Let's look forward to the Cardinals Methocalypse

[InternetApex]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

Wait, why would you pitch around the fuckhead who OPS'd .577 in June and .459 so far in July? That guy is exactly who you should have gone right after.

Oh, wait, I forgot:

An at bat against Matt Carpenter is more stressful than at bat against Kris Bryant

You might wanna see a therapist over this weird Carp fascination.

Well, he IS a really awesome hitter. He's coming back from that weird fatigue thing so he's struggled (and I would've preferred they went right after him last night, too), but Apex is still basically right.

I guess I wouldn't advocate blatantly pitching around him. I don't think that's what Strop actually did either. I think he was extremely careful and tried to nibble, missed and ended up walking him on four pitches. Which, I actually wasn't happy about, but not so much for the decision but the fact that OF COURSE that stonefaced fuck didn't offer at any one of the pitches he saw.

[SKO]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

Wait, why would you pitch around the fuckhead who OPS'd .577 in June and .459 so far in July? That guy is exactly who you should have gone right after.

Oh, wait, I forgot:

An at bat against Matt Carpenter is more stressful than at bat against Kris Bryant

You might wanna see a therapist over this weird Carp fascination.

Well, he IS a really awesome hitter. He's coming back from that weird fatigue thing so he's struggled (and I would've preferred they went right after him last night, too), but Apex is still basically right.

He has a career OPS of .809, he's 29 years old and last year he had an OPS of .750. His career line vs the Cubs is .251/.358/.381/.739 with 5 home runs and 13 doubles in 69 games. This is some "Ty Wiggington always kills the Cubs"esque bullshit right here.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

Wait, why would you pitch around the fuckhead who OPS'd .577 in June and .459 so far in July? That guy is exactly who you should have gone right after.

Oh, wait, I forgot:

An at bat against Matt Carpenter is more stressful than at bat against Kris Bryant

You might wanna see a therapist over this weird Carp fascination.

Well, he IS a really awesome hitter. He's coming back from that weird fatigue thing so he's struggled (and I would've preferred they went right after him last night, too), but Apex is still basically right.

He has a career OPS of .809, he's 29 years old and last year he had an OPS of .750. His career line vs the Cubs is .251/.358/.381/.739 with 5 home runs and 13 doubles in 69 games. This is some "Ty Wiggington always kills the Cubs"esque bullshit right here.

Except Ty Wiggington never actually killed the Cubs whereas Carpenter has.

However, your point is taken.  It's very possible Carpenter is just a guy who had a short  peak and can be expected to suck from here on out.  I'd like that.  I'd like that a lot.

[SKO]

Despite the nut-punch tell me that you don't feel better about this team and where they are in relation to the Cardinals after this series.

The Cubs lost their starter after one inning, had to scrap back against Wacha and only a bad Strop outing kept it from being a huge win.

Yeah, I would have loved this one in the left column, but the Cards should have slammed the door shut on this one a lot earlier.

I know it's my job to be a Strop apologist but that pitch Peralta put in the basket wasn't even a strike. Yes, Pedro overthrew the fastball and missed his spot by two feet. But as Borb would say, he missed in his favor. Peralta guessed right on a fastball and roided one up in his man boobs barely out of the yard. The walk to Carp? In a one run game, I'd pitch around that bastard too. But shit ... I tip my cap to the Cardinals clubhouse chemist and move on from this, my Strop boner only slightly deflated but still plump enough to bat around a pinata to little avail.

Wait, why would you pitch around the fuckhead who OPS'd .577 in June and .459 so far in July? That guy is exactly who you should have gone right after.

Oh, wait, I forgot:

An at bat against Matt Carpenter is more stressful than at bat against Kris Bryant

You might wanna see a therapist over this weird Carp fascination.

Well, he IS a really awesome hitter. He's coming back from that weird fatigue thing so he's struggled (and I would've preferred they went right after him last night, too), but Apex is still basically right.

He has a career OPS of .809, he's 29 years old and last year he had an OPS of .750. His career line vs the Cubs is .251/.358/.381/.739 with 5 home runs and 13 doubles in 69 games. This is some "Ty Wiggington always kills the Cubs"esque bullshit right here.

Except Ty Wiggington never actually killed the Cubs whereas Carpenter has.

However, your point is taken.  It's very possible Carpenter is just a guy who had a short  peak and can be expected to suck from here on out.  I'd like that.  I'd like that a lot.

I'm saying a guy who hits 70 points below his career OPS (an OPS that's merely pretty good) vs your team is not a "Cub killer". You probably remember all of his soul crushing hits more because A) He's a Cardinal and B) they happened for the Cardinals vs the Cubs, but he's in no way very good at anything. I'll not sit here while you all fellate the next Chris Stynes as something special. I won't do it.

[SKO]

Carpenter is hitting .133/.245/.222/.468 against the Cubs this year alone, but I guess one of his hits is a homer, so he's Barry Bonds.

[Eli]

He has a career OPS of .809, he's 29 years old and last year he had an OPS of .750. His career line vs the Cubs is .251/.358/.381/.739 with 5 home runs and 13 doubles in 69 games. This is some "Ty Wiggington always kills the Cubs"esque bullshit right here.

He has a weird career arc in that he started so late, but he's been worth 11 wins in his only two full MLB seasons. I'm not saying he's Barry Bonds, just that he's a good hitter.

You're being weird about this.

[InternetApex]

He has a career OPS of .809, he's 29 years old and last year he had an OPS of .750. His career line vs the Cubs is .251/.358/.381/.739 with 5 home runs and 13 doubles in 69 games. This is some "Ty Wiggington always kills the Cubs"esque bullshit right here.

He has a weird career arc in that he started so late, but he's been worth 11 wins in his only two full MLB seasons. I'm not saying he's Barry Bonds, just that he's a good hitter.

You're being weird about this.

Yes, he is. And I am too probably. But more than his hits against the Cubs, which came mostly when the Cubs weren't trying to compete, I recall his postseason success, which also gave me all the bad feels. I hope he continues to struggle this year and every year but I think he'll be an .800+ OPS player for the next several years. That's not scary good but he puts together terrific at bats and it doesn't seem to matter who he's facing. Kershaw or whoever.

[SKO]

He has a career OPS of .809, he's 29 years old and last year he had an OPS of .750. His career line vs the Cubs is .251/.358/.381/.739 with 5 home runs and 13 doubles in 69 games. This is some "Ty Wiggington always kills the Cubs"esque bullshit right here.

He has a weird career arc in that he started so late, but he's been worth 11 wins in his only two full MLB seasons. I'm not saying he's Barry Bonds, just that he's a good hitter.

You're being weird about this.

Probably, but Bryant has had an OPS 50+ points higher than Carpenter's career number since the day he got off of the boat from Iowa. Carpenter's career high in homers is 11. He slugged .375 last year. If we can't agree as a collective to laugh at that time Apex said a pitcher would rather face Kris Bryant than Matt Carpenter then we've crossed the mendoza line for bullshit toleration again.

I don't think Carpenter is bad by any means. He's the ideal shit-fucking Cardinal. Bearded and white and a tough out and great at slapping bloop singles to the opposite field when it matters most. But we should be able to laugh at anyone ever comparing him to Kris Bryant even remotely favorably.

[SKO]

He has a career OPS of .809, he's 29 years old and last year he had an OPS of .750. His career line vs the Cubs is .251/.358/.381/.739 with 5 home runs and 13 doubles in 69 games. This is some "Ty Wiggington always kills the Cubs"esque bullshit right here.

He has a weird career arc in that he started so late, but he's been worth 11 wins in his only two full MLB seasons. I'm not saying he's Barry Bonds, just that he's a good hitter.

You're being weird about this.

Also, DPD, but this is kinda misleading. He had an undeniably fantastic 2013 but given that his OPS was almost 70 points higher than his career total, and higher than his minor league OPS (.858), I think the 2.9 WAR he was worth last year and the 2.5-3ish WAR he's on pace for this year and would have been on pace for had he played a full season in 2012 is the real dude. 2013 was also his also his only positive year as far as dWAR goes.

He's a nice, irritating player. One of a thousand like him the Cardinals have put out there in my life. But let's laugh at Apex. That's all I'm asking here.

[Eli]

2013 was also his also his only positive year as far as dWAR goes.

Right -- which tells you he gets most of his value from his bat.

[SKO]

2013 was also his also his only positive year as far as dWAR goes.

Right -- which tells you he gets most of his value from his bat.

Right, and with the exception of 2013 his value has been like, 2.5 wins a year. Which is "pretty decent starter" not "guy we compare to Kris Bryant, like, ever". I'm not objecting to the Carpenter can hit a little part of the statement, I'm objecting to us all being so far gone or so terrifed of that damn Cardinals magic we can't scoff at someone comparing him to Kris Bryant. But I will scoff. I am scoffing right now.

[Tonker]

2013 was also his also his only positive year as far as dWAR goes.

Right -- which tells you he gets most of his value from his bat.

Right, and with the exception of 2013 his value has been like, 2.5 wins a year. Which is "pretty decent starter" not "guy we compare to Kris Bryant, like, ever". I'm not objecting to the Carpenter can hit a little part of the statement, I'm objecting to us all being so far gone or so terrifed of that damn Cardinals magic we can't scoff at someone comparing him to Kris Bryant. But I will scoff. I am scoffing right now.

Damn you all for making me agree with SKO.  Carpenter had one really fucking freaky year where he hit a double in pretty much every at-bat, and apart from that has been, as SKO says, decent.  He's been decent, barely, against the Cubs.  He is not now, nor will he ever be, fit to lick Kris Bryant's hairy old ringpiece.

If Carpenter were getting paid $38MM to play 3B for the Cubs for the next three years, I'd have a problem with it.  So would you all.

[SKO]

2013 was also his also his only positive year as far as dWAR goes.

Right -- which tells you he gets most of his value from his bat.

Right, and with the exception of 2013 his value has been like, 2.5 wins a year. Which is "pretty decent starter" not "guy we compare to Kris Bryant, like, ever". I'm not objecting to the Carpenter can hit a little part of the statement, I'm objecting to us all being so far gone or so terrifed of that damn Cardinals magic we can't scoff at someone comparing him to Kris Bryant. But I will scoff. I am scoffing right now.

Damn you all for making me agree with SKO.  Carpenter had one really fucking freaky year where he hit a double in pretty much every at-bat, and apart from that has been, as SKO says, decent.  He's been decent, barely, against the Cubs.  He is not now, nor will he ever be, fit to lick Kris Bryant's hairy old ringpiece.

If Carpenter were getting paid $38MM to play 3B for the Cubs for the next three years, I'd have a problem with it.  So would you all.

I will admit I've wasted like 5,000 words and probably crossed twat territory on this I just never fathomed I'd get pushback on saying "hey remember that time Apex said pitchers would rather face Kris Bryant than Matt Carpenter? Lolz"

[Quality Start Machine]

2013 was also his also his only positive year as far as dWAR goes.

Right -- which tells you he gets most of his value from his bat.

Right, and with the exception of 2013 his value has been like, 2.5 wins a year. Which is "pretty decent starter" not "guy we compare to Kris Bryant, like, ever". I'm not objecting to the Carpenter can hit a little part of the statement, I'm objecting to us all being so far gone or so terrifed of that damn Cardinals magic we can't scoff at someone comparing him to Kris Bryant. But I will scoff. I am scoffing right now.

Damn you all for making me agree with SKO.  Carpenter had one really fucking freaky year where he hit a double in pretty much every at-bat, and apart from that has been, as SKO says, decent.  He's been decent, barely, against the Cubs.  He is not now, nor will he ever be, fit to lick Kris Bryant's hairy old ringpiece.

If Carpenter were getting paid $38MM to play 3B for the Cubs for the next three years, I'd have a problem with it.  So would you all.

Don't sell his ringpiece-licking abilities short.

[Eli]

If Carpenter were getting paid $38MM to play 3B for the Cubs for the next three years, I'd have a problem with it.  So would you all.

OK, damn you for making me defend Matt Carpenter even more, but the going rate for a boring, league average player is like $15 million a year at this point. If Kris Bryant didn't exist, I'd be more than happy to have Carpenter playing for the Cubs on that deal -- it's nothing.