Let's look forward to the Cardinals Methocalypse

[InternetApex]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

[Saul Goodman]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

This has given me the strength to go on after this loss. Thank you.

[SKO]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

I'm gonna say I do. They could have had that game last night but that shit just happens. It happens against all teams. I remember some no name dickhead on the Pirates doing it to us not that long ago so if it's going to be Peralta, a guy who can actually hit - what are you going to say about it?

It sucked but a split was a good thing and now they can really sink their teeth into the soft part of the schedule - while the Pirates tear up that ass.

They've played 35 of their last 54 vs teams that I would say are contenders (Pirates/Mets/Nats/Royals/Tigers/Twins/Dodgers/Cardinals). This was the murder stretch everyone feared and they came out of it 8 games over .500 and 3 up on the wildcard with 20 straight and 26 of their next 32 vs crap teams. Most importantly they're finally scoring some runs.

Just hope Hammel is okay. Hopefully by the next time they face the Cards again in September they'll have to deal with Schwarber and Baez along with a fully armed and operational Rizzo/Bryant/Soler/Russell foursome.

[Quality Start Machine]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

I'm gonna say I do. They could have had that game last night but that shit just happens. It happens against all teams. I remember some no name dickhead on the Pirates doing it to us not that long ago so if it's going to be Peralta, a guy who can actually hit - what are you going to say about it?

It sucked but a split was a good thing and now they can really sink their teeth into the soft part of the schedule - while the Pirates tear up that ass.

They've played 35 of their last 54 vs teams that I would say are contenders (Pirates/Mets/Nats/Royals/Tigers/Twins/Dodgers/Cardinals). This was the murder stretch everyone feared and they came out of it 8 games over .500 and 3 up on the wildcard with 20 straight and 26 of their next 32 vs crap teams. Most importantly they're finally scoring some runs.

Just hope Hammel is okay. Hopefully by the next time they face the Cards again in September they'll have to deal with Schwarber and Baez along with a fully armed and operational Rizzo/Bryant/Soler/Russell foursome.

There's not enough positive in the world for Russell's AB in the 9th.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

I'm gonna say I do. They could have had that game last night but that shit just happens. It happens against all teams. I remember some no name dickhead on the Pirates doing it to us not that long ago so if it's going to be Peralta, a guy who can actually hit - what are you going to say about it?

It sucked but a split was a good thing and now they can really sink their teeth into the soft part of the schedule - while the Pirates tear up that ass.

They've played 35 of their last 54 vs teams that I would say are contenders (Pirates/Mets/Nats/Royals/Tigers/Twins/Dodgers/Cardinals). This was the murder stretch everyone feared and they came out of it 8 games over .500 and 3 up on the wildcard with 20 straight and 26 of their next 32 vs crap teams. Most importantly they're finally scoring some runs.

Just hope Hammel is okay. Hopefully by the next time they face the Cards again in September they'll have to deal with Schwarber and Baez along with a fully armed and operational Rizzo/Bryant/Soler/Russell foursome.

There's not enough positive in the world for Russell's AB in the 9th.

Just a damn shame neither of the two hard-hit balls preceding that at-bat were able to avoid leather.

But yeah, here's hoping Russell's month-long descent toward a .220 average has ended.  He's been hitting the ball with a lot more authority the last few days.

[SKO]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

I'm gonna say I do. They could have had that game last night but that shit just happens. It happens against all teams. I remember some no name dickhead on the Pirates doing it to us not that long ago so if it's going to be Peralta, a guy who can actually hit - what are you going to say about it?

It sucked but a split was a good thing and now they can really sink their teeth into the soft part of the schedule - while the Pirates tear up that ass.

They've played 35 of their last 54 vs teams that I would say are contenders (Pirates/Mets/Nats/Royals/Tigers/Twins/Dodgers/Cardinals). This was the murder stretch everyone feared and they came out of it 8 games over .500 and 3 up on the wildcard with 20 straight and 26 of their next 32 vs crap teams. Most importantly they're finally scoring some runs.

Just hope Hammel is okay. Hopefully by the next time they face the Cards again in September they'll have to deal with Schwarber and Baez along with a fully armed and operational Rizzo/Bryant/Soler/Russell foursome.

There's not enough positive in the world for Russell's AB in the 9th.

Just a damn shame neither of the two hard-hit balls preceding that at-bat were able to avoid leather.

But yeah, here's hoping Russell's month-long descent toward a .220 average has ended.  He's been hitting the ball with a lot more authority the last few days.

There's a troll who tweets at me a lot. Like, literally every time I say something about the Cubs. It started after I responded to one of the many times I saw that Matt Clapp fellow respond to one of the troll tweets this guy apparently sends to him daily. Anyway, this guy called it a "bullshit excuse" to say Russell's struggles are acceptable because he's a 21 year old rookie.

Sahedev also complained about people flooding his mentions, bitching about Addison Russell. I should probably just block that troll, though I generally hate blocking anyone because it seems so Yellonish, but man, does it irritate me there are idiots in this world that can't deal with a rookie struggling for a damn month.

Even that Ivy Drip fellow said that it's "too bad that Alcantara can't fix his offensive issues at Iowa or he'd be taking some of Addison's at bats, or all of them" the other night. That just seems absurd to me. No one thinks Arismendy could be a better player than Addison. The best future for the Cubs is one where Addison is starting every day for them. Whenever he started he was inevitably going to struggle at some point, so why not get said struggles out of the way right now? Much as it hurts to watch him flail away, they're still leading in a playoff spot. I feel like it would hurt worse for him to be going through his rookie struggles next year.

Anyway, TL; DR: I need to find a better way of tuning out idiots.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

I'm gonna say I do. They could have had that game last night but that shit just happens. It happens against all teams. I remember some no name dickhead on the Pirates doing it to us not that long ago so if it's going to be Peralta, a guy who can actually hit - what are you going to say about it?

It sucked but a split was a good thing and now they can really sink their teeth into the soft part of the schedule - while the Pirates tear up that ass.

They've played 35 of their last 54 vs teams that I would say are contenders (Pirates/Mets/Nats/Royals/Tigers/Twins/Dodgers/Cardinals). This was the murder stretch everyone feared and they came out of it 8 games over .500 and 3 up on the wildcard with 20 straight and 26 of their next 32 vs crap teams. Most importantly they're finally scoring some runs.

Just hope Hammel is okay. Hopefully by the next time they face the Cards again in September they'll have to deal with Schwarber and Baez along with a fully armed and operational Rizzo/Bryant/Soler/Russell foursome.

There's not enough positive in the world for Russell's AB in the 9th.

Just a damn shame neither of the two hard-hit balls preceding that at-bat were able to avoid leather.

But yeah, here's hoping Russell's month-long descent toward a .220 average has ended.  He's been hitting the ball with a lot more authority the last few days.

There's a troll who tweets at me a lot. Like, literally every time I say something about the Cubs. It started after I responded to one of the many times I saw that Matt Clapp fellow respond to one of the troll tweets this guy apparently sends to him daily. Anyway, this guy called it a "bullshit excuse" to say Russell's struggles are acceptable because he's a 21 year old rookie.

Sahedev also complained about people flooding his mentions, bitching about Addison Russell. I should probably just block that troll, though I generally hate blocking anyone because it seems so Yellonish, but man, does it irritate me there are idiots in this world that can't deal with a rookie struggling for a damn month.

Even that Ivy Drip fellow said that it's "too bad that Alcantara can't fix his offensive issues at Iowa or he'd be taking some of Addison's at bats, or all of them" the other night. That just seems absurd to me. No one thinks Arismendy could be a better player than Addison. The best future for the Cubs is one where Addison is starting every day for them. Whenever he started he was inevitably going to struggle at some point, so why not get said struggles out of the way right now? Much as it hurts to watch him flail away, they're still leading in a playoff spot. I feel like it would hurt worse for him to be going through his rookie struggles next year.

Anyway, TL; DR: I need to find a better way of tuning out idiots.

That's colossally dumb.  Why wouldn't you just say "too bad Russell can't fix his offensive issues..."?  It's the whole "if the queen had the balls she'd be king" pointless exercise in rhetorical masturbation but if you're going to go down that rabbit hole, why factor in Alcantara at all?  Dumb.

I'd say Sam should stick to hockey but he's the same guy who wrote off the Blackhawks 100 days before they were hoisting the Cup so I guess overreacting has become his thing.

[SKO]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

I'm gonna say I do. They could have had that game last night but that shit just happens. It happens against all teams. I remember some no name dickhead on the Pirates doing it to us not that long ago so if it's going to be Peralta, a guy who can actually hit - what are you going to say about it?

It sucked but a split was a good thing and now they can really sink their teeth into the soft part of the schedule - while the Pirates tear up that ass.

They've played 35 of their last 54 vs teams that I would say are contenders (Pirates/Mets/Nats/Royals/Tigers/Twins/Dodgers/Cardinals). This was the murder stretch everyone feared and they came out of it 8 games over .500 and 3 up on the wildcard with 20 straight and 26 of their next 32 vs crap teams. Most importantly they're finally scoring some runs.

Just hope Hammel is okay. Hopefully by the next time they face the Cards again in September they'll have to deal with Schwarber and Baez along with a fully armed and operational Rizzo/Bryant/Soler/Russell foursome.

There's not enough positive in the world for Russell's AB in the 9th.

Just a damn shame neither of the two hard-hit balls preceding that at-bat were able to avoid leather.

But yeah, here's hoping Russell's month-long descent toward a .220 average has ended.  He's been hitting the ball with a lot more authority the last few days.

There's a troll who tweets at me a lot. Like, literally every time I say something about the Cubs. It started after I responded to one of the many times I saw that Matt Clapp fellow respond to one of the troll tweets this guy apparently sends to him daily. Anyway, this guy called it a "bullshit excuse" to say Russell's struggles are acceptable because he's a 21 year old rookie.

Sahedev also complained about people flooding his mentions, bitching about Addison Russell. I should probably just block that troll, though I generally hate blocking anyone because it seems so Yellonish, but man, does it irritate me there are idiots in this world that can't deal with a rookie struggling for a damn month.

Even that Ivy Drip fellow said that it's "too bad that Alcantara can't fix his offensive issues at Iowa or he'd be taking some of Addison's at bats, or all of them" the other night. That just seems absurd to me. No one thinks Arismendy could be a better player than Addison. The best future for the Cubs is one where Addison is starting every day for them. Whenever he started he was inevitably going to struggle at some point, so why not get said struggles out of the way right now? Much as it hurts to watch him flail away, they're still leading in a playoff spot. I feel like it would hurt worse for him to be going through his rookie struggles next year.

Anyway, TL; DR: I need to find a better way of tuning out idiots.

That's colossally dumb.  Why wouldn't you just say "too bad Russell can't fix his offensive issues..."?  It's the whole "if the queen had the balls she'd be king" pointless exercise in rhetorical masturbation but if you're going to go down that rabbit hole, why factor in Alcantara at all?  Dumb.

I'd say Sam should stick to hockey but he's the same guy who wrote off the Blackhawks 100 days before they were hoisting the Cup so I guess overreacting has become his thing.

I mean I guess what he was saying is "maybe if Mendy could have hit enough to keep Addison in AAA a little longer he wouldn't be going through this" but honestly most guys who aren't Kris Bryant (and even he's had some multi-week rough patches) would still have these struggles even with AAA seasoning. I don't think Russell wasn't ready, I just think he's working on things that can only be worked on by facing major league pitchers on a daily basis.  

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

I'm gonna say I do. They could have had that game last night but that shit just happens. It happens against all teams. I remember some no name dickhead on the Pirates doing it to us not that long ago so if it's going to be Peralta, a guy who can actually hit - what are you going to say about it?

It sucked but a split was a good thing and now they can really sink their teeth into the soft part of the schedule - while the Pirates tear up that ass.

They've played 35 of their last 54 vs teams that I would say are contenders (Pirates/Mets/Nats/Royals/Tigers/Twins/Dodgers/Cardinals). This was the murder stretch everyone feared and they came out of it 8 games over .500 and 3 up on the wildcard with 20 straight and 26 of their next 32 vs crap teams. Most importantly they're finally scoring some runs.

Just hope Hammel is okay. Hopefully by the next time they face the Cards again in September they'll have to deal with Schwarber and Baez along with a fully armed and operational Rizzo/Bryant/Soler/Russell foursome.

There's not enough positive in the world for Russell's AB in the 9th.

Just a damn shame neither of the two hard-hit balls preceding that at-bat were able to avoid leather.

But yeah, here's hoping Russell's month-long descent toward a .220 average has ended.  He's been hitting the ball with a lot more authority the last few days.

There's a troll who tweets at me a lot. Like, literally every time I say something about the Cubs. It started after I responded to one of the many times I saw that Matt Clapp fellow respond to one of the troll tweets this guy apparently sends to him daily. Anyway, this guy called it a "bullshit excuse" to say Russell's struggles are acceptable because he's a 21 year old rookie.

Sahedev also complained about people flooding his mentions, bitching about Addison Russell. I should probably just block that troll, though I generally hate blocking anyone because it seems so Yellonish, but man, does it irritate me there are idiots in this world that can't deal with a rookie struggling for a damn month.

Even that Ivy Drip fellow said that it's "too bad that Alcantara can't fix his offensive issues at Iowa or he'd be taking some of Addison's at bats, or all of them" the other night. That just seems absurd to me. No one thinks Arismendy could be a better player than Addison. The best future for the Cubs is one where Addison is starting every day for them. Whenever he started he was inevitably going to struggle at some point, so why not get said struggles out of the way right now? Much as it hurts to watch him flail away, they're still leading in a playoff spot. I feel like it would hurt worse for him to be going through his rookie struggles next year.

Anyway, TL; DR: I need to find a better way of tuning out idiots.

That's colossally dumb.  Why wouldn't you just say "too bad Russell can't fix his offensive issues..."?  It's the whole "if the queen had the balls she'd be king" pointless exercise in rhetorical masturbation but if you're going to go down that rabbit hole, why factor in Alcantara at all?  Dumb.

I'd say Sam should stick to hockey but he's the same guy who wrote off the Blackhawks 100 days before they were hoisting the Cup so I guess overreacting has become his thing.

I mean I guess what he was saying is "maybe if Mendy could have hit enough to keep Addison in AAA a little longer he wouldn't be going through this" but honestly most guys who aren't Kris Bryant (and even he's had some multi-week rough patches) would still have these struggles even with AAA seasoning. I don't think Russell wasn't ready, I just think he's working on things that can only be worked on by facing major league pitchers on a daily basis.  

Agreed, and I think this is being proven by how he's been hitting the last few days.

[Quality Start Machine]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

I'm gonna say I do. They could have had that game last night but that shit just happens. It happens against all teams. I remember some no name dickhead on the Pirates doing it to us not that long ago so if it's going to be Peralta, a guy who can actually hit - what are you going to say about it?

It sucked but a split was a good thing and now they can really sink their teeth into the soft part of the schedule - while the Pirates tear up that ass.

They've played 35 of their last 54 vs teams that I would say are contenders (Pirates/Mets/Nats/Royals/Tigers/Twins/Dodgers/Cardinals). This was the murder stretch everyone feared and they came out of it 8 games over .500 and 3 up on the wildcard with 20 straight and 26 of their next 32 vs crap teams. Most importantly they're finally scoring some runs.

Just hope Hammel is okay. Hopefully by the next time they face the Cards again in September they'll have to deal with Schwarber and Baez along with a fully armed and operational Rizzo/Bryant/Soler/Russell foursome.

There's not enough positive in the world for Russell's AB in the 9th.

Just a damn shame neither of the two hard-hit balls preceding that at-bat were able to avoid leather.

But yeah, here's hoping Russell's month-long descent toward a .220 average has ended.  He's been hitting the ball with a lot more authority the last few days.

There's a troll who tweets at me a lot. Like, literally every time I say something about the Cubs. It started after I responded to one of the many times I saw that Matt Clapp fellow respond to one of the troll tweets this guy apparently sends to him daily. Anyway, this guy called it a "bullshit excuse" to say Russell's struggles are acceptable because he's a 21 year old rookie.

Sahedev also complained about people flooding his mentions, bitching about Addison Russell. I should probably just block that troll, though I generally hate blocking anyone because it seems so Yellonish, but man, does it irritate me there are idiots in this world that can't deal with a rookie struggling for a damn month.

Even that Ivy Drip fellow said that it's "too bad that Alcantara can't fix his offensive issues at Iowa or he'd be taking some of Addison's at bats, or all of them" the other night. That just seems absurd to me. No one thinks Arismendy could be a better player than Addison. The best future for the Cubs is one where Addison is starting every day for them. Whenever he started he was inevitably going to struggle at some point, so why not get said struggles out of the way right now? Much as it hurts to watch him flail away, they're still leading in a playoff spot. I feel like it would hurt worse for him to be going through his rookie struggles next year.

Anyway, TL; DR: I need to find a better way of tuning out idiots.

That's colossally dumb.  Why wouldn't you just say "too bad Russell can't fix his offensive issues..."?  It's the whole "if the queen had the balls she'd be king" pointless exercise in rhetorical masturbation but if you're going to go down that rabbit hole, why factor in Alcantara at all?  Dumb.

I'd say Sam should stick to hockey but he's the same guy who wrote off the Blackhawks 100 days before they were hoisting the Cup so I guess overreacting has become his thing.

He has me & Slak writing about 2 different sports for him, so how smart can he possibly be?

[SKO]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

Wait, why would you pitch around the fuckhead who OPS'd .577 in June and .459 so far in July? That guy is exactly who you should have gone right after.

Oh, wait, I forgot:

An at bat against Matt Carpenter is more stressful than at bat against Kris Bryant

You might wanna see a therapist over this weird Carp fascination.

[InternetApex]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

Wait, why would you pitch around the fuckhead who OPS'd .577 in June and .459 so far in July? That guy is exactly who you should have gone right after.

Oh, wait, I forgot:

An at bat against Matt Carpenter is more stressful than at bat against Kris Bryant

You might wanna see a therapist over this weird Carp fascination.

Way too much on the agenda already. Doubtful we'd get to it.

[SKO]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

Wait, why would you pitch around the fuckhead who OPS'd .577 in June and .459 so far in July? That guy is exactly who you should have gone right after.

Oh, wait, I forgot:

An at bat against Matt Carpenter is more stressful than at bat against Kris Bryant

You might wanna see a therapist over this weird Carp fascination.

Way too much on the agenda already. Doubtful we'd get to it.

It's okay, I mostly just wanted an excuse to re-use that quote, because it will presumably never stop being funny to me. In fact, it should only get funnier as the years go by when Kris Bryant is remembered with the A-Rods, Mike Trouts, Mike Schmidts, and Troy Glauses of the world and Matt Carpenter is forgotten like some common Chad Tracy except for when I pull that quote.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I was with Apex in that watching a Matt Carpenter at-bat is akin to taking one's ball sack under a power sander (unless you're into that sort of thing).  However, I've also noticed he's not been the same hitter lately.  My irrational fear of Carpenter died a little when I was in attendance Tuesday night and Motte had put the first two runners on in front of him.  I was very dreadful of Carpenter, preparing for some serious DOOM at that moment but he immediately hit a pop foul for the first out so I'm starting to think (hope?) the bloom is off that fucking gritty rose.  Pitch to him, asshole!

[Eli]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

Wait, why would you pitch around the fuckhead who OPS'd .577 in June and .459 so far in July? That guy is exactly who you should have gone right after.

Oh, wait, I forgot:

An at bat against Matt Carpenter is more stressful than at bat against Kris Bryant

You might wanna see a therapist over this weird Carp fascination.

Well, he IS a really awesome hitter. He's coming back from that weird fatigue thing so he's struggled (and I would've preferred they went right after him last night, too), but Apex is still basically right.