2014 WORLD CUP - SOCCER IS GHEY PART DOIS.

[Yeti]

Look, four years ago when I was younger and dumber than I am now I carried the flag of anti-soccerism as far as I could. Like all good Americans I do think it's boring and that foreigners are weird.

But really I just respect soccer fans at this point. How you muster up that much excitement for something that appears to be so uneventful is beyond me. I don't even say that as an insult or whatever. I gather that to soccer fans there's a million things going in in that seemingly interminable distance between goals that will never make sense to me or excite me. Yet most of the world lives and dies for it. Good on you.

Also it's like roughly 1.2 million times better than NASCAR, and that's a purely American boring ass sport.

NASCAR is an American boring ass sport, but wikipedia tells me the French started Auto Racing: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto_racing#The_beginning_of_competition

So, still their fault. ("Their", being anything not American)

[Yeti]

Also if we can refrain from the SOCCER IS GHEY shit I would hope soccer fans can refrain from the old FASTEST GROWING YOUTH SPORT IN AMERICA retort. It's not going to happen, people. Those kids just around learning the basics of organized sport before they go on to play something more American. The only way it actually becomes one of the dominant American sports is if Obummer keeps lolly-gagging on building the giant electrified fence with gator moat to keep all of the illegals from taking our jobs and demanding more boring roundball instead of 18 minutes of kickass football sandwiched between 2 1/2 hours of beer commercials.

It's easier and cheaper to have a bunch of 6 year olds play soccer until they're about 10 and their skulls/brains are fully developed enough to withstand all the blows the football causes.

[Powdered Toast Man]

I don't hate soccer, and I don't hate foreigners for liking soccer so much.

Soccer's just boring. It's really, really boring. And, you know, since foreigners do like it so much, it kind of makes it gay. That's all.

[BH]

Also if we can refrain from the SOCCER IS GHEY shit I would hope soccer fans can refrain from the old FASTEST GROWING YOUTH SPORT IN AMERICA retort. It's not going to happen, people. Those kids just around learning the basics of organized sport before they go on to play something more American. The only way it actually becomes one of the dominant American sports is if Obummer keeps lolly-gagging on building the giant electrified fence with gator moat to keep all of the illegals from taking our jobs and demanding more boring roundball instead of 18 minutes of kickass football sandwiched between 2 1/2 hours of beer commercials.

It's easier and cheaper to have a bunch of 6 year olds play soccer until they're about 10 and their skulls/brains are fully developed enough to withstand all the blows the football causes.

It's not really cheaper, most kid teams are teams you pay to play for. Studies are now showing kids get concussions from heading the ball, which is likely why foreigners end up so weird.

[Yeti]

Also if we can refrain from the SOCCER IS GHEY shit I would hope soccer fans can refrain from the old FASTEST GROWING YOUTH SPORT IN AMERICA retort. It's not going to happen, people. Those kids just around learning the basics of organized sport before they go on to play something more American. The only way it actually becomes one of the dominant American sports is if Obummer keeps lolly-gagging on building the giant electrified fence with gator moat to keep all of the illegals from taking our jobs and demanding more boring roundball instead of 18 minutes of kickass football sandwiched between 2 1/2 hours of beer commercials.

It's easier and cheaper to have a bunch of 6 year olds play soccer until they're about 10 and their skulls/brains are fully developed enough to withstand all the blows the football causes.

It's not really cheaper, most kid teams are teams you pay to play for. Studies are now showing kids get concussions from heading the ball, which is likely why foreigners end up so weird.

I don't have kids, so I don't have firsthand experience, but in what country does it cost more to play soccer than it does to play football?

[Tonker]

Also if we can refrain from the SOCCER IS GHEY shit I would hope soccer fans can refrain from the old FASTEST GROWING YOUTH SPORT IN AMERICA retort. It's not going to happen, people. Those kids just around learning the basics of organized sport before they go on to play something more American. The only way it actually becomes one of the dominant American sports is if Obummer keeps lolly-gagging on building the giant electrified fence with gator moat to keep all of the illegals from taking our jobs and demanding more boring roundball instead of 18 minutes of kickass football sandwiched between 2 1/2 hours of beer commercials.

It's easier and cheaper to have a bunch of 6 year olds play soccer until they're about 10 and their skulls/brains are fully developed enough to withstand all the blows the football causes.

It's not really cheaper, most kid teams are teams you pay to play for. Studies are now showing kids get concussions from heading the ball, which is likely why foreigners end up so weird.

I don't have kids, so I don't have firsthand experience, but in what country does it cost more to play soccer than it does to play football?

It costs almost nothing for my boy to play football.  Also, kids aren't expected to head the ball.

[Tonker]

Also: when I first saw baseball, I thought it was really, really boring.  Then I started to understand the intricacies of it a bit, and I realised that it wasn't necessarily boring at all: indeed, sometimes it could be really quite exciting!

Just sayin'.

[SKO]

Also if we can refrain from the SOCCER IS GHEY shit I would hope soccer fans can refrain from the old FASTEST GROWING YOUTH SPORT IN AMERICA retort. It's not going to happen, people. Those kids just around learning the basics of organized sport before they go on to play something more American. The only way it actually becomes one of the dominant American sports is if Obummer keeps lolly-gagging on building the giant electrified fence with gator moat to keep all of the illegals from taking our jobs and demanding more boring roundball instead of 18 minutes of kickass football sandwiched between 2 1/2 hours of beer commercials.

It's easier and cheaper to have a bunch of 6 year olds play soccer until they're about 10 and their skulls/brains are fully developed enough to withstand all the blows the football causes.

It's not really cheaper, most kid teams are teams you pay to play for. Studies are now showing kids get concussions from heading the ball, which is likely why foreigners end up so weird.

I don't have kids, so I don't have firsthand experience, but in what country does it cost more to play soccer than it does to play football?

It costs almost nothing for my boy to play football.  Also, kids aren't expected to head the ball.

American soccer players are clearly tougher than foreign dancy dan soccer players, then.

[Powdered Toast Man]

Also: when I first saw baseball, I thought it was really, really boring.  Then I started to understand the intricacies of it a bit, and I realised that it wasn't necessarily boring at all: indeed, sometimes it could be really quite exciting!

Just sayin'.

But, baseball is beautiful. Like a pretty lady that has nice gams, a flat tummy and big hogans. Soccer is a concave chested emo dude who cuts himself.

[Saul Goodman]

Also: when I first saw baseball, I thought it was really, really boring.  Then I started to understand the intricacies of it a bit, and I realised that it wasn't necessarily boring at all: indeed, sometimes it could be really quite exciting!

Just sayin'.

But, baseball is beautiful. Like a pretty lady that has nice gams, a flat tummy and big hogans. Soccer is a concave chested emo dude who cuts himself.

She sounds fat.

[BH]

Also if we can refrain from the SOCCER IS GHEY shit I would hope soccer fans can refrain from the old FASTEST GROWING YOUTH SPORT IN AMERICA retort. It's not going to happen, people. Those kids just around learning the basics of organized sport before they go on to play something more American. The only way it actually becomes one of the dominant American sports is if Obummer keeps lolly-gagging on building the giant electrified fence with gator moat to keep all of the illegals from taking our jobs and demanding more boring roundball instead of 18 minutes of kickass football sandwiched between 2 1/2 hours of beer commercials.

It's easier and cheaper to have a bunch of 6 year olds play soccer until they're about 10 and their skulls/brains are fully developed enough to withstand all the blows the football causes.

It's not really cheaper, most kid teams are teams you pay to play for. Studies are now showing kids get concussions from heading the ball, which is likely why foreigners end up so weird.

I don't have kids, so I don't have firsthand experience, but in what country does it cost more to play soccer than it does to play football?

Soccer is all the rage for kids in brolumbus, along with lacrosse, which is odd. It's incredibly expensive to play, and that's not on a traveling team. Traveling teams cost thousands of dollars, plus travel. It's no where near as expensive as hockey. Football here is a couple hundred dollars.

[CT III]

I don't hate soccer, and I don't hate foreigners for liking soccer so much.

Soccer's just boring. It's really, really boring. And, you know, since foreigners do like it so much, it kind of makes it gay. That's all.

Well, if a guy who wears pink, slim-fit polo shirts isn't Desipio's foremost expert on masculinity, I don't know who is.

[Tony]

Also if we can refrain from the SOCCER IS GHEY shit I would hope soccer fans can refrain from the old FASTEST GROWING YOUTH SPORT IN AMERICA retort. It's not going to happen, people. Those kids just around learning the basics of organized sport before they go on to play something more American. The only way it actually becomes one of the dominant American sports is if Obummer keeps lolly-gagging on building the giant electrified fence with gator moat to keep all of the illegals from taking our jobs and demanding more boring roundball instead of 18 minutes of kickass football sandwiched between 2 1/2 hours of beer commercials.

It's easier and cheaper to have a bunch of 6 year olds play soccer until they're about 10 and their skulls/brains are fully developed enough to withstand all the blows the football causes.

It's not really cheaper, most kid teams are teams you pay to play for. Studies are now showing kids get concussions from heading the ball, which is likely why foreigners end up so weird.

I don't have kids, so I don't have firsthand experience, but in what country does it cost more to play soccer than it does to play football?

Soccer is all the rage for kids in brolumbus, along with lacrosse, which is odd. It's incredibly expensive to play, and that's not on a traveling team. Traveling teams cost thousands of dollars, plus travel. It's no where near as expensive as hockey. Football here is a couple hundred dollars.

It sounds like traveling costs money, but that would be true with any sport. A ball and some shoes is a hell of a lot cheaper than the body armor needed for football.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

But really I just respect soccer fans at this point. How you muster up that much excitement for something that appears to be so uneventful is beyond me. I don't even say that as an insult or whatever. I gather that to soccer fans there's a million things going in in that seemingly interminable distance between goals that will never make sense to me or excite me. Yet most of the world lives and dies for it. Good on you.

I think the rest of the world probably says the same thing about American football.

Even if you take out the beer commercials altogether, the majority of your time spent watching the game is occupied by players shuffling on and off the field, standing around for a bit, maybe having a group hug in the backfield then standing together in lines facing each other while pointing and shouting at various people. Followed by a quick man-pile somewhere. Unstack man-pile. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Obviously, to our eyes, those incessant 40-second breaks in the action are where a lot of the game lives. Personnel and formations. Down and distance. Anticipation of play calls in the context of the game and history. But, if you don't have the familiarity with the sport for any of that context to register, any drama that might be found in the gaps is lost on you and it just looks like a whole lot of standing around punctuated by bouts of unintelligible chaos and man-piles. Whistle, dancing robot, beer ad.

And that's one of our most exciting American sports.

[InternetApex]

Also: when I first saw baseball, I thought it was really, really boring.  Then I started to understand the intricacies of it a bit, and I realised that it wasn't necessarily boring at all: indeed, sometimes it could be really quite exciting!

Just sayin'.

But, baseball is beautiful. Like a pretty lady that has nice gams, a flat tummy and big hogans. Soccer is a concave chested emo dude who cuts himself.

I just fucking lol'd. I don't hate soccer either. I just don't want it anywhere near where I live.