Theo Epstein Sploosh Thread

[Armchair_QB]

Has Crane Kenney been fired yet?

[flannj]

Can Theo destroy Cubness before Cubness detroys Theo?

Am I a bad person for wishing terrible harm on both the subject of this photo and its photographer?

Tonker says yes

It's a hygiene / dental thing.

[Canadouche]

Can Theo destroy Cubness before Cubness detroys Theo?

Am I a bad person for wishing terrible harm on both the subject of this photo and its photographer?

You know who'd agree with you?

Al Yellon. 

[Saul Goodman]

Can Theo destroy Cubness before Cubness detroys Theo?

Am I a bad person for wishing terrible harm on both the subject of this photo and its photographer?

You know who'd agree with you?

Al Yellon. 

Al Yellon does, in fact, hate proper photography, so you're correct.  Broken clock.

[Internet Apex]

Can Theo destroy Cubness before Cubness detroys Theo?

Am I a bad person for wishing terrible harm on both the subject of this photo and its photographer?

You know who'd agree with you?

Al Yellon. 

Al Yellon does, in fact, hate proper photography, so you're correct.  Broken clock.

I laughed.

[PenPho]

Can Theo destroy Cubness before Cubness detroys Theo?

Am I a bad person for wishing terrible harm on both the subject of this photo and its photographer?

Tonker says yes

It's a hygiene / dental thing.

Ronnie serves as an aspirational model for Tonk.

[R-V]

Move over, Gary Karton. You've got company on the Retarded Sun-Times Columns About Theo Epstein dais.

The analogy Telander tries to draw is so breathtakingly stupid that I don't know what to quote.

http://www.suntimes.com/sports/8439764-419/cubs-have-adopted-the-1-percent-solution.html

[Quality Start Machine]

Move over, Gary Karton. You've got company on the Retarded Sun-Times Columns About Theo Epstein dais.

The analogy Telander tries to draw is so breathtakingly stupid that I don't know what to quote.

http://www.suntimes.com/sports/8439764-419/cubs-have-adopted-the-1-percent-solution.html

This is pretty good:

Yale undergrad, law degree in his spare time, smart-as-a-whip, boy-wonder Theo won two World Series in his nine years as general manager for the Red Sox. But where did he play his pro ball? Oh, in the hallways of various front offices.

Screw his success doing what the Cubs hired him to do. He never did this other job that the Cubs don't need him to do*

*Hendry never played pro ball ether, FWIW.

[Slaky]

Move over, Gary Karton. You've got company on the Retarded Sun-Times Columns About Theo Epstein dais.

The analogy Telander tries to draw is so breathtakingly stupid that I don't know what to quote.

http://www.suntimes.com/sports/8439764-419/cubs-have-adopted-the-1-percent-solution.html

This is pretty good:

Yale undergrad, law degree in his spare time, smart-as-a-whip, boy-wonder Theo won two World Series in his nine years as general manager for the Red Sox. But where did he play his pro ball? Oh, in the hallways of various front offices.

Screw his success doing what the Cubs hired him to do. He never did this other job that the Cubs don't need him to do*

*Hendry never played pro ball ether, FWIW.

Wow, Telander is more out of touch than a monk. This is sad.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Move over, Gary Karton. You've got company on the Retarded Sun-Times Columns About Theo Epstein dais.

The analogy Telander tries to draw is so breathtakingly stupid that I don't know what to quote.

http://www.suntimes.com/sports/8439764-419/cubs-have-adopted-the-1-percent-solution.html

This is pretty good:

Yale undergrad, law degree in his spare time, smart-as-a-whip, boy-wonder Theo won two World Series in his nine years as general manager for the Red Sox. But where did he play his pro ball? Oh, in the hallways of various front offices.

Screw his success doing what the Cubs hired him to do. He never did this other job that the Cubs don't need him to do*

*Hendry never played pro ball ether, FWIW.

Here's the thing about bringing in Theo...

It's such a self-evidently smart hire that the lackwits in the Chicago sports media—so accustomed to being able to replay the same familiar bits, aimed at the same easy targets, over and over again—have had to go out and trailblaze whole new frontiers of stupidity just for sake of having something, anything, to say about it.

We've entered a brave new era of discovery, with each day bringing us a new pioneer of the absurd unearthing a whole new brand of idiocy that seems like it, too, could stand for all time as The Dumbest Fucking Thing Ever Written. But just you wait until tomorrow.

What a time to be alive.

[Brownie]

Move over, Gary Karton. You've got company on the Retarded Sun-Times Columns About Theo Epstein dais.

The analogy Telander tries to draw is so breathtakingly stupid that I don't know what to quote.

http://www.suntimes.com/sports/8439764-419/cubs-have-adopted-the-1-percent-solution.html

This is pretty good:

Yale undergrad, law degree in his spare time, smart-as-a-whip, boy-wonder Theo won two World Series in his nine years as general manager for the Red Sox. But where did he play his pro ball? Oh, in the hallways of various front offices.

Screw his success doing what the Cubs hired him to do. He never did this other job that the Cubs don't need him to do*

*Hendry never played pro ball ether, FWIW.

Wow, Telander is more out of touch than a monk. This is sad.

At a time when the middle class is vanishing, when Baby Boomers are wondering how they're going to be able to retire, when job-hunting young people who are saddled with mammoth education and government debt are protesting the clever profiteers at the top of the capitalist food chain, is it silly to ask if Tom Ricketts and Theo Epstein are appropriate heroes for the times?

Aren't these the type of fellows who helped muddy up what used to be known as the American Dream?

Let's play multiple choice:

Rick Telander wrote the above phrasing:

a) in the Sun-Times newsroom
b) at Grant Park during an Occupy Chicago protest
c) In the press box at Busch Stadium
d) In his 7,000 square-foot home east of downtown Lake Forest


HINT: Likely not a) or c).

[J. Walter Weatherman]

I very much like this pregnant parenthetical:

For sure, that new stuff, called sabermetrics by some, was all the rage. And it makes sense, to a point. (See "Moneyball'' for details.)

Any page in particular, Rick?

But this Whitman-esque turn of phrase might take the cake:

The 103-year desert of failure stares at Cubs fans like a howling wasteland.

[Waco Kid]

If we do, then why — if the Texas Rangers win this World Series, which they lead 3-2 — will 10 different baseball teams have won World Series titles in the last 11 years?

The only team to win it twice during Rick's example is, of course, where the new Cubs president came from.

So does the stupid come naturally from Rick or does he have to work at it?

[Brownie]

I sent the following to rtelander@suntimes.com:

After reading today's column, I beg of whomever is reading this e-mail and filing stories under the nom de plume "Rick Telander" to please stop! Can said person also locate the guy who went by the same name, appeared on the Sportswriters on TV, and wrote for Sports Illustrated in the 1980s and 90s? Please? I hope Conrad Black and David Radler didn't exile Rick Telander to some small burg in upper New Brunswick to run one of his other enterprises, never to be heard from again! (If that's the case, we can at least thank Lord Black for not long ago exiling Roger Ebert to cover a Kazakhstan Film Festival.)

Today's column by "Rick Telander" might have been the second-worst thing the Chicago Sun-Times has ever run. Just to remind you (I can't blame you if you've tried to forget), the Sun-Times ran 700 words of Jay Mariotti bluster nearly every day for 16 years. Jay doesn't even crack the top 2 worst works of the Sun-Times. Congrats, "Rick," or whatever your real name is.

I like Rick Telander. I hope he is safe, healthy and OK, wherever he is. I hope he returns to writing and reporting someday soon.

Please let me know the whereabouts of that Rick. I'm sure he'd have a lot to say about the hiring of Theo Epstein.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

If we do, then why — if the Texas Rangers win this World Series, which they lead 3-2 — will 10 different baseball teams have won World Series titles in the last 11 years?

The only team to win it twice during Rick's example is, of course, where the new Cubs president came from.

So does the stupid come naturally from Rick or does he have to work at it?

Everyone's doing this whole "statistics" thing now, so why even bother?

The Jim Hendry Cubs were the vinyl of baseball front offices and all hiring Theo does is surrender one of our last claims to hipster cred. This like 1988 all over again.