Morning in America: Butthurt Achieved

[Quality Start Machine]

I'm pretty sure Joni Ernst is on track to be the next Sarah Palin. Sorry everybody.

Why wouldn't we want another Sarah?  The only question is who will play Joni on Saturday Night Live?

Don't care so long as Ryan Theriot is the hog.

Nobody should be the hog without having been a piglet!

[SKO]

I'm pretty sure Joni Ernst is on track to be the next Sarah Palin. Sorry everybody.

Why wouldn't we want another Sarah?  The only question is who will play Joni on Saturday Night Live?

Don't care so long as Ryan Theriot is the hog.

Nobody should be the hog without having been a piglet!

The hog castrating got national attention but was shamed out of existence relatively quickly. It was the stupid "when I worked at a restaurant (fucking Hardee's) I knew the key to a good biscuit was a lot of fat. Unfortunately that's the same way congress treats spending" bullshit that truly ran my mind through the blender. And "MOTHER. SOLDIER. FARMER" repeated ad infinitum. Guh.

[ChuckD]

I'm pretty sure Joni Ernst is on track to be the next Sarah Palin. Sorry everybody.

Why wouldn't we want another Sarah?  The only question is who will play Joni on Saturday Night Live?

Don't care so long as Ryan Theriot is the hog.

Nobody should be the hog without having been a piglet!

The hog castrating got national attention but was shamed out of existence relatively quickly. It was the stupid "when I worked at a restaurant (fucking Hardee's) I knew the key to a good biscuit was a lot of fat. Unfortunately that's the same way congress treats spending" bullshit that truly ran my mind through the blender. And "MOTHER. SOLDIER. FARMER" repeated ad infinitum. Guh.

I was thinking today: Do you think Joni Ernst has the record for most pig scrotums touched by a member of Congress? After 5 minutes of research, I found that Sen. Lauch Faircloth R-NC was a hog farmer. He was born in 1928, is still alive, and only served one term which gives him a lot of opportunity compared to Ernst. That said, I couldn't find any record where he definitively said that he touched a pig scrotum, so that makes me lean toward Ernst. vv

[SKO]

I'm pretty sure Joni Ernst is on track to be the next Sarah Palin. Sorry everybody.

Why wouldn't we want another Sarah?  The only question is who will play Joni on Saturday Night Live?

Don't care so long as Ryan Theriot is the hog.

Nobody should be the hog without having been a piglet!

The hog castrating got national attention but was shamed out of existence relatively quickly. It was the stupid "when I worked at a restaurant (fucking Hardee's) I knew the key to a good biscuit was a lot of fat. Unfortunately that's the same way congress treats spending" bullshit that truly ran my mind through the blender. And "MOTHER. SOLDIER. FARMER" repeated ad infinitum. Guh.

I was thinking today: Do you think Joni Ernst has the record for most pig scrotums touched by a member of Congress? After 5 minutes of research, I found that Sen. Lauch Faircloth R-NC was a hog farmer. He was born in 1928, is still alive, and only served one term which gives him a lot of opportunity compared to Ernst. That said, I couldn't find any record where he definitively said that he touched a pig scrotum, so that makes me lean toward Ernst. vv

Never stop being you.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

How is this not an Onion article?

CHICAGO -- Easily the biggest (and most recognizable) Cubs fan spoke out against Mayor Rahm Emanuel at a news conference Thursday.

Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers said that if Emanuel knew about the video of Laquan McDonald getting shot 16 times by a Chicago police officer, then he should resign.

[Bort]

How is this not an Onion article?

CHICAGO -- Easily the biggest (and most recognizable) Cubs fan spoke out against Mayor Rahm Emanuel at a news conference Thursday.

Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers said that if Emanuel knew about the video of Laquan McDonald getting shot 16 times by a Chicago police officer, then he should resign.

This puts me in the weird position of agreeing with him.

I need a shower.

[Oleg]

How is this not an Onion article?

CHICAGO -- Easily the biggest (and most recognizable) Cubs fan spoke out against Mayor Rahm Emanuel at a news conference Thursday.

Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers said that if Emanuel knew about the video of Laquan McDonald getting shot 16 times by a Chicago police officer, then he should resign.

This puts me in the weird position of agreeing with him.

I need a shower.

It's not exactly a controversial stance.  It's not even edgy or marginal.  I think it's pretty mainstream, from what I'd heard lately.

[flannj]

How is this not an Onion article?

CHICAGO -- Easily the biggest (and most recognizable) Cubs fan spoke out against Mayor Rahm Emanuel at a news conference Thursday.

Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers said that if Emanuel knew about the video of Laquan McDonald getting shot 16 times by a Chicago police officer, then he should resign.

This puts me in the weird position of agreeing with him.

I need a shower.

Not as much as Woo Woo does.

[Quality Start Machine]

How is this not an Onion article?

CHICAGO -- Easily the biggest (and most recognizable) Cubs fan spoke out against Mayor Rahm Emanuel at a news conference Thursday.

Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers said that if Emanuel knew about the video of Laquan McDonald getting shot 16 times by a Chicago police officer, then he should resign.

This puts me in the weird position of agreeing with him.

I need a shower.

Not as much as Woo Woo does.

Let's call it a tie.

[CBStew]

How is this not an Onion article?

CHICAGO -- Easily the biggest (and most recognizable) Cubs fan spoke out against Mayor Rahm Emanuel at a news conference Thursday.

Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers said that if Emanuel knew about the video of Laquan McDonald getting shot 16 times by a Chicago police officer, then he should resign.

San Franciscans love their civic history, part of which includes a character named Joshua Norton, who crowned himself as the Emperor of the United States in the latter half of the 19th Century. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
He dressed himself in a colorful outfit and walked around San Francisco living off of the free meals that the amused citizens bestowed upon him.  He issued many proclamations and gave orders do make civic improvements, one of which was to build a bridge connecting Oakland and San Francisco.  (Clearly insane!)  Chicago has its own Emperor Norton, except instead of a plumed hat he goes around in a Cubs uniform.

[CT III]

How is this not an Onion article?

CHICAGO -- Easily the biggest (and most recognizable) Cubs fan spoke out against Mayor Rahm Emanuel at a news conference Thursday.

Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers said that if Emanuel knew about the video of Laquan McDonald getting shot 16 times by a Chicago police officer, then he should resign.

San Franciscans love their civic history, part of which includes a character named Joshua Norton, who crowned himself as the Emperor of the United States in the latter half of the 19th Century. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
He dressed himself in a colorful outfit and walked around San Francisco living off of the free meals that the amused citizens bestowed upon him.  He issued many proclamations and gave orders do make civic improvements, one of which was to build a bridge connecting Oakland and San Francisco.  (Clearly insane!)  Chicago has its own Emperor Norton, except instead of a plumed hat he goes around in a Cubs uniform.

I assume you're talking about Huey.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

How is this not an Onion article?

CHICAGO -- Easily the biggest (and most recognizable) Cubs fan spoke out against Mayor Rahm Emanuel at a news conference Thursday.

Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers said that if Emanuel knew about the video of Laquan McDonald getting shot 16 times by a Chicago police officer, then he should resign.

San Franciscans love their civic history, part of which includes a character named Joshua Norton, who crowned himself as the Emperor of the United States in the latter half of the 19th Century. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton
He dressed himself in a colorful outfit and walked around San Francisco living off of the free meals that the amused citizens bestowed upon him.  He issued many proclamations and gave orders do make civic improvements, one of which was to build a bridge connecting Oakland and San Francisco.  (Clearly insane!)  Chicago has its own Emperor Norton, except instead of a plumed hat he goes around in a Cubs uniform.

I assume you're talking about Huey.

But I still prefer to go by Emperor Norton.