Pick Your Poison

[SKO]

Here's a game that will make you laugh (or possibly cry).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/htimsetan/cubs_opening_day_lineups

I got everyone but Luis Salazar in Left Field in 1992 (I know you gotta give Scott a chance at third, but you NEED to keep Salazar's bat in the lineup), Willie Wilson, and Derrick May.

[Brownie]

Here's a game that will make you laugh (or possibly cry).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/htimsetan/cubs_opening_day_lineups

What's sad is I missed only 8 names.

Sadder still, the names are: Maldonado, May, Bullett, Bullinger, Navarro, DeShields, Stynes and Hollandsworth.

[Internet Apex]

Here's a game that will make you laugh (or possibly cry).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/htimsetan/cubs_opening_day_lineups

What's sad is I missed only 8 names.

Sadder still, the names are: Maldonado, May, Bullett, Bullinger, Navarro, DeShields, Stynes and Hollandsworth.

Oof.

[Slaky]

Here's a game that will make you laugh (or possibly cry).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/htimsetan/cubs_opening_day_lineups

What's sad is I missed only 8 names.

Sadder still, the names are: Maldonado, May, Bullett, Bullinger, Navarro, DeShields, Stynes and Hollandsworth.

Oof.

Remember Todd Haney? The original purveyor of Haneymania? I think he hit like .400 in very limited time one year and I wondered why the hell he didn't play more.

The reason was it was 1995 and I was a 15-year-old dipshit that thought Baseball Weekly was the best thing in existence and that Terry Adams was going to turn out to be really good.

[Tonker]

Here's a game that will make you laugh (or possibly cry).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/htimsetan/cubs_opening_day_lineups

What's sad is I missed only 8 names.

Sadder still, the names are: Maldonado, May, Bullett, Bullinger, Navarro, DeShields, Stynes and Hollandsworth.

Oof.

Remember Todd Haney? The original purveyor of Haneymania? I think he hit like .400 in very limited time one year and I wondered why the hell he didn't play more.

The reason was it was 1995 and I was a 15-year-old dipshit that thought Baseball Weekly was the best thing in existence and that Terry Adams was going to turn out to be really good.

And honestly, Slak, was that so bad?

[SKO]

Here's a game that will make you laugh (or possibly cry).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/htimsetan/cubs_opening_day_lineups

What's sad is I missed only 8 names.

Sadder still, the names are: Maldonado, May, Bullett, Bullinger, Navarro, DeShields, Stynes and Hollandsworth.

Oof.

Remember Todd Haney? The original purveyor of Haneymania? I think he hit like .400 in very limited time one year and I wondered why the hell he didn't play more.

The reason was it was 1995 and I was a 15-year-old dipshit that thought Baseball Weekly was the best thing in existence and that Terry Adams was going to turn out to be really good.

And honestly, Slak, was that so bad?

There was a time when I thought Jose Hernandez was going to be the balls. I mean, he looked cool with his sunglasses and intimidating batting stance, and I didn't really know shit. He hit like 23 homers in 1998 and that was like really awesome for a shortstop. I was angry when they traded him in 1999. I was 9 in 1998, though. So that's something.

[Tonker]

Here's a game that will make you laugh (or possibly cry).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/htimsetan/cubs_opening_day_lineups

What's sad is I missed only 8 names.

Sadder still, the names are: Maldonado, May, Bullett, Bullinger, Navarro, DeShields, Stynes and Hollandsworth.

Oof.

Remember Todd Haney? The original purveyor of Haneymania? I think he hit like .400 in very limited time one year and I wondered why the hell he didn't play more.

The reason was it was 1995 and I was a 15-year-old dipshit that thought Baseball Weekly was the best thing in existence and that Terry Adams was going to turn out to be really good.

And honestly, Slak, was that so bad?

There was a time when I thought Jose Hernandez was going to be the balls. I mean, he looked cool with his sunglasses and intimidating batting stance, and I didn't really know shit. He hit like 23 homers in 1998 and that was like really awesome for a shortstop. I was angry when they traded him in 1999. I was 9 in 1998, though. So that's something.

I refer you to the answer I gave the right honourable Slak some moments ago.  Ignorance is bliss.

[Eli]

There was a time when I thought Jose Hernandez was going to be the balls. I mean, he looked cool with his sunglasses and intimidating batting stance, and I didn't really know shit. He hit like 23 homers in 1998 and that was like really awesome for a shortstop. I was angry when they traded him in 1999. I was 9 in 1998, though. So that's something.

There was a time when I thought Matt Murton was going to be awesome.  And I was right.

[Slaky]

Here's a game that will make you laugh (or possibly cry).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/htimsetan/cubs_opening_day_lineups

What's sad is I missed only 8 names.

Sadder still, the names are: Maldonado, May, Bullett, Bullinger, Navarro, DeShields, Stynes and Hollandsworth.

Oof.

Remember Todd Haney? The original purveyor of Haneymania? I think he hit like .400 in very limited time one year and I wondered why the hell he didn't play more.

The reason was it was 1995 and I was a 15-year-old dipshit that thought Baseball Weekly was the best thing in existence and that Terry Adams was going to turn out to be really good.

And honestly, Slak, was that so bad?

There was a time when I thought Jose Hernandez was going to be the balls. I mean, he looked cool with his sunglasses and intimidating batting stance, and I didn't really know shit. He hit like 23 homers in 1998 and that was like really awesome for a shortstop. I was angry when they traded him in 1999. I was 9 in 1998, though. So that's something.

I refer you to the answer I gave the right honourable Slak some moments ago.  Ignorance is bliss.

That long worthless diatribe I wrote at the beginning of the season can be summed up with "ignorance is bliss". I wasn't even that mad that the Cubs were a lock to win no more than 75 games a year. I just loved baseball.

[Tonker]

Here's a game that will make you laugh (or possibly cry).

http://www.sporcle.com/games/htimsetan/cubs_opening_day_lineups

What's sad is I missed only 8 names.

Sadder still, the names are: Maldonado, May, Bullett, Bullinger, Navarro, DeShields, Stynes and Hollandsworth.

Oof.

Remember Todd Haney? The original purveyor of Haneymania? I think he hit like .400 in very limited time one year and I wondered why the hell he didn't play more.

The reason was it was 1995 and I was a 15-year-old dipshit that thought Baseball Weekly was the best thing in existence and that Terry Adams was going to turn out to be really good.

And honestly, Slak, was that so bad?

There was a time when I thought Jose Hernandez was going to be the balls. I mean, he looked cool with his sunglasses and intimidating batting stance, and I didn't really know shit. He hit like 23 homers in 1998 and that was like really awesome for a shortstop. I was angry when they traded him in 1999. I was 9 in 1998, though. So that's something.

I refer you to the answer I gave the right honourable Slak some moments ago.  Ignorance is bliss.

That long worthless diatribe I wrote at the beginning of the season can be summed up with "ignorance is bliss". I wasn't even that mad that the Cubs were a lock to win no more than 75 games a year. I just loved baseball.

That is, indeed, exactly what I was referring to.  God, it was fucking FUN.

[Internet Apex]

I still love baseball and Juan Cruz. I'm still convinced he's going to be great and I'm still asshurt they traded him. My greatest fear is that Dave Duncan and the vaunted Cardinals strength and conditioning masterminds get their hooks in him and create an absolute monster.

[Brownie]

TJ wins the tubes. Between this gem:

"Huey is in a catatonic fit, cursing, blustering, shaking impaling himself with his plastic beer cups, calling his daughter and demanding she root for the Toledo Mud Hens, anyone but the Cubs."

And the series ending with an epic FYC, what more could a reader want?

Yeah, the descriptions of Al, Young Slak, Chuck and Huey are the best. I do wonder why Slak and Huebert were both rooting only for the '06 version. We must never let this thread get ratto'd.

I was also going to put something in about Section 242 being so angry at Kevin Tapani that he was going to send a moving van to his house, but it was lost in there.

I thought Huey was just angry at everything. At Jacque. At Rick Aguilera. At Neifi. At Dusty. At watching not one Cubs team he hated, but two.

As for Slak, it was in 2006 that he coined the term "Aardsma." To this day, I can't watch a game Aardsma gets in without laughing.

The results I got from each game came from running the matchup in once. Very delicious that we get two 3 HR games, a Carlos Zambrano meltdown, a game in which Dusty and Don Baylor both are asleep at the wheel, Rich Hill crapping his pants, Rick Aguilera blowing two saves and threatening to blow another, suckage when Michael Barrett plays, keystone cops whenever Juan Pierre had to field anything, and obviously, heroics from Hank White.

Apex wants a 2000 Bears-2006 Bears matchup. SKO? Meanwhile, maybe the next series I come up with when I'm disgusted at work will be one of the following:

1981 Cubs vs. 1999 Cubs
1969 Cubs vs. 2004 Cubs
1985 Cubs vs. 2005 Cubs
1978 Cubs vs. 2001 Cubs
2010 Cubs vs. 1994 Cubs

Any other suggestions?

[Yeti]

1908 Cubs v. 2008 Cubs

[J. Walter Weatherman]

The results I got from each game came from running the matchup in once.

The whole in?

[Brownie]

1908 Cubs v. 2008 Cubs

I'm thinking the 1938 or 1932 Cubs would be a better matchup with the 2008 squad. Maybe even the 1906 team. Lots of good vibes through the season, then THUD.

The 1984 and 2003 team probably match up well. And then you have the 2007 team which could probably be compared to the 1935 team, as both got hot late to win the division before falling apart in the postseason.

You could put the 1989 Cubs up against the 1945 Cubs (both kind of were undertalented teams), and the 1998 Cubs up against the 1929 Cubs (steroid fueled vs. Prohibition-era alcohol fueled).

But I don't think we hated those teams. Did we?