Let's look forward to the Cardinals Methocalypse

[Slaky]

See, here's how it's gonna go down:

The Cubs will win the NLCS, advancing to the World Series.  That in itself is going to be followed by a national media firestorm the likes of which have not been seen in decades. 

Then, they will play the World Series.  It will likely be the highest rated World Series since the demise of network television.  They will win. Time will stop. 

Naturally, there will be a huge parade/rally in Chicago which will likely make the streets impassable for a day or two. The eyes of the baseball universe will be on the City for the next month, in which local and national television broadcasts will recount the Cubs history ad nauseam, nursing homes will be searched in hopes of finding somebody to interview who has been alive for multiple Cubs World Championships, several sets of obnoxious new parents will claim that their baby was born .3 seconds after Kris Bryant's walk off home run cleared the fence and thus their child is the first born into a world that knows the Chicago Cubs as world champions.  Also, Grant Deporter will coax Kobiashi out of retirement to face off against Joey Chestnut to see which of them can eat a whole goat in the shortest amount of time. 

Throughout this, of course, there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from a couple of fanbases...

Sox fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won the World Series first!
Cards fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won several World Series!

And then we will just give them a condescending pat on the head and say "that's nice fellows, but you see, this is the CUBS.  Which mean it actually matters now."

At least, that's my plan.

Looks like I got myself a new signature...

Which mean we're all going to forget how to speak English. Which make sense because we'll all be drunk then.

let's not destroy CT's jeanyiss by picking on his Hutarded error

[Saul Goodman]

See, here's how it's gonna go down:

The Cubs will win the NLCS, advancing to the World Series.  That in itself is going to be followed by a national media firestorm the likes of which have not been seen in decades. 

Then, they will play the World Series.  It will likely be the highest rated World Series since the demise of network television.  They will win. Time will stop. 

Naturally, there will be a huge parade/rally in Chicago which will likely make the streets impassable for a day or two. The eyes of the baseball universe will be on the City for the next month, in which local and national television broadcasts will recount the Cubs history ad nauseam, nursing homes will be searched in hopes of finding somebody to interview who has been alive for multiple Cubs World Championships, several sets of obnoxious new parents will claim that their baby was born .3 seconds after Kris Bryant's walk off home run cleared the fence and thus their child is the first born into a world that knows the Chicago Cubs as world champions.  Also, Grant Deporter will coax Kobiashi out of retirement to face off against Joey Chestnut to see which of them can eat a whole goat in the shortest amount of time. 

Throughout this, of course, there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from a couple of fanbases...

Sox fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won the World Series first!
Cards fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won several World Series!

And then we will just give them a condescending pat on the head and say "that's nice fellows, but you see, this is the CUBS.  Which mean it actually matters now."

At least, that's my plan.

Broken hearts will be mended.  ESPN will run in-depth 30-for-30 pieces asking why this didn't happen to the Yankees or Red Sox.  Hawk Harrelson will wander into traffic.  The rooftops will ... well, there won't be any rooftops anymore, not since the Ricketts built the dome, so never mind.  Strong takes on Twitter from the St. Louis region will bring the entire Internet to its knees.

[CT III]

See, here's how it's gonna go down:

The Cubs will win the NLCS, advancing to the World Series.  That in itself is going to be followed by a national media firestorm the likes of which have not been seen in decades. 

Then, they will play the World Series.  It will likely be the highest rated World Series since the demise of network television.  They will win. Time will stop. 

Naturally, there will be a huge parade/rally in Chicago which will likely make the streets impassable for a day or two. The eyes of the baseball universe will be on the City for the next month, in which local and national television broadcasts will recount the Cubs history ad nauseam, nursing homes will be searched in hopes of finding somebody to interview who has been alive for multiple Cubs World Championships, several sets of obnoxious new parents will claim that their baby was born .3 seconds after Kris Bryant's walk off home run cleared the fence and thus their child is the first born into a world that knows the Chicago Cubs as world champions.  Also, Grant Deporter will coax Kobiashi out of retirement to face off against Joey Chestnut to see which of them can eat a whole goat in the shortest amount of time. 

Throughout this, of course, there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from a couple of fanbases...

Sox fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won the World Series first!
Cards fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won several World Series!

And then we will just give them a condescending pat on the head and say "that's nice fellows, but you see, this is the CUBS.  Which mean it actually matters now."

At least, that's my plan.

Looks like I got myself a new signature...

Which mean we're all going to forget how to speak English. Which make sense because we'll all be drunk then.

let's not destroy CT's jeanyiss by picking on his Hutarded error

Means. MEANS.  Dammit, I lose my blouse.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

See, here's how it's gonna go down:

The Cubs will win the NLCS, advancing to the World Series.  That in itself is going to be followed by a national media firestorm the likes of which have not been seen in decades. 

Then, they will play the World Series.  It will likely be the highest rated World Series since the demise of network television.  They will win. Time will stop. 

Naturally, there will be a huge parade/rally in Chicago which will likely make the streets impassable for a day or two. The eyes of the baseball universe will be on the City for the next month, in which local and national television broadcasts will recount the Cubs history ad nauseam, nursing homes will be searched in hopes of finding somebody to interview who has been alive for multiple Cubs World Championships, several sets of obnoxious new parents will claim that their baby was born .3 seconds after Kris Bryant's walk off home run cleared the fence and thus their child is the first born into a world that knows the Chicago Cubs as world champions.  Also, Grant Deporter will coax Kobiashi out of retirement to face off against Joey Chestnut to see which of them can eat a whole goat in the shortest amount of time. 

Throughout this, of course, there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from a couple of fanbases...

Sox fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won the World Series first!
Cards fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won several World Series!

And then we will just give them a condescending pat on the head and say "that's nice fellows, but you see, this is the CUBS.  Which mean it actually matters now."

At least, that's my plan.

Just being alive for both championships means a person would be--at youngest--105 years old.  So I guess I'm saying that I'm pretty sure those people don't exist--or certainly won't be by the time this gotta hai.

[CBStew]

See, here's how it's gonna go down:

The Cubs will win the NLCS, advancing to the World Series.  That in itself is going to be followed by a national media firestorm the likes of which have not been seen in decades. 

Then, they will play the World Series.  It will likely be the highest rated World Series since the demise of network television.  They will win. Time will stop. 

Naturally, there will be a huge parade/rally in Chicago which will likely make the streets impassable for a day or two. The eyes of the baseball universe will be on the City for the next month, in which local and national television broadcasts will recount the Cubs history ad nauseam, nursing homes will be searched in hopes of finding somebody to interview who has been alive for multiple Cubs World Championships, several sets of obnoxious new parents will claim that their baby was born .3 seconds after Kris Bryant's walk off home run cleared the fence and thus their child is the first born into a world that knows the Chicago Cubs as world champions.  Also, Grant Deporter will coax Kobiashi out of retirement to face off against Joey Chestnut to see which of them can eat a whole goat in the shortest amount of time. 

Throughout this, of course, there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from a couple of fanbases...

Sox fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won the World Series first!
Cards fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won several World Series!

And then we will just give them a condescending pat on the head and say "that's nice fellows, but you see, this is the CUBS.  Which mean it actually matters now."

At least, that's my plan.

Broken hearts will be mended.  ESPN will run in-depth 30-for-30 pieces asking why this didn't happen to the Yankees or Red Sox.  Hawk Harrelson will wander into traffic.  The rooftops will ... well, there won't be any rooftops anymore, not since the Ricketts built the dome, so never mind.  Strong takes on Twitter from the St. Louis region will bring the entire Internet to its knees.

A 10.0 Richter Scale earthquake on the New Madrid fault will split the North America in half along the Illinois/ Indiana state line, and below and above it, creating a new continent that will be known as Cubiana.  Professional baseball teams in this new continent will form a new baseball league that includes teams from Japan, Mexico, Western Canada, and India, leading ultimately to a "true" World Series.

[Quality Start Machine]

See, here's how it's gonna go down:

The Cubs will win the NLCS, advancing to the World Series.  That in itself is going to be followed by a national media firestorm the likes of which have not been seen in decades. 

Then, they will play the World Series.  It will likely be the highest rated World Series since the demise of network television.  They will win. Time will stop. 

Naturally, there will be a huge parade/rally in Chicago which will likely make the streets impassable for a day or two. The eyes of the baseball universe will be on the City for the next month, in which local and national television broadcasts will recount the Cubs history ad nauseam, nursing homes will be searched in hopes of finding somebody to interview who has been alive for multiple Cubs World Championships, several sets of obnoxious new parents will claim that their baby was born .3 seconds after Kris Bryant's walk off home run cleared the fence and thus their child is the first born into a world that knows the Chicago Cubs as world champions.  Also, Grant Deporter will coax Kobiashi out of retirement to face off against Joey Chestnut to see which of them can eat a whole goat in the shortest amount of time. 

Throughout this, of course, there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from a couple of fanbases...

Sox fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won the World Series first!
Cards fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won several World Series!

And then we will just give them a condescending pat on the head and say "that's nice fellows, but you see, this is the CUBS.  Which mean it actually matters now."

At least, that's my plan.

Broken hearts will be mended.  ESPN will run in-depth 30-for-30 pieces asking why this didn't happen to the Yankees or Red Sox.  Hawk Harrelson will wander into traffic.  The rooftops will ... well, there won't be any rooftops anymore, not since the Ricketts built the dome, so never mind.  Strong takes on Twitter from the St. Louis region will bring the entire Internet to its knees.

This already happens, but I keep missing.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

See, here's how it's gonna go down:

The Cubs will win the NLCS, advancing to the World Series.  That in itself is going to be followed by a national media firestorm the likes of which have not been seen in decades. 

Then, they will play the World Series.  It will likely be the highest rated World Series since the demise of network television.  They will win. Time will stop. 

Naturally, there will be a huge parade/rally in Chicago which will likely make the streets impassable for a day or two. The eyes of the baseball universe will be on the City for the next month, in which local and national television broadcasts will recount the Cubs history ad nauseam, nursing homes will be searched in hopes of finding somebody to interview who has been alive for multiple Cubs World Championships, several sets of obnoxious new parents will claim that their baby was born .3 seconds after Kris Bryant's walk off home run cleared the fence and thus their child is the first born into a world that knows the Chicago Cubs as world champions.  Also, Grant Deporter will coax Kobiashi out of retirement to face off against Joey Chestnut to see which of them can eat a whole goat in the shortest amount of time. 

Throughout this, of course, there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from a couple of fanbases...

Sox fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won the World Series first!
Cards fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won several World Series!

And then we will just give them a condescending pat on the head and say "that's nice fellows, but you see, this is the CUBS.  Which mean it actually matters now."

At least, that's my plan.

Looks like I got myself a new signature...

Which mean we're all going to forget how to speak English. Which make sense because we'll all be drunk then.

let's not destroy CT's jeanyiss by picking on his Hutarded error

Means. MEANS.  Dammit, I lose my blouse.

"Shirt"... "Shirt".

[CT III]

See, here's how it's gonna go down:

The Cubs will win the NLCS, advancing to the World Series.  That in itself is going to be followed by a national media firestorm the likes of which have not been seen in decades. 

Then, they will play the World Series.  It will likely be the highest rated World Series since the demise of network television.  They will win. Time will stop. 

Naturally, there will be a huge parade/rally in Chicago which will likely make the streets impassable for a day or two. The eyes of the baseball universe will be on the City for the next month, in which local and national television broadcasts will recount the Cubs history ad nauseam, nursing homes will be searched in hopes of finding somebody to interview who has been alive for multiple Cubs World Championships, several sets of obnoxious new parents will claim that their baby was born .3 seconds after Kris Bryant's walk off home run cleared the fence and thus their child is the first born into a world that knows the Chicago Cubs as world champions.  Also, Grant Deporter will coax Kobiashi out of retirement to face off against Joey Chestnut to see which of them can eat a whole goat in the shortest amount of time. 

Throughout this, of course, there will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from a couple of fanbases...

Sox fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won the World Series first!
Cards fans: The Cubs don't deserve all this attention, we won several World Series!

And then we will just give them a condescending pat on the head and say "that's nice fellows, but you see, this is the CUBS.  Which mean it actually matters now."

At least, that's my plan.

Looks like I got myself a new signature...

Which mean we're all going to forget how to speak English. Which make sense because we'll all be drunk then.

let's not destroy CT's jeanyiss by picking on his Hutarded error

Means. MEANS.  Dammit, I lose my blouse.

"Shirt"... "Shirt".

Shit.

[Saul Goodman]

St. Louis's dumb mayor pens an awful op-ed telling everyone how great St. Louis is, because Jon Hamm had the misfortune of growing up there and businesspeople exist who weren't successful until they moved to San Francisco.  There's also an enjoyable takedown from DREW MAGARY that has the advantage of not making you read the actual piece.

[Slaky]

St. Louis's dumb mayor pens an awful op-ed telling everyone how great St. Louis is, because Jon Hamm had the misfortune of growing up there and businesspeople exist who weren't successful until they moved to San Francisco.  There's also an enjoyable takedown from DREW MAGARY that has the advantage of not making you read the actual piece.

I go back and forth on Magary but this made my year.

[Eli]

St. Louis's dumb mayor pens an awful op-ed telling everyone how great St. Louis is, because Jon Hamm had the misfortune of growing up there and businesspeople exist who weren't successful until they moved to San Francisco.  There's also an enjoyable takedown from DREW MAGARY that has the advantage of not making you read the actual piece.

I go back and forth on Magary but this made my year.

I know Magary has a bit of a schtick, but damn if I don't enjoy it about 99% of the time.

[SKO]

St. Louis's dumb mayor pens an awful op-ed telling everyone how great St. Louis is, because Jon Hamm had the misfortune of growing up there and businesspeople exist who weren't successful until they moved to San Francisco.  There's also an enjoyable takedown from DREW MAGARY that has the advantage of not making you read the actual piece.

I go back and forth on Magary but this made my year.

I know Magary has a bit of a schtick, but damn if I don't enjoy it about 99% of the time.

yeah, it's the same formula every time, and sometimes he just fires at the wrong target, but I like him overall. He also is more than willing to poke shit at himself and he's not thin-skinned, so that does make him better than about 98% of all interweb talking heads.

[PenFoe]

St. Louis's dumb mayor pens an awful op-ed telling everyone how great St. Louis is, because Jon Hamm had the misfortune of growing up there and businesspeople exist who weren't successful until they moved to San Francisco.  There's also an enjoyable takedown from DREW MAGARY that has the advantage of not making you read the actual piece.

I go back and forth on Magary but this made my year.

I know Magary has a bit of a schtick, but damn if I don't enjoy it about 99% of the time.

yeah, it's the same formula every time, and sometimes he just fires at the wrong target, but I like him overall. He also is more than willing to poke shit at himself and he's not thin-skinned, so that does make him better than about 98% of all interweb talking heads.

I'm a fan, for sure. 
His parenting book is fantastic. 

But that take down was the best yet.

[SKO]

St. Louis's dumb mayor pens an awful op-ed telling everyone how great St. Louis is, because Jon Hamm had the misfortune of growing up there and businesspeople exist who weren't successful until they moved to San Francisco.  There's also an enjoyable takedown from DREW MAGARY that has the advantage of not making you read the actual piece.

I go back and forth on Magary but this made my year.

I know Magary has a bit of a schtick, but damn if I don't enjoy it about 99% of the time.

yeah, it's the same formula every time, and sometimes he just fires at the wrong target, but I like him overall. He also is more than willing to poke shit at himself and he's not thin-skinned, so that does make him better than about 98% of all interweb talking heads.

I'm a fan, for sure. 
His parenting book is fantastic. 

But that take down was the best yet.

Agreed.

[PenFoe]

St. Louis's dumb mayor pens an awful op-ed telling everyone how great St. Louis is, because Jon Hamm had the misfortune of growing up there and businesspeople exist who weren't successful until they moved to San Francisco.  There's also an enjoyable takedown from DREW MAGARY that has the advantage of not making you read the actual piece.

I go back and forth on Magary but this made my year.

I know Magary has a bit of a schtick, but damn if I don't enjoy it about 99% of the time.

yeah, it's the same formula every time, and sometimes he just fires at the wrong target, but I like him overall. He also is more than willing to poke shit at himself and he's not thin-skinned, so that does make him better than about 98% of all interweb talking heads.

I'm a fan, for sure. 
His parenting book is fantastic. 

But that take down was the best yet.

Agreed.

I know you'll probably end up having kids by the time you turn 19, but I find it odd that you read that.