Let's look forward to the Cardinals Methocalypse

[CT III]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

All the scores get settled.

I immediately thought of the exact same thing.

[Chuck to Chuck]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

All the scores get settled.

I immediately thought of the exact same thing.

Yes. And this is fitting.

[InternetApex]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

All of this and Dick Beard getting his facial pubes burned off by a Javier Baez line drive.

Jordan over Ehlo fist pump.

[Quality Start Machine]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

Outstanding.

[CBStew]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

All of this and Dick Beard getting his facial pubes burned off by a Javier Baez line drive.

Jordan over Ehlo fist pump.

Facial pubes?  And his name is Beard?

[Bort]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

If I ever go back into acting, this is my audition monologue.

[Armchair_QB]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

You forgot to drop the mic.

[Tonker]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

All of this and Dick Beard getting his facial pubes burned off by a Javier Baez line drive.

Jordan over Ehlo fist pump.

Facial pubes?  And his name is Beard?

IT'S BEARD-FAH-SAY!

[WTB...A RING FFS!!]

That post was epic, but needed to be a bit more specific as to who we curbstomp along the way to winning said World Series. Should it be rematches from last year? Beat up on St. Louis, just cuz FUCK them and then the Mets for last year and '69? Who do we want in the Series since apparently the Shite Sox are about to fall off the face of the planet? Unfortunately the Evil empire's not been the same the last 5-7 yrs or so and shouldn't make it this year. Do we want Theo to stick it to his former team and we can hear the crying of all the uppity Bostonites?

[Quality Start Machine]

That post was epic, but needed to be a bit more specific as to who we curbstomp along the way to winning said World Series. Should it be rematches from last year? Beat up on St. Louis, just cuz FUCK them and then the Mets for last year and '69? Who do we want in the Series since apparently the Shite Sox are about to fall off the face of the planet? Unfortunately the Evil empire's not been the same the last 5-7 yrs or so and shouldn't make it this year. Do we want Theo to stick it to his former team and we can hear the crying of all the uppity Bostonites?

I want it to be a warm weather team so Soler can be a one-man Viking funeral.

[flannj]

That post was epic, but needed to be a bit more specific as to who we curbstomp along the way to winning said World Series. Should it be rematches from last year? Beat up on St. Louis, just cuz FUCK them and then the Mets for last year and '69? Who do we want in the Series since apparently the Shite Sox are about to fall off the face of the planet? Unfortunately the Evil empire's not been the same the last 5-7 yrs or so and shouldn't make it this year. Do we want Theo to stick it to his former team and we can hear the crying of all the uppity Bostonites?

I want it to be a warm weather team so Soler can be a one-man Viking funeral.

I don't think it needs to be warm weather if the occasion is a Viking Funeral.

[Eli]

That post was epic, but needed to be a bit more specific as to who we curbstomp along the way to winning said World Series. Should it be rematches from last year? Beat up on St. Louis, just cuz FUCK them and then the Mets for last year and '69? Who do we want in the Series since apparently the Shite Sox are about to fall off the face of the planet? Unfortunately the Evil empire's not been the same the last 5-7 yrs or so and shouldn't make it this year. Do we want Theo to stick it to his former team and we can hear the crying of all the uppity Bostonites?

I want it to be a warm weather team so Soler can be a one-man Viking funeral.

I know the guy has struggled this year but I don't think it's cool to wish he was dead.

[SKO]

That post was epic, but needed to be a bit more specific as to who we curbstomp along the way to winning said World Series. Should it be rematches from last year? Beat up on St. Louis, just cuz FUCK them and then the Mets for last year and '69? Who do we want in the Series since apparently the Shite Sox are about to fall off the face of the planet? Unfortunately the Evil empire's not been the same the last 5-7 yrs or so and shouldn't make it this year. Do we want Theo to stick it to his former team and we can hear the crying of all the uppity Bostonites?

I want it to be a warm weather team so Soler can be a one-man Viking funeral.

I know the guy has struggled this year but I don't think it's cool to wish he was dead.

Yeah he's not Jason Heyward. #FullMeatballUntilHisOPSisOver700

[Saul Goodman]

That post was epic, but needed to be a bit more specific as to who we curbstomp along the way to winning said World Series. Should it be rematches from last year? Beat up on St. Louis, just cuz FUCK them and then the Mets for last year and '69? Who do we want in the Series since apparently the Shite Sox are about to fall off the face of the planet? Unfortunately the Evil empire's not been the same the last 5-7 yrs or so and shouldn't make it this year. Do we want Theo to stick it to his former team and we can hear the crying of all the uppity Bostonites?

I want it to be a warm weather team so Soler can be a one-man Viking funeral.

I know the guy has struggled this year but I don't think it's cool to wish he was dead.

Yeah he's not Jason Heyward. #FullMeatballUntilHisOPSisOver700

700? Way to shoot for the stars. Bullshit toleration, I tells ya.

[Armchair_QB]

That post was epic, but needed to be a bit more specific as to who we curbstomp along the way to winning said World Series. Should it be rematches from last year? Beat up on St. Louis, just cuz FUCK them and then the Mets for last year and '69? Who do we want in the Series since apparently the Shite Sox are about to fall off the face of the planet? Unfortunately the Evil empire's not been the same the last 5-7 yrs or so and shouldn't make it this year. Do we want Theo to stick it to his former team and we can hear the crying of all the uppity Bostonites?

Boston. It's gotta be Boston.