Kyle SKOwarber Hulking Thread of Sploogepower

[Quality Start Machine]

This is getting weird. Can Fork prove that he DIDN'T shower with a picture of Yaz this morning?

On Mondays it's the mid-70s red cap.

[Saul Goodman]

I need new pants.

[CubFaninHydePark]

I need new pants.

Yeah. That's getting saved to the DVR. *SPLOOOGGGEEE*

[Saul Goodman]

I need new pants.

I need new new pants.

[SKO]

Hahahahahaha

[Quality Start Machine]

The "Schwarber Game".

[ChuckD]

The Reds broadcast was great. They were talking about how pitchers will adjust and figure out Schwarber.

"But, you know what happens in the big leagues. They get the book on you. You begin to move the ball around a little bit. Find out what you can and can't do. Can you keep up with adding and subtracting. [Pena sets up low and away] Can you go outside ... low and outside ... and get that pitch?" *CRACK*

[Slaky]

The Reds broadcast was great. They were talking about how pitchers will adjust and figure out Schwarber.

"But, you know what happens in the big leagues. They get the book on you. You begin to move the ball around a little bit. Find out what you can and can't do. Can you keep up with adding and subtracting. [Pena sets up low and away] Can you go outside ... low and outside ... and get that pitch?" *CRACK*

I need to hear and see this somehow

[R-V]

The Reds broadcast was great. They were talking about how pitchers will adjust and figure out Schwarber.

"But, you know what happens in the big leagues. They get the book on you. You begin to move the ball around a little bit. Find out what you can and can't do. Can you keep up with adding and subtracting. [Pena sets up low and away] Can you go outside ... low and outside ... and get that pitch?" *CRACK*

I need to hear and see this somehow

The Schwarber/Bryant stuff is all well and good, but if our ultimate goal here is to cause the Reds and Cardinals announcers to all drop dead of butthurtedness, it's going to have to be Soler to do it. If a flashy Latin like him can hit a couple of game winning dongs followed by a bat flip and/or kiss of the gold chain and/or slow pimp trot around the bases, I think those guys will all finally die.

[ChuckD]

The Reds broadcast was great. They were talking about how pitchers will adjust and figure out Schwarber.

"But, you know what happens in the big leagues. They get the book on you. You begin to move the ball around a little bit. Find out what you can and can't do. Can you keep up with adding and subtracting. [Pena sets up low and away] Can you go outside ... low and outside ... and get that pitch?" *CRACK*

I need to hear and see this somehow

To be fair, Adcock missed his spot a little and the pitch was low and middle of the plate, but the swing Schwarber put on it...



... makes it appear that he won't have many problems handling low and outside.

[Slaky]

The Reds broadcast was great. They were talking about how pitchers will adjust and figure out Schwarber.

"But, you know what happens in the big leagues. They get the book on you. You begin to move the ball around a little bit. Find out what you can and can't do. Can you keep up with adding and subtracting. [Pena sets up low and away] Can you go outside ... low and outside ... and get that pitch?" *CRACK*

I need to hear and see this somehow

The Schwarber/Bryant stuff is all well and good, but if our ultimate goal here is to cause the Reds and Cardinals announcers to all drop dead of butthurtedness, it's going to have to be Soler to do it. If a flashy Latin like him can hit a couple of game winning dongs followed by a bat flip and/or kiss of the gold chain and/or slow pimp trot around the bases, I think those guys will all finally die.

"Alright this Soler kid is a nice hitter but what's with the size of that gold chain? That's a little much don't you think? white power"

"White power"

[SKO]

The Reds broadcast was great. They were talking about how pitchers will adjust and figure out Schwarber.

"But, you know what happens in the big leagues. They get the book on you. You begin to move the ball around a little bit. Find out what you can and can't do. Can you keep up with adding and subtracting. [Pena sets up low and away] Can you go outside ... low and outside ... and get that pitch?" *CRACK*

I need to hear and see this somehow

The Schwarber/Bryant stuff is all well and good, but if our ultimate goal here is to cause the Reds and Cardinals announcers to all drop dead of butthurtedness, it's going to have to be Soler to do it. If a flashy Latin like him can hit a couple of game winning dongs followed by a bat flip and/or kiss of the gold chain and/or slow pimp trot around the bases, I think those guys will all finally die.

It keeps getting repeated over and over and it feels like it's never going to happen because of how long and protracted the offensive slump has been, but other than Rizzo (and Schwarber apparently) none of these guys has yet to have one of those asburd hot streaks where you just can't get them out for a week or so. I feel like it's going to happen for Bryant and Soler soon, and Soler is absolutely going to do it with the most flair, and butts will be hurt.

[InternetApex]

The Reds broadcast was great. They were talking about how pitchers will adjust and figure out Schwarber.

"But, you know what happens in the big leagues. They get the book on you. You begin to move the ball around a little bit. Find out what you can and can't do. Can you keep up with adding and subtracting. [Pena sets up low and away] Can you go outside ... low and outside ... and get that pitch?" *CRACK*

I need to hear and see this somehow

The Schwarber/Bryant stuff is all well and good, but if our ultimate goal here is to cause the Reds and Cardinals announcers to all drop dead of butthurtedness, it's going to have to be Soler to do it. If a flashy Latin like him can hit a couple of game winning dongs followed by a bat flip and/or kiss of the gold chain and/or slow pimp trot around the bases, I think those guys will all finally die.

It keeps getting repeated over and over and it feels like it's never going to happen because of how long and protracted the offensive slump has been, but other than Rizzo (and Schwarber apparently) none of these guys has yet to have one of those asburd hot streaks where you just can't get them out for a week or so. I feel like it's going to happen for Bryant and Soler soon, and Soler is absolutely going to do it with the most flair, and butts will be hurt.

Soler is really squaring a lot of balls up. His batted ball outs are usually well struck and we've talked about his top-rated exit velocity. With him, it seems he doesn't always lay off of pitches he can't handle and the breaking stuff down is getting him out. Bryant and Russell miss center cut fastballs by six inches and seem to want to crush everything hittable. You see Bryant's head coming off the ball a lot lately. Maddon said they both might be dealing with fatigue, which nobody wants to hear. The month off for Soler may actually benefit him at some point.

[SKO]

The Reds broadcast was great. They were talking about how pitchers will adjust and figure out Schwarber.

"But, you know what happens in the big leagues. They get the book on you. You begin to move the ball around a little bit. Find out what you can and can't do. Can you keep up with adding and subtracting. [Pena sets up low and away] Can you go outside ... low and outside ... and get that pitch?" *CRACK*

I need to hear and see this somehow

The Schwarber/Bryant stuff is all well and good, but if our ultimate goal here is to cause the Reds and Cardinals announcers to all drop dead of butthurtedness, it's going to have to be Soler to do it. If a flashy Latin like him can hit a couple of game winning dongs followed by a bat flip and/or kiss of the gold chain and/or slow pimp trot around the bases, I think those guys will all finally die.

It keeps getting repeated over and over and it feels like it's never going to happen because of how long and protracted the offensive slump has been, but other than Rizzo (and Schwarber apparently) none of these guys has yet to have one of those asburd hot streaks where you just can't get them out for a week or so. I feel like it's going to happen for Bryant and Soler soon, and Soler is absolutely going to do it with the most flair, and butts will be hurt.

Soler is really squaring a lot of balls up. His batted ball outs are usually well struck and we've talked about his top-rated exit velocity. With him, it seems he doesn't always lay off of pitches he can't handle and the breaking stuff down is getting him out. Bryant and Russell miss center cut fastballs by six inches and seem to want to crush everything hittable. You see Bryant's head coming off the ball a lot lately. Maddon said they both might be dealing with fatigue, which nobody wants to hear. The month off for Soler may actually benefit him at some point.

Yeah Soler's got an .833 OPS over the last week with almost every out being a loud one. He's some better BABIP luck away from a Schwarber game himself.

[Chuck to Chuck]

The Reds broadcast was great. They were talking about how pitchers will adjust and figure out Schwarber.

"But, you know what happens in the big leagues. They get the book on you. You begin to move the ball around a little bit. Find out what you can and can't do. Can you keep up with adding and subtracting. [Pena sets up low and away] Can you go outside ... low and outside ... and get that pitch?" *CRACK*

I need to hear and see this somehow

The Schwarber/Bryant stuff is all well and good, but if our ultimate goal here is to cause the Reds and Cardinals announcers to all drop dead of butthurtedness, it's going to have to be Soler to do it. If a flashy Latin like him can hit a couple of game winning dongs followed by a bat flip and/or kiss of the gold chain and/or slow pimp trot around the bases, I think those guys will all finally die.

It keeps getting repeated over and over and it feels like it's never going to happen because of how long and protracted the offensive slump has been, but other than Rizzo (and Schwarber apparently) none of these guys has yet to have one of those asburd hot streaks where you just can't get them out for a week or so. I feel like it's going to happen for Bryant and Soler soon, and Soler is absolutely going to do it with the most flair, and butts will be hurt.

Soler is really squaring a lot of balls up. His batted ball outs are usually well struck and we've talked about his top-rated exit velocity. With him, it seems he doesn't always lay off of pitches he can't handle and the breaking stuff down is getting him out. Bryant and Russell miss center cut fastballs by six inches and seem to want to crush everything hittable. You see Bryant's head coming off the ball a lot lately. Maddon said they both might be dealing with fatigue, which nobody wants to hear. The month off for Soler may actually benefit him at some point.

Yeah Soler's got an .833 OPS over the last week with almost every out being a loud one. He's some better BABIP luck away from a Schwarber game himself.

His BABIP is .385 over that time. It's the .333 strike out rate that has to correct.