2013 Epstink's Chicago Cubstinks

[PenFoe]

Did I miss something?  Is there a rule that the Cubs can't beat Wandy Rodriguez?

Sometimes you just have to tip your cap.

Pitchers with career ERAs of 4.00 don't grow on trees, you know.

[Saul Goodman]

Shawn Camp sucks.

[CBStew]

"Sometimes, you just think too much," Soriano continued. "I get frustrated when you see that happen, because I'm tired of losing. I don't want to be on a losing team and have a bad record."

Gee, Alfonso, I can think of a quick fix for that.

[Brownie]

Gee, Alfonso, I can think of a quick fix for that.

Have the team stop sucking at baseball?

[Chuck to Chuck]

"Sometimes, you just think too much," Soriano continued. "I get frustrated when you see that happen, because I'm tired of losing. I don't want to be on a losing team and have a bad record."

What does he want? To be on a losing team without a bad record?  A winning team with a bad record?  Or a winning team with a good record?

Sometimes, you just think too much.

[Eli]

What does he want?

Probably for people to not nitpick comments made in his second language.

[Gilgamesh]

What does he want?

Probably for people to not nitpick comments made in his second language.

Would you please keep your rational and sane analysis to yourself please; we're trying to attack Soriano on all fronts, damnit.

[Chuck to Chuck]

What does he want?

Probably for people to not nitpick comments made in his second language.

Would you please keep your rational and sane analysis to yourself please; we're trying to attack Soriano on all fronts, damnit.

Yes.  We are running out of time. After that, what overpriced old guy free agent acquisition who does nothing in the playoffs do I have to pick on? Hossa?

[ChuckD]

What does he want?

Probably for people to not nitpick comments made in his second language.

Would you please keep your rational and sane analysis to yourself please; we're trying to attack Soriano on all fronts, damnit.

Yes.  We are running out of time. After that, what overpriced old guy free agent acquisition who does nothing in the playoffs do I have to pick on? Hossa?

God dammit, Chuck.

[Quality Start Machine]

What does he want?

Probably for people to not nitpick comments made in his second language.

Would you please keep your rational and sane analysis to yourself please; we're trying to attack Soriano on all fronts, damnit.

Yes.  We are running out of time. After that, what overpriced old guy free agent acquisition who does nothing in the playoffs do I have to pick on? Hossa?

God dammit, Chuck.

+1

[Bort]

What does he want?

Probably for people to not nitpick comments made in his second language.

Would you please keep your rational and sane analysis to yourself please; we're trying to attack Soriano on all fronts, damnit.

Yes.  We are running out of time. After that, what overpriced old guy free agent acquisition who does nothing in the playoffs do I have to pick on? Hossa?

God dammit, Chuck.

[Polite applause]

[Chuck to Chuck]

What does he want?

Probably for people to not nitpick comments made in his second language.

Would you please keep your rational and sane analysis to yourself please; we're trying to attack Soriano on all fronts, damnit.

Yes.  We are running out of time. After that, what overpriced old guy free agent acquisition who does nothing in the playoffs do I have to pick on? Hossa?

God dammit, Chuck.

[Polite applause]

Who's the guy with the brown hair in that picture?

[PenFoe]

Kyuji Fujikawa: Japanese for Tommy John Disease.

[Internet Apex]

Kyuji Fujikawa: Japanese for Tommy John Disease.

*lurches forward in chair*

[Tonker]

Kyuji Fujikawa: Japanese for Tommy John Disease.

He'll be fine.  Lewis Yocum will have him pitching better than ever in no time.