Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread

[SKO]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

What the hell are you responding to? I don't give a shit. I'm criticizing Brett for being the CALM DOWN police as though anyone rational is freaking out after one fucking AB. If someone is freaking out over that, one tweet won't help them, because they're a fucking idiot.

I have no bias for Brett, but you really are overreacting to him.

That's fine. I think you're overreacting to my overreacting.

Yeah, I'm Mach 5 with my hair on fire raging upset.

If that's where you think I'm at you've never seen me angry. I get more worked up over that sonofabitch David Ross.

[PenFoe]

He sucks. Trade him.

He was clearly going to swing at every pitch there. It's cool, still four more ABs for four dongs.

It's okay because Brett was quick to immediately link to his earlier tweet about Bryant K'ing 5 times in his first pro game. So, you know guys, in case anyone here actually thought one fucking strikeout in his first at bat was the end of times. Brett's here to calm us all down

Or maybe a guy who played last night, grabbed a late flight, and arrived to play his first major league baseball game in the afternoon amidst a media circus might not be at quite 100%?

What the hell are you responding to? I don't give a shit. I'm criticizing Brett for being the CALM DOWN police as though anyone rational is freaking out after one fucking AB. If someone is freaking out over that, one tweet won't help them, because they're a fucking idiot.

I have no bias for Brett, but you really are overreacting to him.

That's fine. I think you're overreacting to my overreacting.

Yeah, I'm Mach 5 with my hair on fire raging upset.

If that's where you think I'm at you've never seen me angry. I get more worked up over that sonofabitch David Ross.

Hey dickheads - Kris Bryant.

Focus.

[ChuckD]

He's awesome -- K's and all.

[Saul Goodman]

He's awesome -- K's and all.

Welcome to the summer of dongs.

[Slaky]

He's awesome -- K's and all.

He's gonna K in his first 300 ABs and then hit homers in the following 100.

100 HRs.

[Powdered Toast Man]

He's awesome -- K's and all.

Welcome to the summer of dongs.

That's pretty decent respect for a rookie's second AB against one of the game's better pitchers. And a 7 pitch AB that ends in a K...I ain't even mad.

[Saul Goodman]

He's awesome -- K's and all.

Welcome to the summer of dongs.

That's pretty decent respect for a rookie's second AB against one of the game's better pitchers. And a 7 pitch AB that ends in a K...I ain't even mad.

This. He worked the count to full down 0-2 even though he has to have been jacked up since like 7 last night, and it's not his fault Shields' change is nasty today.

[Saul Goodman]

DPD. Never forget.

Cubs first-round pick Kris Bryant went 0-for-5 in his Boise debut, striking out five times - as Eugene hurlers combined to strike out 15 batters.

[Tonker]

Looks like Bryant's starting to settle in juuuuuust fine.

[SKO]

Bump for reaching base 5 times in 6 tries and showing some GRIT with a long AB and infield hit vs. Kimbrel

[SKO]

.300/.500/.400/.900.

[Quality Start Machine]

.300/.500/.400/.900.

He's going to leave Pittsburgh and Cincinnati in ashes.

[Slaky]

.300/.500/.400/.900.

He's going to leave Pittsburgh and Cincinnati in ashes.

That RF wall in Pittsburgh is gonna be in shambles when they leave. And he's gonna fill the Ohio River with dead baseballs.

[Powdered Toast Man]

I have a FEELING that Cincinatti is going to have a hard time walking after Kris Bryant boards the team plane after that series.

[Quality Start Machine]

The thing that is going to make NL pitchers self-deficate is that Bryant has managed in three games to adjust to pitchers changing speeds at the big league level. He's not only a golden god when he swings the bat, but he's looking really fucking smart up there too.