Ryne Sandberg Suicide watch

[Quality Start Machine]

Let's put together $30,000 to have Ryno speak at a Desipio outing.  Stories will be told, tears will be shed, hugs will be shirtless.

That would be $5,000 per word!

Was that a thing when you both were at National City? Banker Chuck Gitles will talk baseball followed by Hall of Famer Ryne Sandberg who will say all the things Chuck got right."

Ryne and I didn't last long together. About a year after he came on board, I bolted for AMCORE Bank. 5 years after that, both Nat City and AMCORE failed. Looks like one thing I got right was not sticking with a company that would pay Ryno to be a spokesman.

Nat City's IL head honcho was a major Cubs fanboy. Got me to have lunch with Ron Santo, tho.  Pretty sure he signed Ryno just to be able to spend time with him.

Is there a more worthless hitter than Eric Karros? In the 5 hole, he hit .362/.400/.536 during July. He hit 2 home runs. He had a grand total of *7* RBI. And he only scored 9 runs. So he doesn't drive in runs, he doesn't score runs, but he has to play every day because he's tearing the cover off the ball. He then kills the Cubs with two brutal bases loaded/less than two out ABs (GIDP, short fly to right). Until he either causes guys to cross the plate or starts crossing the plate himself, I don't want to see this guy in uniform.

That's our Chuck!

Wow.  Brilliant satire!  Except, it wasn't.

I'm trying to figure out who Chuck wanted in the lineup instead of Karros. Hee Sop and his .532 post-concussion OPS? A not-yet-acquired Randall Simon?

If memory serves, Chuck was in the midst of a multi-year toy-throwing, petulant tantrum that the Cubs hadn't acquired Jim Thome.

That is indeed correct:

Not getting Jim Thome for 2003 was a massive mistake. Yes, you would not have had Derrek Lee in 2004 or 2005, but Hee Seop Choi could have been moved for bullpen help. And you wouldn't have had Eric Karros in 2003. Instead you would have had Thome at a home town discount and 47 HR, 131 RBI, .266/.385/.573 in 2003 and 42 HR, 105 RBI, .274/.396/.581 in 2004. You could have lived without Derrek Lee.

JUST LOOK ALL AT THOSE RBIs THE CUBS COULD OF HAD.

And he would have been one run-drivin'-in motherfucker worth an entire half-win over Lee.

[Saul Goodman]

Let's put together $30,000 to have Ryno speak at a Desipio outing.  Stories will be told, tears will be shed, hugs will be shirtless.

That would be $5,000 per word!

Was that a thing when you both were at National City? Banker Chuck Gitles will talk baseball followed by Hall of Famer Ryne Sandberg who will say all the things Chuck got right."

Ryne and I didn't last long together. About a year after he came on board, I bolted for AMCORE Bank. 5 years after that, both Nat City and AMCORE failed. Looks like one thing I got right was not sticking with a company that would pay Ryno to be a spokesman.

Nat City's IL head honcho was a major Cubs fanboy. Got me to have lunch with Ron Santo, tho.  Pretty sure he signed Ryno just to be able to spend time with him.

Is there a more worthless hitter than Eric Karros? In the 5 hole, he hit .362/.400/.536 during July. He hit 2 home runs. He had a grand total of *7* RBI. And he only scored 9 runs. So he doesn't drive in runs, he doesn't score runs, but he has to play every day because he's tearing the cover off the ball. He then kills the Cubs with two brutal bases loaded/less than two out ABs (GIDP, short fly to right). Until he either causes guys to cross the plate or starts crossing the plate himself, I don't want to see this guy in uniform.

That's our Chuck!

Wow.  Brilliant satire!  Except, it wasn't.

I'm trying to figure out who Chuck wanted in the lineup instead of Karros. Hee Sop and his .532 post-concussion OPS? A not-yet-acquired Randall Simon?

If memory serves, Chuck was in the midst of a multi-year toy-throwing, petulant tantrum that the Cubs hadn't acquired Jim Thome.

That is indeed correct:

Not getting Jim Thome for 2003 was a massive mistake. Yes, you would not have had Derrek Lee in 2004 or 2005, but Hee Seop Choi could have been moved for bullpen help. And you wouldn't have had Eric Karros in 2003. Instead you would have had Thome at a home town discount and 47 HR, 131 RBI, .266/.385/.573 in 2003 and 42 HR, 105 RBI, .274/.396/.581 in 2004. You could have lived without Derrek Lee.

JUST LOOK ALL AT THOSE RBIs THE CUBS COULD OF HAD.

And he would have been one run-drivin'-in motherfucker worth an entire half-win over Lee.

All four of those guys grow on trees, so Chuck is wrong yet again.

[Saul Goodman]

The Phillies lost to a college team in a fitting start to their 2015 season.

[Slaky]

I was talking to my dad and brother about Sharp yesterday and my dad referenced the corn cob dress. I was so happy.

[cindysandberg]

I was talking to my dad and brother about Sharp yesterday and my dad referenced the corn cob dress. I was so happy.

Hmm, are Canadians just like Latin-Americans? Or are they just like hicks from Washington State? How about French-Canadians?

[Brownie]

Ryne Sandberg is in job hell, stuck in a dead-end job with a lousy team.
He is at war with his players.
He has lost 8 in a row, and had to put Jeff Fucking Francoeur in to pitch yesterday in a 19-3 loss.
While Francoeur is getting shelled, Sandberg and pitching coach Bob McClure can't get anyone else up in the bullpen because the bullpen coach just left the phone off the hook.
Francoeur wound up throwing 43 pitches, and Chase Utley was seen giving Bob McLure a piece of his mind at a meeting on the mound.
Sandberg is rumored to be the next one canned.

But, here's the indignities of indignity: Not only is Sandberg on the verge of being part of Lee Elia's 15 percent, but the Phils are supposedly entertaining the thought of hiring Andy MacPhail so he can fire Ruben Amaro Jr. and Ryne Sandberg.

Other than an obscure Northwest Suburban man named Mike Donohue, is there any other person on the planet that would be more butthurt over having Andy MacPhail hired with the directive to hand you a pink slip (I suppose one could argue that the Donohue letter of resignation would be drafted or maybe is already drafted in the unlikely event his employer hires Andy MacPhail)?

Poor Ryno. At least he can hang out at Wrigley as a team ambassador for the rest of the season, only to see the Cubs win Game 7 of the World Series, a game Joe Maddon will get kicked out of early only to turn the reigns over to one Dave Martinez.

[Saul Goodman]

Ryne Sandberg is in job hell, stuck in a dead-end job with a lousy team.
He is at war with his players.
He has lost 8 in a row, and had to put Jeff Fucking Francoeur in to pitch yesterday in a 19-3 loss.
While Francoeur is getting shelled, Sandberg and pitching coach Bob McClure can't get anyone else up in the bullpen because the bullpen coach just left the phone off the hook.
Francoeur wound up throwing 43 pitches, and Chase Utley was seen giving Bob McLure a piece of his mind at a meeting on the mound.
Sandberg is rumored to be the next one canned.

But, here's the indignities of indignity: Not only is Sandberg on the verge of being part of Lee Elia's 15 percent, but the Phils are supposedly entertaining the thought of hiring Andy MacPhail so he can fire Ruben Amaro Jr. and Ryne Sandberg.

Other than an obscure Northwest Suburban man named Mike Donohue, is there any other person on the planet that would be more butthurt over having Andy MacPhail hired with the directive to hand you a pink slip (I suppose one could argue that the Donohue letter of resignation would be drafted or maybe is already drafted in the unlikely event his employer hires Andy MacPhail)?

Poor Ryno. At least he can hang out at Wrigley as a team ambassador for the rest of the season, only to see the Cubs win Game 7 of the World Series, a game Joe Maddon will get kicked out of early only to turn the reigns over to one Dave Martinez.

Is this where I can preorder your upcoming book Corn Cobs and Lost Jobs: The Sandberg Chronicles?

Maybe Sandberg can reprise his role as the throw-in when the Cubs make the Hamels/Pap trade and let him go be the roving GRIT instructor for Eugene or something.

[Brownie]

He would rather fall on his sword than let Andy MacPhail axe him. Or he's butthurt over Chase Utley being put on the DL without anyone telling him. Or he can't believe he has to watch all this shitty baseball. Or he just wants to clear more time to catch more Cubs games.

Whatever, the Watch is possibly over. His managerial itch is gone, right?

[InternetApex]

He would rather fall on his sword than let Andy MacPhail axe him. Or he's butthurt over Chase Utley being put on the DL without anyone telling him. Or he can't believe he has to watch all this shitty baseball. Or he just wants to clear more time to catch more Cubs games.

Whatever, the Watch is possibly over. His managerial itch is gone, right?

I was mad at Cubs fans who wanted Ryno to manage the Cubs for so long I forgot how much I love this fucking dude. Hope he finds something productive to do with his time like coach infield for some team that treats him well and appreciates his services.

[Brownie]

He would rather fall on his sword than let Andy MacPhail axe him. Or he's butthurt over Chase Utley being put on the DL without anyone telling him. Or he can't believe he has to watch all this shitty baseball. Or he just wants to clear more time to catch more Cubs games.

Whatever, the Watch is possibly over. His managerial itch is gone, right?

I was mad at Cubs fans who wanted Ryno to manage the Cubs for so long I forgot how much I love this fucking dude. Hope he finds something productive to do with his time like coach infield for some team that treats him well and appreciates his services.

Sandberg is in my top 5 Cubs of all time, and my second favorite current Cub player:

1978-1984: Bill Buckner
1984-1994: Ryne Sandberg
1994-1995: Shawon Dunston
1996-1997: Sandberg
1998-2008: Kerry Wood
2009-2011: Aramis Ramirez
2012-present: Anthony Rizzo

His obsession with managing made no sense, however. My hope is like Ted Williams, three seasons of managing a mediocre to pungent team with a shitty front office was enough to convince him to return to his original franchise and enjoy life as a Hall of Fame player. Hell, he's not much of a talker but if he declares his desire to entertain Mark Grote and Pat Hughes in the booth, I am sure there's a Country Companies Insurance agency in Plainfield that would employ Coomer.

[InternetApex]

He would rather fall on his sword than let Andy MacPhail axe him. Or he's butthurt over Chase Utley being put on the DL without anyone telling him. Or he can't believe he has to watch all this shitty baseball. Or he just wants to clear more time to catch more Cubs games.

Whatever, the Watch is possibly over. His managerial itch is gone, right?

I was mad at Cubs fans who wanted Ryno to manage the Cubs for so long I forgot how much I love this fucking dude. Hope he finds something productive to do with his time like coach infield for some team that treats him well and appreciates his services.

Sandberg is in my top 5 Cubs of all time, and my second favorite current Cub player:

1978-1984: Bill Buckner
1984-1994: Ryne Sandberg
1994-1995: Shawon Dunston
1996-1997: Sandberg
1998-2008: Kerry Wood
2009-2011: Aramis Ramirez
2012-present: Anthony Rizzo

His obsession with managing made no sense, however. My hope is like Ted Williams, three seasons of managing a mediocre to pungent team with a shitty front office was enough to convince him to return to his original franchise and enjoy life as a Hall of Fame player. Hell, he's not much of a talker but if he declares his desire to entertain Mark Grote and Pat Hughes in the booth, I am sure there's a Country Companies Insurance agency in Plainfield that would employ Coomer.

Andrew Peck likes this.

He was never my favorite player, probably because my sister laid claim to him before I was old enough to follow the team and I wanted to pick a different player. But he was always top 3.

1976-198? - Dave Kingman (had a framed poster on my wall opposite Walter Payton)
1983 - Bill Buckner
1984-1986 - Ron Cey/Rick Sutcliffe
1987-1992 - Andre Dawson/Greg Maddux
1993-1995 - None.
1996-2004 - Sammy Sosa/Kerry Wood
2005-2010 - Aramis Ramirez/Carlos Zambrano
2010 - Present - Starlin Castro/Fuck you

[Quality Start Machine]

He would rather fall on his sword than let Andy MacPhail axe him. Or he's butthurt over Chase Utley being put on the DL without anyone telling him. Or he can't believe he has to watch all this shitty baseball. Or he just wants to clear more time to catch more Cubs games.

Whatever, the Watch is possibly over. His managerial itch is gone, right?

I was mad at Cubs fans who wanted Ryno to manage the Cubs for so long I forgot how much I love this fucking dude. Hope he finds something productive to do with his time like coach infield for some team that treats him well and appreciates his services.

Sandberg is in my top 5 Cubs of all time, and my second favorite current Cub player:

1978-1984: Bill Buckner
1984-1994: Ryne Sandberg
1994-1995: Shawon Dunston
1996-1997: Sandberg
1998-2008: Kerry Wood
2009-2011: Aramis Ramirez
2012-present: Anthony Rizzo

His obsession with managing made no sense, however. My hope is like Ted Williams, three seasons of managing a mediocre to pungent team with a shitty front office was enough to convince him to return to his original franchise and enjoy life as a Hall of Fame player. Hell, he's not much of a talker but if he declares his desire to entertain Mark Grote and Pat Hughes in the booth, I am sure there's a Country Companies Insurance agency in Plainfield that would employ Coomer.

Sandberg was different than anyone I'd ever seen in a Cubs uniform to that point, in that he could do things nobody else was capable of doing. There have been guys who could do stuff better, but Sandberg transcended any other second baseman I've seen before or since.

And while we're at it, Joe Morgan can eat me raw. I wish he'd never gotten traded from Houston.

[CT III]

He would rather fall on his sword than let Andy MacPhail axe him. Or he's butthurt over Chase Utley being put on the DL without anyone telling him. Or he can't believe he has to watch all this shitty baseball. Or he just wants to clear more time to catch more Cubs games.

Whatever, the Watch is possibly over. His managerial itch is gone, right?

I was mad at Cubs fans who wanted Ryno to manage the Cubs for so long I forgot how much I love this fucking dude. Hope he finds something productive to do with his time like coach infield for some team that treats him well and appreciates his services.

Sandberg is in my top 5 Cubs of all time, and my second favorite current Cub player:

1978-1984: Bill Buckner
1984-1994: Ryne Sandberg
1994-1995: Shawon Dunston
1996-1997: Sandberg
1998-2008: Kerry Wood
2009-2011: Aramis Ramirez
2012-present: Anthony Rizzo

His obsession with managing made no sense, however. My hope is like Ted Williams, three seasons of managing a mediocre to pungent team with a shitty front office was enough to convince him to return to his original franchise and enjoy life as a Hall of Fame player. Hell, he's not much of a talker but if he declares his desire to entertain Mark Grote and Pat Hughes in the booth, I am sure there's a Country Companies Insurance agency in Plainfield that would employ Coomer.

Andrew Peck likes this.

He was never my favorite player, probably because my sister laid claim to him before I was old enough to follow the team and I wanted to pick a different player. But he was always top 3.

1976-198? - Dave Kingman (had a framed poster on my wall opposite Walter Payton)
1983 - Bill Buckner
1984-1986 - Ron Cey/Rick Sutcliffe
1987-1992 - Andre Dawson/Greg Maddux
1993-1995 - None.
1996-2004 - Sammy Sosa/Kerry Wood
2005-2010 - Aramis Ramirez/Carlos Zambrano
2010 - Present - Starlin Castro/Fuck you

This is funny because it reminds me of how Sandberg came to be my favorite player - like most kids at that time, I loved Bill Buckner, wouldn't shut up about Bill Buckner.  And for some reason that remains lost to this day (although I'm sure my incessant invoking of his name didn't help) my father hated Bill Buckner with a passion he usually reserved for political candidates.  So one day in 1983 when we were throwing the ball around, he stopped me in mid-Buckner daydream and told me in no uncertain terms that Ryne Sandberg was the guy I should emulate.  And since I was 8, I did.

[Chuck to Chuck]

1972-1973: Ron Santo
1974-1976: Bill Madlock
1977-1980: Rick Reuschel
1981-1983: Bill Buckner
1984-1994: Ryne Sandberg
1995: Shawon Dunston
1996-1997: Ryne Sandberg
1998-2002: Sammy Sosa
2003-2004: Mark Prior
2005-2008: Carlos Zambrano
2009: Derrek Lee
2010-2011: Aramis Ramirez
2012-Present: Anthony Rizzo

[Tonker]

1998: Mickey Morandini
1999: Mickey Morandini
2000: Kerry Wood
2001: Kerry Wood
2002: Kerry Wood
2003: Kerry Wood
2004: Kerry Wood
2005: Kerry Wood
2006: Kerry Wood
2007: Kerry Wood
2008: Kerry Wood
2009: Reed Johnson
2010: Ted Lilly
2011: Reed Johnson
2012: Kerry Wood
2013: Donnie Murphy
2014: Tony Ballgame