Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread

[Eli]

Thank you.

Very, very to help.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It's going to be a good year.

[Tonker]

It's going to be a good year.

A very, very year.

[InternetApex]

It's going to be a good year.

A very, very year.

When I was 38, it was a very, very year.
It was a very, very year, for blue-chip prospects
With meager paychecks
We'd sit in the upper deck
And we'd all masturbate
When I was 38.

[Slaky]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

[InternetApex]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll be the same pear of sweatpants yanked up to my tits.

[Slaky]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll be the same pear of sweatpants yanked up to my tits.

Even if Bryant ends up being Shane Andrews I'm not worried about the Cubs overall. Just talking about Bryant.

I think Soler has shown enough to make me comfortable in saying he's going to be a holy terror on this league for years. Castro and Rizzo are already very good.

Now that the Cubs are destination again and there's a deep enough pool of talent that we know of and even some players who we might not know enough about that could turn out to be very good - well I feel pretty damn good about Apex yankin up his cheese-stained sweats for years to come.

[ChuckD]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll be the same pear of sweatpants yanked up to my tits.

Four letters per cheek is gonna cramp your sweatpants style.

CHAM PCUB
WSCH AMPS <-- The "C" IS THE CUBS LOGO MAYBE
CUBS YAY!
CUBS YAAY
APLU VSKB

??

[Quality Start Machine]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll all  have LeBron James' number on the back though.

[InternetApex]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll be the same pear of sweatpants yanked up to my tits.

Four letters per cheek is gonna cramp your sweatpants style.


CUBS YAY!

??

Winnar.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll all  have LeBron James' number on the back though.

23?

[InternetApex]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll all  have LeBron James' number on the back though.

If the Cubs sign LeBron... oh, man.

[Bort]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll all  have LeBron James' number on the back though.

If the Cubs sign LeBron... oh, man.

I'll give you this: he couldn't be worse than Jordan.

[Eli]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll all  have LeBron James' number on the back though.

If the Cubs sign LeBron... oh, man.

I'll give you this: he couldn't be worse than Jordan.

You know, despite taking like 15 years off baseball, Jordan's OPS at AA was only 49 points lower than Albert Almora's.

[Bort]

I'm actually somewhat worried Kris Bryant is gonna be not that good in the majors. Anyone else have this fear?

I'm afraid of the government. I'm afraid of another global economic collapse. I'm afraid of bringing offspring into this world of shit.

I'm not afraid that Kris Bryant will turn out to be not that great in the majors. Because I'm certain that he will and that for my last several years on this accursed rock I will never experience a day in which I fail to wear an article of clothing that says "Cubs" and "World Series Champions" on it.

the idea of old as shit Apex wearing a different Cubs World Series item every day makes me pretty happy

It'll all  have LeBron James' number on the back though.

If the Cubs sign LeBron... oh, man.

I'll give you this: he couldn't be worse than Jordan.

You know, despite taking like 15 years off baseball, Jordan's OPS at AA was only 49 points lower than Albert Almora's.

Damn it, Eli.