The 2011 Fernando Perez is my favoritest ballplayer ever thread

[Oleg]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

[Yeti]

Assuming his on-field career is probably never going to be stellar, maybe we can prep him for the booth with Pat Hughes.

And by "we" I literally mean "us." At Shitty's. After the shirtless hugs.

As long as Kerry has a position as well

[Oleg]

Assuming his on-field career is probably never going to be stellar, maybe we can prep him for the booth with Pat Hughes.

And by "we" I literally mean "us." At Shitty's. After the shirtless hugs.

As long as Kerry has a position as well

It is in the contract.

[Bort]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

[Bort]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

PedantHuey is still angry about my stickpoking of his localasshurt, I see.

[Quality Start Machine]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

He can explain it all to you over some Chicago Sliders at a screening of Red Heat.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

PedantHuey is still angry about my stickpoking of his localasshurt, I see.

You don't see very well.

[Bort]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

PedantHuey is still angry about my stickpoking of his localasshurt, I see.

You don't see very well.

I apparently don't. Why don't you explain your comment, as I see it as a failure to be funny through literalism. What do you see it as?

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

PedantHuey is still angry about my stickpoking of his localasshurt, I see.

You don't see very well.

I apparently don't. Why don't you explain your comment, as I see it as a failure to be funny through literalism. What do you see it as?

It was a lame attempt at humor.  It happens.

Not everything can be broken down and looked at through your prism of ashurtedness.  THINK, Jon!

[Bort]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

PedantHuey is still angry about my stickpoking of his localasshurt, I see.

You don't see very well.

I apparently don't. Why don't you explain your comment, as I see it as a failure to be funny through literalism. What do you see it as?

It was a lame attempt at humor.  It happens.

Not everything can be broken down and looked at through your prism of ashurtedness.  THINK, Jon!

I'm intrigued by your theories and would like to hear more about how I'm asshurt.

[Quality Start Machine]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

PedantHuey is still angry about my stickpoking of his localasshurt, I see.

You don't see very well.

I apparently don't. Why don't you explain your comment, as I see it as a failure to be funny through literalism. What do you see it as?

It was a lame attempt at humor.  It happens.

Not everything can be broken down and looked at through your prism of ashurtedness.  THINK, Jon!

I'm intrigued by your theories and would like to hear more about how I'm asshurt.

It's because Huey's too big for anal.

[Bort]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

PedantHuey is still angry about my stickpoking of his localasshurt, I see.

You don't see very well.

I apparently don't. Why don't you explain your comment, as I see it as a failure to be funny through literalism. What do you see it as?

It was a lame attempt at humor.  It happens.

Not everything can be broken down and looked at through your prism of ashurtedness.  THINK, Jon!

I'm intrigued by your theories and would like to hear more about how I'm asshurt.

It's because Huey's too big for anal.

You know good and damn well I would never allow an Irish person to play arond back there.

[Tinker to Evers to Chance]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

PedantHuey is still angry about my stickpoking of his localasshurt, I see.

You don't see very well.

I apparently don't. Why don't you explain your comment, as I see it as a failure to be funny through literalism. What do you see it as?

It was a lame attempt at humor.  It happens.

I understand.  Not everyone can be as funny as Jim Belushi.

[SKO]

I will also help build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez.

By help, you mean "serve as the hood ornament?"

"I will also serve as the hood ornament build the ReedJohnsonHateMobile if that cracker makes the team as the fifth outfielder in front of Perez."?

Jon, that doesn't make any sense.

PedantHuey is still angry about my stickpoking of his localasshurt, I see.

You don't see very well.

I apparently don't. Why don't you explain your comment, as I see it as a failure to be funny through literalism. What do you see it as?

It was a lame attempt at humor.  It happens.

I understand.  Not everyone can be as funny as the Chi's own Jim Belushi.

True local'd.