Kyle SKOwarber Hulking Thread of Sploogepower

[Eli]

https://twitter.com/AceballStats/status/631933213061963776

Kyle Schwarber is the youngest #Cubs player with multiple multi-HR games in a season since Ron Santo in 1961.

Somewhere, Pen is screaming at Ace of MLB Stats to stop wishing for Schwarber to lose his legs.

[CubFaninHydePark]

I can't fucking believe this guy.

I've missed a lot of commercials watching his homers over and over and over again.  So fucking beautiful.

[R-V]

This dude is basically doing what we all hoped (but never really admitted) Bryant would do when he was called up. Good god.

[SKO]

This dude is basically doing what we all hoped (but never really admitted) Bryant would do when he was called up. Good god.

I get what you mean but your phrasing makes it sound like 8th in the NL in WAR As A Rookie Kris Bryant (who has a 1.263 OPS in the last week btw) is some kind of let down. Let's just thank the Gods for being doubly blessed, K?

[R-V]

This dude is basically doing what we all hoped (but never really admitted) Bryant would do when he was called up. Good god.

I get what you mean but your phrasing makes it sound like 8th in the NL in WAR As A Rookie Kris Bryant (who has a 1.263 OPS in the last week btw) is some kind of let down. Let's just thank the Gods for being doubly blessed, K?

Don't worry, I'm not casting aspersions on Bryant and I would think I wouldn't need to point out that he's been the complete opposite of a let down. He's had an amazing year - he's a ridiculously good baserunner, defense hasn't been as bad as expected, and obviously he's done great offensively as well. Kyle is just putting up the HOLY SHIT offensive numbers weeks into his call-up that I thought we might get from Bryant. It helps that his callup happened to coincide with the weather warming up whereas Kris had to suffer through the cold wet despair known as April through June in Chicago.

[Brownie]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

[Quality Start Machine]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

I'd love for him to rock the Big Klu sleveless look.

[Bort]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

I'd love for him to rock the Big Klu sleveless look.

Did I actually make the joke that you were going to use Kluczewski as your next Schwarber comp or are you just that much of a Fork?

[Quality Start Machine]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

I'd love for him to rock the Big Klu sleveless look.

Did I actually make the joke that you were going to use Kluczewski as your next Schwarber comp or are you just that much of a Fork?

Well, since he can't wear a "Sun's Out Guns Out" shirt for a game, this would be the next best thing.

[Saul Goodman]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

I think he already is. Although Mickey has him beat in longevity and ratty '90s mullet hair.

[Tonker]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

Schwarber will never be half the player that The Mick was.  Never.

[Yeti]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

I'd love for him to rock the Big Klu sleveless look.

Did I actually make the joke that you were going to use Kluczewski as your next Schwarber comp or are you just that much of a Fork?

Let's go with Smead Jolley

[Quality Start Machine]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

I'd love for him to rock the Big Klu sleveless look.

Did I actually make the joke that you were going to use Kluczewski as your next Schwarber comp or are you just that much of a Fork?

Let's go with Smead Jolley

He's the best Cub catcher since at least Harry Chiti, who Bert Wilson said looked like a young Gabby Hartnett.

[Shooter]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

Schwarber will never be half the player that The Mick was.  Never.

Has there ever been a worse nickname than "Dandy Little Glove Man"?

[CT III]

The Cubs have had three players from Indiana University since I graduated in 1997: Kevin Orie, Mickey Morandini and Kyle Schwarber.

Additionally, the Bulls had A.J. Guyton in a couple Tim Floyd seasons, the Bears employed Adewale Ogunleye for a few years and the Chicago Fire had Dema Kovalenko.

In the dark ages, the Bears drafted but did not sign George Taliafero, the White Sox rented Ted Kluszewski and the Bulls drafted Scott May.

Schwarber has a chance to be at least as good as any of them.

Schwarber will never be half the player that The Mick was.  Never.

Has there ever been a worse nickname than "Dandy Little Glove Man"?

I'm pretty sure Derrick May's nickname was "Derrick".