The Anthony Rizzo DongFest Thread

[Brownie]

Why aren't CastroBombs FYY material?  I'm cornfused.

Aren't we waiting for Epstink to sign Starlin to a 9-year extension that includes the most restrictive no-trade clause in history to FYC in a way neither Corey Patterson nor Soriano were capable of producing?

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

Didn't you ride the Big Z wagon til the wheels fell off with the rest of us? How many championships did that thing garner? Not that it was Z's fault that he was the only player on the team who showed up for both playoff sweeps in the late oughts. But there probably was no larger douche than that guy and boy did we love him just the same. What are you turning into?

Also, that was a go-ahead dong. You do what you gotta do in that situation. It's not showing anybody up. If a player acts like that in garbage time, that's when they get plunked for it. Unless they're Sammy Sosa. Seemed like he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Rizzo is just practicing his perfect pose/strut/trot/car-flipping technique for when the Cubs extend their 146-game winning streak with a Rizzo walk-off home run against the Rangers at Wrigley Field, driving in Josh Vitters and Albert Almora as the Cubs win 3-2. (Notice that because Tony LaRussa left Johnny Cueto and Rizzo off the All-Star team, the AL will have home field advantage). It'll be awesome. Even Mike D. will approve, even if he'll find his bike overturned on Kenmore upon exiting the stadium and will have to pedal back to Hoffman Estates with a bent front rim.

But until then, Anthony will have to practice.

[Yeti]

Why aren't CastroBombs FYY material?  I'm cornfused.

Aren't we waiting for Epstink to sign Starlin to a 9-year extension that includes the most restrictive no-trade clause in history to FYC in a way neither Corey Patterson nor Soriano were capable of producing?

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

Didn't you ride the Big Z wagon til the wheels fell off with the rest of us? How many championships did that thing garner? Not that it was Z's fault that he was the only player on the team who showed up for both playoff sweeps in the late oughts. But there probably was no larger douche than that guy and boy did we love him just the same. What are you turning into?

Also, that was a go-ahead dong. You do what you gotta do in that situation. It's not showing anybody up. If a player acts like that in garbage time, that's when they get plunked for it. Unless they're Sammy Sosa. Seemed like he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Also, it was gone as soon as he hit it--like I said, it takes a poke to reach Sheffield so it had to be an awesome feeling to hit what you know right away is a legit HR in any ballpark.  

Just wanted to check it out, get it on record, that's all.  

Also for the record, and back to the sploosh, I wanted to note this play .  This was before said first  homerun and kept the score 1-0.  Helluva play.  Scooped a grounder on a tough hop, makes the decision to throw home and throws a strike.  Any indecision on that play results in the run scoring and possibly an error.  I already love how this kid plays.

Too bad you didn't draft him 9 years ago

[Internet Apex]

Why aren't CastroBombs FYY material?  I'm cornfused.

Aren't we waiting for Epstink to sign Starlin to a 9-year extension that includes the most restrictive no-trade clause in history to FYC in a way neither Corey Patterson nor Soriano were capable of producing?

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

Didn't you ride the Big Z wagon til the wheels fell off with the rest of us? How many championships did that thing garner? Not that it was Z's fault that he was the only player on the team who showed up for both playoff sweeps in the late oughts. But there probably was no larger douche than that guy and boy did we love him just the same. What are you turning into?

Also, that was a go-ahead dong. You do what you gotta do in that situation. It's not showing anybody up. If a player acts like that in garbage time, that's when they get plunked for it. Unless they're Sammy Sosa. Seemed like he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Also, it was gone as soon as he hit it--like I said, it takes a poke to reach Sheffield so it had to be an awesome feeling to hit what you know right away is a legit HR in any ballpark.  

Just wanted to check it out, get it on record, that's all.  

Also for the record, and back to the sploosh, I wanted to note this play .  This was before said first  homerun and kept the score 1-0.  Helluva play.  Scooped a grounder on a tough hop, makes the decision to throw home and throws a strike.  Any indecision on that play results in the run scoring and possibly an error.  I already love how this kid plays.

You just hate his attitude? Good God man.

Again, on a go-ahead dong, you're not just celebrating for yourself and your prodigious dong. That dong belongs to your entire team. Preen away, Mr. Cool J.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Why aren't CastroBombs FYY material?  I'm cornfused.

Aren't we waiting for Epstink to sign Starlin to a 9-year extension that includes the most restrictive no-trade clause in history to FYC in a way neither Corey Patterson nor Soriano were capable of producing?

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

Didn't you ride the Big Z wagon til the wheels fell off with the rest of us? How many championships did that thing garner? Not that it was Z's fault that he was the only player on the team who showed up for both playoff sweeps in the late oughts. But there probably was no larger douche than that guy and boy did we love him just the same. What are you turning into?

Also, that was a go-ahead dong. You do what you gotta do in that situation. It's not showing anybody up. If a player acts like that in garbage time, that's when they get plunked for it. Unless they're Sammy Sosa. Seemed like he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Also, it was gone as soon as he hit it--like I said, it takes a poke to reach Sheffield so it had to be an awesome feeling to hit what you know right away is a legit HR in any ballpark.  

Just wanted to check it out, get it on record, that's all.  

Also for the record, and back to the sploosh, I wanted to note this play .  This was before said first  homerun and kept the score 1-0.  Helluva play.  Scooped a grounder on a tough hop, makes the decision to throw home and throws a strike.  Any indecision on that play results in the run scoring and possibly an error.  I already love how this kid plays.

You just hate his attitude? Good God man.

Yes.  That's exactly what I said.  I HATE his ATTITUDE.

[Internet Apex]

Why aren't CastroBombs FYY material?  I'm cornfused.

Aren't we waiting for Epstink to sign Starlin to a 9-year extension that includes the most restrictive no-trade clause in history to FYC in a way neither Corey Patterson nor Soriano were capable of producing?

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

Didn't you ride the Big Z wagon til the wheels fell off with the rest of us? How many championships did that thing garner? Not that it was Z's fault that he was the only player on the team who showed up for both playoff sweeps in the late oughts. But there probably was no larger douche than that guy and boy did we love him just the same. What are you turning into?

Also, that was a go-ahead dong. You do what you gotta do in that situation. It's not showing anybody up. If a player acts like that in garbage time, that's when they get plunked for it. Unless they're Sammy Sosa. Seemed like he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Also, it was gone as soon as he hit it--like I said, it takes a poke to reach Sheffield so it had to be an awesome feeling to hit what you know right away is a legit HR in any ballpark.  

Just wanted to check it out, get it on record, that's all.  

Also for the record, and back to the sploosh, I wanted to note this play .  This was before said first  homerun and kept the score 1-0.  Helluva play.  Scooped a grounder on a tough hop, makes the decision to throw home and throws a strike.  Any indecision on that play results in the run scoring and possibly an error.  I already love how this kid plays.

You just hate his attitude? Good God man.

Yes.  That's exactly what I said.  I HATE his ATTITUDE.

Too late to backtrack. It's in the fabric.

[Powdered Toast Man]

I just feel refreshed watching Rizzo hit the ball.  And seeing Barney make those slick plays in the field last night...I don't know, I know the Cubs aren't going to win much and it changes nothing about this season, but it just felt good to see some nice baseball.  And especially from Rizzo, what with the taking of extra bases, making that nice play to get Moore at home in Huey's link, the stretch to help get the out after Barney's first diving stop in Atlanta, and the confident swing...whatever, a little bit of positive after a few modest wins, let me have it and mock me later.

[BH]

Why aren't CastroBombs FYY material?  I'm cornfused.

Aren't we waiting for Epstink to sign Starlin to a 9-year extension that includes the most restrictive no-trade clause in history to FYC in a way neither Corey Patterson nor Soriano were capable of producing?

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

Didn't you ride the Big Z wagon til the wheels fell off with the rest of us? How many championships did that thing garner? Not that it was Z's fault that he was the only player on the team who showed up for both playoff sweeps in the late oughts. But there probably was no larger douche than that guy and boy did we love him just the same. What are you turning into?

Also, that was a go-ahead dong. You do what you gotta do in that situation. It's not showing anybody up. If a player acts like that in garbage time, that's when they get plunked for it. Unless they're Sammy Sosa. Seemed like he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Also, it was gone as soon as he hit it--like I said, it takes a poke to reach Sheffield so it had to be an awesome feeling to hit what you know right away is a legit HR in any ballpark.  

Just wanted to check it out, get it on record, that's all.  

Also for the record, and back to the sploosh, I wanted to note this play .  This was before said first  homerun and kept the score 1-0.  Helluva play.  Scooped a grounder on a tough hop, makes the decision to throw home and throws a strike.  Any indecision on that play results in the run scoring and possibly an error.  I already love how this kid plays.

You just hate his attitude? Good God man.

Yes.  That's exactly what I said.  I HATE his ATTITUDE.

Too late to backtrack. It's in the fabric.

You just want him to bring his lunch pail and his hard hat to work each day. Hit his dongers, put his head down and sprint around the bases. Play the game the right way. Emotionless.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I just feel refreshed watching Rizzo hit the ball.  And seeing Barney make those slick plays in the field last night...I don't know, I know the Cubs aren't going to win much and it changes nothing about this season, but it just felt good to see some nice baseball.  And especially from Rizzo, what with the taking of extra bases, making that nice play to get Moore at home in Huey's link, the stretch to help get the out after Barney's first diving stop in Atlanta, and the confident swing...whatever, a little bit of positive after a few modest wins, let me have it and mock me later.

Apparently, he also stood up for Castro when DALES WAIM was going to tear him a new one for being nonchalant.  

In the second inning, Castro seemed to make yet another mental gaffe when he fielded a Dan Uggla ground ball and then hesitated before making the throw. When he finally did throw the ball, Uggla beat out the play by a step.

After the inning, manager Dale Sveum went directly over to Castro to have a word with him. It was then that Rizzo stepped in.

"Rizzo came to his rescue right away," Sveum said. "Rizzo told him to give him time to get to the bag. He got caught probably trying to get too much ground and told somebody to take their time when they got a ball deep in the hole. It was one of those things that I apologized to Castro after."

On the play, Rizzo was shifted toward second base and was late getting to the bag.

"It was my fault in my opinion," Rizzo said. "I told him before that to give me a little time. That's just me not knowing Uggla's speed. I thought I had time to get there."

Pretty savvy to stick up for Castro there, even if he probably should have thrown the ball.  

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Why aren't CastroBombs FYY material?  I'm cornfused.

Aren't we waiting for Epstink to sign Starlin to a 9-year extension that includes the most restrictive no-trade clause in history to FYC in a way neither Corey Patterson nor Soriano were capable of producing?

Not sure but back on topic for a sec--until now I hadn't actually seen Rizzo's first HR on Saturday.  Kind of sweet that it followed a two-out, opposite field single by Starlin, and way awesome that he nearly hit out on to Sheffield-- a more difficult task than reaching the streets in left-- but I confess to being slightly uncomfortable with his pose/strut.  I mean, I don't mind rooting for a douche if it means a championship, but given a choice, I'd likelike for my guys not to be douches.  Tell me what a prick I'm being.

Didn't you ride the Big Z wagon til the wheels fell off with the rest of us? How many championships did that thing garner? Not that it was Z's fault that he was the only player on the team who showed up for both playoff sweeps in the late oughts. But there probably was no larger douche than that guy and boy did we love him just the same. What are you turning into?

Also, that was a go-ahead dong. You do what you gotta do in that situation. It's not showing anybody up. If a player acts like that in garbage time, that's when they get plunked for it. Unless they're Sammy Sosa. Seemed like he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Also, it was gone as soon as he hit it--like I said, it takes a poke to reach Sheffield so it had to be an awesome feeling to hit what you know right away is a legit HR in any ballpark.  

Just wanted to check it out, get it on record, that's all.  

Also for the record, and back to the sploosh, I wanted to note this play .  This was before said first  homerun and kept the score 1-0.  Helluva play.  Scooped a grounder on a tough hop, makes the decision to throw home and throws a strike.  Any indecision on that play results in the run scoring and possibly an error.  I already love how this kid plays.

You just hate his attitude? Good God man.

Yes.  That's exactly what I said.  I HATE his ATTITUDE.

Too late to backtrack. It's in the fabric.

You just want him to bring his lunch pail and his hard hat to work each day. Hit his dongers, put his head down and sprint around the bases. Play the game the right way. Emotionless.

*taps nose with finger*

For proof, just look at my tagline.  Be sure to read it unironically, though, otherwise we'll be blowing this narrative (||)

[CT III]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

I look forward to when Huey somehow acquires a stool sample, and then writes a scathing criticism of Rizzo for the lack of roughage in his diet.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

Well, aren't you put out?  Geez.  Isn't that what this place is for?  Just trying to engage in some discourse, no matter how inane.  Or do you prefer this place zip along at 5 posts a day, mostly about the individuals who are posting?

[Gilgamesh]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

Well, aren't you put out?  Geez.  Isn't that what this place is for?  Just trying to engage in some discourse, no matter how inane.  Or do you prefer this place zip along at 5 posts a day, mostly about the individuals who are posting?

[CT III]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

Well, aren't you put out?  Geez.  Isn't that what this place is for?  Just trying to engage in some discourse, no matter how inane.  Or do you prefer this place zip along at 5 posts a day, mostly about the individuals who are posting?

Fine, let's make up our own messageboard award and print up a nice certificate and present it to him.

I'm just saying, this whole thing seems to delving into "let's analyze Jay Cutler's body language on the sidelines" levels of madness already, and he's only played 6 games.

[Gilgamesh]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

Well, aren't you put out?  Geez.  Isn't that what this place is for?  Just trying to engage in some discourse, no matter how inane.  Or do you prefer this place zip along at 5 posts a day, mostly about the individuals who are posting?

Fine, let's make up our own messageboard award and print up a nice certificate and present it to him.

I'm just saying, this whole thing seems to delving into "let's analyze Jay Cutler's body language on the sidelines" levels of madness already, and he's only played 6 games.

And DA CUBS R 5 AND 1 IN DOSE GAIMS, MY FRENT!!!

[CBStew]

The important thing is that we can spend the rest of the season overanalyzing every little thing he does.

Well, aren't you put out?  Geez.  Isn't that what this place is for?  Just trying to engage in some discourse, no matter how inane.  Or do you prefer this place zip along at 5 posts a day, mostly about the individuals who are posting?

Fine, let's make up our own messageboard award and print up a nice certificate and present it to him.

I'm just saying, this whole thing seems to delving into "let's analyze Jay Cutler's body language on the sidelines" levels of madness already, and he's only played 6 games.

And DA CUBS R 5 AND 1 IN DOSE GAIMS, MY FRENT!!!

Reminds me of that movie where this rookie joins a team and has this special bat that he carved from a tree that was struck by lightening but before that happened he got this girl pregnant except he didn't know it and anyway it is different because this rookie was now an old man but they really are the same because once this rookie starts to play the whole team gets inspired but it is a little different because they didn't let the rookie play right away because the manager was a part owner and he thought that the old rookie was a set up by his evil partner to make the team lose.  See, this is almost like the movie.