Emstink Is History: The Chicago Bears and their search for relevance

[InternetApex]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

[SKO]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

[InternetApex]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

Why not both? Shanahan as GM/Offensive Coordinator and Rex Ryan has Head Coach!

[SKO]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

Why not both? Shanahan as GM/Offensive Coordinator and Rex Ryan has Head Coach!

Singletary as assistant HC/DC.

[CT III]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

Why not both? Shanahan as GM/Offensive Coordinator and Rex Ryan has Head Coach!

Singletary as assistant HC/DC.

I kind of want them to hire a slew of '85 Bears to run this whole thing just to watch that shit crash and burn while slack-jawed yokels wonder how something like this could happen.  Yes, I would sacrifice 2 more seasons if it meant ending the '85 Bears once and for all.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

Why not both? Shanahan as GM/Offensive Coordinator and Rex Ryan has Head Coach!

Singletary as assistant HC/DC.

I kind of want them to hire a slew of '85 Bears to run this whole thing just to watch that shit crash and burn while slack-jawed yokels wonder how something like this could happen.  Yes, I would sacrifice 2 more seasons if it meant ending the '85 Bears once and for all.

You think that would be the end of the '85 Bears and people's unyielding adoration of them?  Who're you crappin'?

[SKO]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

Why not both? Shanahan as GM/Offensive Coordinator and Rex Ryan has Head Coach!

Singletary as assistant HC/DC.

I kind of want them to hire a slew of '85 Bears to run this whole thing just to watch that shit crash and burn while slack-jawed yokels wonder how something like this could happen.  Yes, I would sacrifice 2 more seasons if it meant ending the '85 Bears once and for all.

You think that would be the end of the '85 Bears and people's unyielding adoration of them?  Who're you crappin'?

Rex Ryan is the closest thing to an 85 Bear coaching right now and meatballs loved him so much they still won't turn on him. Every failing he's ever had has been shunted onto his GMs or his QBs or his OCs. The same would happen here. DOSE CHEAP MCCASKEYS SCREWED SAMRYE MIKE BY NOT TRADIN FER A REAL QB LIKE DAT ROGERS FELLOW.

[flannj]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

Why not both? Shanahan as GM/Offensive Coordinator and Rex Ryan has Head Coach!

Singletary as assistant HC/DC.

I kind of want them to hire a slew of '85 Bears to run this whole thing just to watch that shit crash and burn while slack-jawed yokels wonder how something like this could happen.  Yes, I would sacrifice 2 more seasons if it meant ending the '85 Bears once and for all.

You think that would be the end of the '85 Bears and people's unyielding adoration of them?  Who're you crappin'?

Rex Ryan is the closest thing to an 85 Bear coaching right now and meatballs loved him so much they still won't turn on him. Every failing he's ever had has been shunted onto his GMs or his QBs or his OCs. The same would happen here. DOSE CHEAP MCCASKEYS SCREWED SAMRYE MIKE BY NOT TRADIN FER A REAL QB LIKE DAT ROGERS FELLOW.

DAT REX RYAN HE'S GONNA PUT HIS FOOT DOWN. DERE WON"T BE ANY PUSSYFOOTIN' ROUND WIT A COACH DAT WHERES DA SHOES IN DA ORGINIZATION LIKE HE DUZ. ANYBODY DAT DON'T TOE DA LINE IS GONNA GET A SIZE FIVE AN A HAF UP HIS ASS.

[thehawk]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

Why not both? Shanahan as GM/Offensive Coordinator and Rex Ryan has Head Coach!

Singletary as assistant HC/DC.

I kind of want them to hire a slew of '85 Bears to run this whole thing just to watch that shit crash and burn while slack-jawed yokels wonder how something like this could happen.  Yes, I would sacrifice 2 more seasons if it meant ending the '85 Bears once and for all.

You think that would be the end of the '85 Bears and people's unyielding adoration of them?  Who're you crappin'?

Rex Ryan is the closest thing to an 85 Bear coaching right now and meatballs loved him so much they still won't turn on him. Every failing he's ever had has been shunted onto his GMs or his QBs or his OCs. The same would happen here. DOSE CHEAP MCCASKEYS SCREWED SAMRYE MIKE BY NOT TRADIN FER A REAL QB LIKE DAT ROGERS FELLOW.

DAT REX RYAN HE'S GONNA PUT HIS FOOT DOWN. DERE WON"T BE ANY PUSSYFOOTIN' ROUND WIT A COACH DAT WHERES DA SHOES IN DA ORGINIZATION LIKE HE DUZ. ANYBODY DAT DON'T TOE DA LINE IS GONNA GET A SIZE FIVE AN A HAF UP HIS ASS.

[CT III]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

Why not both? Shanahan as GM/Offensive Coordinator and Rex Ryan has Head Coach!

Singletary as assistant HC/DC.

I kind of want them to hire a slew of '85 Bears to run this whole thing just to watch that shit crash and burn while slack-jawed yokels wonder how something like this could happen.  Yes, I would sacrifice 2 more seasons if it meant ending the '85 Bears once and for all.

You think that would be the end of the '85 Bears and people's unyielding adoration of them?  Who're you crappin'?

I can dream.

But shit, if hiring Jerry Angelo and Phil Emery in succession can't get Ted Phillips fired or even reassigned...

[flannj]

George McCaskey's got the keys to the spaceship now. Buckle up.

they're hiring Mike Shanahan or Rex Ryan and they're still going to suck. Happy fucking New Year.

Why not both? Shanahan as GM/Offensive Coordinator and Rex Ryan has Head Coach!

Singletary as assistant HC/DC.

I kind of want them to hire a slew of '85 Bears to run this whole thing just to watch that shit crash and burn while slack-jawed yokels wonder how something like this could happen.  Yes, I would sacrifice 2 more seasons if it meant ending the '85 Bears once and for all.

You think that would be the end of the '85 Bears and people's unyielding adoration of them?  Who're you crappin'?

Rex Ryan is the closest thing to an 85 Bear coaching right now and meatballs loved him so much they still won't turn on him. Every failing he's ever had has been shunted onto his GMs or his QBs or his OCs. The same would happen here. DOSE CHEAP MCCASKEYS SCREWED SAMRYE MIKE BY NOT TRADIN FER A REAL QB LIKE DAT ROGERS FELLOW.

DAT REX RYAN HE'S GONNA PUT HIS FOOT DOWN. DERE WON"T BE ANY PUSSYFOOTIN' ROUND WIT A COACH DAT WHERES DA SHOES IN DA ORGINIZATION LIKE HE DUZ. ANYBODY DAT DON'T TOE DA LINE IS GONNA GET A SIZE FIVE AN A HAF UP HIS ASS.

Too.. Ron Obvious?
Because if I get a good lift off and maybe a gust of breeze over the French coast, I shall be jumping into the centre of Calais itself.

[R-V]

The greatest moment of the past 30 years was a kick return in a game we lost.

[Yeti]

The greatest moment of the past 30 years was a kick return in a game we lost.

First off, link fixed

Some of my faves:

Because, as always, Bears fans remain preserved eternally in the year 1985. They are an artifact, swilling shitty beer and grilling on the lakefront bike path before games and hooting about BEAR WEATHER. They harbor a perpetual inferiority complex due to the fact that Chicago is not New York and never can be due to its geographic location at the center of the Arctic Frost Stream. And so fans in Chicago bulk up on pig fat and Malört and pretend they have the right to a HARDSCRABBLE, BLUE-COLLAR team, desperate to deny the fact that they are soft people cheering for the softest roster in the NFL. This is the team they deserve: lazy, flat, uninspired. This is what you get for immortalizing Mike Ditka, who is a moron and a shitbag. Fuck Ditka, fuck the Bears, and fuck walking anywhere near that lake during the months of September to May.

People here speak fondly of Kyle Orton, and not just sarcastically either. I mean, we actually miss him.

I went to a Bears/Packers game in Lambeau flying my Chicago flag. The people all around us tailgating gave us some good-natured shit and then offered us beer from their cooler and food off their grill.

Went to the same game in Chicago. One of my fellow Bears fans called a 12-year old wearing an Aaron Rogers jersey a cunt.

We are not good people.

[Brownie]

The greatest moment of the past 30 years was a kick return in a game we lost.

First off, link fixed

Some of my faves:

Because, as always, Bears fans remain preserved eternally in the year 1985. They are an artifact, swilling shitty beer and grilling on the lakefront bike path before games and hooting about BEAR WEATHER. They harbor a perpetual inferiority complex due to the fact that Chicago is not New York and never can be due to its geographic location at the center of the Arctic Frost Stream. And so fans in Chicago bulk up on pig fat and Malört and pretend they have the right to a HARDSCRABBLE, BLUE-COLLAR team, desperate to deny the fact that they are soft people cheering for the softest roster in the NFL. This is the team they deserve: lazy, flat, uninspired. This is what you get for immortalizing Mike Ditka, who is a moron and a shitbag. Fuck Ditka, fuck the Bears, and fuck walking anywhere near that lake during the months of September to May.

People here speak fondly of Kyle Orton, and not just sarcastically either. I mean, we actually miss him.

I went to a Bears/Packers game in Lambeau flying my Chicago flag. The people all around us tailgating gave us some good-natured shit and then offered us beer from their cooler and food off their grill.

Went to the same game in Chicago. One of my fellow Bears fans called a 12-year old wearing an Aaron Rogers jersey a cunt.

We are not good people.

I think Slaky (back when he cared about football) said it best when he said that he hates Bears fans because they're the same people as White Sox fans.

[SKO]

The greatest moment of the past 30 years was a kick return in a game we lost.

First off, link fixed

Some of my faves:

Because, as always, Bears fans remain preserved eternally in the year 1985. They are an artifact, swilling shitty beer and grilling on the lakefront bike path before games and hooting about BEAR WEATHER. They harbor a perpetual inferiority complex due to the fact that Chicago is not New York and never can be due to its geographic location at the center of the Arctic Frost Stream. And so fans in Chicago bulk up on pig fat and Malört and pretend they have the right to a HARDSCRABBLE, BLUE-COLLAR team, desperate to deny the fact that they are soft people cheering for the softest roster in the NFL. This is the team they deserve: lazy, flat, uninspired. This is what you get for immortalizing Mike Ditka, who is a moron and a shitbag. Fuck Ditka, fuck the Bears, and fuck walking anywhere near that lake during the months of September to May.

People here speak fondly of Kyle Orton, and not just sarcastically either. I mean, we actually miss him.

I went to a Bears/Packers game in Lambeau flying my Chicago flag. The people all around us tailgating gave us some good-natured shit and then offered us beer from their cooler and food off their grill.

Went to the same game in Chicago. One of my fellow Bears fans called a 12-year old wearing an Aaron Rogers jersey a cunt.

We are not good people.

I think Slaky (back when he cared about football) said it best when he said that he hates Bears fans because they're the same people as White Sox fans.

Eh, they're the worst parts of Cubs fans, too. Frankly I'm just glad to have finally excised myself from that cycle of stupid. The other day Brandon Marshall took a pot shot at Jay by saying Kyle Orton was the best quarterback he'd ever played with and my reaction was to shrug. I'm free. I'm finally free.