Coming to America, Part the Third.

[Chuck to Chuck]

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

Dunno if I can get an inventory advance approved for intestines and testicles.

It's not like we took TARP.

Aw, you have the implicit guarantee of the US Government now, Chuck.

We're backed by private equity.  Which means we'd need Romney to win for that to be true.

Then, we'll be liquidated!

[Quality Start Machine]

Despite Fork's insistence, there are no balls in a haggis.  It's made of heart, lungs and liver.

Thanks. Now it sounds absolutely delicious.

[Brownie]

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

Dunno if I can get an inventory advance approved for intestines and testicles.

It's not like we took TARP.

Aw, you have the implicit guarantee of the US Government now, Chuck.

We're backed by private equity.  Which means we'd need Romney to win for that to be true.

Then, we'll be liquidated!

Chuck, we've already seen a snapshot of a typical Haggis Emporium shopper. They're young, they've got families, and most important, they've got appetites. This is a no-brainer. Then again, does Chuck want a more diverse offering?

[Internet Apex]

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

Dunno if I can get an inventory advance approved for intestines and testicles.

It's not like we took TARP.

Despite Fork's insistence, there are no balls in a haggis.  It's made of heart, lungs and liver.

But how do you expect to compete with the other haggis emporiums popping up all over Chicagoland? Tonker's Amazeballs Haggis Emporium: It's the balls, mate.

[Quality Start Machine]

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

Dunno if I can get an inventory advance approved for intestines and testicles.

It's not like we took TARP.

Despite Fork's insistence, there are no balls in a haggis.  It's made of heart, lungs and liver.

But how do you expect to compete with the other haggis emporiums popping up all over Chicagoland? Tonker's Amazeballs Haggis Emporium: It's the balls, mate.

"the only way you get more balls is if Carlos Marmol is pitching!"

[Brownie]

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

Dunno if I can get an inventory advance approved for intestines and testicles.

It's not like we took TARP.

Despite Fork's insistence, there are no balls in a haggis.  It's made of heart, lungs and liver.

But how do you expect to compete with the other haggis emporiums popping up all over Chicagoland? Tonker's Amazeballs Haggis Emporium: It's the balls, mate.

Show me your haggis, Romeo, and you tell me who gets laid more.

[CBStew]

I'm thinking that I'm going to do a Wrigley tour on Thursday 2nd or Friday 3rd August.  Anybody fancy coming with me?

So that's a "no", then, is it?  Fine, screw you guys.

I'd be for it were the Murtons in town, but they'll be locked up... uh... at camp in Michigan that week.

Wait... you're not doing something because you DON'T have the kids?

Chuck is Bizarrodad.

The Eldest Murton has wanted to go for a long time. The schedule of tours has never worked our with when we can go.  Were I to go without him, he'd kill me.  And, frankly, it's probably not a thing to do twice.

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

I would very much be interested in a haggis emporium.

Haggis is the Anglo-Saxon version of kishka.

[Slaky]

I'm thinking that I'm going to do a Wrigley tour on Thursday 2nd or Friday 3rd August.  Anybody fancy coming with me?

So that's a "no", then, is it?  Fine, screw you guys.

I'd be for it were the Murtons in town, but they'll be locked up... uh... at camp in Michigan that week.

Wait... you're not doing something because you DON'T have the kids?

Chuck is Bizarrodad.

The Eldest Murton has wanted to go for a long time. The schedule of tours has never worked our with when we can go.  Were I to go without him, he'd kill me.  And, frankly, it's probably not a thing to do twice.

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

I would very much be interested in a haggis emporium.

Haggis is the Anglo-Saxon version of kishka.

I like that too.

[Tonker]

I'm thinking that I'm going to do a Wrigley tour on Thursday 2nd or Friday 3rd August.  Anybody fancy coming with me?

So that's a "no", then, is it?  Fine, screw you guys.

I'd be for it were the Murtons in town, but they'll be locked up... uh... at camp in Michigan that week.

Wait... you're not doing something because you DON'T have the kids?

Chuck is Bizarrodad.

The Eldest Murton has wanted to go for a long time. The schedule of tours has never worked our with when we can go.  Were I to go without him, he'd kill me.  And, frankly, it's probably not a thing to do twice.

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

I would very much be interested in a haggis emporium.

Haggis is the Anglo-Saxon version of kishka.

Or it would be, if it originated from the Angles or the Saxons.

[Slaky]

I'm thinking that I'm going to do a Wrigley tour on Thursday 2nd or Friday 3rd August.  Anybody fancy coming with me?

So that's a "no", then, is it?  Fine, screw you guys.

I'd be for it were the Murtons in town, but they'll be locked up... uh... at camp in Michigan that week.

Wait... you're not doing something because you DON'T have the kids?

Chuck is Bizarrodad.

The Eldest Murton has wanted to go for a long time. The schedule of tours has never worked our with when we can go.  Were I to go without him, he'd kill me.  And, frankly, it's probably not a thing to do twice.

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

I would very much be interested in a haggis emporium.

Haggis is the Anglo-Saxon version of kishka.

Or it would be, if it originated from the Angles or the Saxons.

Scots are technically neither, yes?

[CBStew]

I'm thinking that I'm going to do a Wrigley tour on Thursday 2nd or Friday 3rd August.  Anybody fancy coming with me?

So that's a "no", then, is it?  Fine, screw you guys.

I'd be for it were the Murtons in town, but they'll be locked up... uh... at camp in Michigan that week.

Wait... you're not doing something because you DON'T have the kids?

Chuck is Bizarrodad.

The Eldest Murton has wanted to go for a long time. The schedule of tours has never worked our with when we can go.  Were I to go without him, he'd kill me.  And, frankly, it's probably not a thing to do twice.

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

I would very much be interested in a haggis emporium.

Haggis is the Anglo-Saxon version of kishka.

Or it would be, if it originated from the Angles or the Saxons.

Scots are technically neither, yes?

Don't ask me.  You guys all look alike to me.

[Tonker]

I'm thinking that I'm going to do a Wrigley tour on Thursday 2nd or Friday 3rd August.  Anybody fancy coming with me?

So that's a "no", then, is it?  Fine, screw you guys.

I'd be for it were the Murtons in town, but they'll be locked up... uh... at camp in Michigan that week.

Wait... you're not doing something because you DON'T have the kids?

Chuck is Bizarrodad.

The Eldest Murton has wanted to go for a long time. The schedule of tours has never worked our with when we can go.  Were I to go without him, he'd kill me.  And, frankly, it's probably not a thing to do twice.

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

I would very much be interested in a haggis emporium.

Haggis is the Anglo-Saxon version of kishka.

Or it would be, if it originated from the Angles or the Saxons.

Scots are technically neither, yes?

Well, the truth is, of course, that these days we're all so mixed up that most Scots have at least a whiff of the Anglo-Saxon about them.  Nonetheless, Scots can distinguish themselves from the English by the fact that we were never invaded by the Angles or the Saxons (or the Romans, for that matter) and as such, remained relatively pure Gaels or Picts (Celts) for a long, long time.

[CT III]

I'm thinking that I'm going to do a Wrigley tour on Thursday 2nd or Friday 3rd August.  Anybody fancy coming with me?

So that's a "no", then, is it?  Fine, screw you guys.

I'd be for it were the Murtons in town, but they'll be locked up... uh... at camp in Michigan that week.

Wait... you're not doing something because you DON'T have the kids?

Chuck is Bizarrodad.

The Eldest Murton has wanted to go for a long time. The schedule of tours has never worked our with when we can go.  Were I to go without him, he'd kill me.  And, frankly, it's probably not a thing to do twice.

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

I would very much be interested in a haggis emporium.

Haggis is the Anglo-Saxon version of kishka.

Or it would be, if it originated from the Angles or the Saxons.

Scots are technically neither, yes?

Well, the truth is, of course, that these days we're all so mixed up that most Scots have at least a whiff of the Anglo-Saxon about them.  Nonetheless, Scots can distinguish themselves from the English by the fact that we were never invaded by the Angles or the Saxons (or the Romans, for that matter) and as such, remained relatively pure Gaels or Picts (Celts) for a long, long time.

And how do they distinguish themselves from the Australians?

[Tonker]

I'm thinking that I'm going to do a Wrigley tour on Thursday 2nd or Friday 3rd August.  Anybody fancy coming with me?

So that's a "no", then, is it?  Fine, screw you guys.

I'd be for it were the Murtons in town, but they'll be locked up... uh... at camp in Michigan that week.

Wait... you're not doing something because you DON'T have the kids?

Chuck is Bizarrodad.

The Eldest Murton has wanted to go for a long time. The schedule of tours has never worked our with when we can go.  Were I to go without him, he'd kill me.  And, frankly, it's probably not a thing to do twice.

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

I would very much be interested in a haggis emporium.

Haggis is the Anglo-Saxon version of kishka.

Or it would be, if it originated from the Angles or the Saxons.

Scots are technically neither, yes?

Well, the truth is, of course, that these days we're all so mixed up that most Scots have at least a whiff of the Anglo-Saxon about them.  Nonetheless, Scots can distinguish themselves from the English by the fact that we were never invaded by the Angles or the Saxons (or the Romans, for that matter) and as such, remained relatively pure Gaels or Picts (Celts) for a long, long time.

And how do they distinguish themselves from the Australians?

By not being fucking criminals.

[Brownie]

I'm thinking that I'm going to do a Wrigley tour on Thursday 2nd or Friday 3rd August.  Anybody fancy coming with me?

So that's a "no", then, is it?  Fine, screw you guys.

I'd be for it were the Murtons in town, but they'll be locked up... uh... at camp in Michigan that week.

Wait... you're not doing something because you DON'T have the kids?

Chuck is Bizarrodad.

The Eldest Murton has wanted to go for a long time. The schedule of tours has never worked our with when we can go.  Were I to go without him, he'd kill me.  And, frankly, it's probably not a thing to do twice.

1) Do it the first time for yourself.
2) Do not tell him you went on one.
3) Do it the second time for your son's benefit.
4) Sell Tonker a commercial loan to open his haggis emporium in Lincoln Square.
5) ???
6) Profit.

Or is that not how it works?

I would very much be interested in a haggis emporium.

Haggis is the Anglo-Saxon version of kishka.

Or it would be, if it originated from the Angles or the Saxons.

Scots are technically neither, yes?

Well, the truth is, of course, that these days we're all so mixed up that most Scots have at least a whiff of the Anglo-Saxon about them.  Nonetheless, Scots can distinguish themselves from the English by the fact that we were never invaded by the Angles or the Saxons (or the Romans, for that matter) and as such, remained relatively pure Gaels or Picts (Celts) for a long, long time.

Isn't "pure" another word for "inbred?"