2013 Epstink's Chicago Cubstinks

[Slaky]

Has anybody else noticed that Cody Ransom is now batting .286/.386/.662/1.030 for the Cubs, with 5 2B and a Sosa-esque 8HR in just 77AB?

DIS KID IS ONE FOR DA FUTURE MY FRENTS.

Edit: he's actually pretty terrible against righties (except Adam Wainwright, yay) but his line against lefties is .327/.407/.827.  Against southpaws, Cody Ransom is *literally* Barry Bonds.

Also, he's not even the best lefty-killer on the Cubs.  Navarro is batting a chuckle-inducing .556/.652/1.056/1.708 (!) with 10 hits, 5 BB and 3HR in just 18AB.

I have. It's very weird.

It's also funny that he's 78 years old.

[R-V]

Has anybody else noticed that Cody Ransom is now batting .286/.386/.662/1.030 for the Cubs, with 5 2B and a Sosa-esque 8HR in just 77AB?

DIS KID IS ONE FOR DA FUTURE MY FRENTS.

Edit: he's actually pretty terrible against righties (except Adam Wainwright, yay) but his line against lefties is .327/.407/.827.  Against southpaws, Cody Ransom is *literally* Barry Bonds.

Also, he's not even the best lefty-killer on the Cubs.  Navarro is batting a chuckle-inducing .556/.652/1.056/1.708 (!) with 10 hits, 5 BB and 3HR in just 18AB.

I have. It's very weird.

It's also funny that he's 78 years old.

If the Cubs get anything close to worthwhile at the deadline for Gregg, Ransom or S'weenie, Theo and Jed deserve a big old sloppy buttkiss.

[BH]

Has anybody else noticed that Cody Ransom is now batting .286/.386/.662/1.030 for the Cubs, with 5 2B and a Sosa-esque 8HR in just 77AB?

DIS KID IS ONE FOR DA FUTURE MY FRENTS.

Edit: he's actually pretty terrible against righties (except Adam Wainwright, yay) but his line against lefties is .327/.407/.827.  Against southpaws, Cody Ransom is *literally* Barry Bonds.

Also, he's not even the best lefty-killer on the Cubs.  Navarro is batting a chuckle-inducing .556/.652/1.056/1.708 (!) with 10 hits, 5 BB and 3HR in just 18AB.

I have. It's very weird.

It's also funny that he's 78 years old.

If the Cubs get anything close to worthwhile at the deadline for Gregg, Ransom or S'weenie, Theo and Jed deserve a big old sloppy buttkiss.

Did you not read Al's article? It doesn't matter who we get back, all prospects suck.

[Internet Apex]

Has anybody else noticed that Cody Ransom is now batting .286/.386/.662/1.030 for the Cubs, with 5 2B and a Sosa-esque 8HR in just 77AB?

DIS KID IS ONE FOR DA FUTURE MY FRENTS.

Edit: he's actually pretty terrible against righties (except Adam Wainwright, yay) but his line against lefties is .327/.407/.827.  Against southpaws, Cody Ransom is *literally* Barry Bonds.

Also, he's not even the best lefty-killer on the Cubs.  Navarro is batting a chuckle-inducing .556/.652/1.056/1.708 (!) with 10 hits, 5 BB and 3HR in just 18AB.

I have. It's very weird.

It's also funny that he's 78 years old.

If the Cubs get anything close to worthwhile at the deadline for Gregg, Ransom or S'weenie, Theo and Jed deserve a big old sloppy buttkiss.

Did you not read Al's article? It doesn't matter who we get back, all prospects suck.

OH, sure. Trade the CLOSURE. HOW THE HELL ARE THEY GONNA CLIMB BACK TO 9-under-.500 without Greg?

[Saul Goodman]

Has anybody else noticed that Cody Ransom is now batting .286/.386/.662/1.030 for the Cubs, with 5 2B and a Sosa-esque 8HR in just 77AB?

DIS KID IS ONE FOR DA FUTURE MY FRENTS.

Edit: he's actually pretty terrible against righties (except Adam Wainwright, yay) but his line against lefties is .327/.407/.827.  Against southpaws, Cody Ransom is *literally* Barry Bonds.

Also, he's not even the best lefty-killer on the Cubs.  Navarro is batting a chuckle-inducing .556/.652/1.056/1.708 (!) with 10 hits, 5 BB and 3HR in just 18AB.

I have. It's very weird.

It's also funny that he's 78 years old.

If the Cubs get anything close to worthwhile at the deadline for Gregg, Ransom or S'weenie, Theo and Jed deserve a big old sloppy buttkiss.

Did you not read Al's article? It doesn't matter who we get back, all prospects suck.

OH, sure. Trade the CLOSURE. HOW THE HELL ARE THEY GONNA CLIMB BACK TO 9-under-.500 without Greg?

6/16/13 NEVER FORGET

[PenFoe]

Has anybody else noticed that Cody Ransom is now batting .286/.386/.662/1.030 for the Cubs, with 5 2B and a Sosa-esque 8HR in just 77AB?

DIS KID IS ONE FOR DA FUTURE MY FRENTS.

Edit: he's actually pretty terrible against righties (except Adam Wainwright, yay) but his line against lefties is .327/.407/.827.  Against southpaws, Cody Ransom is *literally* Barry Bonds.

Also, he's not even the best lefty-killer on the Cubs.  Navarro is batting a chuckle-inducing .556/.652/1.056/1.708 (!) with 10 hits, 5 BB and 3HR in just 18AB.

I have. It's very weird.

It's also funny that he's 78 years old.

If the Cubs get anything close to worthwhile at the deadline for Gregg, Ransom or S'weenie, Theo and Jed deserve a big old sloppy buttkiss.

What?

No.

No, no, no.

[Quality Start Machine]

Has anybody else noticed that Cody Ransom is now batting .286/.386/.662/1.030 for the Cubs, with 5 2B and a Sosa-esque 8HR in just 77AB?

DIS KID IS ONE FOR DA FUTURE MY FRENTS.

Edit: he's actually pretty terrible against righties (except Adam Wainwright, yay) but his line against lefties is .327/.407/.827.  Against southpaws, Cody Ransom is *literally* Barry Bonds.

Also, he's not even the best lefty-killer on the Cubs.  Navarro is batting a chuckle-inducing .556/.652/1.056/1.708 (!) with 10 hits, 5 BB and 3HR in just 18AB.

I have. It's very weird.

It's also funny that he's 78 years old.

If the Cubs get anything close to worthwhile at the deadline for Gregg, Ransom or S'weenie, Theo and Jed deserve a big old sloppy buttkiss.

What?

No.

No, no, no.

S'weenie's doing 90 'cause he's got nowhere to go.

[CBStew]

I read on the Cubs' official site that Concepcion, the Cubs' 23 year old Cuban pitcher, has been sidelined with a sore back.  A 23 year old with a sore back?  That is obviously 23 years in Cuban time.

[Tonker]

Has anybody else noticed that Cody Ransom is now batting .286/.386/.662/1.030 for the Cubs, with 5 2B and a Sosa-esque 8HR in just 77AB?

DIS KID IS ONE FOR DA FUTURE MY FRENTS.

Edit: he's actually pretty terrible against righties (except Adam Wainwright, yay) but his line against lefties is .327/.407/.827.  Against southpaws, Cody Ransom is *literally* Barry Bonds.

Also, he's not even the best lefty-killer on the Cubs.  Navarro is batting a chuckle-inducing .556/.652/1.056/1.708 (!) with 10 hits, 5 BB and 3HR in just 18AB.

I have. It's very weird.

It's also funny that he's 78 years old.

If the Cubs get anything close to worthwhile at the deadline for Gregg, Ransom or S'weenie, Theo and Jed deserve a big old sloppy buttkiss.

What?

No.

No, no, no.

S'weenie's doing 90 'cause he's got nowhere to go.

Heh.  I'll give you that one, Fork.

[Saul Goodman]

We might get another Al screed after some pretty poor outfield play tonight -- Sweeney and Schierholtz were too busy avoiding a stupid, unnecessary collision to actually catch the ball, and Bogusevic going for a very ill-advised falling/diving attempt that he whiffed on and of course the ball then rolled all the way to the wall and let the tying run score. Robbing the great Travis Wood of a deserved win. Basically, minor leaguers playing like the minor leaguers they are (except Schierholtz).

Good thing I'm rooting for a high draft pick or I might actually be upset.

[Tonker]

The Cubs are now 34-45.  Their X_WL, though, is 38-41, and their record in one-run games is 9-17.  In a parallel Universe, this team is around one marmol (the standard unit of suck) away from playing .500 ball.  Which is... something, but I'm not quite sure what.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

The Cubs are now 34-45.  Their X_WL, though, is 38-41, and their record in one-run games is 9-17.  In a parallel Universe, this team is around one marmol (the standard unit of suck) away from playing .500 ball.  Which is... something, but I'm not quite sure what.

Light years ahead of the confused pig fucking on the south side, I know that.

[Tonker]

The Cubs are now 34-45.  Their X_WL, though, is 38-41, and their record in one-run games is 9-17.  In a parallel Universe, this team is around one marmol (the standard unit of suck) away from playing .500 ball.  Which is... something, but I'm not quite sure what.

Light years ahead of the confused pig fucking on the south side, I know that.

Outside the NL Central, the Cubs (X_WL now 39-41) currently have a better run differential (just -10) than everybody except Atlanta, Arizona and Colorado.  Pissburgh are less than half a run per game better than the Cubs, and yet currently stand 15.5 games ahead of your Chicago National League Ballclub, and a full five games ahead of their X_WL.  It's a funny old game, eh?

[Eli]

The Cubs are now 34-45.  Their X_WL, though, is 38-41, and their record in one-run games is 9-17.  In a parallel Universe, this team is around one marmol (the standard unit of suck) away from playing .500 ball.  Which is... something, but I'm not quite sure what.

Light years ahead of the confused pig fucking on the south side, I know that.

Outside the NL Central, the Cubs (X_WL now 39-41) currently have a better run differential (just -10) than everybody except Atlanta, Arizona and Colorado.  Pissburgh are less than half a run per game better than the Cubs, and yet currently stand 15.5 games ahead of your Chicago National League Ballclub, and a full five games ahead of their X_WL.  It's a funny old game, eh?

If I recall correctly, they've also played one of the tougher schedules in baseball. It'll probably make next year's March to .500 (subtitle: I'ts Gonna Hai) all the more surprising to a bunch of people who aren't really paying attention.

[Brownie]

The Cubs are now 34-45.  Their X_WL, though, is 38-41, and their record in one-run games is 9-17.  In a parallel Universe, this team is around one marmol (the standard unit of suck) away from playing .500 ball.  Which is... something, but I'm not quite sure what.

Light years ahead of the confused pig fucking on the south side, I know that.

Outside the NL Central, the Cubs (X_WL now 39-41) currently have a better run differential (just -10) than everybody except Atlanta, Arizona and Colorado.  Pissburgh are less than half a run per game better than the Cubs, and yet currently stand 15.5 games ahead of your Chicago National League Ballclub, and a full five games ahead of their X_WL.  It's a funny old game, eh?

If Marmol hadn't blown that lead at Shiti Field, we'd be BUYERS!