Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread

[Quality Start Machine]

Whatever. Grichuk should win it, but the stupid news media only loves Bryant more because he's a Cub.

Bro, let's discuss over some Provel-smothered breadtangle of "pizza" why Grichuk and Piscotty should be co-ROYs, along with Yadi, because every year is like seeing him for the first time.

DPD, but I laughed at this.

Sterling's been OK since he had that meltdown and told us we were really mean Internet guys when it was really just tough love. Therefore, I think we can take the credit for his improvement.

I'm a fucking wizard.

Congrats on signing with Washington.

I look forward to rooting for the Nationals too. Ask me anything.

How does it feel to know that you'll never, ever find out what it feels like to win a World Series?

Clown question, bro.

[Tonker]

Whatever. Grichuk should win it, but the stupid news media only loves Bryant more because he's a Cub.

Bro, let's discuss over some Provel-smothered breadtangle of "pizza" why Grichuk and Piscotty should be co-ROYs, along with Yadi, because every year is like seeing him for the first time.

DPD, but I laughed at this.

Sterling's been OK since he had that meltdown and told us we were really mean Internet guys when it was really just tough love. Therefore, I think we can take the credit for his improvement.

I'm a fucking wizard.

Congrats on signing with Washington.

I look forward to rooting for the Nationals too. Ask me anything.

How does it feel to know that you'll never, ever find out what it feels like to win a World Series?

I'm still coming to grips with it. I mean, with all the talent on this roster, you'd think they'll contend for one at some point in the next few years. But we're not promised tomorrow. It's all an illusion.

Your guys had their chance, man.

[Saul Goodman]

Jayson Stark, in his year-end awards column:

NL Rookie of the Year: Kris Bryant

Remember back in spring training when it looked as if Kris Bryant might hit 50 homers -- before Opening Day? If that's all you thought he was, a big, strong dude with monster power, you might actually think his rookie season was disappointing just because he "only" hit 26 home runs. Well, it's a good thing this column showed up to set you straight.

You know how many rookies in the expansion era (i.e., the past 55 seasons) have had a season like this -- 26 trots, 99 RBIs, a .369 on-base percentage, .495 slugging percentage and 86 runs scored? Here's the complete list: Albert Pujols in 2001, Mark McGwire in 1987 and Fred Lynn in 1975. And that's all. Guess which prestigious award they got out of it? No, not the Golden Globe for best male actor in a TV variety series. It was a rookie of the year award, of course. And you'll be adding Bryant's name to this list shortly. One thing that distinguishes Bryant from the rest of that group: None of those other guys played five positions the year they won it. But Bryant has. And here's another thing that distinguishes him from all but the most special players in this game: The more the Cubs need him, the better he gets. He has hit .321, with a .982 OPS, against the other NL playoff teams. He's .316, with a 1.009 OPS, with runners on base. He's .356, with a 1.056 OPS, with two outs and runners in scoring position. And he has gotten better as the season has gone along (.333/.403/.589 since the end of July). He already has "superduperstar" written all over him. And his best is yet to come.

[Saul Goodman]

The best-selling jersey in the major leagues this season: Kris Bryant's #17. Still waiting for them to release shirsey sales figures.

[CubFaninHydePark]

The best-selling jersey in the major leagues this season: Kris Bryant's #17. Still waiting for them to release shirsey sales figures.

Those sales are getting a bump from me after tonight's game.

[Canadouche]

The best-selling jersey in the major leagues this season: Kris Bryant's #17. Still waiting for them to release shirsey sales figures.

Those sales are getting a bump from me after tonight's game.

I've got my eye on an Arrieta.

[Slaky]

I'd like to get this out of my system.

FUCK YOU KRIS.

Thanks.

[Quality Start Machine]

I'd like to get this out of my system.

FUCK YOU KRIS.

Thanks.

@BestFansChicago

[Chuck to Chuck]

I'd like to get this out of my system.

FUCK YOU KRIS.

Thanks.

Add some names.

[SKO]

Pretty hard not to be the most disappointed in Rizzo offensively. He was crappy the last two weeks of the season and carried it right on into the playoffs. If Mike Matheny hadn't made the most hilariously awful decision of the year in letting Siegrist face Rizzo twice he'd have had an utterly forgettable postseason. It really hurt this series because he was their best hitter vs. fastballs all year long and he just didn't show up.

[Tony]

Pretty hard not to be the most disappointed in Rizzo offensively. He was crappy the last two weeks of the season and carried it right on into the playoffs. If Mike Matheny hadn't made the most hilariously awful decision of the year in letting Siegrist face Rizzo twice he'd have had an utterly forgettable postseason. It really hurt this series because he was their best hitter vs. fastballs all year long and he just didn't show up.

He needs to lean into about 4 pitches tonight, because that's the only way he's getting on base the way he's swinging the bat.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I was really hoping/expect Bryant to go off last night.  :(

[Slaky]

I was really hoping/expect Bryant to go off last night.  :(

The hanging slider from Clippard that he absolutely whiffed on almost made me throw up.

[Tony]

I was really hoping/expect Bryant to go off last night.  :(

The hanging slider from Clippard that he absolutely whiffed on almost made me throw up.

The one that he was so late on that he's still swinging right now?

[Slaky]

I was really hoping/expect Bryant to go off last night.  :(

The hanging slider from Clippard that he absolutely whiffed on almost made me throw up.

The one that he was so late on that he's still swinging right now?

Yeah. Clippard and his 91 mph heater. I get that he has good offspeed stuff but he looks so hittable. It's driving me insane.