Cubs' Prospects FUTUREBONER thread

[CBStew]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... woah...

Toyota Jan is a piece of shit

I'm not here to defend her or Toyota. You all can feel however you want. But she is hot.

It's not her looks that are repugnant.

AT&T girl is a whole different story. Yes.

If we're going to throw them all into a Thunderdome, don't forget the girl from Wendy's.

Now her I can't stand. Wouldn't touch her with Yeti's dick.

She sucks too. She's awful.

To be clear, the AT&T girl is very nice.

She played Gilfoyle's satanic girlfriend on Silicon Valley.

That is a sequence of words that makes sense to some people, I'm sure.

I am one such person and was very excited when I saw her appear.

And I thought the show was pretty hilarious.

I was more commenting on my own out-of-touch-Stewishness.

As I read through this thread I was thinking the exact same thing.

Damn.  I blew it.  I should have written, "Funny.  He doesn't look Stewish."

[Bort]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... woah...

Toyota Jan is a piece of shit

I'm not here to defend her or Toyota. You all can feel however you want. But she is hot.

It's not her looks that are repugnant.

AT&T girl is a whole different story. Yes.

If we're going to throw them all into a Thunderdome, don't forget the girl from Wendy's.

Now her I can't stand. Wouldn't touch her with Yeti's dick.

She sucks too. She's awful.

To be clear, the AT&T girl is very nice.

She played Gilfoyle's satanic girlfriend on Silicon Valley.

That is a sequence of words that makes sense to some people, I'm sure.

I am one such person and was very excited when I saw her appear.

And I thought the show was pretty hilarious.

I was more commenting on my own out-of-touch-Stewishness.

As I read through this thread I was thinking the exact same thing.

Damn.  I blew it.  I should have written, "Funny.  He doesn't look Stewish."

I almost said that myself, but I figured why ruin Fork's chance.

[ChuckD]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Sterling likes this.  I've always hated him too, but now I actually have sensible reasons.

Hey man, I think hating him just for being a creepy fat dude who became famous by eating sawdust bread sandwiches three times a day and going on TV to talk about it was perfectly sensible. I don't need Jan from Toyota to get caught selling meth for me to have valid reasons for wanting her launched into space.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... woah...

Toyota Jan is a piece of shit

I'm not here to defend her or Toyota. You all can feel however you want. But she is hot.

It's not her looks that are repugnant.

AT&T girl is a whole different story. Yes.

If we're going to throw them all into a Thunderdome, don't forget the girl from Wendy's.

Now her I can't stand. Wouldn't touch her with Yeti's dick.

She sucks too. She's awful.

To be clear, the AT&T girl is very nice.

She played Gilfoyle's satanic girlfriend on Silicon Valley.

That is a sequence of words that makes sense to some people, I'm sure.

Silicon Valley is a (really great) show. Gilfoyle is a character on said show. The AT&T girl plays his girlfriend in an episode. Her character is a practicing Satanist.

This is why it's relevant to the discussion at hand:

[SKO]

Yeah, she's nice. Good talk, all. Good talk.

[Yeti]

Yeah, she's nice. Good talk, all. Good talk.

That only worked for me when I copypasta'd into my address bar, so I relinked it for you

[SKO]

Yeah, she's nice. Good talk, all. Good talk.

That only worked for me when I copypasta'd into my address bar, so I relinked it for you

Whatever works. I feel it's important for us all to see it and agree that it is good.

[Yeti]

Yeah, she's nice. Good talk, all. Good talk.

That only worked for me when I copypasta'd into my address bar, so I relinked it for you

Whatever works. I feel it's important for us all to see it and agree that it is good.

They're large

[Tonker]

Yeah, she's nice. Good talk, all. Good talk.

That only worked for me when I copypasta'd into my address bar, so I relinked it for you

Whatever works. I feel it's important for us all to see it and agree that it is good.

They're large

Intrepid reader: Internet Chuck

Waaaaaaaaaaay too fucking fat.

[Brownie]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Everything you said and more. It's the danger of having a spokesperson for your brand, especially someone famous specifically for your brand. "Toyota Jan" and "Flo" are characters played by actresses. Jared is himself. Patrick Kane might have been telling you to buy Chevrolets, but he's known as a hockey player. Jared Fogle was famous only for Subway, and when they decided to make him the centerpiece of their brand image, it's really hard to divorce the two. Subway must to have known about the creepy comments he made to others at their events.  I have heard others from Indy describe Jared the same way as Apex did, and that should have been enough for Subway to say "Maybe we don't need this asshole selling our sandwiches."

Jared was "discovered" by Indiana Daily Student reporter Ryan Coleman, who I knew from my days at the IDS. Ryan lived on the same floor as Jared their freshman year and then saw him three years later and didn't recognize him. When Jared said he just limited his diet to all-Subway all-the-time, Ryan wrote a feature on him for the paper. The original article glosses over the main reason he went to Subway: it was downstairs from his apartment.

As for Ryan Coleman, don't hold his Jared Fogle story against him. Even though I last saw him in 2005, Ryan's a good guy.

[Saul Goodman]

I have always hated that fat fuck Jared from Subway. In Indy it's common to see him hanging around downtown, especially at sporting events with his dorky friends. They get approached by people who are impressed by him. He's supposed to be promoting some healthy diet of bread and meat but every time I saw him he was fat and drunk and ugly as homemade sin.

I once saw him at a Colts game sitting in a section below mine. I was in the front row of the balcony at the old Hoosier/RCA Dump and he was in the front ass row with his crew of (child oggling) derelicts. People were yelling to him and he kept turning around to wave. At one perfectly calm moment, I yelled, "HEY JARED!" He turned around and looked right at me and I yelled, "GET A JOB!" Hilarity ensued.

I can't explain it but there was always something phony about him. His on-screen persona didn't mesh with his beer guzzling fat ass frat boy ways and actions. I always figured he would have been some sort of white collar thief if it weren't for his fame. But I didn't suspect this. He sickens me about as much as any human I've ever seen in real life.

Fuck him, fuck Subway, fuck the Colts.

Everything you said and more. It's the danger of having a spokesperson for your brand, especially someone famous specifically for your brand. "Toyota Jan" and "Flo" are characters played by actresses. Jared is himself. Patrick Kane might have been telling you to buy Chevrolets, but he's known as a hockey player. Jared Fogle was famous only for Subway, and when they decided to make him the centerpiece of their brand image, it's really hard to divorce the two. Subway must to have known about the creepy comments he made to others at their events.  I have heard others from Indy describe Jared the same way as Apex did, and that should have been enough for Subway to say "Maybe we don't need this asshole selling our sandwiches."

Jared was "discovered" by Indiana Daily Student reporter Ryan Coleman, who I knew from my days at the IDS. Ryan lived on the same floor as Jared their freshman year and then saw him three years later and didn't recognize him. When Jared said he just limited his diet to all-Subway all-the-time, Ryan wrote a feature on him for the paper. The original article glosses over the main reason he went to Subway: it was downstairs from his apartment.

As for Ryan Coleman, don't hold his Jared Fogle story against him. Even though I last saw him in 2005, Ryan's a good guy.

the B.S. Fogle

Accurate. What did he think of his story when Jared got rich and famous from it? Does he wish he'd found another feature for that assignment or that he'd toned down and genericized all the Subway references?

[Quality Start Machine]

Yeah, she's nice. Good talk, all. Good talk.

That only worked for me when I copypasta'd into my address bar, so I relinked it for you

Whatever works. I feel it's important for us all to see it and agree that it is good.

They're large

Quick GIS gets some NSFW selfies, if that's your thing.

[SKO]

So the Iowa Cubs had to play a 19 inning game last night. It was game one of the doubleheader. The second game started at 10 PM. One of the pitchers for the OKC Dodgers was called up from AA Tulsa while the first game was going on and he drove 100 miles from Tulsa to OKC to get there in time for game 2.

Given what we know about how shitty life in the minors can be, and the added depression of being a AAA player still in AAA on September 1st and thus aware that you've been deemed unworthy of even being on the expanded roster of the big league club, it feels downright cruel to make them play the doubleheader from hell on a Tuesday night in Oklahoma City.

[Quality Start Machine]

Gleyber Torres was promoted to Myrtle Beach for the playoffs.

[Saul Goodman]

Let's all welcome new Cubs prospect and potential Phillies target Dan Vogelsong to the organization.  Congrats, Dan!

So long as Howard remains with the club, they aren't evaluating new options on the major league roster. They could try to acquire a position-less, Quad-A power bat or even trade for a blocked prospect like Dan Vogelsong.

[SKO]

For whatever it's worth, Willson Contreras won the Southern League batting title, hitting .333/.413/.478/.891 on the year. Willing to bet he could be a nice trade piece this offseason as a catcher who can swing the bat. Teams always need those.