Deathstink 2013

[J. Walter Weatherman]

18 players. 119 celebrities. 365 days to victory.

Picks
Scoreboard
Status Board

Most Popular: George H.W. Bush (8)

Runners up: Nelson Mandela (7), Hugo Chavez (6)

Oldest: Eli Wallach (97)

Youngest: Fabrice Muamba (24)

Most original list: Wheezer (10 unique, 10 new)

Least original list: flannj (2 unique: Dick Cheney, Dianne Feinstein; 1 new: Dianne Feinstein)

Mean age: 71.4

Median age: 78.5 (Van Cliburn)

Highest possible score: 86 points (Tonker)

Lowest possible score with 10 deaths: 43 points (Butthead)


2013 Dead Pool Rookie Class

76 are all new for 2013, only five of whom have been picked by more than one person:

George H.W. Bush (8)
Jack Pardee (3)
Amanda Bynes (2)
Joseph Wapner (2)
Robert Mugabe (2)


2013 Dead Pool Retirees

64 veterans of 2012 have retired from competition without an obituary. Seven were picked more than once last year:

Betty White (2)
Don Pardo (2)
Ernie Banks (2)
Jerry Sandusky (2)
Liza Minnelli (2)
Pat Summerall (2)
Stan Musial (2)


2012 Dead Pool Retreads

43 picks from 2012 soldier on into 2013, twenty picked more than once this year:

Nelson Mandela (7)
Hugo Chavez (6)
Bob Dole (5)
Fidel Castro (5)
Kirk Douglas (5)
Roger Ebert (5)
Lindsay Lohan (4)
Ariel Sharon (3)
Bashar al-Assad (3)
Hosni Mubarak (3)
Margaret Thatcher (3)
Mickey Rooney (3)
Nancy Reagan (3)
Billy Graham (2)
Eli Wallach (2)
Jimmy Carter (2)
Muhammad Ali (2)
Superstar Billy Graham (2)
William Perry (2)
Zsa Zsa Gabor (2)


Biggest Gainers 2012 to 2013

George H.W. Bush (+8)
Nelson Mandela (+5)
Bob Dole (+4)
Hugo Chavez (+4)
Jack Pardee (+3)
Amanda Bynes (+2)
Bashar al-Assad (+2)
Joseph Wapner (+2)
Robert Mugabe (+2)


Biggest Losers 2012 to 2013

Zsa Zsa Gabor (-4)
Betty White (-2)
Don Pardo (-2)
Ernie Banks (-2)
Jerry Sandusky (-2)
Liza Minnelli (-2)
Muhammad Ali (-2)
Pat Summerall (-2)
Stan Musial (-2)


Age 27 Seasons

Lindsay Lohan (first ballot burnout HOFer)
Amanda Bynes (top AAA burnout prospect)
Frankie Muniz (to the DL in November with a "mini-stroke")
Lana Del Rey (may not actually be alive)


SPORTS!

Andy Pafko
Arnold Palmer
Barry Bonds
Buddy Ryan
Dean Smith
Ed Sprinkle
Fabrice Muamba
Gary Bettman
Hayden Fry
Jack Pardee
Josh Hamilton
Justin Verlander
Ken Norton
Lance Armstrong
Lenny Dykstra
Magic Johnson
Muhammad Ali
Paul Gascoigne
Steve Gleason
Tommy Lasorda
Virginia McCaskey
Wendell Kim
William Perry
Y.A. Tittle


Fake SPORTS!

Scott Hall
Scott Steiner
Superstar Billy Graham
Vince McMahon


Desipio!

powen01


Picks Without Wikipedia Articles

Don Wade
powen01


It's a Local Thing™

Andy Pafko
Bob Newhart
Don Wade
Buddy Ryan
Ed Sprinkle
Francis Cardinal George
Hugh Hefner
Jack Pardee
James Watson
Milt Rosenberg
Nick Calabrese
Roger Ebert
Virginia McCaskey
Wendell Kim
William Perry


Bipartisan Stalemate

Bob Dole (R)
Dianne Feinstein (D)
Dick Cheney (R)
George H.W. Bush (R)
Hillary Clinton (D)
Jimmy Carter (D)

The gridlock holds even if you count Lyndon LaRouche (D, sort of) and Nancy Reagan (R).


Sky Pilots

Billy Graham
Francis Cardinal George
Harold Camping
Louis Farrakhan
Pope Benedict XVI


Space Men

Ed Mitchell
Felix Baumgartner (nearly)
Gary Busey
John Glenn


Possibly Immortal

Ed Sprinkle
Fabrice Muamba
Zsa Zsa Gabor


Better Dead Than Red

Fidel Castro
Gennady Zyuganov
Hugo Chavez
Kim Jong-un
Mikhail Gorbachev


Terrorist Dickholes

Ayman al-Zawahiri
Joseph Kony


Hamas (i.e., walking IDF airstrike targets/likely dickholes)

Ismail Abdel Salam Ahmed Haniyeh
Khaled Meshal


Miscellaneous International Dickholes

Bashar al-Assad
Hosni Mubarak
Robert Mugabe
Tariq Aziz


Everybody Wins

Al Yellon

Here's Hugo Chavez in a cancer hat, levitating a baseball:

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Appendix A

Powen's Deadpool Deadly Deaths 2013...

1. Amanda Bynes—Overdoses on batshit craziness

2. Fidel Castro—Just fucking die already

3. Hosni Mubarak—And take this asshole with you

4. Hugo Chavez—Butt Cancer

5. Bashar al-Assad—Natural Causes - Just kidding, he's going to get raped to death

6. Lance Armstrong—Colon Blow Overdose

7. Ariel Sharon—Pants shitting grabber (while comatose)

8. Kim Jung Un—Anorexia/Bulimia (not funny guys, this shit is serious and affects a lot of teenage girls every day on twitter, Kim is just another vulnerable young woman facing the same challenges as Britney, y'all.)

9. Aretha Franklin—Diabeetus

10. Powen01—Death by awesome... no seriously, I will probably get something disgusting from a tranny hooker at some point this year. It's gonna be great, I can tell. 

Boner Pick:  Al Yellon—DIEDIEDIE

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Appendix B

A model of consistency: Big Drinky's Dead Pool lists through the years...

2010:

1. Nelson Mandela
2. John Wooden
3. Fidel Castro
4. Superstar Billy Graham
5. Dick Clark
6. Rue McClanahan
7. Bernie Madoff
8. Nancy Reagan
9. Grant Hart
10. Dustin Diamond

2011:

1. Fidel Castro
2. Superstar Billy Graham
3. Dick Clark
4. Nelson Mandela
5. Bernie Madoff
6. Scott Steiner
7. Slim Whitman
8. Nancy Reagan
9. Dick Van Dyke
10. Dustin Diamond

2012:

1. Fidel Castro
2. Superstar Billy Graham
3. Dick Clark
4. Nelson Mandela
5. Bernie Madoff
6. Scott Steiner
7. Slim Whitman
8. Nancy Reagan
9. Dick Van Dyke
10. Dustin Diamond

2013:

1. Fidel Castro
2. Superstar Billy Graham
3. Nelson Mandela
4. Bernie Madoff
5. Virginia McCaskey
6. Scott Steiner
7. Slim Whitman
8. Nancy Reagan
9. Dick Van Dyke
10. Dustin Diamond

Should Grant Hart be concerned?

[Chuck to Chuck]

[Wheezer]

If Pen scores with I.M. Pei we both win, after a fashion.

[Tonker]

[Quality Start Machine]

[powen01]

"Picks Without Wikipedia Articles

Don Wade
powen01"

You ever been to the chud forums, motherfucker?  I'm a goddamn celebrity. 

[powen01]

And Tonks, I can't believe you picked Gazza, but he is definitely the most likely candidate to pull a George Best...

[Tonker]

And Tonks, I can't believe you picked Gazza, but he is definitely the most likely candidate to pull a George Best...

How do you mean?  Get a liver transplant and shag Miss World?  Or spend most of his money on booze, women and horses - and then just squander the rest?  Or maybe turn up to meet a cornered, suicidal cop-killer with a six-pack of Stella, a cooked chicken from Asda, and a fishing rod?

Oh no, wait... that last one was Gazza.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

And Tonks, I can't believe you picked Gazza, but he is definitely the most likely candidate to pull a George Best...

How do you mean?  Get a liver transplant and shag Miss World?  Or spend most of his money on booze, women and horses - and then just squander the rest?  Or maybe turn up to meet a cornered, suicidal cop-killer with a six-pack of Stella, a cooked chicken from Asda, and a fishing rod?

Oh no, wait... that last one was Gazza.

He revealed that his taxi driver urged him not to go - but he said 'keep driving'.

The former Premier League footballer also insisted he is turning his round a life.

He said he also battled addiction to Red Bull as he got into difficulties around the time he was sectioned three years ago. He says at one point he was drinking 40 cans a day.

[Brownie]

And Tonks, I can't believe you picked Gazza, but he is definitely the most likely candidate to pull a George Best...

Or spend most of his money on booze, women and horses - and then just squander the rest? 

So, Tug McGraw isn't just an ex-Phillie, deadbeat dad, overrated closer and (worst of all) a 1969 Met, but a plagiarist, too?

[PenPho]

[Gilgamesh]

[flannj]