Kyle Hendricks Low Velocity Assassin Splooge Thread

[WTB...A RING FFS!!]

Pssst.... hey Kyle ....

Hey Kyle, get your fucking ass in there now you bitch. Prob going to cost us this series with having to face Sale on Sunday. I was fine with the idea of taking 2 from the damn Sox, but losing both series to those overpaid and underachieving cunts won't cut it.

Pretty sure I'd be fine with getting swept by the Sox if the Cubs subsequently win the World Series.

Well of course, but not being the Amazing Kreskin and knowing how the season will end, I don't want dumbfuck Sox fans to hold that over us.

[Saul Goodman]

I just checked, and yep, I still Bort-hate Kyle Hendricks.

[Bort]

I just checked, and yep, I still Bort-hate Kyle Hendricks.

I approve of this terminology.

[Tonker]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

[SKO]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

Pretty much this. It always looks so much worse than it is with him, and even when he pitches well you've spent the whole game with your butt clenched waiting for the other shoe to drop, so you never really enjoy it. On a team full of guys who are ridiculously fun to watch, he's just not. I also think we'd be less annoyed by Kyle Hendricks right now if Hammel wasn't in a month+ long stretch of being mostly useless and Haren wasn't completely useless.

As a number five, which I really hope is all he is next year after they land one of the top guys on the market, Hendricks is fine. On a team that's desperately looking for a third guy to give them a good start, Hendricks is getting a lot of anger for simply being the guy that we probably should have expected him to be all along.

[InternetApex]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

Pretty much this. It always looks so much worse than it is with him, and even when he pitches well you've spent the whole game with your butt clenched waiting for the other shoe to drop, so you never really enjoy it. On a team full of guys who are ridiculously fun to watch, he's just not. I also think we'd be less annoyed by Kyle Hendricks right now if Hammel wasn't in a month+ long stretch of being mostly useless and Haren wasn't completely useless.

As a number five, which I really hope is all he is next year after they land one of the top guys on the market, Hendricks is fine. On a team that's desperately looking for a third guy to give them a good start, Hendricks is getting a lot of anger for simply being the guy that we probably should have expected him to be all along.

Even last night he pitched well enough to win but the offense was silent besides Bryant and Derpfaces of America were performing a kickline in the outfield. But yeah, I was annoyed at Hendricks and gave up on the game.

[SKO]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

Pretty much this. It always looks so much worse than it is with him, and even when he pitches well you've spent the whole game with your butt clenched waiting for the other shoe to drop, so you never really enjoy it. On a team full of guys who are ridiculously fun to watch, he's just not. I also think we'd be less annoyed by Kyle Hendricks right now if Hammel wasn't in a month+ long stretch of being mostly useless and Haren wasn't completely useless.

As a number five, which I really hope is all he is next year after they land one of the top guys on the market, Hendricks is fine. On a team that's desperately looking for a third guy to give them a good start, Hendricks is getting a lot of anger for simply being the guy that we probably should have expected him to be all along.

Even last night he pitched well enough to win but the offense was silent besides Bryant and Derpfaces of America were performing a kickline in the outfield. But yeah, I was annoyed at Hendricks and gave up on the game.

Yeah, not scoring more than two runs off Peavy was the real problem. In the abstract, Hendricks giving up 4 in 6 on the road vs SF is hardly worth bitching about, but when you watch it happen live you spend the entire game just waiting for him to give up more than that, because he's perpetually one slightly elevated sinker hit into the bay away from getting completely torched.

Also nothing annoys people more than when you score runs in the top of the first inning and feel super excited about a game and then your pitcher immediately allows them to tie it up. Even if it's the offense's fault they didn't score the rest of the way, you still get mad about pitchers being staked to a lead and then blowing it.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

Pretty much this. It always looks so much worse than it is with him, and even when he pitches well you've spent the whole game with your butt clenched waiting for the other shoe to drop, so you never really enjoy it. On a team full of guys who are ridiculously fun to watch, he's just not. I also think we'd be less annoyed by Kyle Hendricks right now if Hammel wasn't in a month+ long stretch of being mostly useless and Haren wasn't completely useless.

As a number five, which I really hope is all he is next year after they land one of the top guys on the market, Hendricks is fine. On a team that's desperately looking for a third guy to give them a good start, Hendricks is getting a lot of anger for simply being the guy that we probably should have expected him to be all along.

Even last night he pitched well enough to win but the offense was silent besides Bryant and Derpfaces of America were performing a kickline in the outfield. But yeah, I was annoyed at Hendricks and gave up on the game.

Yeah, not scoring more than two runs off Peavy was the real problem. In the abstract, Hendricks giving up 4 in 6 on the road vs SF is hardly worth bitching about, but when you watch it happen live you spend the entire game just waiting for him to give up more than that, because he's perpetually one slightly elevated sinker hit into the bay away from getting completely torched.

Also nothing annoys people more than when you score runs in the top of the first inning and feel super excited about a game and then your pitcher immediately allows them to tie it up. Even if it's the offense's fault they didn't score the rest of the way, you still get mad about pitchers being staked to a lead and then blowing it.

It's not just that he allowed the game to immediately get tied up, it's that he did so in part by walking 3 batters which is abjectly infuriating.

[Eli]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

All of this. I know the numbers say he's been quite good, but I don't believe it and I hate looking at his terrified face.

[SKO]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

All of this. I know the numbers say he's been quite good, but I don't believe it and I hate looking at his terrified face.

I felt like this about Rich Hill in 2007, too. Although I doubt Kyle is going to end up with Rick Ankiel Disease.

[InternetApex]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

All of this. I know the numbers say he's been quite good, but I don't believe it and I hate looking at his terrified face.

I felt like this about Rich Hill in 2007, too. Although I doubt Kyle is going to end up with Rick Ankiel Disease.

I had such high hopes for Rich. But yeah, this.

[Oleg]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

All of this. I know the numbers say he's been quite good, but I don't believe it and I hate looking at his terrified face.

I think it's the fact that his fastball just rarely hits anything above 91.  I know it shouldn't matter that much but I'm just expecting every batter to just hit him hard.

[flannj]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

All of this. I know the numbers say he's been quite good, but I don't believe it and I hate looking at his terrified face.

Agreed.
And to Huey's point about the walks the one to Byrd had me yelling at the TV.

[SKO]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

All of this. I know the numbers say he's been quite good, but I don't believe it and I hate looking at his terrified face.

Agreed.
And to Huey's point about the walks the one to Byrd had me yelling at the TV.

Me, too. I also yelled when Hunter walked him the night before with a fucking 7 run lead. If there's one thing in baseball that any pitcher worth a fucking damn should be able to do, it's avoid walking Marlon Byrd and his 5% career walk rate. Javy Baez walked at a higher rate last year than Marlon Byrd has for his career.

[flannj]

So far this year, the Cubs' no. 4 starter has pitched 142 innings of 3.50 FIP baseball.  If you'd have offered me that in March, I'd probably have taken it, and yet, every time he goes to the mound I wish he'd chosen some other career.  Part of Hendricks' problem, though, is that he looks like a scared fourteen-year-old: if he had the good face and a thick beard, we'd all cut him a lot more slack.  That's my theory, anyway.

All of this. I know the numbers say he's been quite good, but I don't believe it and I hate looking at his terrified face.

Agreed.
And to Huey's point about the walks the one to Byrd had me yelling at the TV.

Me, too. I also yelled when Hunter walked him the night before with a fucking 7 run lead. If there's one thing in baseball that any pitcher worth a fucking damn should be able to do, it's avoid walking Marlon Byrd and his 5% career walk rate. Javy Baez walked at a higher rate last year than Marlon Byrd has for his career.

Watching Montero's reaction was pretty telling, he looked PISSED.