Tonker's Upscale Fast Food Tour and Reviews

[Tonker]

So, I tried a few things in Canada, eh?

Montr?al smoked meat.  Hmm.  This isn't pastrami, although quite how it's different, I'm not sure I could tell you.  It was fine.  Good, even.  I'd still rather have pastrami.

Poutine.  Nope.  I really gave this a go - I had all sorts of poutines in all sorts of cities, and the one thing they all had in common was that they were overrated.  And although I don't mind the Canadian habit of making their fries somehow simultaneously deeply browned and soggy, I can see how some people would not like that shit AT ALL.  Try harder, Canada.  Pitter patter.

Tim Horton's.  Their coffee's not bad - my first double double didn't really grab me but after five weeks I was really starting to enjoy that shit.  Timbits are slightly dry donut holes and if I never have another, that's completely fine.  I'll tell you what's good, though - their breakfast bagels.  Sausage, egg and cheese on an "everything" bagel goes down a treat.  Their sausage biscuits are surprisingly decent, too.

A&W.  A&W as in the root beer, in Canada they have a chain of fast food restaurants.  I ate at one of them but it was so completely forgettable that I couldn't even tell you what I ordered, much less what it was like.

Beaver tails.  Big, fat meh.

Nanaimo bars.  I dunno, some chocolate and peanut butter malarkey.  The Tonklets loved 'em, but they were too sweet for my liking.  The bars, I mean, not the Tonklets.

Butter tarts.  Easily the best thing to eat in the whole of Canada.  There are a couple of different kinds (the pecan version is clearly the best) and they're made in many different ways by many different companies but I never met a butter tart that I didn't like.  Those things are absolutely fucking fantastic - they're like the treacle tart I grew up with, but somehow better.  10/10 would definitely move to Canada for.

Ginger ale, eh?  I fucking love ginger ale and I always have, so being able to get it literally on tap everywhere I've been for the last five weeks has been fantastic.  We even visited (by which I mean "broke our long-ass journey from Qu?bec to PEI at a motel in") Sussex, New Brunswick, where they make the famous (it says here) Sussex Ginger Ale at the Sussex Ginger Ale Factory.  Who knew there were two ginger ale manufacturers?  Side note: do not ever visit Sussex, New Brunswick.

Peameal bacon.  This is thick-cut back bacon which is wet-cured, apparently.  It's unsmoked, it's juicy as fuck and it's properly delicious.  Fun fact: it's called peameal bacon because it's rolled in peameal after it's cured - except they don't actually use peameal any more, they use cornmeal.  I don't know why, no.

Cretons.  This is basically rillettes de porc and indeed, only seems to be available in Qu?bec.  I've had worse.

Donair.  Fuck me, what an abomination.  It's like gyros, but much, much, MUCH less delicious.  They put some sweet fucking sauce on it that makes it, like, half kebab and half dessert.  Fucking sweetened Miracle Whip or some shit.  Ugh.  Hard, hard pass.  Seriously - don't even try out of curiosity, it's absolutely fucking minging.

Seafood.  We ate some lobster and crab which isn't really my cup of tea but was good, I guess.  We also tried clams, oysters, mussels, scallops and so on but getting them fresh was surprisingly difficult, largely because most restaurants seemed to bread or batter and deep fry pretty much all their seafood. WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU DO THAT?  Cod and haddock?  Fine.  Mussels and clams, though?  Steam lightly, in white wine, maybe - d?licieux!  Scallops?  Pan fry until they're *just* cooked, perhaps with a little bacon - magnifique!  Oysters?  Straight off the shell - vraiment parfait!  More than once, though, we had a plate of potentially fresh, delicious seafood fucking ruined by being breaded or battered and fried beyond recognition.  Just stop it.

So, in summary, don't visit Canada for the food.  DO visit Canada if you like trees, though, or lakes, or moose, because they have those in fucking spades.

[CT III]

I did not realize that ginger ale was so tough to come by across the pond.

[Bort]

I did not realize that ginger ale was so tough to come by across the pond.

Me either.

I mean I love it, the more ginger the better, but I never thought of it as a scarce commodity.

[CT III]

Also, we still have A&W's in the states right?

[Quality Start Machine]

Also, we still have A&W's in the states right?

There's one in Hobart, where you can get a root beer float with a side of sophistry.

[Tonker]

I did not realize that ginger ale was so tough to come by across the pond.

Me either.

I mean I love it, the more ginger the better, but I never thought of it as a scarce commodity.

Saying it's scarce would be over-egging the pudding, but its availability is definitely limited.  Restaurants generally don't carry it, and although most bars do, it'll just be as a mixer - i.e. only available in small (and thus, expensive) bottles.  If you just want to drink ginger ale as a fountain soda, you're shit out of luck.  I buy it in big bottles from the supermarket and drink it at home.

[Bort]

Also, we still have A&W's in the states right?

For some reason I think I got into a discussion with someone online about this a while back. We do, but they are technically different companies, I think. Different ownership and slightly different menus.

[flannj]

Many, many years ago I was driving through rural Wisconsin and up there many of the county roads don't have names. They just have letter designations. At the intersection of county roads A and W there was a massive A&W restaurant. It was late at night and it was lit up like a polack's front yard.
Think third season of Fargo with the neon lit bowling alley appearing out of nowhere. I stopped and had a black cow. Because it's the middle of nowhere A&W.
Surreal would just begin to describe my feelings at the time.

Okay I had been driving for hours and a part of me still thinks I imagined the whole experience.
(BTW Dog N Suds is waaaay better)

[CBStew]

So, I tried a few things in Canada, eh?

Montréal smoked meat.  Hmm.  This isn't pastrami, although quite how it's different, I'm not sure I could tell you.  It was fine.  Good, even.  I'd still rather have pastrami.
...
So, in summary, don't visit Canada for the food.  DO visit Canada if you like trees, though, or lakes, or moose, because they have those in fucking spades.

Pastrami, although smoked, is brined longer and pickled.  Don't be mislead by the pepper that borders both.  (Shame on those delis that cut pastrami a quarter inch thick.  Might as well serve me Montreal smoked meat.  Pastrami should be cut almost paper thin and piled 3 inches high on fresh caraway rye bread, sitting next to a genuine dill pickle.)

[Tonker]

So, I tried a few things in Canada, eh?

Montréal smoked meat.  Hmm.  This isn't pastrami, although quite how it's different, I'm not sure I could tell you.  It was fine.  Good, even.  I'd still rather have pastrami.
...
So, in summary, don't visit Canada for the food.  DO visit Canada if you like trees, though, or lakes, or moose, because they have those in fucking spades.

Pastrami, although smoked, is brined longer and pickled.  Don't be mislead by the pepper that borders both.  (Shame on those delis that cut pastrami a quarter inch thick.  Might as well serve me Montreal smoked meat.  Pastrami should be cut almost paper thin and piled 3 inches high on fresh caraway rye bread, sitting next to a genuine dill pickle.)

There are few things better in this World than a good Reuben.  Sadly, there are also few good Reubens.

[Bort]

So, I tried a few things in Canada, eh?

Montréal smoked meat.  Hmm.  This isn't pastrami, although quite how it's different, I'm not sure I could tell you.  It was fine.  Good, even.  I'd still rather have pastrami.
...
So, in summary, don't visit Canada for the food.  DO visit Canada if you like trees, though, or lakes, or moose, because they have those in fucking spades.

Pastrami, although smoked, is brined longer and pickled.  Don't be mislead by the pepper that borders both.  (Shame on those delis that cut pastrami a quarter inch thick.  Might as well serve me Montreal smoked meat.  Pastrami should be cut almost paper thin and piled 3 inches high on fresh caraway rye bread, sitting next to a genuine dill pickle.)

There are few things better in this World than a good Reuben.  Sadly, there are also few good Reubens.

It's my very favorite sandwich when done right. But yeah.

[Wheezer]

So, I tried a few things in Canada, eh?

Montréal smoked meat.  Hmm.  This isn't pastrami, although quite how it's different, I'm not sure I could tell you.  It was fine.  Good, even.  I'd still rather have pastrami.
...
So, in summary, don't visit Canada for the food.  DO visit Canada if you like trees, though, or lakes, or moose, because they have those in fucking spades.

Pastrami, although smoked, is brined longer and pickled.  Don't be mislead by the pepper that borders both.  (Shame on those delis that cut pastrami a quarter inch thick.  Might as well serve me Montreal smoked meat.  Pastrami should be cut almost paper thin and piled 3 inches high on fresh caraway rye bread, sitting next to a genuine dill pickle.)

There are few things better in this World than a good Reuben.  Sadly, there are also few good Reubens.

It's my very favorite sandwich when done right. But yeah.

I can't take pastrami with excessive allspice, which, unfortunately for me, is now what comes with the "Egg McMorry" from the final outpost of the local deli.

[Quality Start Machine]

So, I tried a few things in Canada, eh?

Montréal smoked meat.  Hmm.  This isn't pastrami, although quite how it's different, I'm not sure I could tell you.  It was fine.  Good, even.  I'd still rather have pastrami.
...
So, in summary, don't visit Canada for the food.  DO visit Canada if you like trees, though, or lakes, or moose, because they have those in fucking spades.

Pastrami, although smoked, is brined longer and pickled.  Don't be mislead by the pepper that borders both.  (Shame on those delis that cut pastrami a quarter inch thick.  Might as well serve me Montreal smoked meat.  Pastrami should be cut almost paper thin and piled 3 inches high on fresh caraway rye bread, sitting next to a genuine dill pickle.)

There are few things better in this World than a good Reuben.  Sadly, there are also few good Reubens.

It's my very favorite sandwich when done right. But yeah.

I can't take pastrami with excessive allspice, which, unfortunately for me, is now what comes with the "Egg McMorry" from the final outpost of the local deli.

I was very disappointed in Manny's Reuben. They have pre-toasted bread with cheese and kraut, and just stick corned beef/pasrami in there.

But my favorite deli sandwich is pastrami, turkey and tongue on marble with Russian dressing.

[CBStew]

So, I tried a few things in Canada, eh?

Montréal smoked meat.  Hmm.  This isn't pastrami, although quite how it's different, I'm not sure I could tell you.  It was fine.  Good, even.  I'd still rather have pastrami.
...
So, in summary, don't visit Canada for the food.  DO visit Canada if you like trees, though, or lakes, or moose, because they have those in fucking spades.

Pastrami, although smoked, is brined longer and pickled.  Don't be mislead by the pepper that borders both.  (Shame on those delis that cut pastrami a quarter inch thick.  Might as well serve me Montreal smoked meat.  Pastrami should be cut almost paper thin and piled 3 inches high on fresh caraway rye bread, sitting next to a genuine dill pickle.)

There are few things better in this World than a good Reuben.  Sadly, there are also few good Reubens.

It's my very favorite sandwich when done right. But yeah.

I can't take pastrami with excessive allspice, which, unfortunately for me, is now what comes with the "Egg McMorry" from the final outpost of the local deli.

I was very disappointed in Manny's Reuben. They have pre-toasted bread with cheese and kraut, and just stick corned beef/pasrami in there.

But my favorite deli sandwich is pastrami, turkey and tongue on marble with Russian dressing.

Tongue on rye.  Nirvana.  That is until the doctors showed me my cholesterol count. 
But who wants to live forever?

[PenFoe]

So, I tried a few things in Canada, eh?

Montréal smoked meat.  Hmm.  This isn't pastrami, although quite how it's different, I'm not sure I could tell you.  It was fine.  Good, even.  I'd still rather have pastrami.
...
So, in summary, don't visit Canada for the food.  DO visit Canada if you like trees, though, or lakes, or moose, because they have those in fucking spades.

Pastrami, although smoked, is brined longer and pickled.  Don't be mislead by the pepper that borders both.  (Shame on those delis that cut pastrami a quarter inch thick.  Might as well serve me Montreal smoked meat.  Pastrami should be cut almost paper thin and piled 3 inches high on fresh caraway rye bread, sitting next to a genuine dill pickle.)

There are few things better in this World than a good Reuben.  Sadly, there are also few good Reubens.

It's my very favorite sandwich when done right. But yeah.

I can't take pastrami with excessive allspice, which, unfortunately for me, is now what comes with the "Egg McMorry" from the final outpost of the local deli.

I was very disappointed in Manny's Reuben. They have pre-toasted bread with cheese and kraut, and just stick corned beef/pasrami in there.

But my favorite deli sandwich is pastrami, turkey and tongue on marble with Russian dressing.

I am strongly of the opinion that Russian dressing only goes with Corned Beef or Pastrami when accompanied by kraut and swiss. 
If you don't have those elements, then it's mustard only for pastrami and corned beef.

You can continue to put Russian on your turkey though.