Cheers to the Least Deserving Hall of Famer Ever

[Brownie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, should be Maddux's, Thomas', Glavine's, Torre's and even Bobby Cox's moment. Cheers. Even you, Bobby.

Fuck Tony LaRussa though. I'd just go along and give a golf gallery clap without giving it too much thought. But then, he and Jerry Reinsdorf spent some of their time lobbing darts at ... Harry Caray? A broadcaster that has been dead for 16 years? (But it's cheers to Hawk Harrelson for firing LaRussa and being the "asshole who fired him?")

Maybe that was Harrelson's best moment. Let's talk about LaRussa, whose legacy in Chicago was getting hotter than shit for a few weeks after the 1983 All-Star Break. (True story, there was a Chicago team only a half game out of first on July 4, and they are the team whose owner didn't personally fuck over every fucking working taxpayer with the aid and abetment of Mike Madigan, Jim Thomspon and Pate Philip with a stadium that provides nothing other than the personal enrichment of the Reinsdorf family).

OK, the White Sox get hot and wind up winning the AL West (shit teams that year. KC and California were OK, but after that you had a pile of shit that called themselves the Twins, a team in Seattle that make the 2012 Cubs look interesting, a Texas Rangers team that I challenge you to name one single player that played for them without checking baseball reference -- OK, besides Toby Harrah, and the Oakland A's, who had Rickey Henderson and a bunch of stiffs). Truth is, Apex, Mike D, Oleg and one or two ringers they could scare up for their softball team could probably compete in the 1983 AL West.

LaRussa had a Hall of Fame catcher, a Cy Young Award Winner, a budding star that probably should be a Hall of Famer, two other solid starting pitchers, a veteran DH who hit the shit out of the ball, and an East Chicago hilljack racist Rookie of the Year who now earns his living roaming South Side restaurants waiting for some Bridgeport buffoon to pick up his check after he regales him of stories of hitting home runs off the roof of Comiskey Park.

Oh, and they had Vance Law. If you have Vance Law, you have a championship team.

Hoyt, Bannister, Dotson and Burns were custom made for a short series. Hoyt even won Game One against a non-descript Orioles team managed by a guy who was so great, he was quickly replaced by the guy he replaced, and when he got to manage another Major League team, it was only because they didn't have a flight that could get Jim Essian from Des Moines to New York fast enough.

So, the White Sox team flames out, and LaRussa gets basically the same team back (including more Julio Cruz!) PLUS TOM FUCKING SEAVER. Seaver, despite eating live puppies in his free time, still could get people out. But LaMarr Hoyt found pot more interesting than baseball, Ron Kittle remembered he sucked and Richard Dotson and Britt Burns did their best Prior-Wood impressions. In short, the Sox were nothing special in 1984 (KC won the division with 83 wins and then played the biggest waste of time of an ALCS during a postseason that GOD HATES SO MUCH THAT HE PUNISHED THE CITY THAT WON THAT POSTSEASON WITH THE CITY THAT IT IS).

But I digress. Harrelson fires LaRussa, only with Gentle Jerry's blessing that he secured once he got word that Oakland would hire the Genius.

[Brownie]

DPD.. continued...


Great, so Tony LaRussa goes to an Oakland A team that was busy being an also ran in 1986. How did he do in 1987? Not particularly well, finishing 81-81, four games behind Minnesota, a team that caught a few lucky breaks and had no business beating Detroit in the ALCS (That said, I had an old VHS tape of Game 6 and Game 7 of the 1987 World Series that I wore out watching the Cardinals get demoralized in the HHH Dome-- I especially enjoyed Whitey Herzog bringing in Ken Dayley to pitch to Kent Hrbek, and hearing Tim McCarver say what a masterful move that was just as Hrbek launched a grand slam over the Hefty Bag. That was awesome. I liked watching Whitey Herzog lose, but goddammit, he was an actual genius winning pennants with those fucking teams).

OK, LaRussa is in Oakland. Jose Canseco! Mark McGwire! Dave Stewart! Bob Welch! They dominate baseball... well until the World Series when Tommy Lasorda --- Tommy Lasorda for fuck's sakes, we're not talking about a real-life chess player -- out manages him. C'mon now, Kirk Gibson couldn't play, Mike Marshall couldn't play, Lasorda and Fred Claire had resorted to the phone list Mike D probably has when he needs to find somebody to play softball the night they have only eight guys on the team able to play. John Tudor's arm exploded during the series. Orel Hershiser couldn't pitch Game One. Mike Scioscia got hurt during the series, so a few calls were made. Johnny Roseboro had a concert that night, couldn't play. Roy Campanella had promised to take his old lady out. Rick Dempsey... Tim Leary... Mickey Hatcher ... Alfredo Griffin... Jay Howell? Are you kidding me?

Then he wins a World Series in 1989 basically because GOD HATED BASEBALL SO MUCH AFTER THE NLCS THAT HE DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK AND THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE ALLOWING LARUSSA TO RESET HIS ROTATION AND HAVE HIS ACES START TWICE IN A FOUR GAME SERIES.

OK, well then he has a team set up to just make a mockery of the NL rep in the World Series. Except Lou Piniella outmanaged LaRussa so badly that Piniella went around for years saying he was from St. Petersburg lest he suffer the embarrassment of being from the same town LaRussa was from. This was a Reds team that half wanted to lose just to make Marge Schott eat shit. This was a Reds team that was carried in the World Series by BILLY HATCHER (why, oh why trade him to the Astros for Jerry Mumphrey, Dallas Green???) The Reds swept them, and LaRussa had a few more non-descript years in Oakland.

It was in Oakland that it seemed that the A's learned about chemistry. LaRussa took good notes because when he got to St. Louis...

well, let's first digress and talk about the 1996 NLCS. The Cardinals were back! Ozzie Smith (whom LaRussa was kind of rough with at the end) and the Cards had a 3-1 lead on the defending World Champs.

Then Bobby Cox and the Braves pantsed LaRussa. The Astros won the NL Central in 1997 and 1998, and the Cardinals were a non-factor down the stretch in the wild card race (oh, but something shiny! Mark McGwire).

It was in 1998 that LaRussa dumped Gary Gaetti for Fernando Tatis allowing the Cubs to get Gaetti's death rattle, so thanks! It was also 1998 when LaRussa tried to show how awesome he was by batting the pitcher eighth.

OK, 1999, 2000, 2001 and 2002 might have been postseason appearances but they didn't result in trips to the World Series. Luminaries such as BOBBY VALENTINE! and BOB BRENLY! and DUSTY FUCKING BAKER! went on to the World Series. In 2003, the Cardinals were a thorn in the Cubs' ass, but again they weren't around at the end. Houston stuck around as the Cardinals faded, possibly on the strength of them losing four of five to the Cubs in September during a series I continue to have dirty dreams about and a series in which Dusty Baker outwitted and intimidated Tony LaRussa. I mean, really, Tony, you should quit.

[Brownie]

TPD

Continued (I couldn't keep this under 10,000 characters, evidently)


In 2004, the Cardinals did OK, made the World Series and all that, but they were swept by a Red Sox team that had been drained emotionally by its ALCS win over New York. Really, Tony? Curt Schilling I think had amputated his ankle by the World Series.

Let's see: 2005, an Astros team that was falling apart beat the Cardinals in the NLCS. Phil Garner outmanaged him, if you're scoring at home.

It took a Mets team managed by Willie Randolph to lose to LaRussa in the NLCS before LaRussa's managed to beat his old friend Jim Leyland in the World Series. OK, it's a World Series title, but how about the two years that followed?

2007: One DUI, a discussion about the significance of numbers with Jupiter, Fla. law enforcement, a relief pitcher following the example left by his manager and driving so shitfaced drunk before depositing his brains into the back of a tow truck, and a sub .500 finish. In 2008, LaRussa managed St. Louis to a fourth place finish.

OK, 2009, the Cardinals won the division, but LaRussa shit the bed so bad in the playoffs that Lou Piniella went into such a laughing fit ("We at least had a prayer against the Dodgers last year") that it carried into the following year and led to his decision to retire.

So we're into 2010, and St. Louis again missed the playoffs as LaRussa finished 5 games behind Dusty Baker and the Reds. Dusty Baker, Tony. Seriously, give what Harry Caray said about you some thought. I know it might make you cry, but maybe he had a point.

Which brings us to 2011, the Genius's last season in uniform. Cardinals finish second in the NL Central several games behind Milwaukee. Somehow, they beat Philadelphia, which was managed by noted rocket scientist Charlie Manuel. Then LaRussa beats the Ron Roenicke-managed Brewers, who might have been distracted a wee bit by Ryan Braun's positive test a week earlier.

OK, then the Cardinals win a World Series that Texas really should have won but didn't. I could make a Ron Washington-cocaine mention, but won't.

So, managed a bunch of teams for 30 years. Somehow, widespread steroid use and alcohol abuse was rampant on his teams. Outmanaged by the likes of the entire AL West from 1979-1982, Joe Altobelli, Tommy Lasorda, Lou Piniella, Tom Kelly, Bobby Cox, Bobby Valentine, Bob Brenly, Dusty Baker, Jimy Williams, Phil Garner, Terry Francona, and others. Had Harry Caray and Jimmy Piersall say mean things about him. Had to wear a bullet proof vest to Sox games in 1982 probably because of the mean things Harry Caray said even though Caray at that time worked for the Cubs. Tried moving Carlton Fisk in left field, nearly alienating a Hall of Fame catcher. Couldn't win with Tom Seaver. Wanted to date Albert Pujols. Bragged about ordering pitchers to intentionally throw at players. Does not eat meat. Revolutionized baseball with myriad specialist relievers lengthening a game from 2:45 in length to 4:15. Thinks Mark McGwire should be in the Hall Of Fame.

But again, Harry Caray and Jimmy Piersall made him cry in 1980 or 1981. And Jerry Reinsdorf's revisionist history says that is why he let them go, because they were so wrong about his manager, even though LaRussa was hired by Bill Veeck and Roland Hemond, two guys Harry Caray got along with famously.

[Brownie]

Here's Bill Madden of the NY Daily News speaking truth about genius.

If you read my bit and said, goddamn that Brownie's a douchebag; I almost like LaRussa instead. Just read that. I almost forgot about Steve Wiltstein's ban from the Cardinals lockerroom. But it was nice of Tony to toss Sandy Alderson under the bus.

[Bort]

I'm going to frame this thread and put it in my son's room.

[Yeti]

http://deadspin.com/bryant-gumbel-says-smart-things-about-tony-la-russa-and-1610507540

[Quality Start Machine]

Joe Torre benefitted from steroids same as The Genius. He's just less insufferable about it.

[InternetApex]

TL;DR

We're not saying that managers who had PED guys on their team aren't good managers. That's idiotic. It's not a manager's job to keep guys clean and every team has drug abusers. We're saying Tony LaRussa is a complete douchehammer and we're butthurt because he won three world series some kind of way. So fuck him and Joe Torre.

[Slaky]

TL;DR

We're not saying that managers who had PED guys on their team aren't good managers. That's idiotic. It's not a manager's job to keep guys clean and every team has drug abusers. We're saying Tony LaRussa is a complete douchehammer and we're butthurt because he won three world series some kind of way. So fuck him and Joe Torre.

in 2053 when Theo Epstein is inducted they'll talk in new york about how he inherited a great team in Boston and fuck him and then he moved to the cubs and gamed the new system by stockpiling tons of draft picks and prospects to build some kind of juggernaut while blackmailing the other teams trying to do the same thing (Houston) into ruin. Yeah the Cubs won 18 straight World Series but was it worth it Theo you fuckin cheater?

[Saul Goodman]

TL;DR

We're not saying that managers who had PED guys on their team aren't good managers. That's idiotic. It's not a manager's job to keep guys clean and every team has drug abusers. We're saying Tony LaRussa is a complete douchehammer and we're butthurt because he won three world series some kind of way. So fuck him and Joe Torre.

in 2053 when Theo Epstein is inducted they'll talk in new york about how he inherited a great team in Boston and fuck him and then he moved to the cubs and gamed the new system by stockpiling tons of draft picks and prospects to build some kind of juggernaut while blackmailing the other teams trying to do the same thing (Houston) into ruin. Yeah the Cubs won 18 straight World Series but was it worth it Theo you fuckin cheater?

I wish he was stockpiling draft picks in the new system already.

[Armchair_QB]

TPD

Continued (I couldn't keep this under 10,000 characters, evidently)


In 2004, the Cardinals did OK, made the World Series and all that, but they were swept by a Red Sox team that had been drained emotionally by its ALCS win over New York. Really, Tony? Curt Schilling I think had amputated his ankle by the World Series.

Let's see: 2005, an Astros team that was falling apart beat the Cardinals in the NLCS. Phil Garner outmanaged him, if you're scoring at home.

It took a Mets team managed by Willie Randolph to lose to LaRussa in the NLCS before LaRussa's managed to beat his old friend Jim Leyland in the World Series. OK, it's a World Series title, but how about the two years that followed?

2007: One DUI, a discussion about the significance of numbers with Jupiter, Fla. law enforcement, a relief pitcher following the example left by his manager and driving so shitfaced drunk before depositing his brains into the back of a tow truck, and a sub .500 finish. In 2008, LaRussa managed St. Louis to a fourth place finish.

OK, 2009, the Cardinals won the division, but LaRussa shit the bed so bad in the playoffs that Lou Piniella went into such a laughing fit ("We at least had a prayer against the Dodgers last year") that it carried into the following year and led to his decision to retire.

So we're into 2010, and St. Louis again missed the playoffs as LaRussa finished 5 games behind Dusty Baker and the Reds. Dusty Baker, Tony. Seriously, give what Harry Caray said about you some thought. I know it might make you cry, but maybe he had a point.

Which brings us to 2011, the Genius's last season in uniform. Cardinals finish second in the NL Central several games behind Milwaukee. Somehow, they beat Philadelphia, which was managed by noted rocket scientist Charlie Manuel. Then LaRussa beats the Ron Roenicke-managed Brewers, who might have been distracted a wee bit by Ryan Braun's positive test a week earlier.

OK, then the Cardinals win a World Series that Texas really should have won but didn't. I could make a Ron Washington-cocaine mention, but won't.

So, managed a bunch of teams for 30 years. Somehow, widespread steroid use and alcohol abuse was rampant on his teams. Outmanaged by the likes of the entire AL West from 1979-1982, Joe Altobelli, Tommy Lasorda, Lou Piniella, Tom Kelly, Bobby Cox, Bobby Valentine, Bob Brenly, Dusty Baker, Jimy Williams, Phil Garner, Terry Francona, and others. Had Harry Caray and Jimmy Piersall say mean things about him. Had to wear a bullet proof vest to Sox games in 1982 probably because of the mean things Harry Caray said even though Caray at that time worked for the Cubs. Tried moving Carlton Fisk in left field, nearly alienating a Hall of Fame catcher. Couldn't win with Tom Seaver. Wanted to date Albert Pujols. Bragged about ordering pitchers to intentionally throw at players. Does not eat meat. Revolutionized baseball with myriad specialist relievers lengthening a game from 2:45 in length to 4:15. Thinks Mark McGwire should be in the Hall Of Fame.

But again, Harry Caray and Jimmy Piersall made him cry in 1980 or 1981. And Jerry Reinsdorf's revisionist history says that is why he let them go, because they were so wrong about his manager, even though LaRussa was hired by Bill Veeck and Roland Hemond, two guys Harry Caray got along with famously.

I fucking love you.