2013 Epstink's Chicago Cubstinks

[Tonker]

"Wrigley winds alter Cubs' fortunes"

Ok.

In my high school journalism class my teacher, Ben Franklin, taught us that when writing a sports article describing a home team loss one should never make up excuses.
"We would'a won but every time we batted the wind blew in and every time they batted the wind blew out"

Jesus, how old are you?

Nice work, Pen.  You went for the joke that was too obvious even for Fork and Morph.

Geez Oleg, can't you be the bigger man for once?

Show a tiny bit of restraint?

Have a little compassion?

[Richard Chuggar]

"Wrigley winds alter Cubs' fortunes"

Ok.

In my high school journalism class my teacher, Ben Franklin, taught us that when writing a sports article describing a home team loss one should never make up excuses.
"We would'a won but every time we batted the wind blew in and every time they batted the wind blew out"

Jesus, how old are you?

Nice work, Pen.  You went for the joke that was too obvious even for Fork and Morph.

Geez Oleg, can't you be the bigger man for once?

Show a tiny bit of restraint?

Have a little compassion?

Stop being so short with Pen

[Bort]

"Wrigley winds alter Cubs' fortunes"

Ok.

In my high school journalism class my teacher, Ben Franklin, taught us that when writing a sports article describing a home team loss one should never make up excuses.
"We would'a won but every time we batted the wind blew in and every time they batted the wind blew out"

Jesus, how old are you?

Nice work, Pen.  You went for the joke that was too obvious even for Fork and Morph.

Geez Oleg, can't you be the bigger man for once?

Show a tiny bit of restraint?

Have a little compassion?

Stop being so short with Pen

Be of at least average height?

[Internet Apex]

"Wrigley winds alter Cubs' fortunes"

Ok.

In my high school journalism class my teacher, Ben Franklin, taught us that when writing a sports article describing a home team loss one should never make up excuses.
"We would'a won but every time we batted the wind blew in and every time they batted the wind blew out"

Jesus, how old are you?

Nice work, Pen.  You went for the joke that was too obvious even for Fork and Morph.

Geez Oleg, can't you be the bigger man for once?

Show a tiny bit of restraint?

Have a little compassion?

Stop being so short with Pen

Be of at least average height?

I'd say this escalated quickly but that would be incorrect.

[Armchair_QB]

Troll hard Theo, troll hard.

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2013/04/cubs-sign-kevin-gregg.html

[Tonker]

Troll hard Theo, troll hard.

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2013/04/cubs-sign-kevin-gregg.html

First comment on that article: "Joe Borowski just started doing pushups upon seeing this news."

[Yeti]

Troll hard Theo, troll hard.

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2013/04/cubs-sign-kevin-gregg.html

That's fucking it!!!!!!!!!! I've goddamned had it up to my fucking eyeballs with the fucking Cubs!!!!!!!!!!! Kevin FUCKING Gregg???? Are you fucking serious???? Jesus fucking Christ Hoyer!!!!!!!!! What in the fucking goddamned hell are you doing? I don't give a goddamn that he's signed a minor league contract. That's a spot that could and should go to a more deserving prospect, not a motherfucking shitstain cocksucker like Kevin FUCKING Gregg!!!!!!!!. Don't you know the fucking difference between a decent relief pitcher and goddamned hack whose only purpose is to serve up fucking goddamned batting practice? If that cocksucker shows his retarded fucking goggles wearing face in Wrigley somebody better drop a goddmned a-bomb there. GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT ALL TO FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's one thing to admit that this team will suck dog shit for a few years while the front office tries to clean out the shit left behind by Moe Hendry. But JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!!!!!! Don't fucking repeat the same goddamned mistakes Hendry made!!!! SON-OF-A-FUCKING-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tonker]

Troll hard Theo, troll hard.

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2013/04/cubs-sign-kevin-gregg.html

That's fucking it!!!!!!!!!! I've goddamned had it up to my fucking eyeballs with the fucking Cubs!!!!!!!!!!! Kevin FUCKING Gregg???? Are you fucking serious???? Jesus fucking Christ Hoyer!!!!!!!!! What in the fucking goddamned hell are you doing? I don't give a goddamn that he's signed a minor league contract. That's a spot that could and should go to a more deserving prospect, not a motherfucking shitstain cocksucker like Kevin FUCKING Gregg!!!!!!!!. Don't you know the fucking difference between a decent relief pitcher and goddamned hack whose only purpose is to serve up fucking goddamned batting practice? If that cocksucker shows his retarded fucking goggles wearing face in Wrigley somebody better drop a goddmned a-bomb there. GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT ALL TO FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's one thing to admit that this team will suck dog shit for a few years while the front office tries to clean out the shit left behind by Moe Hendry. But JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!!!!!! Don't fucking repeat the same goddamned mistakes Hendry made!!!! SON-OF-A-FUCKING-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chucky?

[CBStew]

Troll hard Theo, troll hard.

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2013/04/cubs-sign-kevin-gregg.html

That's fucking it!!!!!!!!!! I've goddamned had it up to my fucking eyeballs with the fucking Cubs!!!!!!!!!!! Kevin FUCKING Gregg???? Are you fucking serious???? Jesus fucking Christ Hoyer!!!!!!!!! What in the fucking goddamned hell are you doing? I don't give a goddamn that he's signed a minor league contract. That's a spot that could and should go to a more deserving prospect, not a motherfucking shitstain cocksucker like Kevin FUCKING Gregg!!!!!!!!. Don't you know the fucking difference between a decent relief pitcher and goddamned hack whose only purpose is to serve up fucking goddamned batting practice? If that cocksucker shows his retarded fucking goggles wearing face in Wrigley somebody better drop a goddmned a-bomb there. GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT ALL TO FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's one thing to admit that this team will suck dog shit for a few years while the front office tries to clean out the shit left behind by Moe Hendry. But JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!!!!!! Don't fucking repeat the same goddamned mistakes Hendry made!!!! SON-OF-A-FUCKING-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeti hides his feelings well.

[Armchair_QB]

Troll hard Theo, troll hard.

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2013/04/cubs-sign-kevin-gregg.html

That's fucking it!!!!!!!!!! I've goddamned had it up to my fucking eyeballs with the fucking Cubs!!!!!!!!!!! Kevin FUCKING Gregg???? Are you fucking serious???? Jesus fucking Christ Hoyer!!!!!!!!! What in the fucking goddamned hell are you doing? I don't give a goddamn that he's signed a minor league contract. That's a spot that could and should go to a more deserving prospect, not a motherfucking shitstain cocksucker like Kevin FUCKING Gregg!!!!!!!!. Don't you know the fucking difference between a decent relief pitcher and goddamned hack whose only purpose is to serve up fucking goddamned batting practice? If that cocksucker shows his retarded fucking goggles wearing face in Wrigley somebody better drop a goddmned a-bomb there. GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT ALL TO FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's one thing to admit that this team will suck dog shit for a few years while the front office tries to clean out the shit left behind by Moe Hendry. But JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!!!!!! Don't fucking repeat the same goddamned mistakes Hendry made!!!! SON-OF-A-FUCKING-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?

[Quality Start Machine]

Troll hard Theo, troll hard.

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2013/04/cubs-sign-kevin-gregg.html

First comment on that article: "Joe Borowski just started doing pushups upon seeing this news."

Plural?

[Andy]

First comment on that article: "Joe Borowski just started doing pushups upon seeing this news."

"Started doing pushups" is accurate.  I doubt he's ever done one before.

[Saul Goodman]

CINCINNATI -- Cody Ransom will make his Cubs' debut Tuesday night at Great American Ball Park, playing third and batting seventh against Reds rookie left-hander Tony Cingrani.

Tickets are still available.

That's a quality PAUL SULLIVAN burn.

[Gilgamesh]

CINCINNATI -- Cody Ransom will make his Cubs' debut Tuesday night at Great American Ball Park, playing third and batting seventh against Reds rookie left-hander Tony Cingrani.

Tickets are still available.

That's a quality PAUL SULLIVAN burn.

And just like that, it's bonertime in his first Cubs AB.

FYPS?

[J. Walter Weatherman]

CINCINNATI -- Cody Ransom will make his Cubs' debut Tuesday night at Great American Ball Park, playing third and batting seventh against Reds rookie left-hander Tony Cingrani.

Tickets are still available.

That's a quality PAUL SULLIVAN burn.

And just like that, it's bonertime in his first Cubs AB.

FYPS?

https://twitter.com/PWSullivan/status/326840416316030976

Cody Ransom homers in first Cubs at-bat. Can't remember last time that happened either.

https://twitter.com/PWSullivan/status/326840661850587136

Starlin Castro is last Cubs player to homer in first at-bat, in Cincy in 2010.