The Hobbit

[Tonker]

Fine, I'll do it, then.

This film is completely fine.  Quite enjoyable, really, considering that it's essentially a pilot for the next two movies.  Yes, it's not LOTR, but just because it's a little disappointing doesn't mean it's actually bad.  I could have done without the musical numbers, I guess, and it is a little bit samey - get attacked, fight, run away, rest, repeat - but it's visually stunning.  I saw it in IMAX and with the exception of old Bilbo's make-up in the opening scene, couldn't see what the hell everybody was bitching about vis-a-vis the framerate.

So, all in all, three hours enjoyably spent watching a pretty good film.  You got a problem with that?

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

[Chuck to Chuck]

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

That's the real problem with all the books.  Got a problem? Get the Americans to bail you out.  All the time.  Tolkien was such an unimaginative fucker.

[Bort]

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

That's the real problem with all the books.  Got a problem? Get the Americans to bail you out.  All the time.  Tolkien was such an unimaginative fucker.

I hate you, Internet Chuck.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

I felt like the riddle scene alone made this worth my three hours.

[CT III]

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

It must be noted that Gandalf is one of the worst strategists in the history of human/orc warfare.

[Bort]

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

It must be noted that Gandalf is one of the worst strategists in the history of human/orc warfare.

Time to put my nerd pants on and point out that Gandalf, as a Maiar agent of Eru Illuvatar was only allowed a certain amount of intervention in Middle-Ear--


Fuck it, even I want to give me a swirlie now.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

That's the real problem with all the books.  Got a problem? Get the Americans to bail you out.  All the time.  Tolkien was such an unimaginative fucker.

I hate you, Internet Chuck.

Hate away.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

That's the real problem with all the books.  Got a problem? Get the Americans to bail you out.  All the time.  Tolkien was such an unimaginative fucker.

I hate you, Internet Chuck.

Hate away.

No, Chuck.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

That's the real problem with all the books.  Got a problem? Get the Americans to bail you out.  All the time.  Tolkien was such an unimaginative fucker.

I hate you, Internet Chuck.

Hate away.

No, Chuck.

I have no idea how that even applies here.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

That's the real problem with all the books.  Got a problem? Get the Americans to bail you out.  All the time.  Tolkien was such an unimaginative fucker.

I hate you, Internet Chuck.

Hate away.

No, Chuck.

I have no idea how that even applies here.

It always applies.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

My favorite moment from the movie:

[Bort]

Actually, I do have a problem [SPOILER]:  If Gandalf could call big old fucking eagles to fly everybody around then why the fuck didn't he just do that in the first place?

That's the real problem with all the books.  Got a problem? Get the Americans to bail you out.  All the time.  Tolkien was such an unimaginative fucker.

I hate you, Internet Chuck.

Hate away.

No, Chuck.

I have no idea how that even applies here.

It always applies.

Yes, Thrill.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Saw it last night. I think Tonks has it right.  It's fine.  Nothing more.  And it's way too long in the beginning and it's far too derivative of the first movies.  I was half expecting Gandalf to scream "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at Turkey Wattle Goblin.

Last thing: Bunny sleds are worse than Ewoks.

[CT III]

Saw it last night. I think Tonks has it right.  It's fine.  Nothing more.  And it's way too long in the beginning and it's far too derivative of the first movies.  I was half expecting Gandalf to scream "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at Turkey Wattle Goblin.

Last thing: Bunny sleds are worse than Ewoks.

You know, that was like 30 fucking years ago.  Maybe it's time you just got over it.

[Bort]

Saw it last night. I think Tonks has it right.  It's fine.  Nothing more.  And it's way too long in the beginning and it's far too derivative of the first movies.  I was half expecting Gandalf to scream "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at Turkey Wattle Goblin.

Last thing: Bunny sleds are worse than Ewoks.

You know, that was like 30 fucking years ago.  Maybe it's time you just got over it.

30 fucking years ago in a movie aimed at children.