2015: The Back To The Future Season

[Bort]

Tommy The Stella deserves some love for being red-hot lately. So, uh, nice going, Tom, keep it up.

He's come a long way. It wasn't that long ago that some people questioned his very existence.

I'm just glad the Cubs have the first dead player in baseball.

Que some horrible forkjoke.

[SKO]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

[Armchair_QB]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

[Bort]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Because Cubs fans are dumb.

[SKO]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Because Cubs fans are dumb.

Having failed in his effort to get rid of Schwarber for Cole Hamels, Eli will stop at nothing to make sure the Cubs trade away at least one future star power hitter for a broken down pitcher.



desperately hoping no one remembers that Eli dragged me and Slaky both onto Team Trade Schwarber with his damnable lies

[Quality Start Machine]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Because Cubs fans are dumb.

Having failed in his effort to get rid of Schwarber for Cole Hamels, Eli will stop at nothing to make sure the Cubs trade away at least one future star power hitter for a broken down pitcher.



desperately hoping no one remembers that Eli dragged me and Slaky both onto team Schwarber with his damnable lies

(Gets Garza jersey out of the closet)

[Eli]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Has anyone said they "want" to trade him?

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Has anyone said they "want" to trade him?

Yes.  You did.

I so want that fat fuck Schwarber traded.  I don't care if we get the second coming of Jody Gerut JUST FUCKING TRADE HIM.

For shame, Eli.  For shame.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Because Cubs fans are dumb.

Having failed in his effort to get rid of Schwarber for Cole Hamels, Eli will stop at nothing to make sure the Cubs trade away at least one future star power hitter for a broken down pitcher.



desperately hoping no one remembers that Eli dragged me and Slaky both onto Team Trade Schwarber with his damnable lies

DPD.

Just playing devil's advocate here--because I'd rather have Schwarber than not have Schwarber-- but hasn't Texas surged since acquiring Hamels?  Or have they surged in spite of him?  What I know about the American League can fill a thimble--and my apathy is so strong about the AL I'm asking the question here rather than looking it up--which would've been quicker but DISCUSSION.

[SKO]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Because Cubs fans are dumb.

Having failed in his effort to get rid of Schwarber for Cole Hamels, Eli will stop at nothing to make sure the Cubs trade away at least one future star power hitter for a broken down pitcher.



desperately hoping no one remembers that Eli dragged me and Slaky both onto Team Trade Schwarber with his damnable lies

DPD.

Just playing devil's advocate here--because I'd rather have Schwarber than not have Schwarber-- but hasn't Texas surged since acquiring Hamels?  Or have they surged in spite of him?  What I know about the American League can fill a thimble--and my apathy is so strong about the AL I'm asking the question here rather than looking it up--which would've been quicker but DISCUSSION.

He's been pretty good after a rough first couple starts as a Ranger but it doesn't matter he's not worth Babe fuckin' Ruth.

[Eli]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Has anyone said they "want" to trade him?

Yes.  You did.

I so want that fat fuck Schwarber traded.  I don't care if we get the second coming of Jody Gerut JUST FUCKING TRADE HIM.

For shame, Eli.  For shame.

We aren't even talking about Schwarber. PAY ATTENTION.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Has anyone said they "want" to trade him?

Yes.  You did.

I so want that fat fuck Schwarber traded.  I don't care if we get the second coming of Jody Gerut JUST FUCKING TRADE HIM.

For shame, Eli.  For shame.

We aren't even talking about Schwarber. PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.

Hueymeme'd.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I guess I just pulled the wrong quote.

I so want that walking china doll Soler traded.  Guy can't even stay healthy.  I don't care if we get the second coming of Jody Gerut JUST FUCKING TRADE HIM.

Why do you hate all of the Cubs prospects, Eli?  Why?!?!

[Eli]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Because Cubs fans are dumb.

Having failed in his effort to get rid of Schwarber for Cole Hamels, Eli will stop at nothing to make sure the Cubs trade away at least one future star power hitter for a broken down pitcher.



desperately hoping no one remembers that Eli dragged me and Slaky both onto Team Trade Schwarber with his damnable lies

DPD.

Just playing devil's advocate here--because I'd rather have Schwarber than not have Schwarber-- but hasn't Texas surged since acquiring Hamels?  Or have they surged in spite of him?  What I know about the American League can fill a thimble--and my apathy is so strong about the AL I'm asking the question here rather than looking it up--which would've been quicker but DISCUSSION.

I think they've won like 7 or 8 of his starts in a row. It's been an interesting narrative, if nothing else -- Hamels refused to approve a trade to the Astros because of their sociopath GM, so they traded him to the Rangers instead. And then the Rangers promptly overtook the Astros in the division.

[SKO]

Castro is hitting everything.  Rizzo and Bryant are Gods. Jorge and Baez pinch hit and launch bombs and doubles off the wall. So much talent. I can't fucking handle it, man.

Why the fuck do people want to trade this guy?

Because Cubs fans are dumb.

Having failed in his effort to get rid of Schwarber for Cole Hamels, Eli will stop at nothing to make sure the Cubs trade away at least one future star power hitter for a broken down pitcher.



desperately hoping no one remembers that Eli dragged me and Slaky both onto Team Trade Schwarber with his damnable lies

DPD.

Just playing devil's advocate here--because I'd rather have Schwarber than not have Schwarber-- but hasn't Texas surged since acquiring Hamels?  Or have they surged in spite of him?  What I know about the American League can fill a thimble--and my apathy is so strong about the AL I'm asking the question here rather than looking it up--which would've been quicker but DISCUSSION.

I think they've won like 7 or 8 of his starts in a row. It's been an interesting narrative, if nothing else -- Hamels refused to approve a trade to the Astros because of their sociopath GM, so they traded him to the Rangers instead. And then the Rangers promptly overtook the Astros in the division.

That Astros collapse has been fun. I still want them to fail. The old hatreds die hard. I hear Chip Caray splooging over Craig Biggio in the back of my mind and I want their collapse to be seared into the history books.