2014 General NFL Thread

[CT III]

I will never forget that night. My wife brought home Taco Bell and we ate it and then she announced:

"My water broke".

I was stunned. "Just now?" I asked.  

"No, it happened in the car on the way home, but I knew if I said something you'd want to go right to the hospital, and they wouldn't let me eat until the kid came out."

We went to the hospital. The baby was born 5pm the following day.

She (the child) was asleep on my chest a few days later when news of the Nomar trade came across the ticker. I was sure she'd never know a time when the Cubs were a laughingstock.

I'm pretty drunk right now.

[BH]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

[SKO]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

[Eli]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

I think people hear "midwife" and think "witch doctor," for whatever reason. But nowadays midwives (certified ones, anyway) are typically nurse practitioners or DNPs, which requires a lot of rigorous clinical knowledge. Ours really knew her stuff and I felt as comfortable with her taking care of my wife and baby as I would've with any doctor. And if some emergency situation had come up, I'm completely confident she would have handled it. You've got no reason to worry, at least beyond the general terror that comes with impending fatherhood.

[CBStew]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

... You've got no reason to worry, at least beyond the general terror that comes with impending fatherhood.

All four of my sons were born back in the day when fathers were not allowed in the delivery room.  It was a convenient cop-out for me, and I am not sorry that I wasn't present for the awe-inspiring drama. 

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

... You've got no reason to worry, at least beyond the general terror that comes with impending fatherhood.

All four of my sons were born back in the day when fathers were not allowed in the delivery room.  It was a convenient cop-out for me, and I am not sorry that I wasn't present for the awe-inspiring drama. 

My dad always credited me for waiting until the completion of Boston Celtics basketball game--which he was watching on the waiting room TV-- until I arrived.

Also, I was not in the delivery room for my first born.  My wife had a scheduled c-section and they told me I couldn't go in.  I realized, after the fact, that this was so the hospital would not have their incompetence on full display.  They cut my daughter's head upon retrieval--so basically the first thing that happened to her post-natal was getting stitches-- and the anesthesiologist doped my wife up so badly that she was out for several hours.  I was actually the first person to feed the baby, which I did with a bottle.

Moral of the story--don't ever have your birth at St. Francis Hospital in Evanston.  You're better off having Eli's hippie Douala deliver your child on a dirt path in the forest.

[PenFoe]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

... You've got no reason to worry, at least beyond the general terror that comes with impending fatherhood.

All four of my sons were born back in the day when fathers were not allowed in the delivery room.  It was a convenient cop-out for me, and I am not sorry that I wasn't present for the awe-inspiring drama. 

My dad always credited me for waiting until the completion of Boston Celtics basketball game--which he was watching on the waiting room TV-- until I arrived.

Also, I was not in the delivery room for my first born.  My wife had a scheduled c-section and they told me I couldn't go in.  I realized, after the fact, that this was so the hospital would not have their incompetence on full display.  They cut my daughter's head upon retrieval--so basically the first thing that happened to her post-natal was getting stitches-- and the anesthesiologist doped my wife up so badly that she was out for several hours.  I was actually the first person to feed the baby, which I did with a bottle.

Moral of the story--don't ever have your birth at St. Francis Hospital in Evanston.  You're better off having Eli's hippie Douala deliver your child on a dirt path in the forest.

First off, this is hilarious.

Secondly, one of my friends from college who also lives in Boulder is a doula and I'm pretty sure they offer that service.

[Tonker]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

I think people hear "midwife" and think "witch doctor," for whatever reason. But nowadays midwives (certified ones, anyway) are typically nurse practitioners or DNPs, which requires a lot of rigorous clinical knowledge. Ours really knew her stuff and I felt as comfortable with her taking care of my wife and baby as I would've with any doctor. And if some emergency situation had come up, I'm completely confident she would have handled it. You've got no reason to worry, at least beyond the general terror that comes with impending fatherhood.

I'm not sure about the rest of Europe but in the UK, NL and DE, unless there's a reason to suspect that the birth might be problematic, a midwife takes care of the delivery.  There will be a gynaecologist and a paediatrician around, but they don't get involved unless it's necessary.  In fact, in the Netherlands, almost half of all births take place at home - the cloggies are all about the laissez faire.  It wasn't an option for us, but even if it had been, we wouldn't have done it.  Fucking nutters.

[Tonker]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

... You've got no reason to worry, at least beyond the general terror that comes with impending fatherhood.

All four of my sons were born back in the day when fathers were not allowed in the delivery room.  It was a convenient cop-out for me, and I am not sorry that I wasn't present for the awe-inspiring drama. 

My dad always credited me for waiting until the completion of Boston Celtics basketball game--which he was watching on the waiting room TV-- until I arrived.

Also, I was not in the delivery room for my first born.  My wife had a scheduled c-section and they told me I couldn't go in.  I realized, after the fact, that this was so the hospital would not have their incompetence on full display.  They cut my daughter's head upon retrieval--so basically the first thing that happened to her post-natal was getting stitches-- and the anesthesiologist doped my wife up so badly that she was out for several hours.  I was actually the first person to feed the baby, which I did with a bottle.

Moral of the story--don't ever have your birth at St. Francis Hospital in Evanston.  You're better off having Eli's hippie Douala deliver your child on a dirt path in the forest.

Well, that's a relief.

[Eli]

You're better off having Eli's hippie Douala deliver your child on a dirt path in the forest.

Rhymes with koala, I assume.

[PenFoe]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

I think people hear "midwife" and think "witch doctor," for whatever reason. But nowadays midwives (certified ones, anyway) are typically nurse practitioners or DNPs, which requires a lot of rigorous clinical knowledge. Ours really knew her stuff and I felt as comfortable with her taking care of my wife and baby as I would've with any doctor. And if some emergency situation had come up, I'm completely confident she would have handled it. You've got no reason to worry, at least beyond the general terror that comes with impending fatherhood.

I'm not sure about the rest of Europe but in the UK, NL and DE, unless there's a reason to suspect that the birth might be problematic, a midwife takes care of the delivery.  There will be a gynaecologist and a paediatrician around, but they don't get involved unless it's necessary.  In fact, in the Netherlands, almost half of all births take place at home - the cloggies are all about the laissez faire.  It wasn't an option for us, but even if it had been, we wouldn't have done it.  Fucking nutters.

Both of our kids were born in the hospital and I wouldn't change it for anything, but worth noting that the nurses did 99.9% of the work and the doctor basically just showed up for the last few minutes.  

Other than administering the epidural, I think we could have done everything without a doctor.

Granted, there were no complications, and I sure as shit would have wanted a doctor if there had been.

[Eli]

Secondly, one of my friends from college who also lives in Boulder is a doula and I'm pretty sure they offer that service.

Doula or midwife?

[PenFoe]

Secondly, one of my friends from college who also lives in Boulder is a doula and I'm pretty sure they offer that service.

Doula or midwife?

[CT III]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

... You've got no reason to worry, at least beyond the general terror that comes with impending fatherhood.

All four of my sons were born back in the day when fathers were not allowed in the delivery room.  It was a convenient cop-out for me, and I am not sorry that I wasn't present for the awe-inspiring drama. 

My dad always credited me for waiting until the completion of Boston Celtics basketball game--which he was watching on the waiting room TV-- until I arrived.

Also, I was not in the delivery room for my first born.  My wife had a scheduled c-section and they told me I couldn't go in.  I realized, after the fact, that this was so the hospital would not have their incompetence on full display.  They cut my daughter's head upon retrieval--so basically the first thing that happened to her post-natal was getting stitches-- and the anesthesiologist doped my wife up so badly that she was out for several hours.  I was actually the first person to feed the baby, which I did with a bottle.

Moral of the story--don't ever have your birth at St. Francis Hospital in Evanston.  You're better off having Eli's hippie Douala deliver your child on a dirt path in the forest.

I'm somewhat shocked that Meatball Doctor Huey didn't insist on being present to second guess every damn thing that went on in that operating room.

[Quality Start Machine]

We used modern medicine. It was pretty sweet.

I know enough friends who have had emergency procedures needed that it's insane to me that anyone would want to have a baby anywhere other than 5 feet from the nearest doctor.

Yep. My nephew was born with a high fever and had to go on anti-biotics basically the second he was out of the womb and was in the NICU for weeks. Scared the living piss out of me. The midwife thing is fine with me as long as everything goes to plan, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sign off on a midwife that didn't operate out of a hospital with doctors available in case of an emergency.

... You've got no reason to worry, at least beyond the general terror that comes with impending fatherhood.

All four of my sons were born back in the day when fathers were not allowed in the delivery room.  It was a convenient cop-out for me, and I am not sorry that I wasn't present for the awe-inspiring drama. 

My dad always credited me for waiting until the completion of Boston Celtics basketball game--which he was watching on the waiting room TV-- until I arrived.

Also, I was not in the delivery room for my first born.  My wife had a scheduled c-section and they told me I couldn't go in.  I realized, after the fact, that this was so the hospital would not have their incompetence on full display.  They cut my daughter's head upon retrieval--so basically the first thing that happened to her post-natal was getting stitches-- and the anesthesiologist doped my wife up so badly that she was out for several hours.  I was actually the first person to feed the baby, which I did with a bottle.

Moral of the story--don't ever have your birth at St. Francis Hospital in Evanston.  You're better off having Eli's hippie Douala deliver your child on a dirt path in the forest.

I'm somewhat shocked that Meatball Doctor Huey didn't insist on being present to second guess every damn thing that went on in that operating room.

They coulsn't sanitize his helmet.