Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread

[PenFoe]

Troy Glaus is fat.

[Yeti]

No joke, he has the best swing of any Cub since Billy Williams.

OK, calm down.

I'm talking mechanics. I could just as easily called him a right-handed David Justice. But if Bryant wants to put up Billy Williams numbers I'm certainly not going to complain.

Why do you think Bryant's swing mechanics are better than Sosa's? I'm not a swing expert by any stretch, but the rotation and extension Sammy got were amazing. It was basically the classic power hitter swing, steroids be damned.

Meh, it's just classic hyperbole.

Anytime I hear "Best I've seen since (some thing that existed almost 50 years ago)" then I pretty much assume they're wrong and they've seen others better.

[Quality Start Machine]

No joke, he has the best swing of any Cub since Billy Williams.

OK, calm down.

I'm talking mechanics. I could just as easily called him a right-handed David Justice. But if Bryant wants to put up Billy Williams numbers I'm certainly not going to complain.

Why do you think Bryant's swing mechanics are better than Sosa's? I'm not a swing expert by any stretch, but the rotation and extension Sammy got were amazing. It was basically the classic power hitter swing, steroids be damned.

He was a lot more balls-out with his swing than Bryant, more unleashing of mayhem. Bryant has a much more controlled swing.

[Powdered Toast Man]

No joke, he has the best swing of any Cub since Billy Williams.

OK, calm down.

I'm talking mechanics. I could just as easily called him a right-handed David Justice. But if Bryant wants to put up Billy Williams numbers I'm certainly not going to complain.

Why do you think Bryant's swing mechanics are better than Sosa's? I'm not a swing expert by any stretch, but the rotation and extension Sammy got were amazing. It was basically the classic power hitter swing, steroids be damned.

He was a lot more balls-out with his swing than Bryant, more unleashing of mayhem. Bryant has a much more controlled swing.

The thing that gives me a hard on the most about Bryant's swing is that it's in a Cubs uniform.

I can get all technical about how he has no wasted movements and that his swing takes the bat to a direct path to the ball and that he has quick hands, but I've already splooshed threventeen times this morning watching that inside pitch taken off the RCF wall at PNC.

[Quality Start Machine]

No joke, he has the best swing of any Cub since Billy Williams.

OK, calm down.

I'm talking mechanics. I could just as easily called him a right-handed David Justice. But if Bryant wants to put up Billy Williams numbers I'm certainly not going to complain.

Why do you think Bryant's swing mechanics are better than Sosa's? I'm not a swing expert by any stretch, but the rotation and extension Sammy got were amazing. It was basically the classic power hitter swing, steroids be damned.

He was a lot more balls-out with his swing than Bryant, more unleashing of mayhem. Bryant has a much more controlled swing.

The thing that gives me a hard on the most about Bryant's swing is that it's in a Cubs uniform.

I can get all technical about how he has no wasted movements and that his swing takes the bat to a direct path to the ball and that he has quick hands, but I've already splooshed threventeen times this morning watching that inside pitch taken off the RCF wall at PNC.

At the end of the day, if he sticks his bat up his ass and hits home runs by swinging his hips, the results are all that matter.

[PenFoe]

No joke, he has the best swing of any Cub since Billy Williams.

OK, calm down.

I'm talking mechanics. I could just as easily called him a right-handed David Justice. But if Bryant wants to put up Billy Williams numbers I'm certainly not going to complain.

Why do you think Bryant's swing mechanics are better than Sosa's? I'm not a swing expert by any stretch, but the rotation and extension Sammy got were amazing. It was basically the classic power hitter swing, steroids be damned.

He was a lot more balls-out with his swing than Bryant, more unleashing of mayhem. Bryant has a much more controlled swing.

The thing that gives me a hard on the most about Bryant's swing is that it's in a Cubs uniform.

I can get all technical about how he has no wasted movements and that his swing takes the bat to a direct path to the ball and that he has quick hands, but I've already splooshed threventeen times this morning watching that inside pitch taken off the RCF wall at PNC.

At the end of the day, if he sticks his bat up his ass and hits home runs by swinging his hips, the results are all that matter.

Just like Billy Williams.

[Saul Goodman]

No joke, he has the best swing of any Cub since Billy Williams.

OK, calm down.

I'm talking mechanics. I could just as easily called him a right-handed David Justice. But if Bryant wants to put up Billy Williams numbers I'm certainly not going to complain.

Why do you think Bryant's swing mechanics are better than Sosa's? I'm not a swing expert by any stretch, but the rotation and extension Sammy got were amazing. It was basically the classic power hitter swing, steroids be damned.

He was a lot more balls-out with his swing than Bryant, more unleashing of mayhem. Bryant has a much more controlled swing.

The thing that gives me a hard on the most about Bryant's swing is that it's in a Cubs uniform.

I can get all technical about how he has no wasted movements and that his swing takes the bat to a direct path to the ball and that he has quick hands, but I've already splooshed threventeen times this morning watching that inside pitch taken off the RCF wall at PNC.

At the end of the day, if he sticks his bat up his ass and hits home runs by swinging his hips, the results are all that matter.

Just like Billy Williams.

You owe me a new monitor.

[Quality Start Machine]

No joke, he has the best swing of any Cub since Billy Williams.

OK, calm down.

I'm talking mechanics. I could just as easily called him a right-handed David Justice. But if Bryant wants to put up Billy Williams numbers I'm certainly not going to complain.

Why do you think Bryant's swing mechanics are better than Sosa's? I'm not a swing expert by any stretch, but the rotation and extension Sammy got were amazing. It was basically the classic power hitter swing, steroids be damned.

He was a lot more balls-out with his swing than Bryant, more unleashing of mayhem. Bryant has a much more controlled swing.

The thing that gives me a hard on the most about Bryant's swing is that it's in a Cubs uniform.

I can get all technical about how he has no wasted movements and that his swing takes the bat to a direct path to the ball and that he has quick hands, but I've already splooshed threventeen times this morning watching that inside pitch taken off the RCF wall at PNC.

At the end of the day, if he sticks his bat up his ass and hits home runs by swinging his hips, the results are all that matter.

Just like Billy Williams.

If he'd used his hands he would of won the MVP in 1972.

[Saul Goodman]

Bump. Still no HRs for him but he keeps stringing good ABs together. His power burst is coming, I can feel it. (||)

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Bump. Still no HRs for him but he keeps stringing good ABs together. His power burst is coming, I can feel it. (||)

9 RBI in his first 10 MLB games (said 10th game still in progress)

That's good, right?

[Saul Goodman]

Bump. Still no HRs for him but he keeps stringing good ABs together. His power burst is coming, I can feel it. (||)

9 RBI in his first 10 MLB games (said 10th game still in progress)

That's good, right?

That's terrible.

I meant good.  It's good...

...if you care about an old counting stat like RBIs, that is.  *snorts, pushes glasses back up nose*

[Quality Start Machine]

Bump. Still no HRs for him but he keeps stringing good ABs together. His power burst is coming, I can feel it. (||)

9 RBI in his first 10 MLB games (said 10th game still in progress)

That's good, right?

That's terrible.

I meant good.  It's good...

...if you care about an old counting stat like RBIs, that is.  *snorts, pushes glasses back up nose*

Right now, Huey's crying into his Tony Perez jersey.

[Saul Goodman]

8 BB, 9 SO so far.  So dreamy.

[PenFoe]

WHEARS ALL DA HOMERS DIS GUY WAS GONNA HIT?

IN DA CLEANERUP SPOT WE GOTTA HAVE DINGERS

[InternetApex]

WHEARS ALL DA HOMERS DIS GUY WAS GONNA HIT?

IN DA CLEANERUP SPOT WE GOTTA HAVE DINGERS

You know what? I think I'm all set on the Meatballese now. It's gone from funny, to unfunny, to annoying, to gobby.