, but that's for another day.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Is the Slogger's domain going to get renewed?

http://hje.me/sbox/log.php

I let the NSFW version of the domain lapse. It was starting to get creepy with people trying to sell me handjobmarket.com and handjobsrus.net and what you will. Also there was some legal action threatened by a sweet terminally ill lady, but that's for another day.

Could that other day be tomorrow? Or even today?

[ChuckD]

Is the Slogger's domain going to get renewed?

http://hje.me/sbox/log.php

I let the NSFW version of the domain lapse. It was starting to get creepy with people trying to sell me handjobmarket.com and handjobsrus.net and what you will. Also there was some legal action threatened by a sweet terminally ill lady, but that's for another day.

Could that other day be tomorrow? Or even today?

There's a Google Voice recording of a voicemail. If I can figure out how to bleep her name out, I'll write it up.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Is the Slogger's domain going to get renewed?

http://hje.me/sbox/log.php

I let the NSFW version of the domain lapse. It was starting to get creepy with people trying to sell me handjobmarket.com and handjobsrus.net and what you will. Also there was some legal action threatened by a sweet terminally ill lady, but that's for another day.

Could that other day be tomorrow? Or even today?

There's a Google Voice recording of a voicemail. If I can figure out how to bleep her name out, I'll write it up.

Every time I open my FTP client I wonder if I'll someday be forced to explain this to someone...

[Wheezer]

Is the Slogger's domain going to get renewed?

http://hje.me/sbox/log.php

I let the NSFW version of the domain lapse. It was starting to get creepy with people trying to sell me handjobmarket.com and handjobsrus.net and what you will. Also there was some legal action threatened by a sweet terminally ill lady, but that's for another day.

Could that other day be tomorrow? Or even today?

There's a Google Voice recording of a voicemail. If I can figure out how to bleep her name out, I'll write it up.

OK, bookmark changed, thanks.

As for the other matter, there's no illegality that I'm aware of in leaving the name in for a voluntarily submitted recording. If you're just being polite, use Audacity or something.

[ChuckD]

Alright. So, this was a few years back. I've been meaning to share it, but never got around to it. This occurred some time in 2010. After I had set up the slogger, but prior to when I picked up the hje.me domain. The slogger was still only accessible through handjobexchange.com.

I was at work one afternoon, and saw a call come in on my cell from a number I didn't recognize. I just let it go to voicemail and didn't even bother listening to it. However, I had recently set up Google Voice (which is pretty great, btw). It conveniently emails you whenever you receive a voicemail and provides a transcript along with an embedded copy of the message to play back.

So, I saw this email with a copy of a voicemail and an automated transcript pop up in my inbox:

http://www.hje.me/voicemail.wav

Mr. ChuckD, this is Margery Featherbottom (not her real name). I think you may need to call me back. Or I can have my attorney get in touch with you. And I think you may know why I'm calling. {{Margery's phone number}}. Thank you.

Well, that can't be good, but I figured I'd call her back once I was off work. Misunderstanding.

My wife actually texted me a short bit later and asked me to give her a call back asap. I can't recall specifics but the gist was "It has to do with your website."

My interest was, at this point, at full mast.

Bear in mind, at this point, I had a handful of websites/domains. One of which being used for our wedding to display engagement photos, provide directions to the venue, etc. The wedding was a few months away, so that was my first thought -- some problem with the wedding site. However, with the cryptic voicemail I wasn't 100% sure. I texted her back to ask. It didn't take her long to respond:

"hje"

I should mention that my wife was aware that I had a website that had something to do with my internet baseball friends and had seen the JO Buds with a Twist CL ad and I'd spent a solid 3.5 minutes explaining "'hje' is an acronym for 'hand job exchange.' ... like a circle jerk, honey. ... You see it's funny because we jerk each other around talking about baseball and this guy who I know from the internet, his site also has the acronym "hje," and so it's jerkoff synergy and I obviously need to use it to archive those conversations."

She was as "in on the joke" as a soon-to-be spouse of the proprietor of what any outsider would judge to be a gay sex den could possibly be.

[ChuckD]

Part II.

To recap, there's a lady threatening to lawyer up, and it's got something to do with the Slogger, but I still had four more hours until I was done at work. It was at this point, I was kind of freaking out and wanting to either figure out what was going on or talk to someone. Not an actual lawyer or even a Gil, but just ... someone. The problem is, when someone threatens to sue you because of something that has occurred on the Slogger, you can't just talk to your colleagues at work about it because there are judgmental book cover judgers like fucking Danny who just don't get high brow comedy:

Danny: Wait, you own a site called hand job trader dot com?!?
ChuckD: No, it's hand job exchange dot com.

I went outside and called the missus back. Apparently the lady who left me the voicemail had called her, too. Margery was not enthused that her name had appeared on my site. She didn't go in to details, so I finished up at work while figuratively shitting myself and cursing PenFoe and Yeti and pretty much whoever mentioned "Margery" in the Shoutbox.

Back at home, I got the full story. Now in bullet point for your pleasure:

• Margery Featherbottom was a nurse of 20 some years.
• She had a degenerative disease which was doin' what degenerative diseases do.
• She was let go from her position due to the health problems.
• She sued her old employer for wrongful termination.
• That lawsuit was currently ongoing.
• During the course of this legal action, she (or someone else) happened to Google "Margery Featherbottom."
• While perusing the Google results, they happened upon the fifth result. Because Margery Featherbottom doesn't have a strong web presence nor a common name, that fifth result was a page with the subject line of "The Wrongful Termination of Margery Featherbottom." They clicked on it, only to find it was a page on the handjobexchange.com domain which gibberish text and link spam for V!A6RA and C1AL!$ sites and the like.
• Margery was rightfully concerned that her name being affiliated with handjobexchange.com would give the wrong impression during her wrongful termination case.

So, what the fuck happened?

Long story short, handjobexchange.com was compromised by (if my server's access logs are to be believed) someone in China who inserted a bunch of pages with links to sites in China to (presumably) help boost their own site's search engine ratings. To help fool spam detection by Google/Yahoo, they copied text from assorted "legitimate" websites including one which happened to be a local news story about Margery Featherbottom's wrongful termination case.

I deleted the bogus content, changed passwords, and generally locked down the server. And then, I called Margery.

Margery picked up. She sounded pleasant. She also sounded really ... old. And my story, while completely factual, was entirely outlandish.

I have no idea whether she actually believed me when I tried to offer an explanation:

No, you see, it's actually a baseball discussion page where I store chat logs from some friends ... er, people I know on the internet... internet friends (!) and it's totally non-sexual. It's just kind of an inside joke because "hje" means ... well, it means something ... there was this Craigslist ad about two guys and they want to ... uh, have you ever seen the the movie Twister? Well it's a Craigslist ad but it's funny and not a real ad, but they talk about hand job exchanges ... HJE ... and there's this old Cubs manager ... well, interim manager named Jim Essian and one of my friends ... internet friends ... he has a site that pays homage to him called HIRE JIM ESSIAN ... AITCH JAY EEE, You see, Margery? DO YOU SEE?

Anyway, I tried to explain for a few minutes before realizing that there was no way to bridge the gap. I just apologized profusely and told her I would remove her name from my site (which I had done).

I'm pretty sure she still thinks I put her name up on the site to libel her as a hand job barterer or sell dick pills. Who knows.

[Bort]

I'm just sad you didn't think to ask me to explain the Shoutbox to her.

[Saul Goodman]

Is the Slogger's domain going to get renewed?

http://hje.me/sbox/log.php

I let the NSFW version of the domain lapse. It was starting to get creepy with people trying to sell me handjobmarket.com and handjobsrus.net and what you will. Also there was some legal action threatened by a sweet terminally ill lady, but that's for another day.

Could that other day be tomorrow? Or even today?

There's a Google Voice recording of a voicemail. If I can figure out how to bleep her name out, I'll write it up.

Every time I open my FTP client I wonder if I'll someday be forced to explain this to someone...

Transmit is great.

[Yeti]

I desperately want to know what name it was. MDF?

[Yeti]

I desperately want to know what name it was. MDF?

Tonk's suggesting in the VERY SAME shoutbox that it might not have been a name we were saying...