Kyle Hendricks Low Velocity Assassin Splooge Thread

[SKO]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

[InternetApex]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

[CT III]

I didn't even bother to follow this game. I am really good with 2 of 3 in that dump.

I mean I am very content with where the Cubs are, but I wanted to sweep the Cardinals in their stupid fetid little swamp and I am mildly annoyed that it is looking unlikely.

They'll have a couple more shots at it. And at that point the separation in the standings will mean more than it does now. A sweep would be great for some Facebook Lolz but what are we gonna do, print t-shirts for an April road sweep?

Well, not now we won't.

*packs up screen printing materials*

I mean, it's a dumb idea anyway, right?

Let's print shirts for every series, like the Venture Bros does for each episode.

[InternetApex]

I didn't even bother to follow this game. I am really good with 2 of 3 in that dump.

I mean I am very content with where the Cubs are, but I wanted to sweep the Cardinals in their stupid fetid little swamp and I am mildly annoyed that it is looking unlikely.

They'll have a couple more shots at it. And at that point the separation in the standings will mean more than it does now. A sweep would be great for some Facebook Lolz but what are we gonna do, print t-shirts for an April road sweep?

Well, not now we won't.

*packs up screen printing materials*

I mean, it's a dumb idea anyway, right?

Let's print shirts for every series, like the Venture Bros does for each episode.

Cool. Rotating design assignments or Kurt does all of them?

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Come on, we need your support.  You've always been great at hating mediocre white guys.

[Saul Goodman]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Come on, we need you support.  You've always been great at hating mediocre white guys.

#MakeHatingMediocreWhiteGuysGreatAgain

[InternetApex]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Come on, we need you support.  You've always been great at hating mediocre white guys.

#MakeHatingMediocreWhiteGuysGreatAgain

Those mediocre white guys were starters on putrid teams. It was a different time, a different Pex. I think what we'd need to get me onto a LaStella hatewagon would be an injury to one of the top line guys forcing him into regular action. His mere presence on the field would remind me that so and so was out and that our high hopes were getting dashed by this insufferable slapdick, fuckface, asshole.

I really don't want ANY of that shit to happen. I'm gonna chill.

[Bort]

I have trouble thinking about LaStella for more than a few seconds before forgetting why I was thinking of him. Otherwise, I would be proud to hate him just for the hell of it.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I have trouble thinking about LaStella for more than a few seconds before forgetting why I was thinking of him. Otherwise, I would be proud to hate him just for the hell of it.

Glad to have you on board, bud.

[Bort]

I have trouble thinking about LaStella for more than a few seconds before forgetting why I was thinking of him. Otherwise, I would be proud to hate him just for the hell of it.

Glad to have you on board, bud.

Thanks?

[Saul Goodman]

Time for Tommy La Stella to determine whether or not I'm going to hate him forever with this AB.

Update: HATE

[Quality Start Machine]

Time for Tommy La Stella to determine whether or not I'm going to hate him forever with this AB.

Update: HATE

I hate La Stella just by virtue of how much I think the Four Seasons suck.

[Eli]

Who is Tommy La Stella?

[Slaky]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Me neither. Adam Warren seemed like a good candidate but then I saw his change up.