NBA Hoop Thread (Non-Fro Dog Edition)

[Bort]

I'm calling dibs on the obnoxious sports writer who is a thinly-veiled Bill Simmons analogue who ends up getting dumped into a manure truck or something.

[Saul Goodman]

And damned if I didn't just give myself a pitch for a new movie.

How much can I contribute.

Now this is what Kickstarter is for, not Zosia Mamet and James Franco vanity projects.

"In a world where all NFL players have been incapacitated...

Space Jam 2: Electric Boogaloo

No. We need a good-old fashioned Rocky IV vibe to this. The fate of the free world has to be at stake.

"We need you to play tight end, LeBron, for your country."

"Very well. Ima take my talents to KICK SOME COMMUNIST ASS."

Bam. Start handing out the Oscars.

A palpable tension hangs over the entire movie as Derrick Rose debates whether or not to play.  His decision might surprise you.  Two thumbs way up!

[CT III]

This is coming REALLY close to infringing upon my script about a rag tag crew of NFL officials who decided to take work in India during a work stoppage.

[Yeti]

This is coming REALLY close to infringing upon my script about a rag tag crew of NFL officials who decided to take work in India during a work stoppage.

Outsourced?

[J. Walter Weatherman]

And damned if I didn't just give myself a pitch for a new movie.

How much can I contribute.

Now this is what Kickstarter is for, not Zosia Mamet and James Franco vanity projects.

"In a world where all NFL players have been incapacitated...

Space Jam 2: Electric Boogaloo

No. We need a good-old fashioned Rocky IV vibe to this. The fate of the free world has to be at stake.

"We need you to play tight end, LeBron, for your country."

"Very well. Ima take my talents to KICK SOME COMMUNIST ASS."

Bam. Start handing out the Oscars.

The entire US National Football team dies in a tragic blocking sled accident ahead of a Goodwill Games grudge match against the powerhouse, take-no-prisoners North Korean squad coached by a steel-eyed Bolo Yeung.

Can new USA coaches Bo Jackson and Brian Bosworth bury the hatchet long enough this mold this scrappy group of underdogs into a team of world-beaters up to the challenge of saving the world from the surging Norks?

[Quality Start Machine]

And damned if I didn't just give myself a pitch for a new movie.

How much can I contribute.

Now this is what Kickstarter is for, not Zosia Mamet and James Franco vanity projects.

"In a world where all NFL players have been incapacitated...

Space Jam 2: Electric Boogaloo

No. We need a good-old fashioned Rocky IV vibe to this. The fate of the free world has to be at stake.

"We need you to play tight end, LeBron, for your country."

"Very well. Ima take my talents to KICK SOME COMMUNIST ASS."

Bam. Start handing out the Oscars.

The entire US National Football team dies in a tragic blocking sled accident ahead of a Goodwill Games grudge match against the powerhouse, take-no-prisoners North Korean squad coached by a steel-eyed Bolo Yeung.

Can new USA coaches Bo Jackson and Brian Bosworth bury the hatchet long enough this mold this scrappy group of underdogs into a team of world-beaters up to the challenge of saving the world from the surging Norks?

This better end with a shirtless hug atop Mount Rushmore.

[Internet Apex]

Kobe: Fuck you little punk ass bitches. I'm the quarterback of this team. Anybody who can't get with that can get the fuck out of this country.

Jeff Gillooly enters with a Samurai sword and slices Kobe's right Achilles in two.

Kobe: AGHGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Ronald Reagan's ghost: Jeff, you're a real American hero.

[Internet Apex]

Fans at the Bobcat Draft Party react to the Cody Zeller selection. Comedy gold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1sqoxXAr7Y&feature=player_embedded#at=34

M. Jeff is the New York Jets of the NBA Draft. This is a cool salve for every bit of basketball butthurt I possess.

[Saul Goodman]

Fans at the Bobcat Draft Party react to the Cody Zeller selection. Comedy gold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1sqoxXAr7Y&feature=player_embedded#at=34

M. Jeff is the New York Jets of the NBA Draft. This is a cool salve for every bit of basketball butthurt I possess.

"Hey, that's a good pick!" was the best part.

[PenFoe]

Fans at the Bobcat Draft Party react to the Cody Zeller selection. Comedy gold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1sqoxXAr7Y&feature=player_embedded#at=34

M. Jeff is the New York Jets of the NBA Draft. This is a cool salve for every bit of basketball butthurt I possess.

That is absolutely fantastic. 

Also, jerseys in the crowd: Gerald Wallace, Stephen Jackson, Kemba Walker and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist. 

It must really suck to be a Bobcats fan.

[PenFoe]

DPD.

Celtics hire Brad Stevens to be new head coach.

Holy shit. 

That's what you get for leaving the A-10, Butler.

[Saul Goodman]

DPD.

Celtics hire Brad Stevens to be new head coach.

Holy shit. 

That's what you get for leaving the A-10, Butler.

Won't be long until the CIA and NSA have a bidding war for Danny Ainge.

[Internet Apex]

Damn. DadPex is devastated. He has a picture of himself with Stevens in his bathroom. I don't know if this means that Stevens will no longer be watching me piss but it's big news. Crazy. I think he'll do great with them during their rebuild and I would bet they respect him enough to let him keep at it once they're back in contention.

By "do great" I mean he'll help the guys they like to develop and make them a semi-interesting bad team that will look and act professional while tanking the living Christ out of next season.

[Eli]

DPD.

Celtics hire Brad Stevens to be new head coach.

Holy shit. 

That's what you get for leaving the A-10, Butler.

That's one of the more out-of-nowhere sports hires in a while. I hope Bleacher Report has a slideshow about the others.

[PenFoe]

DPD.

Celtics hire Brad Stevens to be new head coach.

Holy shit.  

That's what you get for leaving the A-10, Butler.

That's one of the more out-of-nowhere sports hires in a while. I hope Bleacher Report has a slideshow about the others.

Coming on the heels of the Jason Kidd hire and the Cavs taking the fat kid with the 1st overall pick, it's been a hell of an offseason so far.