Totally Unreadable

[Quality Start Machine]

Sam Miller, at BP (paywall, yada, yada), wrote a pretty interesting recap of the game that wasn't much of a recap but a diatribe about luck and how The Pirates were just unlucky all the way around (not necessarily just in the game).

But, for some reason, this paragraph brought me joy:

It's just a rotten way to go. Last year, when so much was made of the Giants' ability to leverage Madison Bumgarner's otherworldliness, by having him throw 33 percent of their postseason innings, like can you even imagine such a thing, 33 percent? But for the Pirates, 100 percent of the postseason was against Jake Arrieta. If you stretched this postseason out on a molecular level so that it lasted forever, there'd always be Jake Arrieta, in the beginning and in the end, the everpresent sun around which the whole Pirates solar system revolved, and it would be an evil sun that burned holes in their umbrellas and vomited sun gas all over their pets.

This is a Tim Leary–level collection of pseudoscientific mixed metaphors.

He was the next Tom Seaver until his arm exploded in Wrigley Field one April.

[Saul Goodman]

I really wish ESPN would quit trying to constantly force their own home run distance calculations and metrics on everybody and just use MLB's like everyone else. Making it worse is MLB's appear to be more accurate yet ESPN insists on ESPN branding on ESPN everything ESPN and actually maybe the whole outfit should just go away forever.

[PenFoe]

I really wish ESPN would quit trying to constantly force their own home run distance calculations and metrics on everybody and just use MLB's like everyone else. Making it worse is MLB's appear to be more accurate yet ESPN insists on ESPN branding on ESPN everything ESPN and actually maybe the whole outfit should just go away forever.

Speaking of ESPN, from my sidebar.

[Saul Goodman]

I really wish ESPN would quit trying to constantly force their own home run distance calculations and metrics on everybody and just use MLB's like everyone else. Making it worse is MLB's appear to be more accurate yet ESPN insists on ESPN branding on ESPN everything ESPN and actually maybe the whole outfit should just go away forever.

Speaking of ESPN, from my sidebar.

The Spelling Bee always overshadows the Word Series, and I think it's a damn shame.

[PenFoe]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

[Eli]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I actually found that to be highly readable.

[Tonker]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I actually found that to be highly readable.

Yeah, me too, although I think Pen was probably having a dig at Arroyo rather than the writer.  He does seem to be a bit of a himbo.  Arroyo, I mean, not Pen.

[SKO]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I actually found that to be highly readable.

Yeah, me too, although I think Pen was probably having a dig at Arroyo rather than the writer.  He does seem to be a bit of a himbo.  Arroyo, I mean, not Pen.

I'm not entirely sure what a himbo is but I would actually say Pen probably is one.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I actually found that to be highly readable.

Yeah, me too, although I think Pen was probably having a dig at Arroyo rather than the writer.  He does seem to be a bit of a himbo.  Arroyo, I mean, not Pen.

I'm not entirely sure what a himbo is but I would actually say Pen probably is one.

Hispanic Bimbo?

[PenFoe]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I actually found that to be highly readable.

Yeah, me too, although I think Pen was probably having a dig at Arroyo rather than the writer.  He does seem to be a bit of a himbo.  Arroyo, I mean, not Pen.

Yes, unfortunately we don't have a thread for "Let's laugh at this fucking guy" so the writer got unfairly indicted here.

[Eli]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I actually found that to be highly readable.

Yeah, me too, although I think Pen was probably having a dig at Arroyo rather than the writer.  He does seem to be a bit of a himbo.  Arroyo, I mean, not Pen.

I imagine so. Which is fine, but other than the constant "bro" stuff, he seems like a fairly thoughtful guy. Then again, maybe I've just been feeling vaguely old lately (yeah, yeah, it's all relative), hence my empathy.

[Tonker]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I actually found that to be highly readable.

Yeah, me too, although I think Pen was probably having a dig at Arroyo rather than the writer.  He does seem to be a bit of a himbo.  Arroyo, I mean, not Pen.

I imagine so. Which is fine, but other than the constant "bro" stuff, he seems like a fairly thoughtful guy. Then again, maybe I've just been feeling vaguely old lately (yeah, yeah, it's all relative), hence my empathy.

I've been struggling with the concept of ageing and death for years, so I totally get what he's talking about - indeed, that's exactly the point.  Arroyo seems to think he's the only one who's figured out a load of stuff that, dare I say it, would probably be taught on day one of any basic philosophy course.  Fucking Kierkegaard, he ain't.

And a himbo is a male bimbo, natch.

[Eli]

Fucking Kierkegaard, he ain't.

And that, as we know, is an awfully low bar to clear.

[PenFoe]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I actually found that to be highly readable.

Yeah, me too, although I think Pen was probably having a dig at Arroyo rather than the writer.  He does seem to be a bit of a himbo.  Arroyo, I mean, not Pen.

I imagine so. Which is fine, but other than the constant "bro" stuff, he seems like a fairly thoughtful guy. Then again, maybe I've just been feeling vaguely old lately (yeah, yeah, it's all relative), hence my empathy.

I've been struggling with the concept of ageing and death for years, so I totally get what he's talking about - indeed, that's exactly the point.  Arroyo seems to think he's the only one who's figured out a load of stuff that, dare I say it, would probably be taught on day one of any basic philosophy course.  Fucking Kierkegaard, he ain't.

And a himbo is a male bimbo, natch.

This was my main hang-up, not that he's thoughtful, but that he somehow cornered the market on it.   

But whatever, I didn't realize Eli loved Bronson Arroyo so much. 

[Tonker]

Bronson Arroyo is just different, bro.

"Like, I was thinking on a totally different level than they were."

http://deadspin.com/the-pitcher-who-couldnt-lose-1736262596?rev=1445530742910&utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I actually found that to be highly readable.

Yeah, me too, although I think Pen was probably having a dig at Arroyo rather than the writer.  He does seem to be a bit of a himbo.  Arroyo, I mean, not Pen.

I imagine so. Which is fine, but other than the constant "bro" stuff, he seems like a fairly thoughtful guy. Then again, maybe I've just been feeling vaguely old lately (yeah, yeah, it's all relative), hence my empathy.

I've been struggling with the concept of ageing and death for years, so I totally get what he's talking about - indeed, that's exactly the point.  Arroyo seems to think he's the only one who's figured out a load of stuff that, dare I say it, would probably be taught on day one of any basic philosophy course.  Fucking Kierkegaard, he ain't.

And a himbo is a male bimbo, natch.

This was my main hang-up, not that he's thoughtful, but that he somehow cornered the market on it.   

But whatever, I didn't realize Eli loved Bronson Arroyo so much. 

He literally won't hear a word said against the dude.  Weird.