Kyle Hendricks Low Velocity Assassin Splooge Thread

[SKO]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Me neither. Adam Warren seemed like a good candidate but then I saw his change up.

Either way we're stuck with hating the 25th man, the 4th or 5th most important reliever, or an above average middle-to-end of the rotation starter just because he's either a mouthbreather (Lackey) or gets shelled every now and then while being pretty good otherwise (Hendricks).

This team is devoid of good candidates for hating. Theo has ruined us. 

[Oleg]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Come on, we need you support.  You've always been great at hating mediocre white guys.

#MakeHatingMediocreWhiteGuysGreatAgain

Those mediocre white guys were starters on putrid teams. It was a different time, a different Pex. I think what we'd need to get me onto a LaStella hatewagon would be an injury to one of the top line guys forcing him into regular action. His mere presence on the field would remind me that so and so was out and that our high hopes were getting dashed by this insufferable slapdick, fuckface, asshole.

I really don't want ANY of that shit to happen. I'm gonna chill.

1. If I had known about your newly minted bullshit toleration, I would have worked into the softball team toast.
2. If it helps, every time LaStella plays, it mean that Soler sits.

[Canadouche]

I didn't even bother to follow this game. I am really good with 2 of 3 in that dump.

I mean I am very content with where the Cubs are, but I wanted to sweep the Cardinals in their stupid fetid little swamp and I am mildly annoyed that it is looking unlikely.

They'll have a couple more shots at it. And at that point the separation in the standings will mean more than it does now. A sweep would be great for some Facebook Lolz but what are we gonna do, print t-shirts for an April road sweep?

Well, not now we won't.

*packs up screen printing materials*

I mean, it's a dumb idea anyway, right?

Let's print shirts for every series, like the Venture Bros does for each episode.

Cool. Rotating design assignments or Kurt does all of them?

Lobster Orcs for everyone!

[Canadouche]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Come on, we need you support.  You've always been great at hating mediocre white guys.

#MakeHatingMediocreWhiteGuysGreatAgain

Those mediocre white guys were starters on putrid teams. It was a different time, a different Pex. I think what we'd need to get me onto a LaStella hatewagon would be an injury to one of the top line guys forcing him into regular action. His mere presence on the field would remind me that so and so was out and that our high hopes were getting dashed by this insufferable slapdick, fuckface, asshole.

I really don't want ANY of that shit to happen. I'm gonna chill.

Yes. On those teams, La Stella would've started, and been batting 2nd. Different teams, different times.

[SKO]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Come on, we need you support.  You've always been great at hating mediocre white guys.

#MakeHatingMediocreWhiteGuysGreatAgain

Those mediocre white guys were starters on putrid teams. It was a different time, a different Pex. I think what we'd need to get me onto a LaStella hatewagon would be an injury to one of the top line guys forcing him into regular action. His mere presence on the field would remind me that so and so was out and that our high hopes were getting dashed by this insufferable slapdick, fuckface, asshole.

I really don't want ANY of that shit to happen. I'm gonna chill.

Yes. On those teams, La Stella would've started, and been batting 2nd. Different teams, different times.

Some of the actually cool and intelligent White Sox fans I follow on Twitter are constantly bemoaning the fact that Ventura believes he has to bat a middle infielder second, no matter what. He's batted Rollins' corpse or Saladino there every game so far and it's killing them.

I don't miss those days.

[Bort]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Come on, we need you support.  You've always been great at hating mediocre white guys.

#MakeHatingMediocreWhiteGuysGreatAgain

Those mediocre white guys were starters on putrid teams. It was a different time, a different Pex. I think what we'd need to get me onto a LaStella hatewagon would be an injury to one of the top line guys forcing him into regular action. His mere presence on the field would remind me that so and so was out and that our high hopes were getting dashed by this insufferable slapdick, fuckface, asshole.

I really don't want ANY of that shit to happen. I'm gonna chill.

Yes. On those teams, La Stella would've started, and been batting 2nd. Different teams, different times.

Some of the actually cool and intelligent White Sox fans I follow on Twitter are constantly bemoaning the fact that Ventura believes he has to bat a middle infielder second, no matter what. He's batted Rollins' corpse or Saladino there every game so far and it's killing them.

I don't miss those days.

Honestly, it surprises me that the Dusty Baker era wasn't 25 years long. It felt that way.

[Canadouche]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Come on, we need you support.  You've always been great at hating mediocre white guys.

#MakeHatingMediocreWhiteGuysGreatAgain

Those mediocre white guys were starters on putrid teams. It was a different time, a different Pex. I think what we'd need to get me onto a LaStella hatewagon would be an injury to one of the top line guys forcing him into regular action. His mere presence on the field would remind me that so and so was out and that our high hopes were getting dashed by this insufferable slapdick, fuckface, asshole.

I really don't want ANY of that shit to happen. I'm gonna chill.

Yes. On those teams, La Stella would've started, and been batting 2nd. Different teams, different times.

Some of the actually cool and intelligent White Sox fans I follow on Twitter are constantly bemoaning the fact that Ventura believes he has to bat a middle infielder second, no matter what. He's batted Rollins' corpse or Saladino there every game so far and it's killing them.

I don't miss those days.

Honestly, it surprises me that the Dusty Baker era wasn't 25 years long. It felt that way.

I'm self-editing this post. It didn't make any sense. /shamepost

[CBStew]

It feels so petty to be annoyed by the 5th starter having a mediocre game on the road against a decent team, because if the Cubs worst problem is that Kyle Hendricks gets hit every third or fourth start, we have very little to be annoyed by.

But, well, I am petty, and I'm annoyed. Dammit, Kyle. I want this sweep.

If we're going to kick and scream over an April loss then I suggest you focus some rage on Tommy LaStella, the pedo-looking mofo who opened the floodgates by letting a well-struck-but-still-playable- ball clank off his glove.  Damnit, son, Hendricks pitches to a good bit of contact as it is, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

I mean I'm not kicking and screaming, period, but I'm entirely open to hating Tommy La Stella. If Lackey is going to stick it up the Cardinals asses he can't be the most hateable guy on this team, so we're taking applications.

I'd like to vote early and often for LaStella then.

I'm not going to put any effort into hating Tommy LaStella. I'm not up to it.

Me neither. Adam Warren seemed like a good candidate but then I saw his change up.

Either way we're stuck with hating the 25th man, the 4th or 5th most important reliever, or an above average middle-to-end of the rotation starter just because he's either a mouthbreather (Lackey) or gets shelled every now and then while being pretty good otherwise (Hendricks).

This team is devoid of good candidates for hating. Theo has ruined us. 

I have no difficulty whatsoever in hating Lackey.

[Tony]

This guy's thread probably deserves a bump.

[SKO]

This guy's thread probably deserves a bump.

That was, indeed, a quality start.

[Saul Goodman]

This guy's thread probably deserves a bump.

That was, indeed, a quality start.

Machinelike, even.

[flannj]

A gem.
An absolute gem.

[CBStew]

I watched him pitch last Sunday against Madison Bumgarner.  Bumgarner pitched a great game, and Hendricks had him matched except with the bat.  Bumgarner drove in the only run of the game with a double off of Hendricks, who apparently didn't take Bumgarner  seriously as an offensive threat.

[Saul Goodman]

I watched him pitch last Sunday against Madison Bumgarner.  Bumgarner pitched a great game, and Hendricks had him matched except with the bat.  Bumgarner drove in the only run of the game with a double off of Hendricks, who apparently didn't take Bumgarner  seriously as an offensive threat.

After the game I remember Hendricks saying he'd made a bad pitch to Bumgarner and he wished he'd executed it better, but the point stands.

[WTB...A RING FFS!!]

I positive us being able to bump starters threads almost every night because they're shutting almost everyone down.