2010-11 Cubs Offseason: I, For One, Welcome Our New .196-Hitting Overlord

[Slaky]

His eighth most similar hitter through age 32? You guessed it!

Jeromy Burnitz.

Bah.

Number 4 is Gorman Thomas and number 6 is Andre Thornton.  I always liked those two.

Is that Gorman Thomas or Fork, circa 1986?

I wasn't Gorman Thomas. I was Carl Wilson in 1986.

[Internet Apex]

His eighth most similar hitter through age 32? You guessed it!

Jeromy Burnitz.

Bah.

Number 4 is Gorman Thomas and number 6 is Andre Thornton.  I always liked those two.

Is that Gorman Thomas or Fork, circa 1986?

I wasn't Gorman Thomas. I was Carl Wilson in 1986.

[CBStew]

I think that Hendry is building a solid fourth place team.  On the other hand, the bathrooms are going to be top notch!  If I force myself to be interested in the NHL and NBA that will take me to the NFL exhibition season, won't it?

[Oleg]

His eighth most similar hitter through age 32? You guessed it!

Jeromy Burnitz.

Bah.

Number 4 is Gorman Thomas and number 6 is Andre Thornton.  I always liked those two.

Is that Gorman Thomas or Fork, circa 1986?

I wasn't Gorman Thomas. I was Carl Wilson in 1986.

That dude looks like one the Kings of Leon douches.

[Quality Start Machine]

I think that Hendry is building a solid fourth place team. 

We can dream bigger than that.

[SKO]

I think that Hendry is building a solid fourth place team.  On the other hand, the bathrooms are going to be top notch!  If I force myself to be interested in the NHL and NBA that will take me to the NFL exhibition season, won't it?

Sigh.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

I think that Hendry is building a solid fourth place team.  On the other hand, the bathrooms are going to be top notch!  If I force myself to be interested in the NHL and NBA that will take me to the NFL exhibition season, won't it?

Sigh.

Who can turn the world on with his smile?

[Armchair_QB]

So does this mean Hendry won't be able to piss away money on a shitty veteran middle reliever?

[Canadouche]

So does this mean Hendry won't be able to piss away money on a shitty veteran middle reliever?

Hush, you.  Hendry will always be able to piss away money.  Always.

[Yeti]

At least 87 walks each of the previous 4 years.  His slugging last year looks like an anamoly.  Despite a .407 SLG, he still had an OPS+ over 100.  His BABiP was .222 last year!

This deal seems more and more very unlike Hendry.  High reward, not too much risk.

I was ready to kind of hate this, but what the hell.  I positive.

His BABIP was one of the first things I noticed. His career average was .279 so I don't think we can expect a revert back to the norm at .300. Without looking at some of the peripherals that can better explain his BABIP it looks like he was an unlucky hitter next year who is sure to be struck with the luck of the Billy Goat next year and raise his BABIP up to .310 and then he'll have a wOBA of like .375 and then Hendry will sign him to a 5 year deal worth $95.35 million.

And I'm sure that was a run-on sentence but I don't give a fuck to go back and make it better

[Internet Apex]

At least 87 walks each of the previous 4 years.  His slugging last year looks like an anamoly.  Despite a .407 SLG, he still had an OPS+ over 100.  His BABiP was .222 last year!

This deal seems more and more very unlike Hendry.  High reward, not too much risk.

I was ready to kind of hate this, but what the hell.  I positive.

His BABIP was one of the first things I noticed. His career average was .279 so I don't think we can expect a revert back to the norm at .300. Without looking at some of the peripherals that can better explain his BABIP it looks like he was an unlucky hitter next year who is sure to be struck with the luck of the Billy Goat next year and raise his BABIP up to .310 and then he'll have a wOBA of like .375 and then Hendry will sign him to a 5 year deal worth $95.35 million.

And I'm sure that was a run-on sentence but I don't give a fuck to go back and make it better

Fair enough. I won't go back to figure out what the fuck you're babbling about just in case.

[Bort]

At least 87 walks each of the previous 4 years.  His slugging last year looks like an anamoly.  Despite a .407 SLG, he still had an OPS+ over 100.  His BABiP was .222 last year!

This deal seems more and more very unlike Hendry.  High reward, not too much risk.

I was ready to kind of hate this, but what the hell.  I positive.

His BABIP was one of the first things I noticed. His career average was .279 so I don't think we can expect a revert back to the norm at .300. Without looking at some of the peripherals that can better explain his BABIP it looks like he was an unlucky hitter next year who is sure to be struck with the luck of the Billy Goat next year and raise his BABIP up to .310 and then he'll have a wOBA of like .375 and then Hendry will sign him to a 5 year deal worth $95.35 million.

And I'm sure that was a run-on sentence but I don't give a fuck to go back and make it better

Fair enough. I won't go back to figure out what the fuck you're babbling about just in case.

One of the "nexts" should probably read "last."

[CT III]

At least 87 walks each of the previous 4 years.  His slugging last year looks like an anamoly.  Despite a .407 SLG, he still had an OPS+ over 100.  His BABiP was .222 last year!

This deal seems more and more very unlike Hendry.  High reward, not too much risk.

I was ready to kind of hate this, but what the hell.  I positive.

His BABIP was one of the first things I noticed. His career average was .279 so I don't think we can expect a revert back to the norm at .300. Without looking at some of the peripherals that can better explain his BABIP it looks like he was an unlucky hitter next year who is sure to be struck with the luck of the Billy Goat next year and raise his BABIP up to .310 and then he'll have a wOBA of like .375 and then Hendry will sign him to a 5 year deal worth $95.35 million.

And I'm sure that was a run-on sentence but I don't give a fuck to go back and make it better

Fair enough. I won't go back to figure out what the fuck you're babbling about just in case.

One of the "nexts" should probably read "last."

Chicken necks?

[Yeti]

At least 87 walks each of the previous 4 years.  His slugging last year looks like an anamoly.  Despite a .407 SLG, he still had an OPS+ over 100.  His BABiP was .222 last year!

This deal seems more and more very unlike Hendry.  High reward, not too much risk.

I was ready to kind of hate this, but what the hell.  I positive.

His BABIP was one of the first things I noticed. His career average was .279 so I don't think we can expect a revert back to the norm at .300. Without looking at some of the peripherals that can better explain his BABIP it looks like he was an unlucky hitter next year who is sure to be struck with the luck of the Billy Goat next year and raise his BABIP up to .310 and then he'll have a wOBA of like .375 and then Hendry will sign him to a 5 year deal worth $95.35 million.

And I'm sure that was a run-on sentence but I don't give a fuck to go back and make it better

Fair enough. I won't go back to figure out what the fuck you're babbling about just in case.

One of the "nexts" should probably read "last."

Looking back, that is correct.

[Canadouche]

At least 87 walks each of the previous 4 years.  His slugging last year looks like an anamoly.  Despite a .407 SLG, he still had an OPS+ over 100.  His BABiP was .222 last year!

This deal seems more and more very unlike Hendry.  High reward, not too much risk.

I was ready to kind of hate this, but what the hell.  I positive.

His BABIP was one of the first things I noticed. His career average was .279 so I don't think we can expect a revert back to the norm at .300. Without looking at some of the peripherals that can better explain his BABIP it looks like he was an unlucky hitter next year who is sure to be struck with the luck of the Billy Goat next year and raise his BABIP up to .310 and then he'll have a wOBA of like .375 and then Hendry will sign him to a 5 year deal worth $95.35 million.

And I'm sure that was a run-on sentence but I don't give a fuck to go back and make it better

If the Cubs somehow manage to reach the playoffs in 2011, be prepared to hate Pena.  The guy struck out 7 times in 14 at bats in the 2010 ALDS, and has struck out 24 times in 67 career post season at bats. 

Anyway, it's not like Cub fans have a history of brutally hating high-cost players who struggle to bat their weight over the course of a season...