Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread

[Canadouche]

Jesus Christ.

[SKO]

Jesus Christ.

Common mistake, but that's Kris Bryant

[WTB...A RING FFS!!]

And to think we were worried at the beginning of the season that his new level swing would cut DOWN his homers. Doesn't hurt that he now hits them wherever he goes rather just basically Wrigley.

[Eli]

Ripken, Pedroia and Ryan Howard are the only players to win MVP the year after winning Rookie of the Year. Seems like it might be relevant for this thread.

[Quality Start Machine]

Cincinnati sees him in their nightmares.

[SKO]

Now leads the NL in fWAR at 3.9, tied for 5th overall in the majors with Xander Boegarts (and 2-4 are all at 4.0, so it's close. The only guy with any separation is, of course, Trout at 4.6).

[Shooter]

For a guy performing like he is on a team with the best record in baseball in a huge market, he gets surprisingly little national media attention (protestations of BFIB regarding Randal Grichuk aside).

[SKO]

For a guy performing like he is on a team with the best record in baseball in a huge market, he gets surprisingly little national media attention (protestations of BFIB regarding Randal Grichuk aside).

Probably because he is a baseball robot manufactured since childhood by his ex-minor leaguer father to provide nothing but clichés and completely non-controversial opinions at all times. If it weren't for Rizzo's prompting I don't know that he'd have any personality to speak of.

For the record I think he genuinely is the "aww shucks" humble guy that Derek Jeter always pretended to be, but I get why the media finds him to be mostly boring. Mike Trout is kind of the same way.  He gets more attention just for being the best player in the game, but that attention pales in comparison to what Harper gets anyway.

[R-V]

OPS by month since his callup:

.864
.879
.805
.639
1.042
.901
.878
.860
1.081

The dude is indeed a robot. He's had one not-good month out of nine. Even a great hitter like Rizzo will go through noticeable slumps where he can't do much right at the plate. Bryant seems immune to that.

[SKO]

OPS by month since his callup:

.864
.879
.805
.639
1.042
.901
.878
.860
1.081

The dude is indeed a robot. He's had one not-good month out of nine. Even a great hitter like Rizzo will go through noticeable slumps where he can't do much right at the plate. Bryant seems immune to that.

He's cut down on the strikeouts and is making way more contact, which means it's not real easy for him to slump for very long. Any slumps he does have would probably be more bad luck at this point than anything, since he's always going to draw walk and hit the ball hard.

[Oleg]

OPS by month since his callup:

.864
.879
.805
.639
1.042
.901
.878
.860
1.081

The dude is indeed a robot. He's had one not-good month out of nine. Even a great hitter like Rizzo will go through noticeable slumps where he can't do much right at the plate. Bryant seems immune to that.

He's cut down on the strikeouts and is making way more contact, which means it's not real easy for him to slump for very long. Any slumps he does have would probably be more bad luck at this point than anything, since he's always going to draw walk and hit the ball hard.

In other words, he's a fucking robot.

[Chuck to Chuck]

OPS by month since his callup:

.864
.879
.805
.639
1.042
.901
.878
.860
1.081

The dude is indeed a robot. He's had one not-good month out of nine. Even a great hitter like Rizzo will go through noticeable slumps where he can't do much right at the plate. Bryant seems immune to that.

Grichuk is better.

[SKO]

OPS by month since his callup:

.864
.879
.805
.639
1.042
.901
.878
.860
1.081

The dude is indeed a robot. He's had one not-good month out of nine. Even a great hitter like Rizzo will go through noticeable slumps where he can't do much right at the plate. Bryant seems immune to that.

Although to be fair to our guy Tony here is his month-by-month OPS over the same period:

.948
1.049
.891
.785
.885
.833
.961
.792
1.278

He's as much of a robot as Bryant and his on base skills never slump (his lowest OBP in a month since the start of last year is .353. At his absolute worst the man is still 35% of the way to being on first base every time he steps to the plate, which is absolutely staggering), he just seems to have a week or two every month or every other month where those pop ups annoy the crap out of us so his slumps feel more noticeable.

TL:DR; in forkspeak this team basically has Gehrig and Ruth in the middle of the lineup day in and day out and the older one of the two is 26. Good shit.

[R-V]

OPS by month since his callup:

.864
.879
.805
.639
1.042
.901
.878
.860
1.081

The dude is indeed a robot. He's had one not-good month out of nine. Even a great hitter like Rizzo will go through noticeable slumps where he can't do much right at the plate. Bryant seems immune to that.

Although to be fair to our guy Tony here is his month-by-month OPS over the same period:

.948
1.049
.891
.785
.885
.833
.961
.792
1.278

He's as much of a robot as Bryant and his on base skills never slump (his lowest OBP in a month since the start of last year is .353. At his absolute worst the man is still 35% of the way to being on first base every time he steps to the plate, which is absolutely staggering), he just seems to have a week or two every month or every other month where those pop ups annoy the crap out of us so his slumps feel more noticeable.

TL:DR; in forkspeak this team basically has Gehrig and Ruth in the middle of the lineup day in and day out and the older one of the two is 26. Good shit.

That's interesting - I just assumed Rizzo would have a couple of ugly ass months in there, bracketed by superhuman ones, but damn he is good. You forgot to mention that they also have Barry Bonds hitting in front of Gehrig and Ruth.

[SKO]

OPS by month since his callup:

.864
.879
.805
.639
1.042
.901
.878
.860
1.081

The dude is indeed a robot. He's had one not-good month out of nine. Even a great hitter like Rizzo will go through noticeable slumps where he can't do much right at the plate. Bryant seems immune to that.

Although to be fair to our guy Tony here is his month-by-month OPS over the same period:

.948
1.049
.891
.785
.885
.833
.961
.792
1.278

He's as much of a robot as Bryant and his on base skills never slump (his lowest OBP in a month since the start of last year is .353. At his absolute worst the man is still 35% of the way to being on first base every time he steps to the plate, which is absolutely staggering), he just seems to have a week or two every month or every other month where those pop ups annoy the crap out of us so his slumps feel more noticeable.

TL:DR; in forkspeak this team basically has Gehrig and Ruth in the middle of the lineup day in and day out and the older one of the two is 26. Good shit.

That's interesting - I just assumed Rizzo would have a couple of ugly ass months in there, bracketed by superhuman ones, but damn he is good. You forgot to mention that they also have Barry Bonds hitting in front of Gehrig and Ruth.

If you're suggesting the solution to Heyward's struggles is a delivery from BALCO I am fine with this.