Marlon Byrd: Worst No. 3 Hitter in Baseball

[SKO]

Pen's beloved O Dawg is a pretty bad #3 hitter.

Byrd and Soto have been bad, and Pena and Colvin have been awful. But...one game out of first, dogdens.

Shut your goddamn mouth. .929 OPS in the last week. Soto, also known as THE BEST OFFENSIVE CATCHER IN BASEBALL, 2010™ is going to be just fine. Leave him out of this.

If you take away all the at-bats in which Derrek Lee had hits, he had a terrible season in 2005.

Relax. I love Soto more than your mother loves you.

That's good. I don't tolerate Soto-hate. Mostly because I have compiled the following list of successful Cubs hitting prospects since the year of my birth:

SUCCESSFUL CUBS HITTING PROSPECTS SINCE 1988
1. Geovany Soto
2. Fucking Nobody.

STARLIN CASTRO

Right. The Kid is fucking amazing, but I thought it was generally held that you have to have more than one full successful season under your belt? Otherwise I'd have thrown in Jerome Walton or Rick Wilkins.

So, Starlin is Jerome and Rick? Fuck, man

Jesus Christ. I was just erring on the side of caution. The list goes as follows:

SUCCESSFUL CUBS HITTING PROSPECTS SINCE 1988
1. Geovany Soto
2. Starlin Castro
3. Fucking Nobody.

Give Hendry a raise!

[Yeti]

Pen's beloved O Dawg is a pretty bad #3 hitter.

Byrd and Soto have been bad, and Pena and Colvin have been awful. But...one game out of first, dogdens.

Shut your goddamn mouth. .929 OPS in the last week. Soto, also known as THE BEST OFFENSIVE CATCHER IN BASEBALL, 2010™ is going to be just fine. Leave him out of this.

If you take away all the at-bats in which Derrek Lee had hits, he had a terrible season in 2005.

Relax. I love Soto more than your mother loves you.

That's good. I don't tolerate Soto-hate. Mostly because I have compiled the following list of successful Cubs hitting prospects since the year of my birth:

SUCCESSFUL CUBS HITTING PROSPECTS SINCE 1988
1. Geovany Soto
2. Fucking Nobody.

STARLIN CASTRO

Right. The Kid is fucking amazing, but I thought it was generally held that you have to have more than one full successful season under your belt? Otherwise I'd have thrown in Jerome Walton or Rick Wilkins.

So, Starlin is Jerome and Rick? Fuck, man

Jesus Christ. I was just erring on the side of caution. The list goes as follows:

SUCCESSFUL CUBS HITTING PROSPECTS SINCE 1988
1. Geovany Soto
2. Starlin Castro
3. Fucking Nobody.

Give Hendry a raise!

ASSHURT

[Internet Apex]

Casey Mc(Pause)Hee

SAM FULD

Nobody.

[CT III]

Pen's beloved O Dawg is a pretty bad #3 hitter.

Byrd and Soto have been bad, and Pena and Colvin have been awful. But...one game out of first, dogdens.

Shut your goddamn mouth. .929 OPS in the last week. Soto, also known as THE BEST OFFENSIVE CATCHER IN BASEBALL, 2010™ is going to be just fine. Leave him out of this.

If you take away all the at-bats in which Derrek Lee had hits, he had a terrible season in 2005.

Relax. I love Soto more than your mother loves you.

That's good. I don't tolerate Soto-hate. Mostly because I have compiled the following list of successful Cubs hitting prospects since the year of my birth:

SUCCESSFUL CUBS HITTING PROSPECTS SINCE 1988
1. Geovany Soto
2. Fucking Nobody.

STARLIN CASTRO

Right. The Kid is fucking amazing, but I thought it was generally held that you have to have more than one full successful season under your belt? Otherwise I'd have thrown in Jerome Walton or Rick Wilkins.

So, Starlin is Jerome and Rick? Fuck, man

Jesus Christ. I was just erring on the side of caution. The list goes as follows:

SUCCESSFUL CUBS HITTING PROSPECTS SINCE 1988
1. Geovany Soto
2. Starlin Castro
3. Fucking Nobody.

Give Hendry a raise!

Bullshit.  Rick Wilkins was like the 100th best Cub ever.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Pen's beloved O Dawg is a pretty bad #3 hitter.

Byrd and Soto have been bad, and Pena and Colvin have been awful. But...one game out of first, dogdens.

Shut your goddamn mouth. .929 OPS in the last week. Soto, also known as THE BEST OFFENSIVE CATCHER IN BASEBALL, 2010™ is going to be just fine. Leave him out of this.

If you take away all the at-bats in which Derrek Lee had hits, he had a terrible season in 2005.

Relax. I love Soto more than your mother loves you.

That's good. I don't tolerate Soto-hate. Mostly because I have compiled the following list of successful Cubs hitting prospects since the year of my birth:

SUCCESSFUL CUBS HITTING PROSPECTS SINCE 1988
1. Geovany Soto
2. Fucking Nobody.

STARLIN CASTRO

Right. The Kid is fucking amazing, but I thought it was generally held that you have to have more than one full successful season under your belt? Otherwise I'd have thrown in Jerome Walton or Rick Wilkins.

So, Starlin is Jerome and Rick? Fuck, man

Jesus Christ. I was just erring on the side of caution. The list goes as follows:

SUCCESSFUL CUBS HITTING PROSPECTS SINCE 1988
1. Geovany Soto
2. Starlin Castro
3. Fucking Nobody.

Give Hendry a raise!

Bullshit.  Rick Wilkins was like the 100th best Cub ever.

Al had #100 as Ivan DeJesus.  And he's the gold standard.

[Armchair_QB]

[morpheus]

Someone's been reading Desipio.  http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/ct-spt-0419-cubs-bits--20110418,0,5790069.story

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Someone's been reading Desipio.  http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/ct-spt-0419-cubs-bits--20110418,0,5790069.story

Castro batting 3rd for Cubs? Hendry could see it

No, no, no, no, no. He's supposed to move to third base.

You know, to extend his career.

In the abstract.

[Slaky]

Someone's been reading Desipio.  http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/ct-spt-0419-cubs-bits--20110418,0,5790069.story

Castro batting 3rd for Cubs? Hendry could see it

No, no, no, no, no. He's supposed to move to third base.

You know, to extend his career.

In the abstract.

Sorry everyone but Chris DeLuca has decreed that much like Corey Patterson (and who doesn't see the similarities?), Castro has been ruined by hitting leadoff. Now if he moves to any other part of the order he will fail miserably and his career will be ruined. You can't just move spots in the batting order people. That's where promising careers go to die.

[Internet Apex]

Someone's been reading Desipio.  http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/ct-spt-0419-cubs-bits--20110418,0,5790069.story

I'm sorry, but I missed the Desipio connection here. Can you help me? Although I am reasonably sure that the Jockey reads Desipio.

[Brownie]

Someone's been reading Desipio.  http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/ct-spt-0419-cubs-bits--20110418,0,5790069.story

I'm sorry, but I missed the Desipio connection here. Can you help me? Although I am reasonably sure that the Jockey reads Desipio.

You know who I want reading Desipio? Soriano. I want him to spend the end of a late night out at the bars reading Desipio before he comes in the next day for a 1:20 day, goes 5-for-5 with 2 homers and a couple doubles and then sits down in the dungeon for his press conference and starts by calmly saying "FYC."

Please Bruce Miles or Sully, make this happen. Someone, make this happen.

[Bort]

Someone's been reading Desipio.  http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/ct-spt-0419-cubs-bits--20110418,0,5790069.story

I'm sorry, but I missed the Desipio connection here. Can you help me? Although I am reasonably sure that the Jockey reads Desipio.

You know who I want reading Desipio? Soriano. I want him to spend the end of a late night out at the bars reading Desipio before he comes in the next day for a 1:20 day, goes 5-for-5 with 2 homers and a couple doubles and then sits down in the dungeon for his press conference and starts by calmly saying "FYC."

Please Bruce Miles or Sully, make this happen. Someone, make this happen.

This would be the single most glorious thing to happen in the history of Chicago baseball.

[Internet Apex]

Someone's been reading Desipio.  http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/ct-spt-0419-cubs-bits--20110418,0,5790069.story

I'm sorry, but I missed the Desipio connection here. Can you help me? Although I am reasonably sure that the Jockey reads Desipio.

You know who I want reading Desipio? Soriano. I want him to spend the end of a late night out at the bars reading Desipio before he comes in the next day for a 1:20 day, goes 5-for-5 with 2 homers and a couple doubles and then sits down in the dungeon for his press conference and starts by calmly saying "FYC."

Please Bruce Miles or Sully, make this happen. Someone, make this happen.

This would be the single most glorious thing to happen in the history of Chicago baseball.

Oh, how humiliating.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Someone's been reading Desipio.  http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/ct-spt-0419-cubs-bits--20110418,0,5790069.story

I'm sorry, but I missed the Desipio connection here. Can you help me? Although I am reasonably sure that the Jockey reads Desipio.

You know who I want reading Desipio? Soriano. I want him to spend the end of a late night out at the bars reading Desipio before he comes in the next day for a 1:20 day, goes 5-for-5 with 2 homers and a couple doubles and then sits down in the dungeon for his press conference and starts by calmly saying "FYC."

Please Bruce Miles or Sully, make this happen. Someone, make this happen.

That would be one of the highlights of my life.  Just short of when Mariotti started using the word "Korey."

[Bort]

Someone's been reading Desipio.  http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/baseball/cubs/ct-spt-0419-cubs-bits--20110418,0,5790069.story

I'm sorry, but I missed the Desipio connection here. Can you help me? Although I am reasonably sure that the Jockey reads Desipio.

You know who I want reading Desipio? Soriano. I want him to spend the end of a late night out at the bars reading Desipio before he comes in the next day for a 1:20 day, goes 5-for-5 with 2 homers and a couple doubles and then sits down in the dungeon for his press conference and starts by calmly saying "FYC."

Please Bruce Miles or Sully, make this happen. Someone, make this happen.

This would be the single most glorious thing to happen in the history of Chicago baseball.

Oh, how humiliating.

There really isn't much else, is there?