Really Shitty Thread Title of 2011-2012 Cubs Offseason

[Quality Start Machine]

David DeJesus is a Cub. Two years + club option to start in RF. Bye, Tyler. (Unless they put him at first.)

I'm thinking Soriano is gone, too.

Don't toy with Chuck's emotions like that.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

David DeJesus is a Cub. Two years + club option to start in RF. Bye, Tyler. (Unless they put him at first.)

I'm thinking Soriano is gone, too.

If this regime can move Soriano with 3 years left on his deal, they're accomplishing more than I dreamed they would.

[Slaky]

David DeJesus is a Cub. Two years + club option to start in RF. Bye, Tyler. (Unless they put him at first.)

I'm thinking Soriano is gone, too.

If this regime can move Soriano with 3 years left on his deal, they're accomplishing more than I dreamed they would.

I keep seeing the rumors that he's got one foot out the door. My problems are these: they are being perpetuated by noted Jenn Sterger Worshipper Will Carroll. Also, who the fuck would take Soriano and how much would they make the Cubs eat? I'm of the opinion that just having him elsewhere is worth paying off whatever is needed but this just more curiosity. I would assume an AL team would be his destination.

[Chuck to Chuck]

David DeJesus is a Cub. Two years + club option to start in RF. Bye, Tyler. (Unless they put him at first.)

I'm thinking Soriano is gone, too.

If this regime can move Soriano with 3 years left on his deal, they're accomplishing more than I dreamed they would.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

David DeJesus is a Cub. Two years + club option to start in RF. Bye, Tyler. (Unless they put him at first.)

Two years? I thought new management was trying to get away from deals like that for players who were past their primes.

[CBStew]

David DeJesus is a Cub. Two years + club option to start in RF. Bye, Tyler. (Unless they put him at first.)

I'm thinking Soriano is gone, too.

If this regime can move Soriano with 3 years left on his deal, they're accomplishing more than I dreamed they would.

Cut him like a moyel.

[morpheus]

[Shooter]

David DeJesus is a Cub. Two years + club option to start in RF. Bye, Tyler. (Unless they put him at first.)

Two years? I thought new management was trying to get away from deals like that for players who were past their primes.

Board Member 1: I've never heard of half of these guys and the ones I do know are way past their prime.
Charlie Donovan: Most of these guys never had a prime.

[JD]

David DeJesus is a Cub. Two years + club option to start in RF. Bye, Tyler. (Unless they put him at first.)

I'm thinking Soriano is gone, too.

If this regime can move Soriano with 3 years left on his deal, they're accomplishing more than I dreamed they would.

I keep seeing the rumors that he's got one foot out the door. My problems are these: they are being perpetuated by noted Jenn Sterger Worshipper Will Carroll. Also, who the fuck would take Soriano and how much would they make the Cubs eat? I'm of the opinion that just having him elsewhere is worth paying off whatever is needed but this just more curiosity. I would assume an AL team would be his destination.

i don't know how much sosiano makes, but i'm assuming it's about 20 mil.  they can just pay half of his salary and someone will take him.  since the cubs have the new guy to take his place for 5 mil, then they still come out ahead 5 mil.  or something.  it'd be a win-win.  a team like the mariners are desperate for some offense(sosiano hit 26 homers or something last year) and have money.  it'd be a good low-risk move for them.  i don't know who would play carlos silva this time, though. 

[BC]

i don't know how much sosiano makes, but i'm assuming it's about 20 mil.  they can just pay half of his salary and someone will take him.  since the cubs have the new guy to take his place for 5 mil, then they still come out ahead 5 mil.  or something.  it'd be a win-win.  a team like the mariners are desperate for some offense(sosiano hit 26 homers or something last year) and have money.  it'd be a good low-risk move for them.  i don't know who would play carlos silva this time, though. 

I think they still have Chone Figgins at something like 12 mil a year.

[JD]

i don't know how much sosiano makes, but i'm assuming it's about 20 mil.  they can just pay half of his salary and someone will take him.  since the cubs have the new guy to take his place for 5 mil, then they still come out ahead 5 mil.  or something.  it'd be a win-win.  a team like the mariners are desperate for some offense(sosiano hit 26 homers or something last year) and have money.  it'd be a good low-risk move for them.  i don't know who would play carlos silva this time, though. 

I think they still have Chone Figgins at something like 12 mil a year.

there ya go, then.  figgins at third and leading off.  i'm sure he'll bounceback.  i don't know how much of sosiano's salary would need to be traded if they took back chone, though.  i'll "crunch" the numbers and not get back to you on that.

[BH]

i don't know how much sosiano makes, but i'm assuming it's about 20 mil.  they can just pay half of his salary and someone will take him.  since the cubs have the new guy to take his place for 5 mil, then they still come out ahead 5 mil.  or something.  it'd be a win-win.  a team like the mariners are desperate for some offense(sosiano hit 26 homers or something last year) and have money.  it'd be a good low-risk move for them.  i don't know who would play carlos silva this time, though. 

I think they still have Chone Figgins at something like 12 mil a year.

there ya go, then.  figgins at third and leading off.  i'm sure he'll bounceback.  i don't know how much of sosiano's salary would need to be traded if they took back chone, though.  i'll "crunch" the numbers and not get back to you on that.

No need to crunch numbers, Huey has his eyes on everyone who might help his Kubbeez.
Are his buns tight enough for your liking Huey?

[PenPho]

Also:


And, then...

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

i don't know how much sosiano makes, but i'm assuming it's about 20 mil.  they can just pay half of his salary and someone will take him.  since the cubs have the new guy to take his place for 5 mil, then they still come out ahead 5 mil.  or something.  it'd be a win-win.  a team like the mariners are desperate for some offense(sosiano hit 26 homers or something last year) and have money.  it'd be a good low-risk move for them.  i don't know who would play carlos silva this time, though.  

I think they still have Chone Figgins at something like 12 mil a year.

there ya go, then.  figgins at third and leading off.  i'm sure he'll bounceback.  i don't know how much of sosiano's salary would need to be traded if they took back chone, though.  i'll "crunch" the numbers and not get back to you on that.

No need to crunch numbers, Huey has his eyes on everyone who might help his Kubbeez.
Are his buns tight enough for your liking Huey?

I'm going to defer to JD's SSM Datase.

[Brownie]

Also:


And, then...

--Coincidentally, Ryne's first wife would also be interested in Kim's husband on the basis of surname alone.
--Intrepid Reader: Dallas Green, Phillies Sr. Advisor Would she be interested in a DeJesus for Sandberg deal? We'll even arrange to get her Larry Bowa as a "throw-in."