Kyle SKOwarber Hulking Thread of Sploogepower

[Quality Start Machine]

http://deadspin.com/kyle-schwarber-was-once-a-high-school-show-choir-stud-1736920341

They need to put that up on the video board after his next HR.

I no longer want to call him Schwabe Ruth. I now want to call him the Purple Pizzazz.

I saw someone call him Meatcake. That's pretty solid.

That was me, but it's more of a general term for large beefy men (and lord knows I love me from LBM's) than for Schwarber specifically.

Kyle is certainly closing the Musclebear Gap quickly.

Kyle could make some nice side cash dancing at Tonker.

Yeah, but he'd bogart the sausage rolls.

[Tonker]

http://deadspin.com/kyle-schwarber-was-once-a-high-school-show-choir-stud-1736920341

They need to put that up on the video board after his next HR.

I no longer want to call him Schwabe Ruth. I now want to call him the Purple Pizzazz.

I saw someone call him Meatcake. That's pretty solid.

That was me, but it's more of a general term for large beefy men (and lord knows I love me from LBM's) than for Schwarber specifically.

Kyle is certainly closing the Musclebear Gap quickly.

Kyle could make some nice side cash dancing at Tonker.

Oh, please.  He's nowhere near hairy enough.  It's like you two have never even been in a Musclebear club.

[Saul Goodman]

http://deadspin.com/kyle-schwarber-was-once-a-high-school-show-choir-stud-1736920341

They need to put that up on the video board after his next HR.

I no longer want to call him Schwabe Ruth. I now want to call him the Purple Pizzazz.

I saw someone call him Meatcake. That's pretty solid.

That was me, but it's more of a general term for large beefy men (and lord knows I love me from LBM's) than for Schwarber specifically.

Kyle is certainly closing the Musclebear Gap quickly.

Kyle could make some nice side cash dancing at Tonker.

Oh, please.  He's nowhere near hairy enough. It's like you two have never even been in a Musclebear club.

And how do you know he isn't?

[Tonker]

http://deadspin.com/kyle-schwarber-was-once-a-high-school-show-choir-stud-1736920341

They need to put that up on the video board after his next HR.

I no longer want to call him Schwabe Ruth. I now want to call him the Purple Pizzazz.

I saw someone call him Meatcake. That's pretty solid.

That was me, but it's more of a general term for large beefy men (and lord knows I love me from LBM's) than for Schwarber specifically.

Kyle is certainly closing the Musclebear Gap quickly.

Kyle could make some nice side cash dancing at Tonker.

Oh, please.  He's nowhere near hairy enough. It's like you two have never even been in a Musclebear club.

And how do you know he isn't?

Musclebear scuttlebutt.

[Saul Goodman]

http://deadspin.com/kyle-schwarber-was-once-a-high-school-show-choir-stud-1736920341

They need to put that up on the video board after his next HR.

I no longer want to call him Schwabe Ruth. I now want to call him the Purple Pizzazz.

I saw someone call him Meatcake. That's pretty solid.

That was me, but it's more of a general term for large beefy men (and lord knows I love me from LBM's) than for Schwarber specifically.

Kyle is certainly closing the Musclebear Gap quickly.

Kyle could make some nice side cash dancing at Tonker.

Oh, please.  He's nowhere near hairy enough. It's like you two have never even been in a Musclebear club.

And how do you know he isn't?

Musclebear scuttlebutt.

He might have plenty of scuttle on that butt. #LetSchwarberShakeIt

[Quality Start Machine]

Jesus, this fucking guy.

[ChuckD]

Jesus, this fucking guy.

Mr. Schwarbtober
Mr. Octschwarbobeanz

[Canadouche]

Jesus, this fucking guy.

Mr. Schwarbtober
Mr. Octschwarbobeanz

Jesus Schwrist.

[smg]

My son wants a Schwarber jersey. Bad investment?  Going to be traded before the credit card bill shows up?  I think Arrietta is second choice.

[Saul Goodman]

My son wants a Schwarber jersey. Bad investment?  Going to be traded before the credit card bill shows up?  I think Arrietta is second choice.

I really don't think he will be, unless the Sox suddenly want to give up Sale or the Marlins are ready to give away Fernandez.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

My son wants a Schwarber jersey. Bad investment?  Going to be traded before the credit card bill shows up?  I think Arrietta is second choice.

There are worse choices than the franchise record holder for career postseason home runs.

[smg]

My son wants a Schwarber jersey. Bad investment?  Going to be traded before the credit card bill shows up?  I think Arrietta is second choice.

There are worse choices than the franchise record holder for career postseason home runs.

But he's more of a DH, no? 

[Canadouche]

My son wants a Schwarber jersey. Bad investment?  Going to be traded before the credit card bill shows up?  I think Arrietta is second choice.

I'm thinking about getting one myself. Or Russell.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

My son wants a Schwarber jersey. Bad investment?  Going to be traded before the credit card bill shows up?  I think Arrietta is second choice.

There are worse choices than the franchise record holder for career postseason home runs.

But he's more of a DH, no? 

Sure.  He'll be the best DH in the National League in a couple years.

[Bort]

My son wants a Schwarber jersey. Bad investment?  Going to be traded before the credit card bill shows up?  I think Arrietta is second choice.

There are worse choices than the franchise record holder for career postseason home runs.

But he's more of a DH, no? 

Sure.  He'll be the best DH in the National League in a couple years.

If that happens any time the Cubs have control of Schwarbanzobeanz, the Bort household will be having a champagne shower.