National Tonkoon's Vacation

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

If a link to the scene of poor Ole' Ned Beatty getting plummaged by one of your ancestors doesn't make you laugh then I don't know what the hell's wrong with you.

Is this a new word or are you trying to say that Colonel Jebediah SKOtles attached colorful feathers to Ned Beatty?

Oops.  I guess I used the wrong word there....though that scene is not too far removed from the disturbing "chicken fucking" scene in John Waters' "Pink Flamingos" come to think of it.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

If a link to the scene of poor Ole' Ned Beatty getting plummaged by one of your ancestors doesn't make you laugh then I don't know what the hell's wrong with you.

Has anyone here ever actually seen Deliverance?  It takes place in Georgia, you dopes.

I had a high school teacher who grew up downstate (Marion) who used to like to say that geographically you can go much further South than where he grew up but not so much culturally.

[SKO]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

If a link to the scene of poor Ole' Ned Beatty getting plummaged by one of your ancestors doesn't make you laugh then I don't know what the hell's wrong with you.

Has anyone here ever actually seen Deliverance?  It takes place in Georgia, you dopes.

I had a high school teacher who grew up downstate (Marion) who used to like to say that geographically you can go much further South than where he grew up but not so much culturally.

Given how things turned out I'd not put much faith in anyone who had a part in your education.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

If a link to the scene of poor Ole' Ned Beatty getting plummaged by one of your ancestors doesn't make you laugh then I don't know what the hell's wrong with you.

Has anyone here ever actually seen Deliverance?  It takes place in Georgia, you dopes.

I had a high school teacher who grew up downstate (Marion) who used to like to say that geographically you can go much further South than where he grew up but not so much culturally.

Given how things turned out I'd not put much faith in anyone who had a part in your education.

ZING!

[Quality Start Machine]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

Wait, there's prizes?

[Yeti]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

Wait, there's prizes?

You get 3rd prize

[Quality Start Machine]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

Wait, there's prizes?

You get 3rd prize

The award for second place is in the ladies' room.

[PenFoe]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

Wait, there's prizes?

You get 3rd prize

Third prize is you're fired.

[J. Walter Weatherman]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

Wait, there's prizes?

You get 3rd prize

The award for second place is in the ladies' room.

[Tonker]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Through the miracle of forward planning, I can already tell you that we will probably be in KC on the night of the 27th July.  It might be a night either way, but I doubt it.  So, you know... if you'd like to put that in your diary, we'll see you then.

[Eli]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Through the miracle of forward planning, I can already tell you that we will probably be in KC on the night of the 27th July.  It might be a night either way, but I doubt it.  So, you know... if you'd like to put that in your diary, we'll see you then.

On the calendar. Or diary, which I just now learned through context clues means calendar.

[SKO]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Through the miracle of forward planning, I can already tell you that we will probably be in KC on the night of the 27th July.  It might be a night either way, but I doubt it.  So, you know... if you'd like to put that in your diary, we'll see you then.

On the calendar. Or diary, which I just now learned through context clues means calendar.

The Calendar Of Anne Frank would have sold fewer copies.

[ChuckD]

It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Through the miracle of forward planning, I can already tell you that we will probably be in KC on the night of the 27th July.  It might be a night either way, but I doubt it.  So, you know... if you'd like to put that in your diary, we'll see you then.

On the calendar. Or diary, which I just now learned through context clues means calendar.

The Calendar Of Anne Frank would have sold fewer copies.

1945 would've been really dark for the first few months, but the rest of it would've been a light, quick read.

[Tonker]

[SKO]

At first after I said that I was afraid I was going to Hell but at least now I know I have company.