Primary Clusterfuck 2012

[J. Walter Weatherman]

How about some NEWTMENTUM!!!

Talk about a game stay-the-same-er.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Holy shit.

RICHARD. FUCKING. COHEN.

Where is the Democratic Gingrich?

In search of the restless mind of a Man of Big Ideas...

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Holy shit.

RICHARD. FUCKING. COHEN.

Where is the Democratic Gingrich?

In search of the restless mind of a Man of Big Ideas...

Does he mean mean where is the Democratic answer to the monkey wrench that is Newt Gingrich? 

[CT III]

Holy shit.

RICHARD. FUCKING. COHEN.

Where is the Democratic Gingrich?

In search of the restless mind of a Man of Big Ideas...

Does he mean mean where is the Democratic answer to the monkey wrench that is Newt Gingrich? 

Here he is!

[Bort]

Holy shit.

RICHARD. FUCKING. COHEN.

Where is the Democratic Gingrich?

In search of the restless mind of a Man of Big Ideas...

Like a Kardashian needs Klieg lights? I think it's been like 40 years since Klieg was an industry standard.


DAMN YOU, COHEN.

[CT III]

Holy shit.

RICHARD. FUCKING. COHEN.

Where is the Democratic Gingrich?

In search of the restless mind of a Man of Big Ideas...

Like a Kardashian needs Klieg lights? I think it's been like 40 years since Klieg was an industry standard.


DAMN YOU, COHEN.

You should talk.  Why you're not fit to punch Roman Polanski in lieu of his prison sentence!

[Bort]

Holy shit.

RICHARD. FUCKING. COHEN.

Where is the Democratic Gingrich?

In search of the restless mind of a Man of Big Ideas...

Like a Kardashian needs Klieg lights? I think it's been like 40 years since Klieg was an industry standard.


DAMN YOU, COHEN.

You should talk.  Why you're not fit to punch Roman Polanski in lieu of his prison sentence!

He confused me with his muddled screenplays.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Holy shit.

RICHARD. FUCKING. COHEN.

Where is the Democratic Gingrich?

In search of the restless mind of a Man of Big Ideas...

Like a Kardashian needs Klieg lights? I think it's been like 40 years since Klieg was an industry standard.


DAMN YOU, COHEN.

The man's a veritable font of butchered metaphor, strained pop culture allusions and bizarre asides:

a virtual Michelin Man of grandiosity, pneumatically overstuffed with self-references and appeals to the political gutter

His mind is always in the tumble cycle.

Who dat, Newt?

Restless minds sometimes go haywire.

to blow up a cacophonous tax code (what an awful noise it makes!)

He's an unscrupulous man, a one-car demolition derby

That he thinks merely mentioning the name "Saul Alinksy" (Who dat, Newt?) somehow marks Gingrich as a more careful student of history than your average MikeC parroting that day's birther column from World Net Daily, is just obliviousness frosting on Cohen's pneumatically overstuffed cake.

You should talk.  Why you're not fit to punch Roman Polanski in lieu of his prison sentence!

This column's version of "It's alright with me if Roman Polanski is freed... —if first I get a chance to bust him one in the mouth" is weaker sauce, but it still betrays that trademark Cohen touch:

Of course, if Gingrich becomes the Republican nominee, it's incumbent upon him to lose... Take a bow, Newt. Then take a powder too.

*Paid To Write That Shit.

[Gilgamesh]

LOCK OF THE WEEK!!



FLORIDA-STYLE

1. Romney (40%)
2. Avocado (30%)
3. Lubey-Poop (17%)
4. Hindenburg (11%)
5. Lizard People (2%)

[Quality Start Machine]

As much as Newt claims to embrace Reagan, he's sure ignoring Reagan's first commandment:

"Thou shalt not speak ill of your fellow Republican".

[Chuck to Chuck]

As much as Newt claims to embrace Reagan, he's sure ignoring Reagan's first commandment:

"Thou shalt not speak ill of your fellow Republican".

That's the 11th.  Well, then again, Newt ignores the first 10, so maybe it is the 1st.

[Tinker to Evers to Chance]

The Sensible Moderate finally comes off the fence.

[Quality Start Machine]

The Sensible Moderate finally comes off the fence.

Why do I picture both Newt and the Donald rolling out in blue leisure suits for the announcement?

[Oleg]

The Sensible Moderate finally comes off the fence.

Why do I picture both Newt and the Donald rolling out in blue leisure suits for the announcement?

I bet you picture everyone in blue leisure suits.

[morpheus]

The Sensible Moderate finally comes off the fence.

Who among us doesn't believe in a little sensible moderation?