Cubs 2012-2013 Offseason "Epstink is Terrible" Thread

[Oleg]

Seems as good a place as any to start...

#Cubs have been in contact with Ryan Dempster's agent about possibly returning next year

This may actually be a good thing.  The team gets more and more anonymous and less hatable.  Justin Germano?  Chris Rusin?  Luis Valbuena?  Who are these guys?  I don't hate them because I feel sorry for them.  Dempster will help me mend my hatin' heart.

I'd actually rather they tried to win than be hateable.

And if they're going to be shitty, obscure shitty players are the way to go. Mike D. and I can run the bar trivia circuit and make our living in wings and free draft beers malort.

Just because.

[Slaky]

Cubs inquire about Dan Haren.

That would be fantastic. Even though he's a former shitbird who claimed at one point to hate the Cubs, I hate the Cubs too so let's fucking party.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Cubs inquire about Dan Haren.

That would be fantastic. Even though he's a former shitbird who claimed at one point to hate the Cubs, I hate the Cubs too so let's fucking party.

And even though he'd only be a one-year rental.

[R-V]

Cubs inquire about Dan Haren.

That would be fantastic. Even though he's a former shitbird who claimed at one point to hate the Cubs, I hate the Cubs too so let's fucking party.

And even though he'd only be a one half-year rental.

Fingers crossed that they trade some prospects they don't want for Haren, and then sell him off for some prospects they do want at the deadline'd

[Internet Apex]

Cubs inquire about Dan Haren.

That would be fantastic. Even though he's a former shitbird who claimed at one point to hate the Cubs, I hate the Cubs too so let's fucking party.

And even though he'd only be a one half-year rental.

Fingers crossed that they trade some prospects they don't want for Haren, and then sell him off for some prospects they do want at the deadline'd

This.

[Slaky]

Cubs inquire about Dan Haren.

That would be fantastic. Even though he's a former shitbird who claimed at one point to hate the Cubs, I hate the Cubs too so let's fucking party.

And even though he'd only be a one half-year rental.

Fingers crossed that they trade some prospects they don't want for Haren, and then sell him off for some prospects they do want at the deadline'd

This.

That would be the plan. If you're a talented vet and you end up on the Cubs roster to start 2013 it's almost a lock you're going to end up on a playoff team. It's actually a pretty cool little deal for those players.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

So, it's agreed. If TEC ever gets off of hold with Theo's secretary, we'll have him suggest trading Esmailin Caridad to LA for Haren and cash.

[Quality Start Machine]

That would be the plan. If you're a talented vet and you end up on the Cubs roster to start 2013 it's almost a lock you're going to end up on a playoff team. It's actually a pretty cool little deal for those players.

It beats signing with a contender and riding the bench. Sign here, get 4PA/game until the deadline to pump some air into your stats, go to a contender and get more dough with your pumped stats for 2014.

[Internet Apex]

That would be the plan. If you're a talented vet and you end up on the Cubs roster to start 2013 it's almost a lock you're going to end up on a playoff team. It's actually a pretty cool little deal for those players.

It beats signing with a contender and riding the bench. Sign here, get 4PA/game until the deadline to pump some air into your stats, go to a contender and get more dough with your pumped stats for 2014.

You, yes you, can be the next Jeff Baker. Sign here.

[PenPho]

BananaWorld with a post on the top 50 Free Agents available.

A promising intro:

It's one of the weakest classes in memory, but that won't stop the money from flowing. Before scoffing at some of the contracts projected below, remember that we have a new national TV deal and several teams getting increased revenue locally as well. The way I see it, there's more money out there than there are players to spend it on.

[Quality Start Machine]

30. Shohei Otani (RHP Japan - Age 18 - Prev. NR): The hard-throwing Otani has his heart set on playing ball in the U.S., even after being selected in the first round of Japan's amateur draft. The new rules created in the last CBA figure to curtail his bonus amount, since the signing team will face a large tax payment and a diminished ability to sign international players next year, but for a talent like this, it'd be worth the sacrifice. The Dodgers, Rangers and Red Sox are thought to be very interested, and while it was once believed he couldn't sign until April, it now appears that a deal could come earlier.

Hard throwing and 18? This is someone worth at least kicking the tires on.

[morpheus]

30. Shohei Otani (RHP Japan - Age 18 - Prev. NR): The hard-throwing Otani has his heart set on playing ball in the U.S., even after being selected in the first round of Japan's amateur draft. The new rules created in the last CBA figure to curtail his bonus amount, since the signing team will face a large tax payment and a diminished ability to sign international players next year, but for a talent like this, it'd be worth the sacrifice. The Dodgers, Rangers and Red Sox are thought to be very interested, and while it was once believed he couldn't sign until April, it now appears that a deal could come earlier.

Hard throwing and 18? This is someone worth at least kicking the tires on.

(||)

[PenPho]

Cubs sign RHP Zach Putnam Off Waivers from Rockies

It's all coming together...

Today, the Cubs once again skimmed the waiver wire to pick up a fringy arm, who had been waived by the Colorado Rockies. That arm belongs to Zach Putnam, a 25-year-old righty who has had a couple cups of coffee, but has mostly been a minor league pitcher.

[Brownie]

Cubs sign RHP Zach Putnam Off Waivers from Rockies

It's all coming together...

Today, the Cubs once again skimmed the waiver wire to pick up a fringy arm, who had been waived by the Colorado Rockies. That arm belongs to Zach Putnam, a 25-year-old righty who has had a couple cups of coffee, but has mostly been a minor league pitcher.

A fringy player for a fringe messageboard. Putnam 2013!!!!

[Quality Start Machine]

Hipsters are naming their kids after Brett Jackson before it's cool.