Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread

[SKO]

I liked the home run the best. The single and the walk, while nice and gritty and all were just good for one base apiece. The triple showed moxie and that was a cool-looking headfirst dive into 3rd where he was eventually stranded. But on the home run, he got four bases, including home plate which counted for a run.

That was my best bit right there.

I also preferred that long, majestic dong. I know when he wasn't hitting dongs we has to settle for focusing on how awesome he is at everything else but now the parade of dongs is coming hard and fast and I choose to focus on that.

[Eli]

I liked the home run the best. The single and the walk, while nice and gritty and all were just good for one base apiece. The triple showed moxie and that was a cool-looking headfirst dive into 3rd where he was eventually stranded. But on the home run, he got four bases, including home plate which counted for a run.

That was my best bit right there.

I also preferred that long, majestic dong. I know when he wasn't hitting dongs we has to settle for focusing on how awesome he is at everything else but now the parade of dongs is coming hard and fast and I choose to focus on that.

I liked Chuck's specious hindsight logic after the game.

[InternetApex]

I liked the home run the best. The single and the walk, while nice and gritty and all were just good for one base apiece. The triple showed moxie and that was a cool-looking headfirst dive into 3rd where he was eventually stranded. But on the home run, he got four bases, including home plate which counted for a run.

That was my best bit right there.

I also preferred that long, majestic dong. I know when he wasn't hitting dongs we has to settle for focusing on how awesome he is at everything else but now the parade of dongs is coming hard and fast and I choose to focus on that.

I liked Chuck's specious hindsight logic after the game.

I'm busy hammering Chuck in the Bulls thread but is he wrong about that one thing?

[Eli]

I liked the home run the best. The single and the walk, while nice and gritty and all were just good for one base apiece. The triple showed moxie and that was a cool-looking headfirst dive into 3rd where he was eventually stranded. But on the home run, he got four bases, including home plate which counted for a run.

That was my best bit right there.

I also preferred that long, majestic dong. I know when he wasn't hitting dongs we has to settle for focusing on how awesome he is at everything else but now the parade of dongs is coming hard and fast and I choose to focus on that.

I liked Chuck's specious hindsight logic after the game.

I'm busy hammering Chuck in the Bulls thread but is he wrong about that one thing?

He's not ultimately wrong since the end result is technically true. But I feel like it's presented more as a "thank god they were such geniuses to not sign anyone good" rather than just an enormous stroke of luck that they decided to tank and 18 months later the Astros passed on Bryant to draft Appel. Hence my Internet accusations of hindsight.

[Chuck to Chuck]

I liked the home run the best. The single and the walk, while nice and gritty and all were just good for one base apiece. The triple showed moxie and that was a cool-looking headfirst dive into 3rd where he was eventually stranded. But on the home run, he got four bases, including home plate which counted for a run.

That was my best bit right there.

I also preferred that long, majestic dong. I know when he wasn't hitting dongs we has to settle for focusing on how awesome he is at everything else but now the parade of dongs is coming hard and fast and I choose to focus on that.

I liked Chuck's specious hindsight logic after the game.

I'm busy hammering Chuck in the Bulls thread but is he wrong about that one thing?

He's not ultimately wrong since the end result is technically true. But I feel like it's presented more as a "thank god they were such geniuses to not sign anyone good" rather than just an enormous stroke of luck that they decided to tank and 18 months later the Astros passed on Bryant to draft Appel. Hence my Internet accusations of hindsight.

A) I said it at the time (that more wins in 2012 and 2013 would delay the getting good) so it's not hindsight.
B) It's primarily a stick poke at the lunatics who were all "EPSTINK IS TURRIBLE" who are now "PRAISE THEO!!!"

[Powdered Toast Man]

I liked the home run the best. The single and the walk, while nice and gritty and all were just good for one base apiece. The triple showed moxie and that was a cool-looking headfirst dive into 3rd where he was eventually stranded. But on the home run, he got four bases, including home plate which counted for a run.

That was my best bit right there.

I also preferred that long, majestic dong. I know when he wasn't hitting dongs we has to settle for focusing on how awesome he is at everything else but now the parade of dongs is coming hard and fast and I choose to focus on that.

I liked Chuck's specious hindsight logic after the game.

I'm busy hammering Chuck in the Bulls thread but is he wrong about that one thing?

He's not ultimately wrong since the end result is technically true. But I feel like it's presented more as a "thank god they were such geniuses to not sign anyone good" rather than just an enormous stroke of luck that they decided to tank and 18 months later the Astros passed on Bryant to draft Appel. Hence my Internet accusations of hindsight.

A) I said it at the time (that more wins in 2012 and 2013 would delay the getting good) so it's not hindsight.
B) It's primarily a stick poke at the lunatics who were all "EPSTINK IS TURRIBLE" who are now "PRAISE THEO!!!"

When you put that stuff on the twinternet, who are you talking to? Because most people you associate with about Cubs baseball, I assume, are primarily us...and we aren't those "EPSTINK IS TURRIBLE" people.

[thehawk]

So much to choose from, but I think the triple tingled me the most. Like Len said, that kind of ball does not typically go off the wall. He nearly missed a HR there.

*changes undergarments*

And with a ball hit that hard off the wall (and played fairly cleanly as it was last night) very seldom does a batter leg out a triple on it.

But the home run was awe inspiring.  One more biscuit for breakfast and it would had been Stantonesque.

[ChuckD]

Bump. He's leading the MLB in Pitches/PA now -- up to 4.44 P/PA.

[ChuckD]

DPD.

I love this motherfucker.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

DPD.

I love this motherfucker.

Thought of you when I was at the game Wednesday when Bryant battled back from 0-2 to 3-2 during one of his at-bats.  I was pretty sure it was the first time he BBABDOT or whatever since you came up with that but I enjoyed the occasion very much.

[ChuckD]

BOOMP.

Battled back from 0-2 to 3-2 then hit a big 3-run dong.

[Saul Goodman]

Attendance: 40,000 boners

[SKO]

I love this motherfucker.

[PenFoe]

First 96 ABs:

Kris Bryant: .281/.419/.479  4 HR, 37 Ks/21 BBs.
Troy Glaus: .226/.286/.330  1 HR, 25 Ks/9 BBs

[InternetApex]

First 96 ABs:

Kris Bryant: .281/.419/.479  4 homers, 37 Ks, 21 BBs.
Troy Glaus: .226/.286/.330.  1 homer. 25 Ks, 9 BBs

*flying (shirtless) chest bumps Pen*